What's a 'deal-breaker' for you when it comes to a possible relationship?

[Obsideo]

Virgins
.

if I may ask, what is it you find off putting about virgins?

You certainly may ask. I just don't like taking v-cards. I've taken several, and it never ends well. They tend to (not always) get really attached. It can be a good thing, certainly, but it can also be pretty unhealthy. It's just something I'd rather avoid.

If I know the relationship isn't going to last, I don't want her to regret making me her first.

Also, the inexperience is off-putting. That sounds so damn shallow, but I've been in a lot of relationships. I don't like starting from scratch when it comes to that.

Agreed!

I also have weird experiences when I take a girl's virginity. Most of them have started crying afterward, which I can understand given that it's an important moment. But then I had this one girl that cried for like 15 minutes... then laughed for like 30 minutes straight. Like full-on, jolly, full blast laughter at absolutely nothing. It weirded me out.

 

[Bertylicious]

What an interesting thread! I'm aromantic (don't feel romantic attraction) and I'm learning a lot here! People have conditions that must be fulfilled before they become attached to someone? Strange! I really don't understand that, I don't have a list of checks that all my friends must pass for me to hang out with them, wonder why romance is different.

Oh, I'm not accusing you of been shallow or anything, I just genuinally don't understand it.

Attractiveness isn't the same as this whole "deal breaker" business, to be honest. I interpret it all as more like living with a person whose personal habits drive you up the wall. I mean I've got mates who I love like brothers but I wouldn't live with them because we'd irritate the shit out of each other.

Maybe thinking of it in that light would make more sense for you?

 

[orangeban]

What an interesting thread! I'm aromantic (don't feel romantic attraction) and I'm learning a lot here! People have conditions that must be fulfilled before they become attached to someone? Strange! I really don't understand that, I don't have a list of checks that all my friends must pass for me to hang out with them, wonder why romance is different.

Oh, I'm not accusing you of been shallow or anything, I just genuinally don't understand it.

Attractiveness isn't the same as this whole "deal breaker" business, to be honest. I interpret it all as more like living with a person whose personal habits drive you up the wall. I mean I've got mates who I love like brothers but I wouldn't live with them because we'd irritate the shit out of each other.

Maybe thinking of it in that light would make more sense for you?

Hmmm, it is true that I wouldn't let just anyone be a room-mate with me. That does make a bit more sense, I see why a non-smoker wouldn't want a smoker hanging around the house. Still, it all seems a bit... odd to me.

 

[The Pinray]

Agreed!

I also have weird experiences when I take a girl's virginity. Most of them have started crying afterward, which I can understand given that it's an important moment. But then I had this one girl that cried for like 15 minutes... then laughed for like 30 minutes straight. Like full-on, jolly, full blast laughter at absolutely nothing. It weirded me out.

Hahaha! Wow, that's a new one. I've never really dealt with something that extreme. If I was in your shoes I would've backed away slowly then ran for the hills!

 

[Zyst]

I have problems dating black people, I dunno if that's racist, I just don't find them attractive. I know it sounds terribly shallow, but I've never actually found myself attracted to a black gal, maybe the right one hasn't come along.

 

[Bertylicious]

What an interesting thread! I'm aromantic (don't feel romantic attraction) and I'm learning a lot here! People have conditions that must be fulfilled before they become attached to someone? Strange! I really don't understand that, I don't have a list of checks that all my friends must pass for me to hang out with them, wonder why romance is different.

Oh, I'm not accusing you of been shallow or anything, I just genuinally don't understand it.

Attractiveness isn't the same as this whole "deal breaker" business, to be honest. I interpret it all as more like living with a person whose personal habits drive you up the wall. I mean I've got mates who I love like brothers but I wouldn't live with them because we'd irritate the shit out of each other.

Maybe thinking of it in that light would make more sense for you?

Hmmm, it is true that I wouldn't let just anyone be a room-mate with me. That does make a bit more sense, I see why a non-smoker wouldn't want a smoker hanging around the house. Still, it all seems a bit... odd to me.

Oh it is extremely odd, for sure. I mean it all seems so rational, doesn't it? It isn't though. People fall in love with all sorts in spite of their expectations.

Ben Elton made an interesting observation about the whole 'opposite attracts' cliché that if you had finikies pairing up with finikies and slobs matching up with slobs that the finikies would be so anally retentive that they'd be sucked into their own arseholes and that the slobs would drown in their own filth. Plus most of us are infested with self loathing and I think if we met some sort of sexually compatible version of ourselves that the relationship would fall apart very rapidly.

 

[Vuljatar]

Hoarding (even on a small scale)

Those are just the biggest deal-breakers that come immediately to mind.

really? I dont see why thats an issue unless its the actual mental disorder hoarding

I'm quite sensitive to that sort of thing because I grew up in a very messy, cluttered house, and I'm paranoid about living in a similar home again.

 

[bojackx]

Jesus God, loads of you are well up tight: no smoking, no drinking, no smiling, no having fun...

Most people said no "heavy drinking" and everyone I meet doesn't smoke to "have fun", it's just supposedly relaxing.

OT: The usual things: lying, cheating, smokers eww...

More specifically umm... Most body hair?

It's not just the anti-smoking but the insistance on everything BEING NEAT AND TIDY AND IN ITS PROPER PLACE and also not being neurotic, which seems like an impossible demand to be honest.

Also what is wrong with body hair? Is it because it is untidy?

Think how much fun you could have playing with a nice pair of hairy jubblies! Plus when you did oral it'd be extra tasty AND you could floss your teeth at the same time!

oh and be okay with my HEAVY drinking.

To ask, what qualifies as heavy drinking? Are we talking town drunk drinking/making a fool of yourself drinking here? fair enough in this case, but I've been told I'm a heavy drinker, I only ever have drinks on the weekend. And with that I do drink a lot but I rarely become paralytically wasted and become an idiot.

Err... Gross, very gross.

Honestly, I can't see the connection between disliking smokers and being super neat and tidy. And I guess heavy drinking just means frequent drinking, so they'll be getting drunk every single time they go out.

Ah well, that's alright then. I might have said 'a lack of self control' though. I've never been out with someone that hardcore, mind, It might be really exhilarating!

As for the grossness, well... I was hamming it up a bit there but seriously women's bodies are great and sex (and by extension sexiness) isn't some clean and pure thing. It's viscerial, you know? It has extremities. And juices. And I love it all!

You seem very... enthusiastic for an Escapist Forum-goer. I don't think I've ever seen one use an exclamation mark to express joy.

I guess the self control would work as a good way of putting it, it just seems a bit broad. "Excessive drinker" would work just as well.

And as for the "viscerial", "extremities" and juices" stuff, good for you I guess? I can see the appeal in the whole wild animal sex thing, I just don't like my ladies with gross-ass armpit hair.

 

[Verzin]

-wants a healthy, normal relationship.

I don't get along well with people. I'd be among the worst individuals to have a relationship with.

 

[CityofTreez]

Can't smoke

 

[Blackmagic1515]

Smoking would have to be the ultimate deal breaker with me. If you smoke, I'm sorry but you're just not my type.
No hardcore drugs. I could probably deal if you did casual weed but otherwise no.
No excessive drinking. Want to go out for a few beers with your mates? Fine, but if you come back wasted everytime, goodbye.
As shallow as it sounds, I couldn't date someone who is rather fat. A bit of chubbiness I don't mind but I just don't find fat attractive.

Other then that I'm not too fussed.

 

[babinro]

Has kids or wants kids
Pessimistic or negative outlook on life
Dishonest
Violent
Smoking
Drug Use
Heavy Drinking

Those first two pretty much eliminate 95% of the the single woman I know.

 

[loc978]

Any woman who still thinks lifelong love, marriage and kids are the only things that will make her happy... poor health/lack of fitness, poor hygiene, low sex drive.
All deal-breakers for me... and that covers a majority of women I meet, especially that first one.

 

[winginson]

Has to be very intellelectual. I have to have good conversation.
Has to have sharp sense of humour. They need to be able to take and dish out humourous put-downs.
Has to be able to deal with my 'off' days when I just do not want to talk to anyone, and understand its nothing against them and they shouldn't try to get me out of it.

 

[Patrick Buck]

Me not liking them. And by like, I mean "Like, like," not "yeah, they seem pretty cool" like.
You know what I mean? Saying love makes it seem to strong if your just starting out in a relationship, even if it's true, but "liking them" seems a bit weak. I like tea. I don't want to date it....

What were we talking about again?

 

[The Funslinger]

Virgins
.

if I may ask, what is it you find off putting about virgins?

You certainly may ask. I just don't like taking v-cards. I've taken several, and it never ends well. They tend to (not always) get really attached. It can be a good thing, certainly, but it can also be pretty unhealthy. It's just something I'd rather avoid.

If I know the relationship isn't going to last, I don't want her to regret making me her first.

Also, the inexperience is off-putting. That sounds so damn shallow, but I've been in a lot of relationships. I don't like starting from scratch when it comes to that.

Oh, I don't know. I took my friend's virginity. She wanted to lose it, and we came to that agreement. She had the house to herself, so I came up to stay. Had a week of sex, just trying things, and walked away with the friendship intact. Doing a solid for a mate, y'know?

 

[The Funslinger]

Me not liking them. And by like, I mean "Like, like," not "yeah, they seem pretty cool" like.
You know what I mean? Saying love makes it seem to strong if your just starting out in a relationship, even if it's true, but "liking them" seems a bit weak. I like tea. I don't want to date it....

What were we talking about again?

People saying to just any partner they love them is just irritating. I thus far haven't said that to anyone I've been out with other than my first girlfriend when I was naught but an inexperienced lad without the weight of the world on his shoulders...

Anyway, I guess it sounds a bit callous, but that doesn't mean I'm not totally kind to them. I just avoid the L word, aside from that one time my most recent gf said she had a NES and I told her I thought I was in love with her as a joke, which she knew. 'twas a fun moment.

But yeah, meaningless "I love you"s irk me. It devalues the word just like many Escapists say the word hate has been devalued.

 

[Neekoolawous]

Deal breakers would include:
-the extremely religious
-the videogame haters
-the frivolous spenders
-the ones with an avid mothering complex
-the ones who despise nature