Tyra Banks Fancies Herself the Next J.R.R. Tolkien

Masteryuri666

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Apr 9, 2010
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I've read some pretty bad books, news articles, and indeed fanfiction but I can say that without a doubt there is NOTHING on fanfiction.net or adultfanfiction.net that could possibly be as bad as this travesty. Those of you who have wandered these sites should be quite familiar with eye bleach as it is. Who knows what forms of self-mutilation we would have to go through if we actually read through Model-...Modella-...I can't even say it for fear of my brain shutting down the rest of my body in an act of self-preservation.

Just when I think humanity can sink any lower I am proven terribly, terribly wrong. Please destroy us oh mighty alien overlords!
 

Therumancer

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Nov 28, 2007
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Well, let's look at this objectively for a second here. Generally speaking what the book is about is a parallel reality where an elite group of people go to obtain mystical powers with which they are presumably to do great things. The idea is very old, and has existed in a number of forms through the years. "Wizard's Schools" and "Academies for Heroes" or whatever have existed as a concept long before Harry Potter.

The big problem I see with the idea is of course tying the whole idea in to modeling, which is pretty much the promotion of other people's products. The exact opposite of personal empowerment on a lot of levels.

That said, the idea of the protaganist being an outsider to such a world and then finding not just acceptance but major success is rather stereotypical, whether it's intended to be an analogy for the author or not. I suppose it comes down to how well it's written, but it's one clique that I think could be done without.

I see a lot of problems with the idea, but at it's root it's a decent, if not original story. The biggest problem as I see it is of course the whole "models" angle. I can't see training to obtain all of these magical powers so you can then promote some dude's clothing line, perfume, or whatever else. Being a model might be glamorous to an extent, but it's not exactly empowering the way being a wizard is empowering when it comes to training and such.


Also as someone who has entertained the thoughts of being an author myself I sort of feel for her. See, I realize my failings, and my bad english skills which I simply do not have the patience to correct. I can also find a lot of the problems within my own ideas and can typically tell why they wouldn't succeed.

The thing is that Tyra Banks is famous, and seems to have a talent for getting involved in some rather dumb things. I suspect at times it's because she doesn't have anyone around her that tells her when something is a bad idea and puts it into perspective with other things she's done. Thus she goes ahead with whatever is her fancy of the moment, and other people play along with her.

To put things into perspective I look at "Tyra Bank's Virtual Studio" from a couple of years ago and the job the Something Awful goons did on it:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/mmo-roulette/tyrastudio.php


Unlike some people that are very one dimensional, she seems willing to try new things, so I can't knock her entirely. On the other hand she always seems to have problems with the follow through and implementation. In the case of her books, I think the very best she could hope for would be to release a very average young adult novel given the concepts as they were described in the article.

Personally, if I was her, and I really was in love with the general idea, I'd see if I could find another, more successful genere writer willing to co-write with me and work on the ideas before I threw a bunch of money into it.

I'm also wondering given the way this has been announced if she has already found a publisher, or if her plans are to do this via Vanity Press.
 

tendo82

Uncanny Valley Cave Dweller
Nov 30, 2007
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Her forehead(or should I say fivehead) is similar in size to Gollum's.
 

Koganesaga

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Feb 11, 2010
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Fail, just fail, all I needed to read was compare to tolkein, and insta fail.

On a more serious tone, I'm sure she has a her own personal hell waiting for her in the next life, just like me! (I'm going to zombie hell were you get eaten alive for all eternity).
 

GnomeThief

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Apr 9, 2009
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I can tolerate this shit as a book, but if this turns into "Model Land: The Movie" and then into "Model Land The Movie: The Game," I'm spending the rest of my life on the moon.
 

ThePurpleStuff

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Apr 30, 2010
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I lost a few million brain cells by reading that... I hate you Tyra Banks. I really do.

I want to slap anybody who even considered that publishing such story books was a good idea! I mean, come on! How much money are they paying you for you to look away and let this happen?
 

Blue Musician

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Mar 23, 2010
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What the hell, no one can compare to Tolkien, George Orwell nor Jonathan Stroud.
They are the best books makers, what they did was basically revolutionary of just plain inventive in a world where everyone rips off everyone.

Also, wasn't she a model?
I mean, normally models aren't that good on, say, books and other things. I mean, she hasn't even wrote anything before, and what I hav seen of her I have not liked at all.

So I think it will be a fail, but I'll just wait and see, as always.
 

King Crab

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Jul 20, 2009
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Modelland

Chapter One

It was a dark and stormy night. Penelope, Tyra and Blanche held hands and huddled together in frightedness.
"Oh," said Penelope. "I wish it was nice and sunny and not stormy at all."
"Me too." said Blanche.
"I also wish this was the case," said Tyra. "I wish we were somewhere nice and sunny all the time, where there are no ugly, poor or socially inadequate people."
"Yes." said Blanche.
"Some where really really nice, a land of the beautiful and pure. Some where we can all be happy all of the time, and not suffer horrible things that we do now. because, like all teenage girls we suffer so." said Penelope.
"I agree." said Blanche.
"Someplace wonderful, a magical land where we can all be free and . . . free." Tyra clapped her hands together, breaking both her wrists. "I know! We can go to Modelland!"
"Modelland?" said Penelope.
"Yes! Modelland! It is a magical place full of only beautiful people and nothing else." said Tyra.
"But how do we get there?" said Penelope.
"We can only get to Modelland if we really really want to. We all have to shut our eyes and wish upon a star and sing 'somewhere, over the rainbow' at the top of our voices. oh, and you have to give me $30.
"That sound good." Said Blanche, handing over the $30.
"Here you are." Said Penelope, giving Tyra $30
"Now," said Tyra "join your hands and shut your eyes. I'll be right back, I just need to go do something vague in the other room."

Blanche and Penelope shut their eyes as tight as they could and sang out the lyrics for somewhere over the rainbow as loud as they could into the dark and stormy night. As sure as pie, when they opened them again they found themselves in a dark and cold room with the lights turned out.
"Tyra? Tyra?" called out Penelope.
"Are we in Modelland yet?" Said Blanche.
"I don't know for sure." Said Penelope. "Maybe we haven't sung long enough."
"Yes, that must be it," replied Blanche.

And so Penelope and Blanche sang all night long, all the while thinking how wonderful Modelland must be.

to be continued.

well . . . probably not.
 

Veldt Falsetto

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Dec 26, 2009
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hansari said:
Tom Goldman said:
Basically, Tyra Banks wants to write the next Lord of the Rings.
Your wildest dreams have come true!!!!

...wait, that constitutes as television now?

Why is this moron even popular, she looks like she's melting on that clip, she's also horribly irritating.
Someone get the gun, sorry print industry, you've eaten my shoes for the last time, we really did love you once.
 

Blue Musician

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Mar 23, 2010
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Therumancer said:
HUGE yet interesting snip
I couldn't have said it better, but also I do not think it will make, say, change how the way, say, girls see the world.
I normally see models as an icon for consumption, or at least that is how my family see's it, and I do not see how it could even get published.

Anyway, I liked the link you gave, I found it quite funny. Was the game even real? I wouldn't even want to look at it.

Also, are you a real writer? I mean, one that has published books? It's because I have always wanted to write a book, but never could get a proper introduction, although some people claim that the concepts are actually quite interesting, though they need to be developed a little bit more.
 

Blue Musician

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Mar 23, 2010
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King Crab said:
Modelland

Chapter One

It was a dark and stormy night. Penelope, Tyra and Blanche held hands and huddled together in frightedness.
"Oh," said Penelope. "I wish it was nice and sunny and not stormy at all."
"Me too." said Blanche.
"I also wish this was the case," said Tyra. "I wish we were somewhere nice and sunny all the time, where there are no ugly, poor or socially inadequate people."
"Yes." said Blanche.
"Some where really really nice, a land of the beautiful and pure. Some where we can all be happy all of the time, and not suffer horrible things that we do now. because, like all teenage girls we suffer so." said Penelope.
"I agree." said Blanche.
"Someplace wonderful, a magical land where we can all be free and . . . free." Tyra clapped her hands together, breaking both her wrists. "I know! We can go to Modelland!"
"Modelland?" said Penelope.
"Yes! Modelland! It is a magical place full of only beautiful people and nothing else." said Tyra.
"But how do we get there?" said Penelope.
"We can only get to Modelland if we really really want to. We all have to shut our eyes and wish upon a star and sing 'somewhere, over the rainbow' at the top of our voices. oh, and you have to give me $30.
"That sound good." Said Blanche, handing over the $30.
"Here you are." Said Penelope, giving Tyra $30
"Now," said Tyra "join your hands and shut your eyes. I'll be right back, I just need to go do something vague in the other room."

Blanche and Penelope shut their eyes as tight as they could and sang out the lyrics for somewhere over the rainbow as load as they could into the dark and stormy night. As sure as pie, when they opened them again they found themselves in a dark and cold room with the lights turned out.
"Tyra? Tyra?" called out Penelope.
"Are we in Modelland yet?" Said Blanche.
"I don't know for sure." Said Penelope. "Maybe we haven't sung long enough."
"Yes, that must be it," replied Blanche.

And so Penelope and Blanche sang all night long, all the while thinking how wonderful Modelland must be.

to be continued.

well . . . probably not.
MUAHUAHUAHAUAHAUA! I you cannot know how loudly I laughed at this! This has just made my day!
 

Joshimodo

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Sep 13, 2008
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Ridiculous.

Although, judging by the utterly shit literature kicking around these days (such as Twilight), this will be popular.