U.S. Government Denies Existence of Mermaids

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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U.S. Government Denies Existence of Mermaids


The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration of the United States Department of Commerce wants you to know that mermaids are not real.

We all know that mermaids are half-human, half-fish creatures of the sea that have been a fixture in folklore for thousands of years. But what a lot of us don't seem to know is that they're not actually real, they don't exist and never have. So to clarify the situation for everyone, the NOAA has posted a brief article in its "Ocean Facts" section entitled, "No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found."

"The belief in mermaids may have arisen at the very dawn of our species. Magical female figures first appear in cave paintings in the late Paleolithic (Stone Age) period some 30,000 years ago, when modern humans gained dominion over the land and, presumably, began to sail the seas," it says [http://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/mermaids.html].

"But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found," it continues. "Why, then, do they occupy the collective unconscious of nearly all seafaring peoples? That's a question best left to historians, philosophers, and anthropologists."

The outpouring of information was apparently prompted by Mermaids: The Body Found [http://press.discovery.com/ekits/monster-week-mermaids/press-release.html], a show "that makes a strong case for the existence of the mermaid, a creature with a surprisingly human evolutionary history, whose ancestral branch splits off from a shared human root." It aired on Animal Planet in May, and while a bit of small print in the middle of the press blurb reveals that "the film is science fiction," at least two people have since written to the NOAA inquiring about them.

This isn't the first time an agency of the U.S. government has issued this sort of bizarre but nonetheless official denial; in November 2011, the government issued a formal denial [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/114074-White-House-Denies-UFO-Contact] of contact with extraterrestrial civilizations.

Source: BBC [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-18692830#TWEET168124]


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Atmos Duality

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Mar 3, 2010
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Well, thanks. I needed a chuckle.
Glad to know that after all these years, I was in fact, perfectly sane in denying the existence of mermaids.
 

DigitalSushi

a gallardo? fine, I'll take it.
Dec 24, 2008
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Why must The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration of the United States Department of Commerce always dash my dreams...

its always them

Flying Dutchman?, Kraken?, didn't exist according to them, and now Mermaids?

Damn you The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration of the United States Department of Commerce, damn you for making my life a little sadder once again.

*cries into a martini*
 

Exocet

Pandamonium is at hand
Dec 3, 2008
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malestrithe said:
Well, if they are denying it, what do they have to cover up?
Reverse mermaid, that's what.
They never said anything about those!
 

Tiger Sora

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Aug 23, 2008
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This just in Area 51 is really where the moon landing took place.

Thanks America, this public service announcement has been a great help clearing up all the controversy. Though I do expect conspiracy theorists to dive off the deep end again. Government cover up.
 

Kordie

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Oct 6, 2011
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... is anyone else at all concerned that this had to be said? Is the department of defence going to confirm the non-existence of the boogyman next?
 

mad825

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Mar 28, 2010
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Calcium said:
This denial seems a little fishy to me.

I'm so sorry... :p
But They've sure got the gills to deny the existence of mermaids, haven't they?

[small]Okay...That was bad. I'm going back to my game now[/small]
 

Fasckira

Dice Tart
Oct 22, 2009
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Exocet said:
malestrithe said:
Well, if they are denying it, what do they have to cover up?
Reverse mermaid, that's what.
They never said anything about those!
They exist, Red Dwarf says so:


I wonder where the idea of mermaids originally came from? Was it literally just some dude with imagination or was it remotely inspired by something?
 

ZephrC

Free Cascadia!
Mar 9, 2010
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So wait, why does the government want crazy people to believe there are mermaids?

Because you know that's all this is going to accomplish, right government?
 

Thaluikhain

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Jan 16, 2010
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IIRC, the US government cannot confirm or deny anything about ongoing secret CIA stuff.

So, if you asked them about mermaids, they can't say they don't exist.
 

Hjalmar Fryklund

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May 22, 2008
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Sooo...will the now unacknowledged American mermaids form a support group in order to have this statement overturned?
 

Johnnydillinger

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Aug 16, 2011
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Pfft.

How stupid they have to be to even consider the existence of mermaids. God, the fairies will be really angry to hear about this.