What to do about a friend that constantly challenges your opinion on things?

[PFCboom]

-snip-
Out of curiosity, I took a look at your profile, which suggests that you're 29, meaning your friend would be 39 or so. I'm pretty sure age is a factor here, though I'm not sure why. Maybe his age is creeping up on him and he's lashing out at people significantly than him - say, 10 years or so? - to make himself feel better. That's just a wild guess, though.

Funny you should say that. No, I'm the senior in this case.

Oh wow... I don't know what made me assume it was the other way around, but knowing the friend is 19 makes things a lot easier to understand. I think what we have here is a case of "I'm (almost?) out of high school and therefore much smarter and more mature than I was not too long ago and can argue every little thing" syndrome. Or, if you want the short version, he's just a smart-ass. It's really that simple.
Again, just a wild guess, but I think by now enough people have weighed in with roughly the same prognosis to make it a very good wild guess.

 

[wulf3n]

No, it would still be sexist if a woman said it.

By your logic, Samuel L. Jackson's character in Django wasn't racist.

I don't remember his character well enough argue for or against, but I do know you've misinterpreted what I said, because you seemed to be reiterating the point that I made

a sexist statement will be sexist regardless of the gender that's saying it.

The issue here is the statement "Woman are a gift from God" is not sexist, however because the OP is male people are inferring that he meant [unintentionally or not] That women are a gift from god to him [or man in general]. Now if the OP was a woman people would have inferred something else, probably something about women bettering earth while men destroy it.

Because of the difference of inference I argue that the statement itself is not sexist.

 

[McMullen]

I think both of you could benefit from rethinking some things.

He sounds like his heart is in the right place, but doesn't understand how to be tactful or choose his battles. He also sounds like he's a lot more enthusiastic about examining the flaws of others than his own. Hopefully he'll learn.

On the other hand, it may help you to remember that there is a separation between you and your opinions; a disagreement with what you think does not imply an attack on you personally. If it did, then we would all be secretly at war with each other. Indeed, go to any group of people who have trouble separating themselves from their ideas, and you will see that they really do treat each other as enemies. Academic institutions crippled by vicious politics, or internet forums for that matter, are great examples of this.

A far healthier, cooperative environment exists when there is respect for difference of opinion, as well as openness to the idea that one's own opinions might not reflect reality.

 

[wulf3n]

We're not reiterating the same point.

You're arguing that it's not sexist because if a woman said it it would somehow not be sexist, or people might not tell her it's sexist.

No I'm arguing the phrase itself is not sexist, because the phrase by itself contains nothing sexist within it. The "sexism" comes from the inferences people are making based on the gender of the OP.

You're trying to infer that people are only telling him it's sexist because he happens to be a male, but people are telling him it's sexist because it simply is.

No people are telling him it's sexist because they're adding their own bias and think he's saying something that he hasn't actually said.

Here's a little experiment. Explain how the phrase "Woman are a gift from God" is sexist without inferring anything that was not said.

 

[Mr Companion]

He sounds a little pretentious. Never mind he is probably just going through a phase or something. When he challenges you just respond with how you feel as best you can and don't fall for his reaction-mongering.

 

[Seneschal]

Most of the suggestions here are immensely confrontational, dishonest, or dismissive of either him or you, mostly him because the OP was from your perspective. I agree with the ones suggesting you have a sensible heart-to-heart with him and make him understand that it's sad and exhausting how every chat turns into a fight. If he refuses to be considerate and insists on aggravating you, it's safe to say you're just a chew toy to him, not a friend. No loss there.

However, if he agrees to be more considerate, it means he does want to keep you as a friend. But don't expect him to just be a light-amusement-dispenser that laughs at your jokes; you might have meet him half-way. He can't be the only one willing to change to make your friendship work, otherwise you're the demanding ass.

 

[wulf3n]

As for your experiment? Simple. A gift to who?

Exactly! A gift to whom? or what? What type of gift?

The phrase is so vague that it means nothing. Any sexism is completely inferred.

Hence why you couldn't explain why it is sexist, instead suggesting that it could be sexist, to which I haven't disagreed with.

Alas I've yet to see someone explain how the phrase by itself is sexist, and probably never will.

 

[wulf3n]

I never said it could be sexist, I said it is sexist.

Nor have you shown how it is sexist.

Women aren't a commodity to be "gifted" to anyone. It objectifies them.

You infer that "gift" in this context is something to be owned, where it could just as easily refer to something less tangible.

i.e. My gift to the world is knowledge. You'd be hard pressed to argue that I'm objectifying knowledge.

The phrase isn't so vague that it means nothing, the phrase objectifies women before the question about who they're a gift for has even been answered.

Something you inferred that was not said.

Don't pretend that's saying it could be sexist.

Well it's certainly not showing how it is sexist.

 

[wulf3n]

Don't muddle up "my gift to" and "a gift from". Those phrases and the implications are different.

Really? :| the sentence "my gift to" and "a gift from" are exactly the same, i.e. "my gift to you", and "a gift from me to you" have exactly the same implication.

Saying that women are "a gift from God" objectifies them. It treats them like some sort of commodity, created to please others. This isn't being inferred, this really is what "a gift from" means.

That has to be the purest example of inference.

 

[lacktheknack]

I had a friend like this IRL.

I blasted a French Horn in his face.

Totally worth it.

 

[wulf3n]

In your analogy provided the context is completely different. "My gift to the world" and "A gift from God" are two completely different things. You have ownership over your knowledge and it's you that gifts it to the world. Women in the OP's phrase are simply a gift from God.

You said it could refer to something less tangible, but that analogy fell through. Your gift of knowledge to the world is not the same as women being a gift. You'll have to try again.

You obviously missed the point. Nothing in the original phrase implies women are a gift in the sense of something to be owned, you inferred that due to your own bias.

You may believe it to be the only interpretation but that doesn't make it so.

Simply saying that will not make it the case. You're scraping at the bottom of the barrel now.

The word itself provides the necessary explanation. Your assuming the thoughts and opinions of the OP even though there's no evidence to support it. The phrase can mean those things but simply saying that it does mean those things will not make it the case. You're scraping at the bottom of the barrel now.

 

[lacktheknack]

Saying that women are "a gift from God" objectifies them. It treats them like some sort of commodity, created to please others. This isn't being inferred, this really is what "a gift from" means.

I don't think you know what "inference" means. Non-inferred would be "Women are commodities given to us for free by God." Inferred would be "Women are a gift from God".

However, due to the status of God (significantly above humans) and lack of clarification, it could just as well mean that "women are blessed humans" or "men are better with women around", which doesn't imply commodity whatsoever. Calling out someone as sexist when they meant to imply one of those doesn't correct them and change their mindset, it just annoys them and makes them dislike you with no change to their thinking whatsoever. Why would you bother with that?

 

[Giyguy]

Ditch him. he's not your friend. just stop talking to him for a while.

 

[Storm Dragon]

Challenge him to a swordfight on the roof of a burning castle during a thunderstorm. You'd be amazed at how well this resolves any conflict.