What if...you could speak to the world or at least the Nation for five minutes?

llew

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Sep 9, 2009
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I would probably spend the time stating just how much i despise the majority of humanity and would like nothing better than to see them burn and how i would do it with an honest to god smile on my face, i might also point out that unless we stop being total twat baskets to each other and try helping each other out for reasons other than "profit" i have absolutely no hope for the coming future. Then once someone says something along the lines of "huh? what are you on about?" i will simply reply fuck this and hang up.
 

shootthebandit

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May 20, 2009
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Id simply tell people to have more fun and relax a little. Everyone seems to be so wrapped up in their own life and what others expect them to do. People should learn to relax and chill out
 

IllumInaTIma

Flesh is but a garment!
Feb 6, 2012
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"Hey, hey guys. So, you know that Pacific Rim movie? That movie where whole world unites together to fend off global threat? You should take examples from that movie. And probably go see it, because it's gonna be good. So, Pacific Rim, next friday, be united. Ok? Ok, good."
 

DragonStorm247

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Mar 5, 2012
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I'd like to stress the importance of logic and reasoning, promoting rational thinking in the world. But I would need much more than five minutes to accomplish that.

Given only five minutes? Under that time frame I might just have enough for some shamelessly blatant self promotion of the game I've been working on (https://www.facebook.com/FateMasters). Petty, I know, but if you're gonna try and shift people on an ideological level, you're gonna need a lot of time.
 

rutger5000

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Oct 19, 2010
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Something along of the lines of this.
THINK !! Please I beg you for just five minutes think and mediate about how you participate in the global society and how you tread your fellow man. Don't let your thought be poluted by the dogmas that has been indoctrinated to you, but think with your own mind. Allow yourself to doubt your believes be they of religous, moral, or scientific nature, and rekindle your human curiousity and need for growth. No philosophy nor it's followers can grow if believes go undoubted and undiscussed. And this halt of growth can only lead to decay, or worse corruption. So for just five minutes I beg you think, mediate, and most importantly doubt.
 

rutger5000

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Oct 19, 2010
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KeyMaster45 said:
Angelblaze said:
with additional time to note that nowhere in the bible does it say (word for word at least) that God Hates -insert any LGBT movement group name here
No, it does not say that word for word but it does have two particular lines that the christian stance on homosexuality are drawn from. (at least the most famous ones anyway, there's a whole wiki article on this and it's quite fascinating)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bible_and_homosexuality said:
18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. (Leviticus 18:22 KJV)

20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13 KJV)
Personally I'd call that an open and shut case for the bible's stance on homosexual relationships.

Now I cannot stress this enough, but I do not agree with this[footnote]Inevitably, however, someone will think I do.[/footnote]. It's a misconception that the bible doesn't have anything to say about same sex relationships and I think it helps that this is cleared up for people; christians didn't just pull that particular religious rule out of their ass.

Come to think of it, I'd probably use my time trying to clear that point of discussion in the argument up. After all, the first step to a healthy argument is understanding where your opponent is coming from.
That really depends on what you classyfy as the bible. Personally I think people who're against gay marriage because of this part of the bible should be punished in some way or another. For Leviticus can not in anyway be considered to be a source of moral wisdom or a moral guide line. Those who honestly do think so are very dangerous people, and pose a infinetly larger threat to the society they participate in than homosexuality ever possibly could.
Grouping people who follow Leviticus and normal sane Christains together in the same group is very unfair to Chirstians
 

rutger5000

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Oct 19, 2010
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sanquin said:
First talk about Christians, and how there's nothing specifically against LGBT people in there. And that religious organizations should finally just get the hell out of politics as they don't belong there. Then I would talk about how everyone needs to wake the fuck up for once. That the governments of the world are all corrupt to some degree, some more than others. And that the government has no power unless the people give it to them. That there needs to be real change for the better for once, rather than politicians giving empty promises and only screwing the people over more and more. To stop letting 1984 from slowly happening to us all, and act before it's too late.

And that's about it I think.
1984 scares me, but not as much the ammount of hatred humans can show to each other or the disrespect to nature and power.
 

RJ 17

The Sound of Silence
Nov 27, 2011
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Depends, really. I'd likely just tell them to fuck off and play some music for the rest of the time, it's not like they'd care about what I said to begin with. I'd just be some crazy voice from the sky (or whatever), why should they pay attention to me?

Now, if I was guaranteed that they WOULD listen and actually heed my advice, I'd urge the world to promote fiscally conservative agendas while also implementing socially liberal policies.
 

Dascylus

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May 22, 2010
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Eddie the head said:
I would give the time to Neil Degrasse Tyson. I am not that articulate.
I'm ok with pooling together and giving him 10...
Anyone else in on this?
If we can get enough of us together we might get a whole day where not a single member of the Fox "news" (read bullshit) team says a single thing all day.
Can we choose that day to coincide with the day or the day following the next major tragedy? Not that I'm in a hurry for any more tragedy in this world but I would like people to reflect on genuine true responses to these events rather than seeking blame or using it to highlight the flaws in political opponents.

Wait, Mr Tyson may have to forego my 5 minutes.

Dear World...
 

Gormech

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May 10, 2012
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Option 1:
*static* Hey everyone! I just found out how to turn on global chat. Whoooooo! So yea ... Didn't really think of what to say past that point. Hm ... *Gangnam Style playing* ... *static* Oh s*** oh sh** crap crap crap *other voice* WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE! *back to first voice* sh** sh** sh** *static again*


Option 2:
*with my car running* Yea, I'd like a McDouble, hold the lettuce, hold the onions ... Ya know what, just make it plain. Also, can I get a large fry, and um ... what were the drink choices again? *wait a few seconds* Okay, I'll take a large sprite and one of the medium oreo McFlurries. *wait a few seconds before revving the engine*

Option 3:
It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.
 

Morsomk_v1legacy

RUMBA RUMBA RUMBA RUMBA RUMBA
Jan 30, 2013
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Well...Probably something along these lines

"Aww yeah, I just hacked this maddafucking planet! Whazzap people of the earth? I'm your new pimp and that makes all of you, including you Asia, my *****! First off, this war thing? Not working out. You need to stop that shit! It aint fun when people die in war and their families can't grieve over their losses because you are shooting them in the head. Also, America? Get a new goverment that actually gives a shit about the nation and not about your own benefits.

Other then that? ((this part here, could be anything on the lines of)) GET A JOB! or INVENT MAGIC NOW! or I WANT PEOPLE ON THE FUCKING MOON!

I'm out!...Ohh and uhh...I'll blow everyone up if the demands are not kept up!"

Just bullshit around it is what I would do.


also
IllumInaTIma said:
"Hey, hey guys. So, you know that Pacific Rim movie? That movie where whole world unites together to fend off global threat? You should take examples from that movie. And probably go see it, because it's gonna be good. So, Pacific Rim, next friday, be united. Ok? Ok, good."
PAAAAAAAAAAACIIIIIIIIIIIFIIIIIIIIIC RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM! I WANT IT NOW! IN MY EYES! IN MAH BRAIN! FOR FUCK SAKE FRIDAY JUST START ALREADY!
 

EeveeElectro

Cats.
Aug 3, 2008
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STOP BEING DICKS TO EACH OTHER. Let people marry who they want, think what they want, wear what they want. Are they being malicious and hateful to others? If the answer is 'aww hell no disembodied voice!' why won't you let them on their merry way and they'll leave you alone too. No one has the right to push their ways on others so just keep yourselves to yourselves or so help me God I'll turn this car around!
Keep it legal, keep it nice. Don't fuck around with someone's heart because everytime you do that little pot of bad karma is gonna fill and break one day.

And to play us out, Iron Maiden.
 

Nurb

Cynical bastard
Dec 9, 2008
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No point.

Nothing anyone could say would make a bit of difference.
 

Wyes

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Aug 1, 2009
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As others have already posted the clip from The Dictator, I'll have to follow it up with Sagan's The Pale Blue Dot;


I'd like to believe that Sagan would convince them to pay attention for that extra 35 seconds.

(Also not the best PBD video I've seen, but it's not too bad).
 

ninjaRiv

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Aug 25, 2010
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I'd write something similar to the Fight Club speech and that Charlie Chaplin one (Just heard it for the first time while not under the influence. Very powerful speaker, very cool speech).
 

Frybird

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Jan 7, 2008
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"Hey guys, i'm from the Future, 188 years to be exact...just here to tell you how much fun we are making about your stupid little arguments. It's hilarious. The older ones of us are also still kinda angry that they had to clean up your mess.

Oh and: August 2nd, 2017. Be prepared"
 

latiasracer

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Jul 7, 2011
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I'd be polite.



"Alright chaps, well, gosh, if you could like, Stop shooting one another, and, well, blimey, umm if you could also stop breeding quiiiiiiiiite as much, that'd be, well, smashing."


Then, After i single handily brought peace to the middle east and solved the worlds population problem, I'd suggest that we all start building spaceships and stuff.

I'm sure it'd work out just like that.
 

Zanderinfal

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Nov 21, 2009
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I'd probably do a speech similar to this, as this video is my inspiration on alot of things about life.
Philosophy is one of my favorite subjects, especially regarding social and political issues.

RIP Charlie Chaplin, you glorious bastard :')
 

Torrasque

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Aug 6, 2010
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shrekfan246 said:
"This is God. Yes, I have a North-Eastern American accent. I'm just calling to let you know that all of your religions are incorrect. In fact, humans were a mistake. Spiders were supposed to be the dominant species, but due to an unforeseen complication during programming they were released at a mere hundredth of their intended sizes... I patched arachnophobia into humans to try compensating, but it doesn't appear to have done the job as well as I had hoped.

Oh yeah, remember that game The Sims? Yeah, that's what you are. Quite frankly, I'm amazed that you managed to make something so meta, but I can't fault your ingenuity.

Now, I don't have a lot of time left--You wouldn't believe the long-distance charges on calling Earth--but I felt compelled to warn you that cats and dogs are plotting together. I'm sure some of you have anticipated this for years, but cats have been integrating themselves deeper and higher into society over the years, sinking their claws in to gain a good pawfold before unleashing their army of dog muscle on the unsuspecting population of humans. But don't panic; Taking strides to actively oppose them will just tip them off that you've been informed and they'll enact their plan right away!

Being the benevolent progenitor I am, I'm going to let you know how to identify the uprising, and what steps you can take to fight it. You'll know it's begun when--"

And that's when I cut off. :D
LOOOOOOOOOOL

That is pretty good, lol. My idea to play Rick Astley followed by Trololo isn't nearly as good as yours.
Eddie the head said:
I would give the time to Neil Degrasse Tyson. I am not that articulate.
I second this.
 

6unn3r

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Aug 12, 2008
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Or somthing to that effect, see how shit scared i can make the planet in the five minutes after that. Or following it with a perfect rendition of HMS Pinafore...? Im torn between malevolence and a hearty song about duty...