Weighing an issue down with the jargon of an existing philosophy is counterproductive, especially when an issue comes down to the most personal level of people's sex lives.
While it is true that feminism has reached across a gap to alleviate women's special suffering and distress, and that it is a movement filled with brilliant thinkers, it has its faults. One of these is that being so centred on the troubles of one minority and the restoration of equality to that minority with its opposite, it occasionally risks losing touch with other causes for societal issues that are not male in genesis.
One of these issues which should not be blamed on males (including on whoever created patriarchy) is virgin shaming.
This is not a result of the patriarchal nature of society (at least, not purely). It's a result of the competition towards becoming a father, or else towards the learning experience of having sex with a woman.
This competition would exist regardless of a society being patriarchal or not. In fact, the matriarchal societies that have been known to exist may well have emphasised sex as a reward for being heroic, possibly as high up as in royal politics. Even in the Roman arenas, a decent living could be earned if you were lucky and a good fighter, a good portion of which was probably spent in the brothels.
Furthermore, this competition is not simply a framework designed by men: women benefit from it as well. For a start, virgin shaming creates a negative motivation to make men want sex in the first place, which if you're a woman, particularly one who wants sex to be a very available option, is a really great thing culturally.
What do men get out of it? The "winner" of sexual intercourse gets to gloat about it and complete a perceived rite of passage into "adulthood". This is often so even if his performance in doing the deed is shockingly bad.
Slut shaming, as the flip side of this, is beneficial to both genders as well. In the case of women, shaming keeps women who attract lots of men in check so that men aren?t marked as that woman's only, keeping plenty of men free. Women objectifying men, you ask? You had better believe it happens, at least some of the time! These things very often go in both ways. The other benefit of it for women is that those who aren?t getting sex and feel frustrated about it, can take it out on those who do.
What do men get out of it? The security of a) having foreknowledge that this woman is at higher risk of STDs, b) knowing that woman may be an easier target towards having sex, and c) knowing to avoid intercourse with the woman if they dislike having sex with "non-virgins" for whatever reason.
The trouble with these jungle rules which benefit everybody in a more carnal, tribal way is that they really hurt the individuals singled out, in both cases of shaming. Sometimes this goes to the point of suicide. This is the sad part, shaming of all kinds is an expression of human cruelty. It should not be blamed on culture - that dilutes personal responsibility. It should indicate the failure of the person who is engaging in such bullying to do what is right.
Unfortunately, many of these negative cultural memes will probably continue, passed down in generations of high school and middle school students, until human nature itself eventually changes, or else high thoughts of philosophy become part of playground logic. Perhaps the latter will come much sooner than we all think, and that bodes well for humanity's mass psychology. The less pain that is experienced in those years, the more stable we all are as adults. That means a more stable planet, so I applaud every attempt at understanding the full nature of the problem.
I do however caution those who wish to simplify something that is basically a cause of human suffering and hide it behind paradigms that blame some figurehead which we cannot attack, which we cannot individually change. These are the voices of futility, and I demand that we not listen to them. Unless we believe that we ourselves are part of a solution, this problem will not only stay the same, it will worsen.
While it is true that feminism has reached across a gap to alleviate women's special suffering and distress, and that it is a movement filled with brilliant thinkers, it has its faults. One of these is that being so centred on the troubles of one minority and the restoration of equality to that minority with its opposite, it occasionally risks losing touch with other causes for societal issues that are not male in genesis.
One of these issues which should not be blamed on males (including on whoever created patriarchy) is virgin shaming.
This is not a result of the patriarchal nature of society (at least, not purely). It's a result of the competition towards becoming a father, or else towards the learning experience of having sex with a woman.
This competition would exist regardless of a society being patriarchal or not. In fact, the matriarchal societies that have been known to exist may well have emphasised sex as a reward for being heroic, possibly as high up as in royal politics. Even in the Roman arenas, a decent living could be earned if you were lucky and a good fighter, a good portion of which was probably spent in the brothels.
Furthermore, this competition is not simply a framework designed by men: women benefit from it as well. For a start, virgin shaming creates a negative motivation to make men want sex in the first place, which if you're a woman, particularly one who wants sex to be a very available option, is a really great thing culturally.
What do men get out of it? The "winner" of sexual intercourse gets to gloat about it and complete a perceived rite of passage into "adulthood". This is often so even if his performance in doing the deed is shockingly bad.
Slut shaming, as the flip side of this, is beneficial to both genders as well. In the case of women, shaming keeps women who attract lots of men in check so that men aren?t marked as that woman's only, keeping plenty of men free. Women objectifying men, you ask? You had better believe it happens, at least some of the time! These things very often go in both ways. The other benefit of it for women is that those who aren?t getting sex and feel frustrated about it, can take it out on those who do.
What do men get out of it? The security of a) having foreknowledge that this woman is at higher risk of STDs, b) knowing that woman may be an easier target towards having sex, and c) knowing to avoid intercourse with the woman if they dislike having sex with "non-virgins" for whatever reason.
The trouble with these jungle rules which benefit everybody in a more carnal, tribal way is that they really hurt the individuals singled out, in both cases of shaming. Sometimes this goes to the point of suicide. This is the sad part, shaming of all kinds is an expression of human cruelty. It should not be blamed on culture - that dilutes personal responsibility. It should indicate the failure of the person who is engaging in such bullying to do what is right.
Unfortunately, many of these negative cultural memes will probably continue, passed down in generations of high school and middle school students, until human nature itself eventually changes, or else high thoughts of philosophy become part of playground logic. Perhaps the latter will come much sooner than we all think, and that bodes well for humanity's mass psychology. The less pain that is experienced in those years, the more stable we all are as adults. That means a more stable planet, so I applaud every attempt at understanding the full nature of the problem.
I do however caution those who wish to simplify something that is basically a cause of human suffering and hide it behind paradigms that blame some figurehead which we cannot attack, which we cannot individually change. These are the voices of futility, and I demand that we not listen to them. Unless we believe that we ourselves are part of a solution, this problem will not only stay the same, it will worsen.
