Waiting two hours for somebody

DoctorObviously

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I'm kind of glad a website like The Escapist exists, especially the forums. It's like if you could take Yahoo Answers, filter the more stupid answers out, and allow the OP to reply to a post. I've used the forums quite often, to ask for lots of stuff like advice or to hear a perspective of another person. I know that sounds silly, but it helps me, and that's all I'm saying. On to the thread.

I work part-time in an amusement park, I park the cars and clean the parking. It's a huge space, obviously, so it needs more than one person. We always start out at 08.30 with six to seven people and every couple of hours there are less and less of my colleagues, because the visitors usually come in a huge wave at about 10.00 to 10.30. My boss sends people away in order of how long we work there. That means if Person X has worked there for 5 months and Person Y has worked here for 7 months, Person X will be send away first. Starting next week, this will be my third month working there.

A female colleague of mine has been working there for about four years, I think. Always in the vacation, when school is out. She actually needs to have her thesis done. We get along really well, I make her laugh a lot, we agree on lots of subjects and don't make a fight when we don't agree. If she had five minutes she would spend ten minutes talking to me. She despises the concept of it not being possible these days to just have a male friend, if you know what I mean. As in, just friends. And that's completely FINE by me.

Every now and again, when we happen to have the same schedule (which she every now and again manipulates so that we fall into the same shift) she always drives me home, still talking all the way. There is no hand holding involved, no melodramatic conversations going on, nothing. Yesterday was planned in such a way so that we were scheduled to leave at noon. She would, for the last time, drive me home. It's the last time because she needs to finish her thesis and hopefully succeed in her studies. It's noon and suddenly my boss calls us up with the message that I needed to stay at least two hours longer. Her shift was over. She had to go.

She waited two hours and fifteen minutes for me until my shift was over. I both felt bad and immensly happy. She wanted to wait, for as long as it took. She didn't mind waiting, at all. I noticed that, instead of driving straight home she took a huge detour so that it would take almost twice as long to get home.

I have honestly never known such kindness before and I don't know what to do with it. The pessimist in me who's more right than wrong says she probably didn't need the two hours extra to work on her thesis, she'd probably been doing something else instead of working on it.

I got her number (a number that works), and she sawed my ears off of my head for me to make a Facebook account. I make it a personal policy never to be on a social network, but to my dad I should drop that.

So, what should I do? Obviously I like her company, but rocket science is easier to me than human interaction and how to approach it.
 

SonicWaffle

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DoctorObviously said:
She despises the concept of it not being possible these days to just have a male friend, if you know what I mean. As in, just friends.
DoctorObviously said:
I got her number (a number that works), and she sawed my ears off of my head for me to make a Facebook account. I make it a personal policy never to be on a social network, but to my dad I should drop that.

So, what should I do? Obviously I like her company, but rocket science is easier to me than human interaction and how to approach it.
Ouch. Minefield.

On the one hand, you ask her out and she says yes and then you go off to bang your genitals together in exciting ways.

On the other, you ask her out and she discovers that what she thought was just a male friend is "just like all the others" and after more than friendship.

It sounds as if she likes you, but if she's also made it a point to mention that she hates men who can't just be friends with her, it would be risky to approach her about it. I suppose it depends on whether you'd rather have a 100% chance of keeping your friend or a 50/50 chance of either getting a new girlfriend or potentially losing your friend. Your call, buddy.
 

DoctorObviously

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KevinHe92 said:
Do YOU like her? Do YOU want to date her? It's pretty bloody simple if you do.
Imagine living on a planet where nobody speaks your language and you have to adapt yourself and your habits to that planet. Suddenly a person comes along who could not possibly give a fuck about 'how you should act', 'how somebody should be', 'what somebody should like' and completely accepts the way you are, in all your strange and alien habits.

Do I like her? Well, of course, how could I not? But for a relationship? I don't know yet. It scares me. I'd sign immediately if I could see her more often, which is not possible now. I'm imagining the most negative things with this sort of situation, because I'm thinking of everything that could go horribly wrong (which is why I made this thread in the first place). I sound incredibly snobbish now but I'd say what I have with her is highly platonic. I'd love to be by her side, because we get along so well and I don't get along with anybody. Seriously, I have like two really good friends that I barely see. So I have exactly zero serious communication with anybody except for The Escapist from time to time. Meeting someone you sympathise with is scary, because it's very addicting. And the wound cuts very deep when that person leaves you.

SonicWaffle said:
I suppose it depends on whether you'd rather have a 100% chance of keeping your friend or a 50/50 chance of either getting a new girlfriend or potentially losing your friend. Your call, buddy.

I'll take the 100%.
 

SonicWaffle

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DoctorObviously said:
SonicWaffle said:
I suppose it depends on whether you'd rather have a 100% chance of keeping your friend or a 50/50 chance of either getting a new girlfriend or potentially losing your friend. Your call, buddy.

I'll take the 100%.
Well there you go then, problem solved. Just be friends with her, and on the off-chance that she puts the moves on you, tell her you'd rather be friends.
 

Hero of Lime

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Jun 3, 2013
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I would say go with the "staying friends with her" plan, it is better to keep a good friend than to try to get a romantic relationship out of it.
DoctorObviously said:
I'll take the 100%.
That is probably the best idea at this point, however situations change, and you both may end up together at some point. Either way, having a good friend is a win-win situation no matter how you look at it.
 

lacktheknack

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Back during my "I'm-afraid-of-dating" "Forever Alooooooone" days, I was friends with a girl. We chatted a lot and enjoyed each other's company, and neither of us was really interested in a relationship.

Four months later, we're dating.

Don't discount anything.
 

Silverbeard

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I feel that you are approaching this the wrong way, my good doctor. Instead of assuming the worst from your lady friend (let me call her Lisa for the sake of simplicity), try to place yourself in her position. Consider the situation you are in, but reverse the roles; your superior sends you off shift but wants Lisa to stay back for two hours. This is still the last time you will see her in person for the foreseeable future. Would you, then, twiddle your thumbs for two hours so that you two could return home together? Why or why not? And what would Lisa have to say about that?
You must accept that your perspective on the world is not the only one and that there are good people in the world; just not enough of them.
DoctorObviously said:
Meeting someone you sympathise with is scary, because it's very addicting. And the wound cuts very deep when that person leaves you.
I understand this. I understand it very well. However, you must accept that control is a fleeting thing and constancy is a rare commodity to have. You have an excellent relation with Lisa right now, but do not expect that to last forever. It is very heartening to see that you are making the most of it while you have it. I am afraid that I have not ever been in your position so any advice I give you will not come from experience but I would recommend that you maintain your friendship. Wanting to be 'more than friends' starts one on a road that has only one end and you can guess what that end is. You need to be absolutely sure that you are prepared to meet the end of that road as well as all of the other things that come with it- and there are many. To my mind, the gains at the end of the road are not worth the troubles that come with it. One cannot commit to such a thing half-way; there are no permanent girlfriends and attempting to hold such a relationship will always end in misery- although again, this is conjecture on my part since I have not been in such a state before.
With all that, I would suggest that you maintain your friendship. Just accept Lisa's gesture as the act of a concerned friend who will genuinely miss your company. I should also point out that if you view this act as an invitation to advance the relationship, then you will prove Lisa's theory that 'friendship cannot exist betwixt a man and woman' to be true. And that would not be wise, I think.
 
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I'm going to keep an eye on your posting so I can see the inevitable crazy bounce out of her and off every wall in sight. She likes you way too much, I wouldn't even let her wait 2 hours for me, that's just an absurd amount of time.
 

omega 616

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I'm like you, I suck at human interaction, people are just too different.

So, if I was in you're shoes I would just come right out with the question ... "How come you waited around for 2 hours then took me home via the long route?" then go from there.

Maybe work in "I really appreciated it" otherwise she might get defensive about it.

I would take my "advice" with a pinch of salt though 'cos like I said, I'm not the Einstein of social interaction.
 

Victim of Progress

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SonicWaffle said:
DoctorObviously said:
She despises the concept of it not being possible these days to just have a male friend, if you know what I mean. As in, just friends.
DoctorObviously said:
I got her number (a number that works), and she sawed my ears off of my head for me to make a Facebook account. I make it a personal policy never to be on a social network, but to my dad I should drop that.

So, what should I do? Obviously I like her company, but rocket science is easier to me than human interaction and how to approach it.
Must it really be facebook? What happened to instant messaging. Tell her about such an innovation as Skype. You can both stay in touch, and you don't have to socialize with people you don't want to talk to
 

DoctorObviously

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I need a break. It's a bit much for me.

Too much information to process right now.

If there's news, I'll let you guys know.
 

Stryc9

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It really seems fairly simple to me. You do whatever it takes to keep in contact with her. People like that don't come along very often and when they do you hold onto them now matter what it takes.
 

rasputin0009

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Feb 12, 2013
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She wants the D!

I'm assuming you already do a little flirting with her from time to time. So I'd suggest you flirt with her even more, and then you can gauge the situation a little better.

Or just simply ask her to do something outside of work. Doesn't even have to be a date. Seriously, if you enjoy someone's company already, why not ask them to do more stuff together? Doesn't matter who it is. The worst that can happen is that you get a better friend.

Off topic: Captcha just gave me a question in a language I don't recognize and I thought I was pretty worldly. Still uses the Roman alphabet, though. Accents on "z"s and "s"s? I'm not even sure if it's European or not. "Do czego zaprasza nowy mbank?"
 

runic knight

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well, going by your responses, I think a good way to handle this is to have a talk with her. Let her know how you feel and your worries and concerns. Hell, even just saying something to the effect of "I think I may want to date you, but I don't think we should do it right now because of distance and scheduling, therefore I may just want to be friends for a while now and see what develops from there" might do wonders.
She likes you, that is pretty obvious. Best to be honest and let her know your feelings on the matter, even if they are only confusion, because even the confusion can help her know how you feel and how to respond based on what she wants.
 

Milanezi

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Go for it, go easy, but I guess you would anyway. TWO hours is a lot of time even when you have nothing better to do, you sir are in a win-win situation: this girl either loves you and is waiting for you to make a move, or is such a HUGE friend that, if you make a move and she's not into you (hardly), she won't act all stupid and act strange afterwards, she'll probably understand and respect and feel flattered.
What you have here is a golden opportunity because DISASTER is something totally off the menu.
My opinion: call her, invite her out for dinner/lunch (or just a walk, whatever, NOT a movie, those have a tendency to make us more silent types not act in the heat of the moment - or act wrong) and well, don't wait for the right moment because it never comes, just go on impulse and hit her with something in the line of "Hey, you know what, we've been such good friends, we enjoy talking to each other so much, maybe we should attempt to take it a step further..." That sort of thing. That's what I told my girlfriend when I asked her :) It's not easy though, I know that, you seem to be in a place where i was, EVERYONE knows the girl is into you, BUT YOU. I remember one of my best friends telling me "she's totally into you", and I was like "shut up, we're just good friends", and even then, I had to go out with her in a series of dates for like a week until I was having problems sleeping, paying attention to my stuff etc and I told myself "dude, you're making yourself so tense that hearing a NO will be better than not knowing", and the answer was a "yes", Sunday we complete 2 years together :D
So give it a chance man, a "no" might hurt, but it's better than not knowing, and being the friend she is, IF a "no" shows up, it'll be soft and polite, and nothing will change ;)

PS: there is no such thing as "friends can't have a serious relationship", some people will tell you that, it's a lie. If you are friends with the one you love, than the foundations of trust and respect are ready, and that's VERY important.
 

Garrett

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You know, asking her out doesn't break her concept of "males and females can't be freinds". Because lovers can be friends. In fact I'd say it's rather desirable for lovers to be also friends (make sure to tell her that if she doesn't know yet). That's one. Two, do you think a simple question of "do you ever see us as lovers?" would really destroy anything? You soften the blow with nice prelude "You know, that two hour wait combined with taking long way home was pretty nice. I don't think friends do that. Are you a strange friends or looking for my D?"(of course feel free to modify it as different personalities will yield different results :p). I mean, come on, it's just a simple question. It shouldn't destroy anything. The good way, you move to next step. The "bad" way, things stay the same with possible short period of awkward (but if you really like each other it shouldn't last long). Simple and logical. I understand that women are not exceptionally strong at simple and logical but it can't be that bad, right?

Also, I wouldn't agree with all those that say that keeping things as they are is 100% chance to keep her around. If she happens to dig you more than a friend and you won't do anything even after she's obviously coming on at you ("Seriosuly, I'v waited 2 HOURS for him and he still didn't ask me out. Bloody wanker") the relationship may (may) suffer, even to the point of her getting bored of you. So I'd say it's 90-95% chance you'll get to keep her around if you won't do anything.

rasputin0009 said:
Off topic: Captcha just gave me a question in a language I don't recognize and I thought I was pretty worldly. Still uses the Roman alphabet, though. Accents on "z"s and "s"s? I'm not even sure if it's European or not. "Do czego zaprasza nowy mbank?"
That's Polish for "What is mBank inviting for?". Didn't know captcha is now multilanguage...
 

Morsomk_v1legacy

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Dude(prinny style), you really like this girl but it feels like to me that you're not getting the "I FUCKING LOVE THIS WOMAN" feeling yet. My suggestion would be to ask her about what she wants for her future, NOT DIRECTLY! Try to weave it into a conversation, ya'know, future talks, what you want out of life, that sort of thing.

Also, she seems like she is pretty independent, so if you get lucky, SHE asks you out on a date, meaning you don't have to go through this whole "the emotions inside of me are battling each other, I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I WANT!!!".

Either way, just take this steadily, there is no need to rush. You've got your whole life ahead of yourself.
 

thespyisdead

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This is the worst feeling ever! wanting for something more, but fearing that you will lose your friend...

i wish i had somekind of advice that is backed by experience, but she stabbed me in the back... was depressed for 4 months about it before i decided i have had enough of the depression and decided to forgive her, and right now we are just friends (and as far as i am concerned that's all we'll ever be)

All i am going to say is talk to her about it, but i know this advice is not that helpful, because talking about your feelings like that, especially while sober, feels stupid and pathetic and not something you should be doing

i truly wish i could be more helpful than that, but that's all i've got right now