"Well hi there cute girl in my class"

chuckman1

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So I am a college freshman and there's this super cute girl in my History class. There's about 30 people in the class. What is the acceptable way to talk to this girl? She sits about 2 seats away. What do I say to get the ball rolling, then hopefully I'd like to get her number?

What should I do?
 

Albino Boo

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The only real way to do this is to grid up you loins and introduce yourself. Hi my name is {chuckman1}, how do you like this class? Do not go up to her and say can I wear lederhosen and climb you. I tried that once, it didn't go well

Baffle said:
Is she two seats to the left or right? Which ever it is, call out to her using only the side of your mouth closest to her (I hope she isn't sitting behind you), because that way your teacher will not see you talking. Do be aware that talking this way will often add an 'sh', 'br' or 'ck' sound to everything you say, so maybe practise in the mirror. Definitely don't pass notes - I've seen it go wrong so many times (though only on the TV).

You might be better off having a chat (start with 'Hi, my name is [chuckman1]. Did you see the game last night?/How're you finding this class?). Don't try to engage her with conversation about the annoying traffic light order they've just introduced down the road, and whatever you do, don't open with 'You're cute and therefore I want to talk to you'. Whenever people do that to me (and, believe me, it happens all the time) I adopt my deepest, most Brian Blessed voice and I say 'Ah ha ha! But do you like the way I SOUND?'. Don't get many dates, which makes my wife pretty happy.

I really hope you don't meet this guy

 

Smooth Operator

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Find something in the lecture that you could talk about and go do that before or after class, all you need really.
But do be prepared to hold a conversation outside that topic or shit is going nowhere.
 

wilting

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Small steps. Don't focus so much on the girl, or make a big approach to her out of nowhere while ignoring everyone else. Instead be generally friendly/social and work her into it. Start with small friendly interactions, and build on them to get the specific interaction with her that you want.

I suggest a few things:

- Be generally friendly/social with the people sitting around you, and try to include her.
- Smile to and say hi to everyone sitting nearby as you as you come to class, including her.
- Ask all the people around you about something, or make a joke meant for everyone. Light hearted in the context of the class. I'm sure you have plenty of freshman things to talk about with each other, such as where people are living, where they are from, what clubs/societies they are interested in, what events are on that people want to go to etc.
- When the class is ending, ask people what they are doing next, or if they are planning anything fun for the weekend etc.
- Try to organize a group activity for the class (or just the people you get talking to) to get to know each other outside of the lecture (presumably a trip to the bar), and get talking to her there.

When you've had a few normal interactions with her, then you can start thinking about being more assertive with regard to pursuing her. Let it happen naturally rather than forcing it too fast.

Is seating fixed? Because if not, nothing stopping you sitting nearer to her.

Most importantly, don't build the whole thing up in your mind too much, just relax and have fun meeting new people.
 

Aramis Night

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Let's be realistic here for a moment. If she is super cute as you say she is, It's a pretty safe bet that she likely already has someone. If she doesn't, it's likely because she doesn't want one. Also if your thinking that about her, so is everyone else in the class. Unless you have something to offer her that everyone else in the room doesn't, you're wasting your time. If your acting this nervous about how to even address her, then it's because you understand deep down that she is out of your league. Your trepidation is a rational response. Don't let her become a preoccupation unless you enjoy grief and shame.

Besides. Depending on the state your in, it may be better to ignore her entirely to avoid getting caught up in anything that could lead to you getting kicked out of college. As has been demonstrated recently, all it takes is an accusation of wrong doing and your college life will be over. Don't hand that kind of power over you to anyone. Plenty of time for dating when college is over.
 

chuckman1

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Thank you everyone some of these tips help. I'm thinking I'll wait until after class.
Aramis Night said:
Let's be realistic here for a moment. If she is super cute as you say she is, It's a pretty safe bet that she likely already has someone. If she doesn't, it's likely because she doesn't want one. Also if your thinking that about her, so is everyone else in the class. Unless you have something to offer her that everyone else in the room doesn't, you're wasting your time. If your acting this nervous about how to even address her, then it's because you understand deep down that she is out of your league. Your trepidation is a rational response. Don't let her become a preoccupation unless you enjoy grief and shame.

Besides. Depending on the state your in, it may be better to ignore her entirely to avoid getting caught up in anything that could lead to you getting kicked out of college. As has been demonstrated recently, all it takes is an accusation of wrong doing and your college life will be over. Don't hand that kind of power over you to anyone. Plenty of time for dating when college is over.
I think you're a bit to pessimistic. But that's just my opinion.
 

renegade7

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In my experience, after class is one of the worst places to be trying to introduce yourself to a girl.

First, she might have other things on her mind than chatting with strangers. Remembering the lecture, getting to her next class, etc. You'll feel embarrassed if you try talking to her and it doesn't seem like she's all there.

Second, and this especially applies for a morning class, some people just do not give a crap if it's their only class in the morning. They roll out of bed, go to class, and then go straight back to bed. This means she might not be looking/feeling at her best and many people tend to shut down when they're feeling self-conscious.

Third, it makes it look to your professor like you're going to class to hit on girls, or that you're otherwise more interested in the pretty girl a few seats away than the lecture. If there were 200 students in your lecture, he might not notice. 30, and he's going to be able to perfectly tell who's paying attention and who isn't. If you're a freshman, you want to start getting the professors to like you much more than you should be worried about getting pretty girls to like you. College is full of pretty girls, but you're only in that class 45 minutes every other day. And, trust me, the girls you want anything to do with are the ones who like guys who are more interested in getting things done - be it classes, school clubs, what have you - than guys who seem to only be focused on women.

And lastly, you have no "in" with her. By that I mean you have no starting point for a conversation or let alone a relationship just by being in the same class. Trying to leverage that by making small talk about a class she may or may not be interested in will not work if you're not interested in the class either. Plus, people can smell duplicity like that a mile off.

The "secret" to dating in college, if there can really be said to be one, is to make yourself an interesting person and let women come into your life through the things you do rather than build up your life around deliberately trying to get girls to like you. Unless all you're looking for is noncommittal one-night stands, then all that strategy is going to get you is loneliness.

Aramis Night said:
Besides. Depending on the state your in, it may be better to ignore her entirely to avoid getting caught up in anything that could lead to you getting kicked out of college. As has been demonstrated recently, all it takes is an accusation of wrong doing and your college life will be over. Don't hand that kind of power over you to anyone. Plenty of time for dating when college is over.
Well, that's a little extreme. I wouldn't waste time being overly worried that she's going to rope you into some kind of bizarre rape accusation scheme.

Now, that said, some college girls are genuinely batshit insane (albeit of a much more mundane and less dramatic sort) and you do need to protect yourself. But that's no more difficult than not drinking with her until you trust her and know how well you handle alcohol, using protection, and not getting physical or otherwise serious until you can be sure she's not the "clingy" serial monogamist sort who is just trying to corral you into a relationship.
 

Smooth Operator

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renegade7 said:
The "secret" to dating in college, if there can really be said to be one, is to make yourself an interesting person and let women come into your life through the things you do rather than build up your life around deliberately trying to get girls to like you.
That is a nice life goal, but it takes time to get there and avoiding dating until then is just plain silly. No matter how well the lifestyle turns out you do still need social skills, especially when it comes to flirting and you don't get those without real world experience.
 

Chancie

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Literally, the best thing you can do is introduce yourself and start talking to her. Don't jump the gun and immediately ask if she wants to go on a date. Just talk to her, get to know her. It might be easier to break the ice with something about the class, and or maybe if there's any group work, you can try to pair up with her and it will be much easier to get to know her (that's how I met my boyfriend, and it was calming and took some of the awkwardness away). But yeah, that's about all you can do. Talk to her like you just want to learn who she is, not just so you can date her. I feel like maybe too many guys jump to wanting to date a girl, but being her friend first will get you SO much further.
I wish you the best of luck! It might be nerve-wracking, but just take the plunge and do it. It'll be better (even if it goes badly) than wondering "what if" if you do nothing. You never know where a simple hello can lead. :)
 

Smooth Operator

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Chancie said:
I feel like maybe too many guys jump to wanting to date a girl, but being her friend first will get you SO much further.
It does get you very far down the friendship path, where you remain until the end of time.
People who ask for dates get dates, people who play friendly get friends and they the end up all sorts of confused why the friendship thing didn't grow into a relationship when everyone has reassured them that is how it works...
 

Chancie

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Smooth Operator said:
Chancie said:
I feel like maybe too many guys jump to wanting to date a girl, but being her friend first will get you SO much further.
It does get you very far down the friendship path, where you remain until the end of time.
People who ask for dates get dates, people who play friendly get friends and they the end up all sorts of confused why the friendship thing didn't grow into a relationship when everyone has reassured them that is how it works...
It does work like that, actually. It's a little off-putting to have a complete stranger approach you and ask for a date. You don't know them. You have no reason to go on a date with them. I'm not saying to be their friend for 2+ years and THEN ask for a date (and then probably get upset that they say no). I'm saying, get to know them, get comfortable with them, make sure both of you have an idea of what the other person is like, and then ask for a date. You're way more likely to get a yes than if you just jumped right into it knowing only her name.
 

Lilani

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Smooth Operator said:
Chancie said:
I feel like maybe too many guys jump to wanting to date a girl, but being her friend first will get you SO much further.
It does get you very far down the friendship path, where you remain until the end of time.
People who ask for dates get dates, people who play friendly get friends and they the end up all sorts of confused why the friendship thing didn't grow into a relationship when everyone has reassured them that is how it works...
I'm going to have to second Chancie--I would never accept an offer to go on a date with a guy I don't know. Any stranger who introduces himself to me with romantic intentions automatically gets filed as a "creeper" in my mind. Perhaps some might go for that, but most women I know are the same way. You need to get to know them a little before asking for a date, otherwise you come off as threatening or skeezy.
 

Blitsie

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Just sit next to her one day (politely ask if the seat next to her is taken first though) and casually initiate conversation, talk about the class or mention something funny you noticed earlier or talk about whatever naturally comes to mind. If conversation flows nicely and you feel more comfortable with her after doing this for a few classes (preferably), ask for a coffee sometime then and whatever happens, happens from there on out.
 

Terminal Blue

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Smooth Operator said:
It does get you very far down the friendship path, where you remain until the end of time.
People who ask for dates get dates, people who play friendly get friends and they the end up all sorts of confused why the friendship thing didn't grow into a relationship when everyone has reassured them that is how it works...
Going up to someone you don't know and asking them for a date is basically saying "hey, I don't know anything about you, but your physical appearance makes me want to have intercourse with you and this is sufficient for me to want to spend time with you." It's the equivalent of sending out a bunch of cookie-cutter messages to people on online dating sites without reading their profiles.

What gets you nowhere is outright lying to people out of fear of rejection or internalized shame and expecting them to subsequently fall in love with you because you're being nice to them. That's not because people are secretly robots with only two rigidly programmed modes of operation, it's because doing that makes people assume you're deeply insecure.
 

NinjaSniperAssassin

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I have succeeded and failed at both the "become friends first" and "ask her out immediately" methods, so I really don't think there's any "right" way to do things. Having said that,

Blitsie said:
Just sit next to her one day (politely ask if the seat next to her is taken first though) and casually initiate conversation, talk about the class or mention something funny you noticed earlier or talk about whatever naturally comes to mind. If conversation flows nicely and you feel more comfortable with her after doing this for a few classes (preferably), ask for a coffee sometime then and whatever happens, happens from there on out.
This is the best way to meet someone in class. It doesn't involve ambushing her before or after, gives you a pretty solid intro (just start a conversation about the lecture), and doesn't involve you asking her out before she knows anything about you.
 

Jux

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evilthecat said:
Smooth Operator said:
It does get you very far down the friendship path, where you remain until the end of time.
People who ask for dates get dates, people who play friendly get friends and they the end up all sorts of confused why the friendship thing didn't grow into a relationship when everyone has reassured them that is how it works...
Going up to someone you don't know and asking them for a date is basically saying "hey, I don't know anything about you, but your physical appearance makes me want to have intercourse with you and this is sufficient for me to want to spend time with you." It's the equivalent of sending out a bunch of cookie-cutter messages to people on online dating sites without reading their profiles.

What gets you nowhere is outright lying to people out of fear of rejection or internalized shame and expecting them to subsequently fall in love with you because you're being nice to them. That's not because people are secretly robots with only two rigidly programmed modes of operation, it's because doing that makes people assume you're deeply insecure.
Gotta agree with this.

Introduce yourself OP, talk about the class. If she seems cool and you honestly think ya'll could click, eventually invite her to grab lunch/coffee with you on campus. I think that might be a good, neutral meeting place. There is a world of difference between trying to get to know someone and then expressing romantic interest in them (based on more than a superficial level) and 'trying to be her friend first with the express purpose of getting in her pants'. Take it from someone that walked that path in the past.
 

Smooth Operator

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Chancie said:
It does work like that, actually. It's a little off-putting to have a complete stranger approach you and ask for a date. You don't know them. You have no reason to go on a date with them. I'm not saying to be their friend for 2+ years and THEN ask for a date (and then probably get upset that they say no). I'm saying, get to know them, get comfortable with them, make sure both of you have an idea of what the other person is like, and then ask for a date. You're way more likely to get a yes than if you just jumped right into it knowing only her name.
Lilani said:
I'm going to have to second Chancie--I would never accept an offer to go on a date with a guy I don't know. Any stranger who introduces himself to me with romantic intentions automatically gets filed as a "creeper" in my mind. Perhaps some might go for that, but most women I know are the same way. You need to get to know them a little before asking for a date, otherwise you come off as threatening or skeezy.
evilthecat said:
Going up to someone you don't know and asking them for a date is basically saying "hey, I don't know anything about you, but your physical appearance makes me want to have intercourse with you and this is sufficient for me to want to spend time with you." It's the equivalent of sending out a bunch of cookie-cutter messages to people on online dating sites without reading their profiles.
That is what flirting and dating is for, establishing interest and getting to know the person who might or might not work out. It's not the start of the relationship.
If they aren't interested the matter is resolved right then and there, no dragging it out and people getting offended over how the other person is entitled to one imaginary bullshit or another, how they have been deceived all along, and who knows what else might come up...
 

Aramis Night

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evilthecat said:
Going up to someone you don't know and asking them for a date is basically saying "hey, I don't know anything about you, but your physical appearance makes me want to have intercourse with you and this is sufficient for me to want to spend time with you."
Have to agree with this. The last thing a woman will want to hear is anything so honest. They want presentation and a show, nothing direct and to the point.
 

Terminal Blue

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Aramis Night said:
Have to agree with this. The last thing a woman will want to hear is anything so honest. They want presentation and a show, nothing direct and to the point.
Well. No. What most adult women don't want is risk. Heck, the absolute best way to persuade anyone to do anything, sexual or otherwise, is to present a situation in which there are no foreseeable risks. The best way to do that is to have it be true.

Furthermore, randomly going up to someone and asking them for a date, or sending a cookie-cutter message on a dating site, isn't actually "honest" really, is it. It's a way of putting pressure on someone to respond to you, to take the risk and shoulder the responsibility of showing interest in you without actually giving away any information about yourself.

What would be far more honest would be to talk openly with someone and allow someone to see a little bit about you and then to ask them if they want to take it further. That may be the harder option, because if they say "no" it might feel more personal than if you'd just charged up to someone, asked them if they wanted a bang, been rejected and immediately rushed off to find someone else with a working vagina but hey.. honesty is difficult.

Seriously though, if you find it objectionable to spend any time with someone of the opposite sex without the confirmed possibility of sexual reward, I would actually suggest sucking it up and lying about that. Not just to women, but to everyone.