What is everyones favorite Cave Johnson quote?

[teh_v]

I've been watching my friend play portal 2 and I just can't get over all the great Cave Johnson lines. What's everyone favorite lines? Mine so far is

"Your a maverick like me, someone over at HR said I couldn't fire a man cause he was in a wheelchair, you know what? I fired him anyways, ramps are expensive."

 

[tthor]

too many to keep track of~

 

[Catalyst6]

Cave Johnson is in the game itself?

YES. THANK YOU.

While I haven't played the game yet, I do love the line from the boots commercial.

"I won't lie to you, it's expensive as hell..."

 

[Xannieros]

"When life gives you lemons, burn life's house down."
I loved that whole part with him talking about When life gives you lemons.

 

[Chairman Kaga]

Yeah, every line in this game (like the original) is comedy gold, but the lemon bit actually forced me to pause the game, because I couldn't see where I was running. Because of the tears from laughing so hard.

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!"

And then GLaDOS inciting the mob while all that is going: "Yeah! YEAH! BURNING PEOPLE! HE SAYS WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING!" Classic.

 

[tommy15994]

Ninja'd on lemons, but another personal favourite is

"When I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face"

 

[CptRumGuy]

Oh don't make me pick...

The ones mentioned are all top-notch. I also liked, "The lab boys here told me I should stop making all these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: Make more pre-recorded messages!"

Like I mentioned in another of these forums: I like how they put up his portrait around the levels, but every time he talks, I can only picture Jameson (from Spiderman) sitting at his desk yelling at people.

 

[Tulks]

"That is not a panel. That's a crusher. We sell them too."

 

[penguindude42]

Oh don't make me pick...

The ones mentioned are all top-notch. I also liked, "The lab boys here told me I should stop making all these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: Make more pre-recorded messages!"

Like I mentioned in another of these forums: I like how they put up his portrait around the levels, but every time he talks, I can only picture Jameson (from Spiderman) sitting at his desk yelling at people.

Oh god, that last part gave me such a silly mental image.

"PARKER! Get me some pictures of Chell!"

-TOM

 

[Mysten]

"Those of you who volunteered to be injected praying mantis DNA, I have some good news and some bad news: bad news is we've postponed these test indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men! Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line.

You'll know when the test starts."

 

[Kevonovitch]

Yeah, every line in this game (like the original) is comedy gold, but the lemon bit actually forced me to pause the game, because I couldn't see where I was running. Because of the tears from laughing so hard.

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!"

And then GLaDOS inciting the mob while all that is going: "Yeah! YEAH! BURNING PEOPLE! HE SAYS WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING!" Classic.

this XD

 

[Pedro The Hutt]

"I want Portals Parker! Portals to catch that menace Spider-Man!"

I also really liked the quote about the blue gel. "I've got some advice from the boys down in the lab for those of you who got covered in the repulsion gel" *paper rustling* "Do not get covered in the repulsion gel. We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is, but it's a lively one and it doesn't like the human skeleton."

or

"Just a heads up, we're gonna have a super conductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test, I'll be honest with you, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do, probably nothing! Best case scenario, you might get some super powers. Worst case scenario, you might get some tumors, which we'll cut out."

And of course.
"Cave Johnson, we're done here."

 

[razelas]

Yeah, every line in this game (like the original) is comedy gold, but the lemon bit actually forced me to pause the game, because I couldn't see where I was running. Because of the tears from laughing so hard.

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!"

And then GLaDOS inciting the mob while all that is going: "Yeah! YEAH! BURNING PEOPLE! HE SAYS WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING!" Classic.

this XD

"Those of you who volunteered to be injected praying mantis DNA, I have some good news and some bad news: bad news is we've postponed these test indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men! Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line.

You'll know when the test starts."

This.

Also: "This first test involves something the lab boys call repulsion gel. You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son-of-a-gun got blue paint. Hahaha... All joking aside that did happen. Broke every bone in his legs. Tragic... but informative. Or so I'm told."

 

[Bezz_Ad]

Well, because someone already said the lemon rant.

"If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen."

 

[Rub My Penguin]

"All these science spheres are made of asbestos by the way, keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breathe, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping, because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos."

Epicness <3

 

[Mute52]

"I've got some advice about getting covered in the propulsion gel.... do not get covered in the propulsion gel."

"And unless you were wearing lead underpants while sitting in one of our lobby chairs, we took care of that too":

 

[Legendairy314]

"If you have to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests please let a test associate know; because in all likelihood anything that comes out of you is gonna be coal. Only temporary so do not worry. If it persists for a week though then start worrying and come see us because that's not supposed to happen."

Also him explaining how they were going to reduce the amount of water in the human body by half by blasting you with a jet engine was pretty good too.

 

[sgt. soap mctavish]

"Way to go boots." - Cave Johnson (We're done here.)

 

[loc978]

Took me awhile to find one that hadn't been posted already... they're all equally awesome in my eyes.
Here ya go:
Alright, we're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now this doesn't work with all skin types... so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.

 

[Drakmorg]

Since everyone else picked most of the best ones from the actual game I'm going to go with:

"Plus, we fire the whole bullet, that's 65% more bullet, per bullet."