Unforgotten Realms: Episode 13: SS Paladon
- Thread starter SirSchmoopy
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We once had in our D&D party:
An evil halfling rogue,my little bro
A good human monk, one of my friends
A human Paladin,another one of my friends
And a good half-elf bard, me.
So we're going through the dungeon, we find a pit. It has the fresh body of an elf in it. We continue through the dungeon. We find a gargoyle, but the thing is, we have no one to cast offensive spells at the gargoyle. So we end up making a deal. We feed the gargoyle, it lets us pass. But, it keeps the Halfling as a down payment, which we'll get back if we feed it. So we go get the dead elf's body and give it to the gargoyle. It says it wants fresh meat. Not wanting to sacrifice anybody, we decide to do something incredibly dim-witted, hypnotize it. So, using the Halfling it was holding by the head as a pendulum, we hypnotize it into thinking that it's in a great big field, the sun is shining, and that it should just stretch out it's wings and fly upwards as fast as possible. We're in an underground dungeon. It smashes it's head on the ceiling, giving it a concussion and it DROPS THE HALFLING. The Halfling nearly falls to his doom, but the Monk catches him.
In another dungeon we're fighting a big lizard thing, can't remember it's name, but I know it's not a Kobold. The Halfling throws a flask of oil and a torch at it. It burns to death.
In yet another dungeon where the Monk had died and the player had rerolled a necromancer, we came face to face with a dragon. It spit fire at us. Me and another of my friends, who was playing a psychic warrior, dodged part of the flame and survived. The Paladin, the Halfling, and the Necromancer all got the full blast. The Halfling and Necromancer died. THE PALADIN FREAKING SURVIVED! We ran off to get healed by an NPC priest in the dungeon, and the three of us remaining finally killed it. It was small for a dragon.
Good times.
An evil halfling rogue,my little bro
A good human monk, one of my friends
A human Paladin,another one of my friends
And a good half-elf bard, me.
So we're going through the dungeon, we find a pit. It has the fresh body of an elf in it. We continue through the dungeon. We find a gargoyle, but the thing is, we have no one to cast offensive spells at the gargoyle. So we end up making a deal. We feed the gargoyle, it lets us pass. But, it keeps the Halfling as a down payment, which we'll get back if we feed it. So we go get the dead elf's body and give it to the gargoyle. It says it wants fresh meat. Not wanting to sacrifice anybody, we decide to do something incredibly dim-witted, hypnotize it. So, using the Halfling it was holding by the head as a pendulum, we hypnotize it into thinking that it's in a great big field, the sun is shining, and that it should just stretch out it's wings and fly upwards as fast as possible. We're in an underground dungeon. It smashes it's head on the ceiling, giving it a concussion and it DROPS THE HALFLING. The Halfling nearly falls to his doom, but the Monk catches him.
In another dungeon we're fighting a big lizard thing, can't remember it's name, but I know it's not a Kobold. The Halfling throws a flask of oil and a torch at it. It burns to death.
In yet another dungeon where the Monk had died and the player had rerolled a necromancer, we came face to face with a dragon. It spit fire at us. Me and another of my friends, who was playing a psychic warrior, dodged part of the flame and survived. The Paladin, the Halfling, and the Necromancer all got the full blast. The Halfling and Necromancer died. THE PALADIN FREAKING SURVIVED! We ran off to get healed by an NPC priest in the dungeon, and the three of us remaining finally killed it. It was small for a dragon.
Good times.
It's a pity that this is only D&D, I could run quite a few from other games.
Back in my Halcyon games; I was running a game for my Brother, who was playing a level 26th ranger with 18/00 Strength and 18 in all his other stats.
(Yeh....I know)
Anyway, I stick a Demi-Lich waiting in his 20x20 foot chamber (Yeh, I was a newb as well). So he dips into his bag of holding where he keeps his tribe of goblins for trap detection.
(Throw goblin, if it screams, there's a trap)
The Demi-Lich throws open the door and screams. They win initative.
Lightning Bolt, Fireball, Cone of Cold and Dispel Evil slam into it.
I roll a lot of dice and work out it's died...25,000 more xp to the party, but then I remember the Demi-Lich's magical items and have an idea...
Roll against Magical Fire for the Scrolls, *poof*
Roll against Cold/Lightning for the Potions, *zzzzt*
Roll against all three for the miscellanous items...including the ...Rod of Inertia...
hehehehe
The Rangers +3 sword freezes in mid air...And can only be released by the command word...which was only known by the Demi-Lich...
As usual, I then run from the room.
Back in my Halcyon games; I was running a game for my Brother, who was playing a level 26th ranger with 18/00 Strength and 18 in all his other stats.
(Yeh....I know)
Anyway, I stick a Demi-Lich waiting in his 20x20 foot chamber (Yeh, I was a newb as well). So he dips into his bag of holding where he keeps his tribe of goblins for trap detection.
(Throw goblin, if it screams, there's a trap)
The Demi-Lich throws open the door and screams. They win initative.
Lightning Bolt, Fireball, Cone of Cold and Dispel Evil slam into it.
I roll a lot of dice and work out it's died...25,000 more xp to the party, but then I remember the Demi-Lich's magical items and have an idea...
Roll against Magical Fire for the Scrolls, *poof*
Roll against Cold/Lightning for the Potions, *zzzzt*
Roll against all three for the miscellanous items...including the ...Rod of Inertia...
hehehehe
The Rangers +3 sword freezes in mid air...And can only be released by the command word...which was only known by the Demi-Lich...
As usual, I then run from the room.
Best start to a game ever (I may have mentioned this before)
The Party enter a tavern. The music goes silent.
All the locals look around and go back to their drinks. A buxom bar maid asks them what they're drinking whilst a hooded figure in the corner of the bar looks their way.
They start to walk over towards him when I ask them to roll for initiative.
They all get quite high and dive to oneside as a huge Spelljammer ship rips through the pub, slaughtering everyone in the bar.
The level 1 characters follow the massive destruction until two Illithids crawl out of the ship, dripping ichor. The party look horrified at me but wade in.
The mortally damaged (4hp left) Illithid's go down and they find out that they now have a stolen gnomish ship...and off they go.
The Party enter a tavern. The music goes silent.
All the locals look around and go back to their drinks. A buxom bar maid asks them what they're drinking whilst a hooded figure in the corner of the bar looks their way.
They start to walk over towards him when I ask them to roll for initiative.
They all get quite high and dive to oneside as a huge Spelljammer ship rips through the pub, slaughtering everyone in the bar.
The level 1 characters follow the massive destruction until two Illithids crawl out of the ship, dripping ichor. The party look horrified at me but wade in.
The mortally damaged (4hp left) Illithid's go down and they find out that they now have a stolen gnomish ship...and off they go.
I played in middle school but stopped. When 4th edition came around I picked it up and formed a new group... Of psychotic fuckheads.
The first thing they did was name their party "THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY PIMPS" and they were all chaotic or lawful evil. Except for their party leader who was a Lawful good Paladin. I tried to use a preset campaign I bought but they weren't having it. So I gave them a new objective... To find the golden hooker.
They set off to gather supplies. My friend... lets call him... "Luke" decided it would be funny to rape the town armor smith. He began to attempt to seduce the armor smith, until he got bored and raped the chimney of the building. They were promptly kicked out of town with no supplies and little knowledge of how to proceed.
They walked some ways until they were ambushed by Kobolds. There Warlord quickly ran back to town to get drunk and not participate. "Luke" decided he would like to use a random army man like a judge to the battle (like in FF tactics). I said this was unacceptable. Thats when he screamed, "FUCK YOU HES FIELD COMMANDER AND FIELD COMMANDER DONT TAKE NO SHIT FROM NO ONE!" The battle raged with a ominous green army man always looming at the sides. Me being the DM decided to add in the flair of saying "you hack off both the kobolds arms and legs." "Luke" decided It would be fun to heal it back to life. I was strongly against this... But you don't argue with a natural 20. He Healed the creature and chained it to his back and kept it as a pet. He named it "Nibbles". He made love to its wounds frequently. "Nibbles" had the bad habit of crying out at the least opportune times and caused them to get into many battles which they could never win.
Becoming fed up with the constant fighting the party leader attempted to kill "Nibbles". "Luke" trying to keep his pet safe hung from a tree. I "interpreted "hung" as "to hang a convict" and "Nibbles" died. "Luke" was killed by his party and sent to hell. He fought his way to the devil, killed him and took over hell (I swear to christ this kid is the natural 20 king.). He became the main villian of the game with "Nibbles" at his side.
There was much rape and shit was fucked up. The End.
The first thing they did was name their party "THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY PIMPS" and they were all chaotic or lawful evil. Except for their party leader who was a Lawful good Paladin. I tried to use a preset campaign I bought but they weren't having it. So I gave them a new objective... To find the golden hooker.
They set off to gather supplies. My friend... lets call him... "Luke" decided it would be funny to rape the town armor smith. He began to attempt to seduce the armor smith, until he got bored and raped the chimney of the building. They were promptly kicked out of town with no supplies and little knowledge of how to proceed.
They walked some ways until they were ambushed by Kobolds. There Warlord quickly ran back to town to get drunk and not participate. "Luke" decided he would like to use a random army man like a judge to the battle (like in FF tactics). I said this was unacceptable. Thats when he screamed, "FUCK YOU HES FIELD COMMANDER AND FIELD COMMANDER DONT TAKE NO SHIT FROM NO ONE!" The battle raged with a ominous green army man always looming at the sides. Me being the DM decided to add in the flair of saying "you hack off both the kobolds arms and legs." "Luke" decided It would be fun to heal it back to life. I was strongly against this... But you don't argue with a natural 20. He Healed the creature and chained it to his back and kept it as a pet. He named it "Nibbles". He made love to its wounds frequently. "Nibbles" had the bad habit of crying out at the least opportune times and caused them to get into many battles which they could never win.
Becoming fed up with the constant fighting the party leader attempted to kill "Nibbles". "Luke" trying to keep his pet safe hung from a tree. I "interpreted "hung" as "to hang a convict" and "Nibbles" died. "Luke" was killed by his party and sent to hell. He fought his way to the devil, killed him and took over hell (I swear to christ this kid is the natural 20 king.). He became the main villian of the game with "Nibbles" at his side.
There was much rape and shit was fucked up. The End.
All right true story.
Me and my friend were playing a two person game of dungeons and dragons where we each controlled a character (like in unforgotten realms). I was the DM so I guess that makes me Mike and my friend Rob. I was playing as a fighter and my friend was a rogue. Anyway, so after being saved from a couple owlbears by a mysterious bowman, my friend decides to try to knock out this mysterious bowman with a rock before he can escape again (the bowman had helped us out before and always ran away before we could reach him). So he threw the rock and sure enough he rolled a natural twenty and the bowman fell on his face unconscious. Turns out the bowman is actually a bowoman and elf because as we know there is no such thing in fantasy as a non elf bowman. So she wakes up and tries to escape again as we wanted to interrogate her. She starts off running again so my friend tried the same rock trick as did before, and sure enough another natural twenty. To grasp the full reality of the situation you should watch episode 3 of unforgotten realms again. He threw two rocks in a row (unfortunately not at the same time so its a little different than what rob did) that scored a natural twenty on a hit, in a two person DnD game. The similarities are uncanny. To finish the story we then tied her up so she couldn't get away this time and found out she just wanted some moon peaches, because elves love moon peaches, and then we let her go. We just wanted to know what she was all about after all was said and natural twentied.
Me and my friend were playing a two person game of dungeons and dragons where we each controlled a character (like in unforgotten realms). I was the DM so I guess that makes me Mike and my friend Rob. I was playing as a fighter and my friend was a rogue. Anyway, so after being saved from a couple owlbears by a mysterious bowman, my friend decides to try to knock out this mysterious bowman with a rock before he can escape again (the bowman had helped us out before and always ran away before we could reach him). So he threw the rock and sure enough he rolled a natural twenty and the bowman fell on his face unconscious. Turns out the bowman is actually a bowoman and elf because as we know there is no such thing in fantasy as a non elf bowman. So she wakes up and tries to escape again as we wanted to interrogate her. She starts off running again so my friend tried the same rock trick as did before, and sure enough another natural twenty. To grasp the full reality of the situation you should watch episode 3 of unforgotten realms again. He threw two rocks in a row (unfortunately not at the same time so its a little different than what rob did) that scored a natural twenty on a hit, in a two person DnD game. The similarities are uncanny. To finish the story we then tied her up so she couldn't get away this time and found out she just wanted some moon peaches, because elves love moon peaches, and then we let her go. We just wanted to know what she was all about after all was said and natural twentied.
OMG I LOVE UNFORGOTTEN REALMS
well anyhow Im a new memeber I only joined because of the competition well anyhow heres my story.
About two years ago I had to babysit four of my cousins.
Cameron: The youngest but strangly strongest and most hyperactive of the bunch.
Nathan: The most normal but isnt any good at video games.
Lawrence: The oldest (Camerons big brother) and also most violent.
Anyways I was baby sitting them at Lawrence/Camerons house were they happened to have a game cube. However the house went into partial black out which was kinda wierd. I tried fixing it but I'm not that kind of geek. Then we tried moving the game cube and the tv but we figured we'd get in trouble....and we were to lazy.
So instead we decided to play a board game however they were all kinda stupid and boring so we decided to create our own little version of dungeons and dragons.
Luckily for us the two little boys had possessed many lego pieces to make the scenery with and many little anime toys to use. (I liked the bleach ones most).
Making rules and character sheets we got stuck in.
Cameron went with the beserker type hero (a gundam with a beam saber and an axe)
Nathan went with a assasin type hero (we used on of those little bionicle thingys)
And lawrence went as magic type hero (For him we had to use the only thing remotly wizardy we chose sailer moon... however after a fit of rage we had to give him a lego man)
We only had a six sided die with us and a coin to determine things sooo we decided to make our own dices using lego. After much wasted marker ink and ruined lego blocks WE HAD FINNALY ran out of pen........ Yeah we failed.
anyhow we decided to have three stats. str agi and int.
The first encounter I decided to put in was (Note this was all done on the run here so no plot) Giant killer skeletans (Bionicles) Cameron rolled a perfect six on the first go which ment he could take it out however he then said "I change my mind I want to be a bionicle."
Much argument later he got the red bionicle.
After many encounters a boss was met. Me being youngs and stupid decided to make my self the boss calling the boss a giant. So yeah the giant was I dont know 200 times bigger than the heros (figurines well exept the bionicle which was slightly bigger) and well after I managed to kill off two of the heroes with not much hope left they decided to cheat. How?
All three tackled me.
Eventually struggling and yelling the parents eventually came home to find the house a mess of loot, weapons, slayed monsters and lego pieces with permenant marker on them. For some reason they were completly okay with that. I was driven home and as I went inside my house I had one last thought.
That was painful.... and fun
well anyhow Im a new memeber I only joined because of the competition well anyhow heres my story.
About two years ago I had to babysit four of my cousins.
Cameron: The youngest but strangly strongest and most hyperactive of the bunch.
Nathan: The most normal but isnt any good at video games.
Lawrence: The oldest (Camerons big brother) and also most violent.
Anyways I was baby sitting them at Lawrence/Camerons house were they happened to have a game cube. However the house went into partial black out which was kinda wierd. I tried fixing it but I'm not that kind of geek. Then we tried moving the game cube and the tv but we figured we'd get in trouble....and we were to lazy.
So instead we decided to play a board game however they were all kinda stupid and boring so we decided to create our own little version of dungeons and dragons.
Luckily for us the two little boys had possessed many lego pieces to make the scenery with and many little anime toys to use. (I liked the bleach ones most).
Making rules and character sheets we got stuck in.
Cameron went with the beserker type hero (a gundam with a beam saber and an axe)
Nathan went with a assasin type hero (we used on of those little bionicle thingys)
And lawrence went as magic type hero (For him we had to use the only thing remotly wizardy we chose sailer moon... however after a fit of rage we had to give him a lego man)
We only had a six sided die with us and a coin to determine things sooo we decided to make our own dices using lego. After much wasted marker ink and ruined lego blocks WE HAD FINNALY ran out of pen........ Yeah we failed.
anyhow we decided to have three stats. str agi and int.
The first encounter I decided to put in was (Note this was all done on the run here so no plot) Giant killer skeletans (Bionicles) Cameron rolled a perfect six on the first go which ment he could take it out however he then said "I change my mind I want to be a bionicle."
Much argument later he got the red bionicle.
After many encounters a boss was met. Me being youngs and stupid decided to make my self the boss calling the boss a giant. So yeah the giant was I dont know 200 times bigger than the heros (figurines well exept the bionicle which was slightly bigger) and well after I managed to kill off two of the heroes with not much hope left they decided to cheat. How?
All three tackled me.
Eventually struggling and yelling the parents eventually came home to find the house a mess of loot, weapons, slayed monsters and lego pieces with permenant marker on them. For some reason they were completly okay with that. I was driven home and as I went inside my house I had one last thought.
That was painful.... and fun
i was playing d and d as blackout nightshadow when suddenly my charecter dies of cancer and then my friends loot my body and leave me there
Two minutes? I had five team assassinations before the game even started.Crofty said:
PARANOIA, Keep your Laser Handy.
The Root of All Evil - Officially called "The most weaselly player he's ever met" by Greg Costikyan.
allright, here goes:
Bren= DM
Me= Myself & I
Tyler, Jordan, and Robert= Other Playes (fyi Jordan is a girl)
This was a quest that Bren made, so it might not seem faliliar.
Bren: You enter a room, in the middle of the room there are 9 purple rocks. Do you go straight, right, or left?
Me: Wait, where are the rocks?
Bren: It doesn't matter.
Me: But it might be important.
Bren: Fine, they're in the middle of the room in a circle.
Tyler: Oh, I know! I go and touch every rock
Bren: You touch the rocks and NOTHING happens.
Robert: How about we just go left?
Jordan: I don't know, there seems like those rocks are important.
Me: Well, I say we go right
Robert: No! We go left
Bren: Allright, let's vote, everyone for going left? *Tyler and Robert raise their hand* straight? *Jordan raises her hand* and right? *I raise my hand* Well, I guess you're going left.
Bren: In the next room you see 12 purple rocks and one white rock-
Me: Oh my god, they purple rocks transformed!
Bren: ...Anyways, You can either go straight or right, which way do you go?
Tyler: I touch the white rock.
Bren: You touch the rock and NOTHING happens, again. Ok, I'll give you a hint, think of a clock.
Tyler: OMG, the rock gave me a disease and I'll die in three days!
Bren: No, you're not goin to die...
Me: hmm... well, the only way to figure out is to see what happens next.
*the party goes right*
Bren: In the next room you see 12 rocks again.
Jordan: So what happened to the white rocks?
Bren: There aren't any. Now, do you go left, right or staight?
Me: I do a search check
Bren: Ok, fine... *I search for 20* you find nothing.
Me: Damnit, no white rocks.
*basically, we wander around the place until we figure out that every white rock means correct and the purple rocks mean which way to go according to a clock-face (for example: 9=left 12=straight 3=right 6=down)*
Bren: You find yourself in a narrow passageway, what do you do?
Tyler: I go across
Bren: Make a reflex save *Tyler fails the save* you now fall into a neverending pit that teleports you out at the top of the ceiling when you hit the bottom.
Jordan: Wait, I can use slow fall can't I?
Bren: yeah
Jordan: Ok, I use slow fall on Tyler.
Bren: Tyler is now falling a little less than about 100mph.
Robert: Wait, I know! I use rope.
Bren: You throw the rope into the pit and as Tyler grabs on to it you are pulled in also.
Me: Umm... can we just forget them and go back?
Bren: I guess, but they would most likely die.
Me: So?
Cliffhanger
I have a question, can we submit more than one story? Because I have a lot of stories to share.
Bren= DM
Me= Myself & I
Tyler, Jordan, and Robert= Other Playes (fyi Jordan is a girl)
This was a quest that Bren made, so it might not seem faliliar.
Bren: You enter a room, in the middle of the room there are 9 purple rocks. Do you go straight, right, or left?
Me: Wait, where are the rocks?
Bren: It doesn't matter.
Me: But it might be important.
Bren: Fine, they're in the middle of the room in a circle.
Tyler: Oh, I know! I go and touch every rock
Bren: You touch the rocks and NOTHING happens.
Robert: How about we just go left?
Jordan: I don't know, there seems like those rocks are important.
Me: Well, I say we go right
Robert: No! We go left
Bren: Allright, let's vote, everyone for going left? *Tyler and Robert raise their hand* straight? *Jordan raises her hand* and right? *I raise my hand* Well, I guess you're going left.
Bren: In the next room you see 12 purple rocks and one white rock-
Me: Oh my god, they purple rocks transformed!
Bren: ...Anyways, You can either go straight or right, which way do you go?
Tyler: I touch the white rock.
Bren: You touch the rock and NOTHING happens, again. Ok, I'll give you a hint, think of a clock.
Tyler: OMG, the rock gave me a disease and I'll die in three days!
Bren: No, you're not goin to die...
Me: hmm... well, the only way to figure out is to see what happens next.
*the party goes right*
Bren: In the next room you see 12 rocks again.
Jordan: So what happened to the white rocks?
Bren: There aren't any. Now, do you go left, right or staight?
Me: I do a search check
Bren: Ok, fine... *I search for 20* you find nothing.
Me: Damnit, no white rocks.
*basically, we wander around the place until we figure out that every white rock means correct and the purple rocks mean which way to go according to a clock-face (for example: 9=left 12=straight 3=right 6=down)*
Bren: You find yourself in a narrow passageway, what do you do?
Tyler: I go across
Bren: Make a reflex save *Tyler fails the save* you now fall into a neverending pit that teleports you out at the top of the ceiling when you hit the bottom.
Jordan: Wait, I can use slow fall can't I?
Bren: yeah
Jordan: Ok, I use slow fall on Tyler.
Bren: Tyler is now falling a little less than about 100mph.
Robert: Wait, I know! I use rope.
Bren: You throw the rope into the pit and as Tyler grabs on to it you are pulled in also.
Me: Umm... can we just forget them and go back?
Bren: I guess, but they would most likely die.
Me: So?
Cliffhanger
I have a question, can we submit more than one story? Because I have a lot of stories to share.
@spinwhiz: i never really got to play D&D much and only got one story that i thought was funny
i was mobbed by a ton of monsters (maybe koboooooooolds)
and all i had was my medusa so i ran to the corner of the dungeon and cast stonegaze
and although i won the encounter i was stuck forever...goodtimes
idk ~_~
i was mobbed by a ton of monsters (maybe koboooooooolds)
and all i had was my medusa so i ran to the corner of the dungeon and cast stonegaze
and although i won the encounter i was stuck forever...goodtimes
idk ~_~
