"This is God. Yes, I have a North-Eastern American accent. I'm just calling to let you know that all of your religions are incorrect. In fact, humans were a mistake. Spiders were supposed to be the dominant species, but due to an unforeseen complication during programming they were released at a mere hundredth of their intended sizes... I patched arachnophobia into humans to try compensating, but it doesn't appear to have done the job as well as I had hoped.
Oh yeah, remember that game
The Sims? Yeah, that's what you are. Quite frankly, I'm amazed that you managed to make something so meta, but I can't fault your ingenuity.
Now, I don't have a lot of time left--You wouldn't believe the long-distance charges on calling Earth--but I felt compelled to warn you that cats and dogs are plotting together. I'm sure some of you have anticipated this for years, but cats have been integrating themselves deeper and higher into society over the years, sinking their claws in to gain a good pawfold before unleashing their army of dog muscle on the unsuspecting population of humans. But don't panic; Taking strides to actively oppose them will just tip them off that you've been informed and they'll enact their plan right away!
Being the benevolent progenitor I am, I'm going to let you know how to identify the uprising, and what steps you can take to fight it. You'll know it's begun when--"
And that's when I cut off.