"Unavoidable" Global Bacon Shortage Expected Next Year

Mike Kayatta

Minister of Secrets
Aug 2, 2011
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"Unavoidable" Global Bacon Shortage Expected Next Year



Soon, it's going to get even harder to bring home the bacon.

As News Manager for the The Escapist, I see a lot of stories pass my desk. And while it's often my great pleasure to run daily news about upcoming games, wacky science, and general nerdery, there's another side of the job that's far less pleasant. Some days, there's important news out there that isn't just fun and games. Some days, there are serious, looming issues that fall to The Escapist to inform the public of, even when it pains us to be the messenger. Today is one of those days. I hereby regrettably inform you that next year, there will be less bacon in the world.

Things started going downhill for porkophiles earlier this year when long periods of drought conditions across Europe began decreasing monthly corn and soy yields. Now, with less feed to go around, pig farmers can't afford to keep their four-legged bacon machines fed, leading to fewer pig herds composed of fewer pigs. And while all things pork seem especially bad in the EU, effects of these pig feed price fluctuations are already being felt around the world. The United States has already initiated a special pork-buying program to support the nation's pig farmers, while China has begun stockpiling bacon in pork freezers in preparation for what the National Pig Association has already described as an "unavoidable world shortage of pork and bacon."

In light of such glum news, I can't help but imagine Earth 2013 as some sort of barren Tatooine, where culture has devolved into an agrarian society bent on the production of but one precious resource. And much like those desert farmers dream into the long night of far away Alderaan luxuries, so to shall we imagine a better world, where the basic human rights of baconnaise [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.377465-E3-Best-Twitter-Coverage-from-Monday] continue to live on as more than mere fantasy. May the Maker have mercy on us all.

Source: Chicago Tribune [http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/breaking/la-fi-mo-pork-bacon-shortage-20120924,0,6240960.story?track=rss]

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Jandau

Smug Platypus
Dec 19, 2008
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I know this is a symptom of the climate change and the herald of the ever-increasing resource shortage our planet is facing. I know more things like this will continue to occur and that producing meat (at least as we do now) will eventually become unsustainable as the demand for food increases. I know many farmers might lose a ton of money, maybe even all they have. And I know that all of the above is depressing, sad and worrying.

But I can't help but start laughing whenever I read "Global Bacon Shortage"... :D
 

Tanis

The Last Albino
Aug 30, 2010
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If only we could sucker more people into becoming Vegan/Vegetarian/Jewish/Muslim...

Then, maybe, we'd have more for ourselves.
 

gigastar

Insert one-liner here.
Sep 13, 2010
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But... Where will i get my deliciously salted heart attacks in a bun now?

I guess theres my tar gravy, but its not the same...
 

Meight08

*Insert Funny Title*
Feb 16, 2011
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Doesn't america have like a crapton of wild board ravaging farms, neighbourhoods, and infrastructure? Why not hunt and kill those.

Ot: i'm gonna call my rich uncle and tell him to stock up on bacon to sell later.
 

Stryc9

Elite Member
Nov 12, 2008
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Oh look! Another announcement of a food shortage intended to get people to go stock up on said food item and create the actual shortage so that they can drive the price of bacon up and make more money. Well played bacon industry, well played.

rolfwesselius said:
Doesn't america have like a crapton of wild board ravaging farms, neighbourhoods, and infrastructure? Why not hunt and kill those
Because those things taste like shit compared to the farm raised pigs that they use for making the bacon we're all used to and most people would buy it once and then never again.
 

Gabanuka

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Oct 1, 2009
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Ironically I'm reading this while eating a giant bacon sandwich.

So suicide pact guys? I'll go be my emergency cyanide

I'll leave this here

 

Bob_F_It

It stands for several things
May 7, 2008
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Could it possibly be that oil companies are conspiring with vegetarians to sabotage our bacon baps?
 

Scarim Coral

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Apr 30, 2020
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And the bacon lovers out there are now weeping from reading this news. Sure bacon isn't exactly my favourite form of meat but I still love pork and ham!
Danm, if it weren't to the current infection I got with my month at the moment and the lack of appetite (why oh why did I had to try the Nacho stacker from KFC today?) I would of eaten more of dad pork just recently!
 

Issurru

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Jun 13, 2010
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Gabanuka said:
Ironically I'm reading this while eating a giant bacon sandwich.

So suicide pact guys? I'll go be my emergency cyanide

I'll leave this here

You there, yeah you. The one with the Bacon. Y U NO SHARE?!? Also, I kinda don't like you because I REALLY want bacon now.... >_<

OT: I saw this coming for a little while, my dad helped start up a company called Stomp Pork Farms (which went under a few years ago) and then went onto Big Sky Farms (which is currently in the process of going under from what I hear) They lose money on every pig that they sell, and being the big ass company that they are, they sell a hell of a lot of pigs therefore they lose a stupid amount of money.
 

Zombie_Moogle

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Dec 25, 2008
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Suggestion: everyone start buying bacon scraps that don't constitute full strips. I know Trader Joe's sells them, & it's a great price/weight value
 

Marter

Elite Member
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Apr 3, 2020
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There is quite clearly no more reason to continue existing.

Except for all those other reasons. Huh. I guess life will go on, and I probably won't even notice considering I don't eat bacon that often (blasphemy, I know, but I keep forgetting that it's a thing).
 

Bindal

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May 14, 2012
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Oh my god, that will affect the choice of food I can eat like... LIKE... NOT AT ALL!
Honestly, it's not like bacon would be vital for your guys survival and has to be in absolute everything.
 

Veldel

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Aug 14, 2020
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What? no! JUST NO!




I feel bad for those who will be unable to get there bacon they need to survive and what will the Epic Meal time group do?
 

Formica Archonis

Anonymous Source
Nov 13, 2009
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In preparation I cooked and ate two pounds of bacon in one sitting.

That should kill my interest in bacon long enough to help weather the storm.