What's the most boring book you've ever read?

Cowabungaa

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The Assault AKA De Aanslag in Dutch.

A Dutch classic and, importantly, a character piece. And if you want to keep me interested in a character piece I have to care about the actual characters. And I just couldn't get myself to give one bit about that book's characters.
Stasisesque said:
I caught myself rolling my eyes at all the metaphors he crowbarred in to each chapter. A good, compelling story does not need that many metaphors. Talk about purple prose. It was just a re-telling of Romeo and Juliet to appeal to the current pop culture prominence of zombies. That is all that book was and it was mind-numbingly dull, in addition, as you say, to making fuck all sense. Luckily, the movie actually appears to be a comedic adaptation, which could have actually saved the story.
I can see where you're coming from with the R&J thing but I actually interpreted the book as being about what it means to be human which I actually found a rather refreshing take on the whole zombie thing.
 

Mausthemighty

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Cowabungaa said:
The Assault AKA De Aanslag in Dutch.

A Dutch classic and, importantly, a character piece. And if you want to keep me interested in a character piece I have to care about the actual characters. And I just couldn't get myself to give one bit about that book's characters.
Stasisesque said:
I caught myself rolling my eyes at all the metaphors he crowbarred in to each chapter. A good, compelling story does not need that many metaphors. Talk about purple prose. It was just a re-telling of Romeo and Juliet to appeal to the current pop culture prominence of zombies. That is all that book was and it was mind-numbingly dull, in addition, as you say, to making fuck all sense. Luckily, the movie actually appears to be a comedic adaptation, which could have actually saved the story.
I can see where you're coming from with the R&J thing but I actually interpreted the book as being about what it means to be human which I actually found a rather refreshing take on the whole zombie thing.
I think you would really hate "Van oude mensen de dingen die voorbijgaan" by Louis Couperus then! That book is about some old people and a murder mystery but nothing interesting really happens in the book. Well except for two pages, where one of those old corpses really dies. I was hoping for more deaths but sadly only that one died. That's one book I'll hate for the rest of my life.
 

Cowabungaa

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Mausthemighty said:
I think you would really hate "Van oude mensen de dingen die voorbijgaan" by Louis Couperus then! That book is about some old people and a murder mystery but nothing interesting really happens in the book. Well except for two pages, where one of those old corpses really dies. I was hoping for more deaths but sadly only that one died. That's one book I'll hate for the rest of my life.
Well that depends on whether I find the characters interesting in one way or another or if there's something else about the book that really captures the imagination.

For instance, nothing really happened in Steinbeck's The Wayward Bus but it's one of my favourite novels of all time. The characters really spoke to me. To be fair, Steinbeck's writing style is also absolutely gorgeous so that helps a lot and I find that the Dutch language in general speaks to me a whole lot less. Didn't help De Aanslag either and I doubt it'd help the book you're talking about.
 

AWAR

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Uni textbook: Management Information Systems
620 pages of boring. I read only 2 chapters but still..
 

Mistilteinn

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The Fountainhead. Dear god, I hated reading that damn book for Honors English. Our teacher had us 'optionally' read it for a chance at a scholarship. I say optionally because he had us write a paper on it and turn it in to him anyway, so you had to read it or your grade would suffer. At the end of the day, only myself and three other people actually read it all the way through, everyone else used cliffnotes and bullshitted their way through the paper. In retrospect, I wouldn't even call it immoral to have followed suit for once.

The biggest problem I have with this book (besides Ayn Rand and her ideology) is that nothing happens! It's slow, pandering to a very specific audience, and large sections of the book are just nonsensical. Whenever I rant about this book, I always feel the need to bring this up: the 12 page paragraph at the end. No, I'm not joking. Twelve pages, wall-o'-text. No indentations, no line breaks, just margin-to-margin text. The antagonist--if you can even call him that--is essentially talking to the protagonist about his life and the dreams he hoped to achieve, all while his 'varicose veins' and various postures are being described in such a depth that it's just creepy. And while I'd love to bring up the 'rape but not really rape scene because she wanted it in retrospect, but only after the fact that she was raped by the main character', I really don't remember it well enough nor care enough to try and articulate my feelings on just how insipid it is.

If anything good came out of this, it's that I never have to read this book again, and that we all suffered equally while reading this. Except for that one guy...
 

antigodoflife

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Glongpre said:
Life of Pi. I can't even explain what happens except that there was a tiger. And he was on a boat...
It wasn't a tiger... but there was definitely a boat. 1 out of 2 ain't bad though.
 

Wrath 228

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John P. Hackworth said:
Wrath 228 said:
Terraniux said:
The Bear and the Dragon by Tom Clancy. It's nothing but politics and jargon for about 900 or so pages, then about 50 of 'action,' and then another 50 of something else. I don't remember. It's been a while, but not so long as for me to forget that it sucked. I don't even know how I managed to finish it, but I probably wouldn't be too far off if I said I sleep-read half the book.
You made it about 700 pages farther than I did. I normally love Clancy's stuff too, but 900-some-odd pages of that was asking too much.


I just last year went back and re-read Cardinal of the Kremlin though, and that still held up. So, I'd still recommend many of his earlier novels.
Kremlin is fantastic, one of my favorites along with Without Remorse, Red October, Rainbow Six and Red Storm Rising. Although I will admit that Rainbow Six gets a little too liberal explaining stuff that doesn't really matter while also dropping jargon in other subjects that some readers (even if it is fair to assume Clancy readers would know it) would be baffled by.
 

JomBob

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When I was in secondary school my mother told me that I should read a greater variety of books than my usual fantasy and science fiction. So I picked up Gone With The Wind. If I ever read Mein Kampf then Gone With The Wind might get demoted to being the second most racist thing I've ever read. None of the characters were sympathetic; the nicest one, Scarlet's original crush, joins the Klu Klux Klan and its like the author doesn't notice that this takes away his nice guy status.
 

Atmos Duality

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Where The Red Fern Grows - Old Yeller Lite, but with horses and an awful lot of nothing happening.
Catcher in the Rye - The story of an asshole who goes in circles with his pretentious whining; ultimately learns nothing.

I started reading Atlas Shrugged, but tired of Rand's pointless, endless rambling drivel quickly.
 

Generalissimo

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of mice and men

boring plot...YES
more assholes than a donkey in an iron maden...YES
deplorable ending...YES

in a nutshell: two guys go to a farm. they potter around doing pointless things. one of them makes an innocent mistake and is killed for it. other guy runs away.

that's it. i wonder why people like this, there are no redeeming features. none!
 

SmokingBomber465

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Kumagawa Misogi said:
Another vote for "The Fellowship of the Ring"
I can see this--I personally loved it when I read it as a kid, but he does kind of drone on with the history and description--giant monolithic paragraphs. Same reason why I bet a lot of people can't get into the "Song of Ice and Fire" series--another one I love, but he spends SO much time just describing banal things--like the food they eat at every meal. Of all the details to bring out, he goes to lengths to explain the food?
 

Owyn_Merrilin

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RedDeadFred said:
The Wheel of Time books. I read 5 of them before finally stopping. There's so many characters and they mostly do nothing except talk. That would be fine if the dialogue was top notch but it's mediocre for the most part.
Just checking, you read the first five, and not, like, 6-10, right? :p

The first five are action packed and pretty fast paced, as are the last four, but even the most rabid fan of the series complains about how much it slowed down in the middle, especially books 9 and 10.
 

Owyn_Merrilin

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Webb5432 said:
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. I found Victor to be a weak, pathetic, and completely unlikable lead. The monster is, while awesome, somewhat of a nob. And the prose focuses more on the pretty scenery as opposed to the moral issues of the story.

Oh, another warning sign I want to make: Be careful when reading the translated Beowulf (the one I had anyway, but I do not remember who translated it). Simply put, Beowulf has one name and about 14 different titles that the author likes to randomly switch between. Confusing as hell. And somewhat boring. And confusing. Every ten lines I had to keep checking my count of the number of characters in the scene. It's a headache waiting to happen.
That wasn't the translator, that was the original author. It's a feature of old Anglo-Saxon poetry, they use these two word titles where a noun won't fit with the alliteration, and not just for people. It's used to describe objects to, E.G. "whale road" = "ocean." I think the Fagles translation tried to preserve the alliteration, although that means it's not as accurate to the original meaning as a prose translation would be.
 

Fleischer

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Sense and Sensibility is the most boring book I ever read...or attempted to do. I can't remember much of it, and thankfully, the only section I recalled it was part of the exam. The novel was flooded with conversation - barely anything *happened.* I did enjoy the first hundred pages of Midnight's Children, but I completely lose interest in the book after that.
 

Varrdy

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Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen.

Not only was I forced to switch to A-Level English Lit. at school, I was forced to read and dissect this boring lump of dross. I likened it to Eastenders if it were set a couple of hundred years ago and was given a bollocking off the teacher.

My dog can't have thought much of it either as he piddled on my copy, much to the teacher's chargrin!