What if...you could speak to the world or at least the Nation for five minutes?

[Angelblaze]

Just an idea. If you had the entire world population's undivided attention - or at least your home nation's attention - for five brief minutes, with every man woman and child paying attention to every last word you had to say, what would you take the time to talk about?

World peace? Comedy? Happiness?

I personally would just be happy with talking to the entirety of the U.S. and take the time to tell them how much of an annoying buzz word the word 'agenda' is, with additional time to note that nowhere in the bible does it say (word for word at least) that God Hates -insert any LGBT movement group name here-.

(Sorry, I know I kind of slipped into RandP there)

Then I would push for the global eradication of spiders.

Because fuck spiders.

 

[shrekfan246]

"This is God. Yes, I have a North-Eastern American accent. I'm just calling to let you know that all of your religions are incorrect. In fact, humans were a mistake. Spiders were supposed to be the dominant species, but due to an unforeseen complication during programming they were released at a mere hundredth of their intended sizes... I patched arachnophobia into humans to try compensating, but it doesn't appear to have done the job as well as I had hoped.

Oh yeah, remember that game The Sims? Yeah, that's what you are. Quite frankly, I'm amazed that you managed to make something so meta, but I can't fault your ingenuity.

Now, I don't have a lot of time left--You wouldn't believe the long-distance charges on calling Earth--but I felt compelled to warn you that cats and dogs are plotting together. I'm sure some of you have anticipated this for years, but cats have been integrating themselves deeper and higher into society over the years, sinking their claws in to gain a good pawfold before unleashing their army of dog muscle on the unsuspecting population of humans. But don't panic; Taking strides to actively oppose them will just tip them off that you've been informed and they'll enact their plan right away!

Being the benevolent progenitor I am, I'm going to let you know how to identify the uprising, and what steps you can take to fight it. You'll know it's begun when--"

And that's when I cut off.

 

[Eddie the head]

I would give the time to Neil Degrasse Tyson. I am not that articulate.

 

[madwarper]

I'd recite Service's The Cremation of Sam McGee. Love that poem.

 

[Realitycrash]

I'd probably be terrified. Yeah, I'd really have no idea what to say, so I would stutter a bit, then go into lame comedy.
When I run out of shitty jokes, and I'm still sober, and I'd try to inspire hope or something.
Talk to people how the world is getting better every decade - for it is - and compare it to the middle-ages.

 

[FalloutJack]

Five minutes would never be enough.

I'm planning on writing a fucking BOOK which could be essentially based on this premise.

 

[Neverhoodian]

I'm not sure I could top the great Charlie Chaplain:
Would it be a cop-out to say I would just play this?

Okay fine, I'll play along.

If I was to address the entire world, I would try to hit on similar points as Chaplain, but I would put more of an emphasis on combating cynicism and intolerance. Religious fanatics, stop trying to force your beliefs on other people. Fanatical atheists/agnostics, stop attacking religious people simply because they believe in a god or gods. In general, stop trying put everything into an "us vs. them" mindset. Step back, take a deep breath, and try to see where the other side is coming from. Basically, let's all try to act like the progressive, civilized human beings we like to say we are.

If I was to address my country (U.S.), I would have some choice words to say about the increased surveillance and holding terror suspects without trial. I would be sure to include Ben Franklin's gem of a quote about those that give up essential liberty for temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. I would also talk about how our time as a superpower is coming to a close, and we have to learn to bow out gracefully instead of kicking and screaming like we currently are. Also, I'd mention how the two party system is becoming increasingly dysfunctional and partisan, and suggest a European-style parliament as an alternative.

 

[Catfood220]

*Walks onto the stage, takes his place behind the podium, looks down at the papers before him, shuffles them before looking up and clearing his throat. He speaks*

"People of the world, stop being such dicks to each other."

*Walks off the stage to shocked silence and a few isolated groups of people clapping. Two weeks later, world peace is achieved.*

 

[SirDeadly]

I'm not sure I could top the great Charlie Chaplain:
Would it be a cop-out to say I would just play this?

Ninja'd!

I would recite that speech word for word because I still think it's quite relevant today. I would then use the remaining time to say something to a certain person.

 

[Wolf In A Bear Suit]

I would probably just quote this Covers a lot of things that irritate me in the world. Pip is great for epic quotes by the way. You can pretty much sound intelligent by quoting him for your whole life.

 

[sanquin]

First talk about Christians, and how there's nothing specifically against LGBT people in there. And that religious organizations should finally just get the hell out of politics as they don't belong there. Then I would talk about how everyone needs to wake the fuck up for once. That the governments of the world are all corrupt to some degree, some more than others. And that the government has no power unless the people give it to them. That there needs to be real change for the better for once, rather than politicians giving empty promises and only screwing the people over more and more. To stop letting 1984 from slowly happening to us all, and act before it's too late.

And that's about it I think.

 

[KeyMaster45]

with additional time to note that nowhere in the bible does it say (word for word at least) that God Hates -insert any LGBT movement group name here

No, it does not say that word for word but it does have two particular lines that the christian stance on homosexuality are drawn from. (at least the most famous ones anyway, there's a whole wiki article on this and it's quite fascinating)

18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. (Leviticus 18:22 KJV)

20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13 KJV)

Personally I'd call that an open and shut case for the bible's stance on homosexual relationships.

Now I cannot stress this enough, but I do not agree with this[footnote]Inevitably, however, someone will think I do.[/footnote]. It's a misconception that the bible doesn't have anything to say about same sex relationships and I think it helps that this is cleared up for people; christians didn't just pull that particular religious rule out of their ass.

Come to think of it, I'd probably use my time trying to clear that point of discussion in the argument up. After all, the first step to a healthy argument is understanding where your opponent is coming from.

 

[krazykidd]

Nothing . There is nothing worth telling the world . We are beyond saving at this point .

I'd probably say something like: "i came here ready with a speech about how we need to work together are as the human race for the better good. Then realised it's pointless and a waste of breath ." Then walk off.

 

[Ross Tuddin]

I'd Like to get the people of Australia to elect some people with sense at the next Federal Election, instead of the joke of political leaders that we are stuck with.

also that Australia was founded on the principals of giving everyone a fair go. So maybe we should start giving people that chance and not persecuting them because there are other people in the world with extremist views on religion, their heritage, or their life choices.

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

"The only way to avoid WWIII is to reduce the population drastically. So, depressed teenagers, go for it! Everyone else, stop making babies goddammit."

 

[Angelblaze]

with additional time to note that nowhere in the bible does it say (word for word at least) that God Hates -insert any LGBT movement group name here

No, it does not say that word for word but it does have two particular lines that the christian stance on homosexuality are drawn from. (at least the most famous ones anyway, there's a whole wiki article on this and it's quite fascinating)

18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. (Leviticus 18:22 KJV)

20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13 KJV)

Personally I'd call that an open and shut case for the bible's stance on homosexual relationships.

Now I cannot stress this enough, but I do not agree with this[footnote]Inevitably, however, someone will think I do.[/footnote]. It's a misconception that the bible doesn't have anything to say about same sex relationships and I think it helps that this is cleared up for people; christians didn't just pull that particular religious rule out of their ass.

Come to think of it, I'd probably use my time trying to clear that point of discussion in the argument up. After all, the first step to a healthy argument is understanding where your opponent is coming from.

NOTE....GETTING REALLY RANDP UPINHERE...

Spoiler

Saying that God said what you were doing is wrong is one thing - telling them that 'God hates you but loves us' is a whole other thing entirely. Hell look up some of the things the WBC has done in the past years and tell me how Proverbs 6:16 through 6:19 is not rolling in its meta-physical grave right about now. What these guys are doing is something completely else that violates the very rules they claim to hold up so high...

In addition they don't have the right to suppress the free will of these men and women who want to make their relationships a valid and official thing. God never said suppress the Gays or beat the gays or hurt the gays. In fact, since a good majority of Christians are following the New Covenant...the gays should technically be fine.

Now allow me to stress the following for those out there who are jumping in...: A good majority of us see where the fuck they are coming from. This does not make some of the shit they are doing ok, it does not make the suppression of free will, love and romance ok and it is a fucking waste of time.

In some Ancient cultures it was punishable by death - just like the Lord said, but they were still doing it then. Picketing the funerals of innocent children killed in Sandy Hook (most of which probably didn't even know what 'Gay' was mind you) and screaming to emotionally hurt parents that 'This happened because of Gay Marriage' certainly isn't going to stop them and if - and lets just generalize here I apologize - all homosexuals really were the sinful, disgusting and vile parts of humanity like they say they are, this would only serve to spur them on.

If half these 'Christians' spent half the money they spend on making sure gay marriage doesn't happen on improving the quality of living in Africa we may be worth the heaven we claim we are going to.

Also, no one follows Levi under New Conv.
Goat's blood is not something your New Testament Christian deals with.

I'd probably use my five minutes over the course of years if I could. Just suddenly scream 'STOP' in the minds of every individual in the world. Just think about the shitstorms I could make and all the weird places people would stop at and start looking around wildly like 'Omfg where the fuck did that come from!?!?'

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I'd ask if anyone would like to offer me a job. I have nothing insightful to say. I need a job though!

 

[IshimaruHayato]

"I will see to the extermination of all call of duty games, anyone who disagrees will be deported for the country"

 

[lacktheknack]

"Something controversial."

Just those two words, just to see if it turns into something controversial.

I'm not very articulate.