Unforgotten Realms: Episode 13: SS Paladon


New member
Sep 17, 2008
Yay, you're back!
Hope you enjoyed your break, now you can get back to work slaving over my free entertainment :p


Baby Tea

Just Ask Frankie
Sep 18, 2008
Spinwhiz said:
We will also take stories from other tabletop games. Regardless of game, the stories themselves are usually MOSTLY interchangeable :)
Sweet! Then I've got one from the Palladium Fantasy PnP:

I was playing as a Warrior Monk, well trained in the Bo Staff. My alignment was 'Principled', and for those who haven't played Palladium, it's basically the goodiest of goody two shoes. I like to play in character, and by that I mean follow my alignment to the 'T' even if that path would be very inconvenient, or downright dangerous.

My companions and I stumbled upon the bandit camp we were looking for. We weren't particularly high level, in fact very low. There were many bandits, and we knew we couldn't take them all. So I proposed that I use some skills I had to stumble into the camp as a beggar to try and gather intel and learn what I could.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

As I stumbled into the camp I was accosted by two bandits who drew their weapons and demanded to know who I was, what I wanted, etc. I failed any attempts to persuade them to just let me pass or whatever, which was very hard anyways since my alignment practically prohibited lying. So the two attacked me! Now despite my alignment, I could still defend myself. And so I did, but this is where is got a little hairy.

I struck one man in the head, really only wanting to knock him out (Remembering my alignment).
Dice roll? 20. His head was crushed.

The second I struck in the chest, hoping to just hurt him a bit.
Dice roll? 19. With my training, instant knockdown.
However, given his position, he fell right into the fire and burst aflame.

The GM (Game Master, same as DM) did some rolls of his own and bandit was up, screaming and running around the camp lighting everything on fire. Part of 'everything' was a pile of kegs filled with some alcoholic substance that bandits were drinking which was, naturally, very flammable.

The kegs exploded, lit the rest of the camp on fire, and lit the forest on fire. The bandits were all dead, our party was severely injured due to trying to escape a big forest fire, and none of the other party members called my character a sissy choirboy anymore. For the rest of the game, it was brought up over and over:

Me: I enter the tavern
Party member: Yeah...perhaps you should stay out here. I'm sure the town doesn't want to be burned to a crisp.
Me: I said it was an ACCIDENT!
Party Member: Tell it to the charred bandits and bunnies.


Party Member: Let's try and sneak past these guys. And by sneak past, I don't mean set everything on fire in a rum-filled explosion.
Me: Oh for pete's sake!

It was a fun game, to say the least.


New member
Feb 1, 2008
Yay! I am so happy to see Unforgotten Realms again!

I may have not commented too much in the past, but I want it said again: I love this series!


The Table Game: D&D 3.5

The Setting: Clearing a dungeon of hostile goblins and their evil altars where the reward is some of the party getting a barony from the local kingdom. Only everything is not as it first appears...

The Party Memebers: Neutral Human Monk level 2 "Jack" played by me.
Evil Tiefling Sorcerer level 3 "Rob"
Good Dwarven Cleric level 3 "Drake"
Neutral Human Bard level 3 "Audrey"

My "Jack" meets up with this already adventuring group outside the entrance, just looking to get a job over and done with. We cautiously enter the entrance carved into a snowy mountain and everything is pretty empty, even the few stone coffins we find. There is a surprise however, the first altar is already good and guarded by a silver dragon who is friends with a half orc cleric named Duncan - whose drinking establishment, which just so happens to be right across from the altar, we just busted into looking to bust some goblin heads.

Drake - "Die goblin scum!"
Duncan (DM) - "Excuse me?"
Drake - "Er, we're here to rid this place of evil?"
Duncan (DM) - "Oh, you took a left turn when you should have taken a right. See ya around ... unless perhaps you want to buy a drink."
Rob - "Good idea! I'll have a mug of your finest ale."
Duncan (DM) - "Here ya go."
Drake - "But, but ... I have to kill these goblins."
Duncan (DM) - "Nope, not here you don't. These here get a good word and a drink here, consider them under my protection while in my establishment."
*Drake raises his mace to smack down the goblins in the corner and promptly gets knocked out by Duncan and tossed out back in the hallway.*
Duncan (DM) - "So, what can I get the rest of you?"
Jack & Audrey in unison - "I'll have a drink!"
*Rob waiting at the bar stools already, sipping his drink* - "A rest will do the dwarf some good..."

Later, after the dwarf is 'rested' we continue but we need take care not too piss off a dragon and cleric barkeeper, who apparently have taken a shining to the plight of some of the downtrodden goblins - after all, its their clerics desecrating the altars, not them. We take the right side path this time and start clearing the place out of goblins, only they were ready for us with an ambush - plainly the goblins in the bar had warned their mates deeper down in their mountain home. Well, Rob upon seeing a bunch of tents on the second level down past some sentries figures he will make the best of the situation and launches a bad ass fireball in there, promptly blowing everything to bits but a imp and goblin cleric, who we dispatch. In the back corner are huddled some goblins, now made orphans and widows...

Goblin Widows & Orphans (DM) - "Oh gawd, oh gawd, oh gawd ... please don't hurt us!"
Drake - "Er, sorry about that."
Rob - "Hey, you were supposed be in my fireball, what the hell!"
Audrey - "Oops, Duncan & Dragon aren't going to like this."
Jack - "We should dump the bodies in that well we saw a few rooms back."
*silence and mouths agape* Jack - "What, was it something I said?"
Rob suddenly bursts into laughter - "Hey, I should have thought of that first."
Drake looks shocked - "But, we can't do that!"
Jack shrugs - "Pretty sure we don't want to piss of Duncan when they tell him what we did here."
Audrey - "Whatever."

We end up letting them go. Later after busting some more goblin enforcers and clerics heads in and cleaning up a altar to consecrate it, we head back up to the bar for a rest. Only its empty and so is the first altar. In the bar is a note from Duncan: "Taking the refugees somewhere safe. There will be a reckoning for your actions." Oh shit, I knew we should have gotten rid of the evidence...

Morale of the D&D Story: A Dungeon Master loves to catch the player characters in a catch 22. Nothing delights a DM as much as seeing his machinations result in your characters horrifying demise in an other wise "normal" quest for loot and glory.


New member
Jun 19, 2008
My funniest D&D experience was my first time DMing, during which I had only a Monster Manual, none of the other handbooks... We ended up with a scenario where one person was playing as a Beholder, another as a Tarrasque, and the third as a Gold Dragon...


Tank Ninja
Feb 19, 2006
Not D&D, but it's still a table top. The game is Shadowrun. For those unfamiliar it's a futuristic cyborg, technology, cyberpunkesk world but magic has returned. As if trolls weren't bad enough now they have robotic arms and Uzis.

The specifics of the party elude my at this point, but our mission was simple. Enter the local 24 hour convenience store and buy some food. We were all thinking that some how this was going to tie into some deeper plot and battles. So we loaded ourselves up to the teeth.

We made it to and inside the place without conflict and preceded to mill about the place. One of our members was trying to get the phone number of the elf chick who was working the counter.

That's when a group of gang members busted down the door and started to rob the place. Finally the fight we were waiting for. Unfortunately we were all spread out across the story and one of us was standing right at the counter in plain sight.

The lead gang member demanded that he hand over his wallet. He agreed and slowly reached into his coat... he then announced that he was pulling out a grenade and removing the pin. This caused all the gang members to draw their weapons but shooting him would result in him loosening his grip on the spoon(The spoon is a piece metal that runs down the grenade, the fuse doesn't light until after the spoon is let go. The pin only keeps the spoon from moving.) So we officially have a Mexican stand off.

After a few minutes of arguing what to do, our group member decides that the best way to end this is to pull out another grenade and to toss them both! Chaos ensues as gang members scramble to get away from them. The grenades rip a hole into the front of the store, collapse the shelves onto 2 of our other members and all and all make a huge mess of things.

We finished off the gang members that were still standing, helped our members out from under the shelving and started running as grenade explosion tend to attract LoneStar( police) who would be none to happy to find all the military grade spells, cyberwear and weapons we had on us.

We managed to evade detection and the GM announced that the mission was over. We were all feeling pretty pleased with ourselves when he told us that we all failed and would not be getting any experience or karma for the mission. Our goal was to acquire food, which none of us accomplished.


New member
Dec 29, 2007
At long last our favorite series is back.

The new theme is awesome.....but you guys still insist on using the lords name in vain. STOP IT. That would make the series a lot better.


Assume That I Hate You.
Aug 13, 2008
I can still remember my favorite story. It's not quite as long, perhaps, as the other folks here, but they're still hillarious.

There was one time when I was playing a class our DM had created called the Black Knight. I had lost my weapons, so I was punching away at a bugbear when I rolled a critical fail. Somehow, I lopped off my own arm with my fists. Then the bugbear rolled a critical hit and lopped off my other arm. (Anyone who has seen Monty Python an the Holy Grail knows where this is going, and no, I am not kidding). My allies then proceeded to critical fail twice and lop both my legs off. I yelled "I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF" and sat there for the rest the rest of the battle making "nom nom nom" noises and dealing the bugbear 1 damage per turn by gnawing on his shins.


New member
Jul 15, 2008
Birras said:
My funniest D&D experience was my first time DMing, during which I had only a Monster Manual, none of the other handbooks... We ended up with a scenario where one person was playing as a Beholder, another as a Tarrasque, and the third as a Gold Dragon...
lol howd that work out for ya ?


New member
Jun 26, 2008
This is my story about how I killed two of my D&D characters, that existed in two separate campaigns all in the span of 5 minutes.

Like all good D&D stories, this one began deep within a dungeon that we had been exploring. My team and I had just finished a relatively uninteresting battle with a monster of a Golem, whom we killed by throwing a large pillar at it, and we were heading back to retrieve the reward for our brave deed. Unfortunately for us, the only way out was to climb up a rope and through a tiny hole. It was a long rope so our DM told us that to get to the top would require another climb check once we reached half way up. The first two people to go were fine and made it to the top quickly.

Then came my turn. I ambled my way up half the rope while my remaining two friends waited below, slowly beginning their ascent after I made it a decent way up. As I reached the half way mark I rolled my climb check and failed miserably resulting in me falling and taking my friends with me until we all reached the bottom in a resounding crash. It is at this point that I feel I should clarify my character a bit. I had chosen to roll a large 800lb half dragon donning full plate armor, for reasons I have still yet to ascertain. My two companions, who were caught underneath the 800lb monstrosity took severe hit point damage from both the fall and myself. After allowing themselves to heal up, we made an attempt at the rope once more.

For reasons I still do not know, they let me go first again, and as before I reached half way up and fell taking my friends with me. And so it went 2 more times, me nearly killing my druid friend on the last attempt. After much screaming in my direction (from the actual people I was playing with) we finally succeeded and reached the top. But my friends refused to let their pain go unheard and swore to kill me. Now this wouldn't be the first time I would have died in the campaign. Actually I had died every single day we played,likely the result of me choosing half dragons as characters, granting me the unfortunate nickname 'Kenny'. But hoping that I would survive at least one day without dying I ran off taking shelter in a spooky corridor with a door to a large empty room.

Determined to survive at least one day I called upon a Wish Spell I had been rewarded for some mundane quest of chance less then an hour before. Using it I called upon a wizard I had made for a completely separate campaign. But like most wish spells, mine was skewed by the Dm. Not only was under Dm control, but my little gnome mage was apparently from a different universe/dimension and didn't understand a word I said. So spooked of what was going on, he rushed through the door into the large room. I would have followed him but the sign on the door read "Caution Falling Ceiling". Realizing that parts of the floor was made up of pressure plates, I wasn't going to enter. Somehow the gnome had managed to avoid the pressure plates and as I was trying to coax him out my friend, one of which I had nearly squished to death and for purposes related to this story we can just call a giant jackass, walked up and threw something into the room activating the plates. The tiny 50lb gnome was crushed by 40,000lb of rock and steel. Though the ceiling quickly repaired through magic, the gnome was just a stain on the floor. As I turned to confront the one who had activated it, the other friend that still sought to kill me showed up. In a short and utterly embarrassing fight, I was thrown into the large room and crushed the same way as the gnome

And there it is. My story of how I killed two of my separate D&D characters from two completely different campaigns and universes all in the span of 5 minutes.

Hopefully you were looking for something along these lines


New member
May 30, 2008
Finally the culmination of a month of waiting :D Season looks to be even epic...er than the last!


New member
Sep 21, 2008
The intro is badass. Still funny as always. However, again that cryptic message.

Kings of the Unforgotten.

Now that text has an actual Roman marking. Will it make sense later or what?


The Altoid Duke
Jul 31, 2008
This is sure to brighten an otherwise miserable day. Thank Christ it's back!