Right, at a party yesterday I finally let my steam loose and told my closest friend(a girl) that I no longer would be at her side.
Now there is obviously a backstory here which I will go into now.
2years ago I fell in love with this girl, not a crush, we are talking madly in love, seeing a future kind of love. I've long wanted to marry her.
A year ago I spilled my beans a while after she broke up with her boyfriend; seeing as I loved her I stayed with her through her whole painful breakup.
She said she no longer had these kind of feelings for me and that she'd rather be friends, which I gladly said yes to, as I only told her about my love for her, cause I simply wanted her to know.
There was a certain problem though......
My mayor love for her, deemed me incapable of going against her in anything. I was the close friend that always was on her side.
Which meant that whenever she did something that angered me, I would quietly seal it behind a huge wall in my mind, while nodding at whatever she said.
That wall breached a week ago. It was an interesting experience as I finally told her what I meant about certain things she did to me and around me. She obviously didn't take too kindly to this.
Though after half a year of small fights every month, she decided not to give me the silent treatment for a week or two and instead respected my opinions and simply just said I was wrong.
With our friendship sort of restored again we went through the week without problems, up til yesterday.
Before I continue with this part I'd like to give some more info on why we were fighting a lot.
She obviously didn't feel to comfortable with me being madly in love with her, which she stated from time to time, though she also would say she was fine with it. I always suspected her of lying to me when she said that.
The thing that brought on the fights were the day when she spilled that she loved me, but that she was to afraid to weaken a already weak man(chronic disease and chronic depression(been through different institutions)).
Instead she started to date a person that used a whole year in primary school just to beat me up, she couldn't seem to understand why I hated him, even after telling her this.
So here comes the fights and certain outcries about her not wanting me to be there for her, yet she still came to me first whenever something happened.
I can't even count all the times she's cried at my shoulder.
The fights always consisted of her shouting at me about how I she didn't want me to be there for her, how I never was there for her and my love for her. Whenever I tried to get a word in, I was met by the silent treatment for days, weeks or even months.
Which as you can guess, was like going through hell for me.
So, back to yesterday.
While hanging out at school, she suddenly asked me to follow her to a certain place where we could talk under 4eyes(6 as I have glasses ^ ^).
There she tells me that I apparently have walked around telling people we're an item. After going through a year telling people I'm just her friend, you could say I was simply speechless when I heard this. The problem though was that I started laughing. It was just so damn silly, me the person that was piss afraid that she would leave me, I couldn't believe how she could even think the thought that I would say something like that.
Spreading rumours like that would be an obvious death sentence for our relationship.
So I told her to trust me, which she then stated that she didn't. Which left me even more baffled...
I thought I would have at least racked some trust this year, constantly staying at her side.
Apparently not.
Though I was still not going to lose her, so I decided not to say what was on my mind, and instead counted to 100 in my head. After calming down, I gave her a disappointed look and simply left.
3 hours later I left with her and another friend to a party.
Seeing as I'm a person afraid to speak my mind, you can say booze kindly tells my timid personality to go fu*k itself.
So 2hours in, after she comes out of a closed room with my friend, I let the booze handle the talking. 10minutes later she's screaming at me while I calmly state that I am no longer going to be her slave, as she apparently doesn't appreciate it.
I actually told her ''for once I'll not do as you say''
I've never seen her so angry.
After and hour of bickering back and forth we are both picked up by our parents.
And here I am today. Hungover and slightly irritated, finally deciding that I'm no longer going to keep up with this.
I would like to know if you guys and girls think I'm a bastard for what I do...
And I'd gladly answer questions if you feel you need more information.
EDIT:
Apparently people seem to think I'm simply hating her current boyfriend cause he is together with her.
That is wrong, I hate him cause he dedicated a whole year of his life beating me up simply cause I had long hair...
I had to cut my hair short, for him to actually stop and instead threaten me.
Ever since that he has been a complete ass to me.
Hence why I hate him.
Now there is obviously a backstory here which I will go into now.
2years ago I fell in love with this girl, not a crush, we are talking madly in love, seeing a future kind of love. I've long wanted to marry her.
A year ago I spilled my beans a while after she broke up with her boyfriend; seeing as I loved her I stayed with her through her whole painful breakup.
She said she no longer had these kind of feelings for me and that she'd rather be friends, which I gladly said yes to, as I only told her about my love for her, cause I simply wanted her to know.
There was a certain problem though......
My mayor love for her, deemed me incapable of going against her in anything. I was the close friend that always was on her side.
Which meant that whenever she did something that angered me, I would quietly seal it behind a huge wall in my mind, while nodding at whatever she said.
That wall breached a week ago. It was an interesting experience as I finally told her what I meant about certain things she did to me and around me. She obviously didn't take too kindly to this.
Though after half a year of small fights every month, she decided not to give me the silent treatment for a week or two and instead respected my opinions and simply just said I was wrong.
With our friendship sort of restored again we went through the week without problems, up til yesterday.
Before I continue with this part I'd like to give some more info on why we were fighting a lot.
She obviously didn't feel to comfortable with me being madly in love with her, which she stated from time to time, though she also would say she was fine with it. I always suspected her of lying to me when she said that.
The thing that brought on the fights were the day when she spilled that she loved me, but that she was to afraid to weaken a already weak man(chronic disease and chronic depression(been through different institutions)).
Instead she started to date a person that used a whole year in primary school just to beat me up, she couldn't seem to understand why I hated him, even after telling her this.
So here comes the fights and certain outcries about her not wanting me to be there for her, yet she still came to me first whenever something happened.
I can't even count all the times she's cried at my shoulder.
The fights always consisted of her shouting at me about how I she didn't want me to be there for her, how I never was there for her and my love for her. Whenever I tried to get a word in, I was met by the silent treatment for days, weeks or even months.
Which as you can guess, was like going through hell for me.
So, back to yesterday.
While hanging out at school, she suddenly asked me to follow her to a certain place where we could talk under 4eyes(6 as I have glasses ^ ^).
There she tells me that I apparently have walked around telling people we're an item. After going through a year telling people I'm just her friend, you could say I was simply speechless when I heard this. The problem though was that I started laughing. It was just so damn silly, me the person that was piss afraid that she would leave me, I couldn't believe how she could even think the thought that I would say something like that.
Spreading rumours like that would be an obvious death sentence for our relationship.
So I told her to trust me, which she then stated that she didn't. Which left me even more baffled...
I thought I would have at least racked some trust this year, constantly staying at her side.
Apparently not.
Though I was still not going to lose her, so I decided not to say what was on my mind, and instead counted to 100 in my head. After calming down, I gave her a disappointed look and simply left.
3 hours later I left with her and another friend to a party.
Seeing as I'm a person afraid to speak my mind, you can say booze kindly tells my timid personality to go fu*k itself.
So 2hours in, after she comes out of a closed room with my friend, I let the booze handle the talking. 10minutes later she's screaming at me while I calmly state that I am no longer going to be her slave, as she apparently doesn't appreciate it.
I actually told her ''for once I'll not do as you say''
I've never seen her so angry.
After and hour of bickering back and forth we are both picked up by our parents.
And here I am today. Hungover and slightly irritated, finally deciding that I'm no longer going to keep up with this.
I would like to know if you guys and girls think I'm a bastard for what I do...
And I'd gladly answer questions if you feel you need more information.
EDIT:
Apparently people seem to think I'm simply hating her current boyfriend cause he is together with her.
That is wrong, I hate him cause he dedicated a whole year of his life beating me up simply cause I had long hair...
I had to cut my hair short, for him to actually stop and instead threaten me.
Ever since that he has been a complete ass to me.
Hence why I hate him.
