I broke up with my ex about 2 years ago, and have thought about her literally every day since the separation. Don't know what to do, really. I have tried everything from getting a new girlfriend, to being a womanizer, to just being alone and crying liquor, yet nothing helps the smallest bit. It's so weird, I have the same feeling in the body as when we were together, I can even think to myself "tomorrow I'll take the train and see her" and feel great, although I know she's long gone and I know I'll never see her again (we had a long distance-relationship that lasted 2 years). We broke-up due to a combination of my battle with clinical depression, frustration, teenage immaturity, jealousy, disapproving parents and lack of money. Looking back on it, I can?t really see how it could?ve turned out any other way, yet the longing won?t quit.
I sometimes perceive this torture as a sort of punishment for the hurtful and endlessly stupid things I said to her. But I don?t know, and either way, I seem to be the only one who?s affected. She appeared in the county newspaper after graduation, where she was interviewed along with her current boyfriend since 1½ years back (she got together with him a couple of months after we broke up). They said that they would spend the summer travelling together in China, then during autumn, winter and spring travelling through the U.S., and then shack when coming home to Sweden, which is interestingly what her parents did some years before they got married.
I haven?t heard from her in a year, she didn?t even send a message when I had my birthday. Don?t know what to think or feel about anything anymore, as I can?t really stop my brain from thinking about her. In the dead of night, suicide seems like reasonable resort, but I guess that would be a touch too extravagant, though it would certainly fix the problem.