Unforgotten Realms: Episode 13: SS Paladon

[Koji Arala]

While it has been years (many of them) since I have actually played in a D&D game, I do still have plenty of stories of what my players have done in the games I have DMed myself.

This story, while short, has given rise to a new term that I and my friends use:

"Barbarian-Toboggan"
-noun
1. An idea presented by a group after extended contemplation that is even more horrible than the first blurted out ideas (or simply sounds as such).


While the party came to a grand total of 4 at the time, only 3 were present at this event.
Romere: A letcherous death cleric.
Achien: A steriotypical gruff fighter.
Bearclaw: A drunken barbarian.

After weathering a long storm at an inn in town, the group had happened to pick up rumors of caravans vanishing on the trade road heading north.
At the time they had thought little of it, as they had more pressing concerns of having accidentally murdered the inn keeper and were attempting to figure out how to take over his business. However, when the time came for them to leave the town in search of information from a Northern city, they turned their attention to the rumors and decided to investigate before they made their full journey.

Roughly two days later, after trudging down a cobblestone road through farm country, they reached a small forest through which the trail wound into the darkness. Becoming more cautious, they began to slowly delve deeper into the woods; made all the more paranoid by the discovery of a battered and broken trade wagon. Upon investigation of the wagon, the barbarian was able to determine that tracks lead away from the site of a small scuffle, and off into the woods to the West. Wishing to discover just what was causing these issues in the woods (and not wanting it to sneak up on them if they made camp), they followed the Barbarian's lead as he followed the trail deeper into the forest.

Upon reaching the end of this trail, they discovered a small hill in the middle of a clearing, into the side of which was built a large circular doorway. After clearing away overgrown brush and vines, they were able to see that the doorway lead very deep underground; deep enough that their lantern could not fully make out the end of the steep, ramped hallway..

Now, while they had been discussing the potential danger of traps up to now, and how to cautiously move ahead to avoid them.. when they heard just how steep the decline of the hallway was, they came up with something that, to them, sounded like a fantastic idea at the time. Made all the more horrible by the fact that they all seemed to come up with it at once:

"Are you thinking what Im thinking? Thought so.. lets have the barbarian lay down on his stomach facing the bottom of this ramp/hallway, and us other two will sit on his back. We'll ride him down the hallway and be going too fast to get hit by any traps that we might set off!"

The results of this was as follows:

3 meters into slide:
-Pressure plate pressed; door seals shut behind them.
-Without sunlight, everything goes dark for the all human group.

10 meters into slide:
-Barbarian's face hits trip wire; large cleaver blade falls from cealing, lodges into fighter's back.
-Fighter, sitting in front of the cleric, is stuck in place by the heavy blade, causing cleric to tumble back off barbarian, and barbarian to shoot out from beneath the pair and continue down the hallway.

30 meters into slide:
-Barbarian impacts doors at end of hallway, smashes head through ancient wood.

The end results of this being the fighter half dead, and the cleric forced to use up his already very limited supply of healing spells to fix him up.

It should be noted, the group was able to escape this dungeon, but both the fighter and the barbarian mannaged to shatter both their weapons (the barbarian's great sword fell prey to yet another trap related idea which he refered to as "The barbarian trap finding technique", as did a second sword he found to replace the first).

And there it is, perhaps not the best, perhaps it is. Regardless of which, it lives on as a famous moment with me and my players as one of the most spectacular failures of their ideas in the campaign.

 

[smallharmlesskitten]

At long last our favorite series is back.

The new theme is awesome.....but you guys still insist on using the lords name in vain. STOP IT. That would make the series a lot better.

But it's funny... In most cases

"Godammit Rob!"

 

[jibjab963]

This is really worth all the time it took !!!!! I am just so happy that it is back! =)

I love Unforgotin Realms!!!

 

[Chartic]

Alright so this was my favorite moment in DnD, we had just began a scenario and the prince of the town wanted to meet all of us and let us introduce ourselves, the town is called Ulair. So as we introduced ourselves someone in the party asked what the princes story was. The prince told us "Well if you wish to listen to my story then it will be a very confusing one about how my life got flipped and turned upside down it will just take a moment, have a seat right there, I'll tell you how I became prince of a town called Ulair. In west of Nosras, born and raised, in the palace is where I spent most of my days. Workin, thinkin, realaxin by the pool, I was training to protect my city when I came to rule. When a couple of armies who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I almost got beheaded and my mom got scared and said your going to become the prince of Ulair. I whistled for a carriage and when it came near the horses were all brown and there was mice in the seats, if anything I would say that this wasn't rare but I thought nah forget yo butler to Ulair."

Next when we stopped laughing and questioned him what he would give us to help him when a member of the party, who was supposed to be very greedy, asked if he could really pay this and the prince replied, "Don't worry I won't ever give you up, won't ever let you down, won't run away with your gold, and desert you. I've never told you a lie, probaly won't say goodbye, I won't turn around and hurt you."

Then as we began we encountered some enemies with a few...strange attacks. The first one is when we were fighting a cat and someone asked what was strange about this cat. The DM replied, "It seems to be long, it is a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG Cat." Then one of his attacks was "He seems to be charging up something." Then the next turn he said "HE'S A FIRIN HIZ LAZOR!"

Then later we encountered two different people, both wearing the same clothes. One calling himself EFG and one calling himself anonymous, both wearing tuxedos and masks. When we questioned them on what they were doing in enemy territory they replied protesting the cult of Klientology (the enemy were the Kliens). By this time we were laughing so hard, I can not remember a better one and I learned never to have the DM schedule something on APril Fools Day.

 

[jibjab963]

If they did not say Gods name in vain it would not be as funny. So stop crying.

 

[SirSchmoopy]

The intro is badass. Still funny as always. However, again that cryptic message.

Kings of the Unforgotten.

Now that text has an actual Roman marking. Will it make sense later or what?

It's in fact "Sins of the Unforgotten"

 

[DreamKing]

What great way to open the new season of Unforgotten Realms. Look forward to the future episodes.

 

[Kidchaos93]

That was the most epic explosion of all
Epic oppening
And epic New armor...But i was kinda like..ALTAIR IS THAT YOU....and i was awww but still schoopy is epic.

Any plans for jouqes buff body

 

[Numbert]

First off great episode Rob,

Okay for my story first I need to explain that me and my friends have sort of a long standing live action roll play that we do, basically all the time, that we call assassin. Basicly the objective is that each day you pick a 'mark' and try to assassinate them at some point throughout the day. You can only pick one mark each day, so you never know whose coming for you when. You can get someone out by any method of enactment that would kill someone in real life, but obviously without the killing (I.E. coming behind them with a fake knife and stabbing them). So one day me and all my friends had come over to play some videogames and tabletop,so we called assassination off. We were all pretty into some classic Warhammer, when my friend Josh goes upstairs for a soda. Were all sitting and chatting with one another about what's going on when josh runs down the stairs, screeming his head off, with a face suicide vest on. You gotta believe me this was hilarious. A 16 year old kid running down the stairs with a cardboard box with hotdogs taped around the edges and a ski mask on just comes running strait at us. he then jumped over the stair rail, only to get his suit caught on the edge. The whole suit ripped off, and he fell to the floor with a thud. We all had a good laugh after that as that day went down as the (near) best game of assasin EVER.

 

[Geren]

Excellent way to kick off the new season, brah.

Now... for my tabletop RP story.

I was running a weekly Forgotten Realms-style campaign with about five friends (some people only showed up bi-weekly) that had made it into Epic levels. The final roster of players were as follows:

-Seaganatin Shynn (AKA Shay, Male Lizardfolk Sorcerer/Blood Magus, ECL 30)First character, second player
-Ithuril (AKA Mithral Ithral, Male Githzerai Monk, ECL 30) First character/player.
-Hijo Sonqosuwa (AKA Jo, Male Deep Imaskar Rogue/Shadowdancer 10/20) Character 2.5.
-Aust... just Aust (Male Elf Rogue 30) Second Character.
-Wiglef Hansson (AKA Willy, Male Human Fighter 30) THIRD Character.

Shay and Ithuril, being the longest surviving characters of the game (which began at ECL 4 in the Underdark below Tethyr) had grown in both renown and ability, whereas the newcomers kept trying to build off of different character archetypes, never really achieving the same capacity as the former two.

This was a campaign where most of the players (other than the first two) had made the horrid mistake of not only worshipping the god of Rogues and Chance (Olidammara/Tymora) with one of the players even being a spawn of this deity. This led to some of them playing poker for their very souls, most of the time losing to Garl Glittergold with amusing results.

Jo had two children by a Brass Dragoness Queen, as he ruled over his own city. Unfortunately, he was a drunkard who possessed no real political sway, while his wife did most of the ruling. The two children, Andjel and John respectively, were complete opposites. John took after his father, while Andjel was a paladin of Bahamut. A hawt one. (I rolled)


The story begins as thus...

Jo was recovering from a massive night of debauchery involving an alcohol-based hooka, with Judgmint Candy (Stone of Chaos + Wishdust + Baking Soda) instead of tobacco. He'd just returned to normal size and lost the extra arm and the massive smoke-screen when there was a knock on the door. This was like a hangover's beefy older brother, so it made the Deep Imaskar cringe with pain. "Come in..." He groaned.

Seaganatin opened the door... a sash covering his new third eye. He'd been the one who discovered the Judgmint's effects, and his change was permanent... much like the Blue-dragon features he'd wished for earlier, wings and crest all. "Hijo, I've got something I need to discuss with you, man-to-man."

"Whaddya mean?" Hijo said, while the other players suppressed snickers out of character. "Don't tell me that stuff's gonna make me even MORE sick..."

"No, it's not that. It's... well, it's a delicate issue." Shay took a deep breath, letting it out before stating his purpose. "I've been courting your daughter, and would like to ask your permission to marry her."

Hijo's brain stopped, in and out of character. The player's face turned a shade of purple that we only later that week found out was intentional. We all started cracking up, and it couldn't have gotten better until we heard him shouting obscenities in character, chasing Seaganatin around with a chair.

A couple of weeks later, when Seaganatin DID propose to Andjel... we decided to pull a mean trick and have him propose to one of the players, who would stand in for Andjel. We used Aust's player, which was hilarious mostly because of the deadpan expression on his face... halfway through we decided to make Shay's player kneel... we couldn't keep straight faces, especially when another housemate that didn't play D&D pulled into the driveway. Shay's player finished up as quick as he could, then sat down red-faced... Jo's player had been fully vindicated for the act he'd put up, and the circle of shame was complete.

THEN they were ready to challenge for Godhood. But that's another story.

Hope you chuckled a couple times.

 

[Senmurv]

Best D&D adventure? Why, the infamous Pit Trap, of course!!

We were playing a game of D&D with the Oriental adventures module and had a few NPCs in the party (this is KEY). We had a Samurai (think warrior), Kensai (think ranger), a wujin (think sorcerer), a monk (think thief/acrobat), and two NPCs-- a Druid and a Ranger. Well, I'm playing the kensai, and my character is . . . involved with the NPC Druid-- and she's a FIRECRACKER! (Maybe I should mention that I'm female but was playing a male character-- and my DM was male and playing the female NPC . . . yeah, we're weird like that!) As we're heading through the dungeon, she keeps trying to "take point!" (A truly evil move by my DM) As she has, oh, about 7 hp next to my character's 15 . . . well, my response is to keep trying to outmaneuver her. To make matters worse, the samurai likes to be in front too so as to be able to "tank." So, the DM got a little tired of us fighting over who's gonna be in front.

As we raced up this narrow hallway to get to the dungeon's boss (a tantalizingly epic Dragon with tons of loot!) we were still bickering. In front was my Kensai, the Druid, and the Samurai. As we reach the end of the hallway and reach for the door, my DM looks up with a wicked grin.

"Alright, you three-- make a Dexterity check minus 10!"

We all paled and rolled. Predictably, we all failed.

"Ok," my DM intones. "the floor opens beneath your feet-- you tumble about 20 feet to the bottom of a pit! Druid and Kensai, roll 1 D4 for damage!"

"Hey, what about the samurai!?" I squeaked.

"You're only taking damage because he fell on you." the DM answered smugly.

So, we're in a pit trap. The first trick is to get the heck out. The monk, always resourceful, pulls a rope out of her pack and sets the wujin and the ranger NPC to help her pull out the samurai. Problem being-- the samurai was not only our tank . . . he was also our pack horse! The guy could carry so much he weighed something like 300 pounds. The DM determined that to get him out, each character would have to make 2 strength checks consecutively.

"You're enjoying this, you sick bastard . . ." I mumbled.

Monk made her checks, fine.
Ranger (via the DM) made his checks, fine.
Wujin made one check . . . then failed the second.

"Well, Wujin's grip slips-- make a Dexterity check-- oooh, Sorry Monk . .."

Well, the Monk failed her check, so into the pit with her! All four of us lay there for a moment, seething and calling the Wujin some very nasty names.

A few checks later and they managed to lever the monk of the pit and try again. They even managed to get the Samurai out the next try and the Druid was no problem after that-- only me left! Before leaving, however, I had my character look around for some way of deactivating the trap. The DM announced the presence of a lever which I quickly pulled.

"The trap shuts," My DM said simply.

"I open the door!" The Samurai announced.

*FACEPALM* Yeah, he did say that.

"No you don't--" DM said after a second of disbelief. "You fall back into the pit. Kensai, roll 1 d4 for damage."

"Ouch."

So, long story short, (too late!) we managed to pull the samurai out (AGAIN!) and my character as well. The Monk tied the rope around herself and around the samurai as an anchor then, after about three tries, managed to hop across the pit and open the door . . . which deactivated the trap and left us with only the Dragon to deal with.

So . . . that damn trap ate about an hour of our time, all told, but we never fought over who was going to take point again . . .

After all, the next pit would probably have had spikes!!

--Sailor Senmurv

 

[Crofty]

If other RPG's are allowed then I have a story, of my first (and so far only) game of Paranoia.
For those that don't know, Paranoia is set in a futuristing city-complex presided over by the Big Brother-esque 'Friend Computer'. Anyone deemed unhappy, disloyal to Friend Computer, or a Communist is killed. The game started with my team meeting in the designated area for the mission that Friend Computer had for them. There was no hint of what the mission was or how we find out the mission, and Friend Computer would tell us nothing. Being appropriately paranoid, I said (in my best Schmoopy voice) "I search for traps." Friend Computer said "You mistrust Friend Computer? Traitor! Shoot him!" and I was gunned down by my entire team. Within two minutes of the game starting I was dead already.

 

[TsunamiWombat]

My first and only PNP experiance was in highschool with a group of 'kinda' freinds. We were all playing evil monsterous PC's- I was a Gnoll Fighter, another was a Kobold Rogue, and another a Catling bard. The Kobold Rogue, whose name I forget, purchased as his starting gear a large leather sack full of cats. Every so often he would pull one out of his sack, snap it's neck, and eat one (having to roll dex so as not to fumble the cat).

About the second or third meeting in we were charged with assaulting an encampment of Paladins dedicated to Bahamut. It promised to be a hard, nigh impossible fight and the DM expected us to sneak in at night and kill the paladins unawares. Instead, the Kobold dowsed his sack in lantern oil, lit it on fire, and threw it at the camp. The cats (now on fire)scattered, setting the tents and the field grass on fire and consuming the inteir camp in a firestorm.

This was also my last session with them, as the DM didn't really like me and when I faced off with the paladin leader he summoned an aspect of Bahamut which lifted me high into the air and then dropped me. He then grabbed a fist full of die to roll damage.

I Survived.

He killed me off anyway and i've played NWN ever since.
-
Now in NWN i've played for 5 years, if that counts, and at one point I was playing as a Dwarven Fighter who, along with his group, was sneaking into a cave complex to spy on a group of highly militant Dragon worshipping kobolds. I cried "DWARVEN STEALTH!" to the heavens and stripped naked every time we reached a stealth, climbing, or swimming segment.

Hey, I wasn't doing it in fullplate.

 

[DemonMeeko]

Cant Wait For The Next Episode, i wish you would make this into a real table top game, sell it, you could make money, you already have a pretty big fan base, and all you would have to do is try not to infringe copyright laws, pesky, pesky copyright laws

 

[Sheepye]

Cool.

 

[_-Default-_]

I only played a D&D-ish game once but here was the most memorable part.

I was probly the only person there that wasn't taking the game serisouly. I had already tricked a guard into thinking I had a golden spatula with my stack charisma stat. Anyways this all occurred after I left town.

DM: You are walking through the woods. The scent of spring rushes into your nose. This relaxing smell is quickly forgotten as you hear growling. You are attacked by a brown bear.
Me: I have this bag of the abyss that can store anything right?
DM: Yea..
Me: So if I were to cast blind and quick stuff the bear in the bag it would work right?
DM: I gues-
Me: and he wouldn't be able to get out and maul me unless I let him out.
DM: Sure.
Me: Sweet I cast blind and put the bear in the bag.
DM: You need a 17 or higher to blind him.
*Rolls a 19*
Me: Sweet...

Later I found a use for the bear which I set into play when one of the players went to the bathroom.

DM: Ok you are in a cave. Dave you are about 15 yards behind the group.
Dave: I run to catch up to the group.
DM: You begin running but set off a bear trap. Which opens a suspending bag.
Dave: Ok I disengage the trap.
DM: You can't disengage a bear.
Dave: Oh.. A bear trap. Dammit Allen.

It mauled him to death and we just left him there.
It was the best surprised face ever.

 

[Hamster at Dawn]

The previous series had been getting a bit meh but this episode was just pure awesomeness and it didn't even have schmoopy in!

 

[Skele]

Unforgotten Realms is just getting better and better, keep up the good work.

For the contest: (DnD 3.5)
Well just a couple of weeks ago, we had a little LAN session at my friends place. Wich traditionally includes playing a lot of dnd also. Well there were originally 4 of us. Me, my friend Nico who is well experienced with dnd. And my two other friends Jonez and Topi, wich weren't exactly so familiar with the game. Also, i was thrown at the DM's place cause our usual DM couldn't make it. Also, when coming back from the city late, another friend Juho decided to come play with us- never played before, and can't call him much of an rpg person.
So i knew i was in for a one chaotic game. Well i quickly wrote some kind of a prologue and got the story going.

Starting Party:
Topi - Elven ranger
Jonez - Human paladin
Juho - Dwarf fighter
Joining in later:
Nico - Gnome wizard

The party was travelling trough the woods when they got attacked by goblins. Well the battle was quite usual at first. But they ended up in a situation where Juho was attacking a goblin and the attack roll was a massive 1. Well i decided the epic fail to really be one. He swung so frecklesly that he just ended up throwing it in the air. The goblin knocked him down and soon the axe fell on him, separating his right thumb. Well the thumb wasn't completly off, just mostly. But Juho decided to rip it off and play 'pull my finger'. Jonez as a paladin could've healed him- but Juho refused and ate the thumb. This caused some serious minuses into future rolls...

They were in the mountains when they got ambushed by a army of gnolls from behind. They of course made a run for it. Except for Juho's character who just picked up some wood, set up a campfire and started grilling sausage. They were then safed by Nico's character making his appereance. He was playing a gnome wizzard as always. He exploded the small mountain path separating the gnolls from the party.
"Hey, can i offer Nico some sausage?" Juho asked. And i said yes, of course. But Nico refused. Then Juho decided to poison the sausage and talk Nico's character into eating it. And
so he did! The brave gnome wizzy fell asleep cause of the poison. Oh and Juho took his clothes.

Well the adventure continued and they ended up in a tomb deep underground. Well, i decided to take it to the extreme and placed the deck of many things in the game. Well the party didn't wanna use an unidentified deck of cards with clear mischief upon it. (they tooj it with them in the end though.) They also found a coffin, with a corpse inside. Well bright ideas were of course born. Topi wanted to take the corpse away and go to the coffin himself. And Juho wanted to make a club out of the bones. Well the dead man was not pleased with these insults and came back from the dead. He casted the entire party into the depths of the abyss. Well there they were, trapped in the abyss. At this point they decided to chck out the deck of cards. It became the only way out. Topi decided to pull...10 cards. wich lead to many things, i remember that he got the services of a 4th level fighter but was then trapped in a prison, his posessions were removed, he gained the ownership of a fort, he took some permanent drains and minuses. And soon he got wishes. He wished himself back to the world, he also wished for his gear back- and 20 4th level fighters to fight for him... fue more cards followed, cant really remember what they were. Then Jonez lifted some cards- he got out of the abyss, gained a magic sword, got some roll minuses and other crap. Then, was Juho's turn- by this time Topi had been ranting about his fort making everyone pissed off. Juho got lots of usual cards, and then- the wish card. He pointed at Topi "I want his fort!". And so it happened. He also wished for 500 million gold, a packet of poison sausage, curses laid on him off and freedom from the abyss.
Then was Nicos turn to draw he took very little cards- and my my, he got the wishing card. First thing that came out of his mouth was: "I want everything Juho wished for!" he also wished soem random crap. Well, by this time we stopped playing. We sent Nico's girlfriend and her friend whom had been with us during the game home. And we all went to bed.

In the morning we realized a very sad thing. Topi's Fighter was still in the abyss.

 

[frostimugg]

First of all, the episodes are always great and we need the Urealms peeps to get even more people to watch.

Story time...

During 2nd edition RPGA event for DnD.

We were playing a mod called "The Deluge". We get to the last fight inside a water fall cave that is open on both sides. Dont ask. We have a party filled with characters that were just thrown together with no synergy what so ever. The only magic we have left is a wand of Lightning bolt. Everyone decides we should let the Bard try and use it. I made my roll and killed the mighty Deluge but also killed the whole party. Lighting+water= a whole alot more lightning. After that everyone starts argueing even though it was agreed this was the way to go. In the end I ended up with a black eye from a fist fight that broke out over DnD.