Whats the stupidest thing youve ever got away with in a RPG?

ecoho

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Jun 16, 2010
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(preferably pen and paper rpgs)

so ill start this off, I once had a dwarf in 4th Ed named Mario who could kill just about anything by stepping on it. This worked cause my GM decided gravity worked the same as it does here so I had the wizard make me a bag of infinite holding he failed so what we got was a bag that would hold everything we wanted but the weight would stack and you couldn't retreave anything put in there. Enter the dwarf from 4th ED can not be encumbered so I stored the pouch as gear and then proceeded to put everything I could into the thing it got so heavy I couldn't remove it from my character as it would break his arms,(the weight ended up being something like 250 metric tons) but then at that point I was one shoting dragons with move action to stand of their toes.
 
Jan 29, 2009
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It was Dark Heresy, a 40k themed RPG. I played a character who at the very start bought a solitary frag grenade. At the end of the campaign we ended up fighting some slasneesh-based orgy-cult or something. "Upon opening the door you find a writhing mass of people [sexing it up] in a horrific smelly mess of despicable gluttony-" "I throw the grenade and close the door."
*BOOM*
GM did not expect that one. Had to come up with some interesting effects.
 

GrimTuesday

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May 21, 2009
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I murdered the shit out of some silt runners with their own companion in a dark sun 4e DnD game. Beyond that, I play as a barbarian a lot so I tend to end up doing some messed up stuff. One time I ripped a priest's head off through the bars of the cell we were locked in. It prompted a 30 minute long argument over whether it was an evil act, in part because I actually lured him over to the bars and because he was a priest (I maintained that it was not considering A) He was a member of the enemy, and B) As far as my Goliath barbarian was concerned, priests hold no protected status and there fore it was was no more evil that killing anyone else). I lost said argument and went from being neutral to being evil, but I said I was Lawful evil, because my character has a code...
 

Zontar

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Feb 18, 2013
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DnD, me and my friends are just walking around on a quest. My friend playing a dwarf took out an empty bottle to relived himself as a joke and added it to his backpack. At an encounter I decided to take my knife, stab a bandit who got the jump on us and then grab the jar of piss from my friend's backpack (it was tied on the outside). I threw it on the bandit and watched as he burned. Ever since we have always gone around with a bottle of dwarf urine in our packs.
 

Ultress

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Feb 5, 2009
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Our group was fighting this troll through a trap door and for some reason I couldn't do anything but shout "Your mother likes mudkips". This enrages the troll and our DM crit fails his next two rolls causing the the troll to fall through the trap door and then fall 4 more floors and impale him self on a javelin that our wizard had neglected to collect after throwing it. My friend looks at me and says did we just kill a troll by accusing it's mother of liking Mudkip?
 

Eamar

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Feb 22, 2012
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Due to some ridiculous min-maxing and lucky rolls, I once ended up jumping onto an armoured vehicle, causing it to crash and be destroyed while my beast of a character suffered next to no damage. Like some improbable Bruce Willis character in an action movie, I guess :p

I also had this one character in World of Darkness who would inflict orders of magnitude more damage than others who were using assault weapons... using only a pair of throwing knives. She was fun to play, and everyone including the GM thought it was hilarious, so no harm, no foul I guess.
 

Callate

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My TMNT character who automatically did more damage punching someone than shooting them with a sub-machine gun comes to mind.

(Palladium. What happens when you set out to make GURPS, but mid-way through laugh off the idea of things like "balance".)

The other involved a Cyberpunk game and a struggle to get a black-box tough piece of technology back from a nigh-unstoppable bad guy, given a nearly unlimited equipment budget. ("Okay, so no nukes, but just how much plastic explosive could we get...?")

...One leveled city block later...
 

Diddy_Mao

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Jan 14, 2009
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My steadfast refusal to play the optimal Race/Class minmax game with D&D lead to a lot of fun but effectively stupid characters. (Elven Barbarians, Dwarven Druids etc.) My personal favorite was a dumb as a bag of hammers, Half-Orc Rogue whose entire attitude towards trap disarming was just punching the mechanism and absorbing the damage from whatever effects the trap had. I think a good 1/2 of my share of the loot went towards paying for healing which annoyed the stat-monkey players in my game but damned if I didn't have a lot of fun just blindly charging face first into every devious trap my GM laid out for us.
 

Fappy

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I have done few stupid things over the years, but I GM a majority of the time so I don't have too many stories as a player, unfortunately. That said, playing an arcane caster in Pathfinder always offers some hilarious options.

Due to playing a very underpowered Sorcerer build (Rakshasa bloodline with an emphasis on Enchanting and Conjuration), I have to get very creative with how I go about most encounters. Sometimes, the other players help out XD.

For example, one time we were inside this 250-ft tall ice dome structure fighting a mythic White Dragon (we were level 15, I believe), and me and the fighter got caught in its ice storm aura. I grab the fighter and teleport us out and then proceed to summon three Ice Elementals on the ceiling of the dome. They ice-glide across its surface until they are right about the dragon which is flying 50-ft off the ground. Speaking aquan, I order each of them to drop off the ceiling like shards of ice in order to fall 200-ft and hit the dragon with falling damage. If I remember the math, falling more than 150-ft doubles the falling damage of an object when it collides with something. A Huge sized creature deal 6d6 damage PLUS 1d6 for every 10-ft it falls up to a maximum of 20d6 from the distance. Therefore, each of the three ice elementals would potentially hit the dragon for 26d6 EACH. Unfortunately, he made 2/3 reflex saves and halved the damage on two of them.

The GM thought it was hilarious and then proceeded to feeblemind my poor Sorc in the next round >.>

How we dealt with the feeblemind fiasco is a story in of itself XD
 

Cerebrawl

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One of my first times playing Vampire: the Masquerade, I'd made a Lasombra antitribu, with something like 12 dice of intimidate. Used first level dominate to make a Brujah that was bothering us "lie down"(it's one word in Swedish), rolled a bunch of 10s and got extra successes, 14 in all (5 successes on this is like "lasts a month"), we decided he'd be there until he started seeing the sunrise coming.

In the same campaign I also convinced a Malkavian that I'd seen his 5th grade teacher behind him, and made another Malkavian effectively blind by making him close his eyes with dominate and something like 10 successes.

This is however one of my favorite stories on the subject, not mine, but an internet classic I think needs to be in this thread:
In this party I was playing a TWF barbarian with two mauls, Diehard, and Quick Draw. The other party members were a psion (kineticist), a druid, a ninja/monk, and a spellthief. We were all at level 16 and fighting one of the BBEG's lieutenants, a marilith with a nasty set of weapons. I had dealt quite a bit of damage to it so far.

DM: Okay, the marilith's really mad at you, so it decides to sunder your hammers. *rolls attacks, then rolls damage* Good-bye hammers.
Me: :mad:
DM: It looks at you, grins, and says, "And as a follow-up..." and lays into you with the rest of its attacks. *rolls a couple of crits and high damage all around* It then moves back 5 ft.
Me: That puts me at... :eek: -9 hp.
DM: The marilith slices off one of your arms and the top of your head. (to the party) You have a nice view of his grey matter.
Party: :yuck:
Psion: See, that's why I prefer to kill things with my brain: so I don't get killed back.
Me: Shut up. :mad:
DM: It's your turn, by the way. You have Diehard, right? So you can still act.
Me: Okay. I have no backup weapons, I die next round, I can't close without being stabbed...you said te top of my head was sliced off?
DM: :confused: Yes.
Me: I have Quick Draw, so I throw my "grey matter" at the marilith.
DM: :uh-huh: Are you serious?!
Me: I have nothing else and I'm going down anyway. Yes.
DM: Roll Fortitude to see if you survive long enough to actually throw it after tearing it out.
Me: 31 good enough? :D
DM: :looloo: Roll your attack.
Me: 1.
DM: You miss horribly. *rolls* the brain goes right past the marilith and keeps going. Anybody else in the line of fire?
(all check the mat)
Psion: Me.
DM: Roll to see if you hit him.
Me: ...20.
All: :blink:
Me: ...20.
All: :mymy:
Me: ...20.
All: :OMG!
(long silence)
Psion: ...You killed me.
Me: *nods* With my brain.
All: (Lasts about 1.5 seconds, then bursts into laughter)
Psion: I! HATE! YOU! SO! MUCH!
 

kickyourass

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Apr 17, 2010
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Some things will require some explanation because the game I was playing was very heavily houseruled by the DM, but I was playing an Eladrin Warlock, alongside a Shardmind Bard and a Human Paladin. We were fighting an arena battle in an Atlantis-esque place that we effectively bullshitted our way through beginning to end, we basically tried the entire battle to get to the mage in the back who was just sort of sitting there.

Well, long story short, the mage disappeared and just as we finished off all the other fighters, he came back riding on top of the head of a gigantic sea monster. This was like a plesiosaur, so it's head was like 50-60 feet off the ground, and the mage was on its head, even if we were already on it's back it would take a couple of turns to move the distance to its head. WELL my warlock had the ability 'Blink' which let him teleport a good deal further than his movement, so I had my warlock charge at the sea monster, leap into the air, blink, than when he reappeared, blink again in midair to reach the monster's head.

Didn't quite make it but I was close enough to throw my large knife (I was given a spell that lets thrown weapons return to my hand) and cut the mage's dick off (Whenever you roll a 69 something involving genitalia or something sexual will happen). I was than thrown off but was able to steer myself into being caught by the paladin, who was able to use the momentum to hurl me right back up.

Really, there is no way I should have been able to get away with any of this, we all should have died almost immediately, but it all worked, we survived, and I was even able to finish off the sea monster.
 

Childe

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Jun 20, 2012
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I was playing 3.5 as a wizard with the cantrip that gives you flaming hands touch attack. Anyway our DM who was new at this decided to toss a seven headed hydra at us on the first session when we were level 1. We survived by fudging almost all the rolls and having me cauterize the heads. That campaign didn't make it past that session obviously.
 

TheNewGuy

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Nov 18, 2012
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ecoho said:
so ill start this off, I once had a dwarf in 4th Ed named Mario who could kill just about anything by stepping on it.
So you were literally playing as Mario [http://www.mariowiki.com/mario]? Like straight up you made Mario in the game? You didn't even change the name?

That's awesome! You probably could've done the entire Nintendo roster if your friends were up to it! Make an elf specializing in bows and swords named Link, a heavily armored women who only attacked with magic missile named Samus, and child wizard who's only tactic was to summon elemental versions of regular animals and named him Red! That's a one way ticket to being on team awesome!
 

Rariow

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Nov 1, 2011
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It's been a while since I've played DnD, I've only DMed for the longest time. I do remember, back when I was just giving DMing a go for the first time, I was really afraid of upsetting my players, so they managed to rules-lawyer me into their level 1 Bard taking control of a small town by charming everyone in it and the party using that to slowly take over the world. It actually turned into a really interesting campaign after that, where the guys would go around and make alliances, scheme and betray, and, on one memorable occasion, declare war on a potential major ally because the party mage, an explicitly insane guy named Scrump the Graveleater, decided to punch the king of a major kingdom in the face for no apparent reason in the middle of negotiations.
 

ecoho

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Jun 16, 2010
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TheNewGuy said:
ecoho said:
so ill start this off, I once had a dwarf in 4th Ed named Mario who could kill just about anything by stepping on it.
So you were literally playing as Mario [http://www.mariowiki.com/mario]? Like straight up you made Mario in the game? You didn't even change the name?

That's awesome! You probably could've done the entire Nintendo roster if your friends were up to it! Make an elf specializing in bows and swords named Link, a heavily armored women who only attacked with magic missile named Samus, and child wizard who's only tactic was to summon elemental versions of regular animals and named him Red! That's a one way ticket to being on team awesome!
lol I may have to try that in my next campaign with him. maybe make him a mage so I can spit fireballs too:)
 

Sansha

There's a principle in business
Nov 16, 2008
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I heard this story about a party whose DM gave them a spoon that allowed them to fill any container with broth.

One incident, they were fighting a dragon that was way too powerful for them, so they stopped up the cave entrance, went atop the mountain, drilled down into the cave and filled the fucker with broth.

Dragon dead!
 

Gergar12_v1legacy

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Aug 17, 2012
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Fallout nv dead money gitch. Put all the landmines, C4, and such that you have hoard on the floor, run up to a ray shielded door, wait for the guy to make an insulting speech, fall through the door, and have a the door be btw you, explode the C4, get out slowly with gold then boom your rich, and can get enough Farman nukes to kill every living thing there is.
 

Shocksplicer

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Apr 10, 2011
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One time our DM had us encounter a powerful self-insert character as a test of our skill. He went to the bathroom before combat began, and while he was gone the rest of us hatched a plan. So when he came back the combat went like this:
Player1: I tackle him to the ground.
Player2: I help pin his arms.
Me: I force his mouth open and pour a love potion down his throat.
DM rolls: I am now in love with you. But in real life I really really hate you guys...
 

TheNewGuy

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Nov 18, 2012
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ecoho said:
TheNewGuy said:
ecoho said:
so ill start this off, I once had a dwarf in 4th Ed named Mario who could kill just about anything by stepping on it.
So you were literally playing as Mario [http://www.mariowiki.com/mario]? Like straight up you made Mario in the game? You didn't even change the name?

That's awesome! You probably could've done the entire Nintendo roster if your friends were up to it! Make an elf specializing in bows and swords named Link, a heavily armored women who only attacked with magic missile named Samus, and child wizard who's only tactic was to summon elemental versions of regular animals and named him Red! That's a one way ticket to being on team awesome!
lol I may have to try that in my next campaign with him. maybe make him a mage so I can spit fireballs too:)
Do it! That would be so awesome!

If you do convince him to do it, make sure you come back here and let us know how it goes. Maybe you could keep a log of what happens and make a story out of it!
 

Atomic Spy Crab

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Mar 28, 2013
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Singularly Datarific said:
It was Dark Heresy, a 40k themed RPG. I played a character who at the very start bought a solitary frag grenade. At the end of the campaign we ended up fighting some slasneesh-based orgy-cult or something. "Upon opening the door you find a writhing mass of people [sexing it up] in a horrific smelly mess of despicable gluttony-" "I throw the grenade and close the door."
*BOOM*
GM did not expect that one. Had to come up with some interesting effects.
You peaked my interest at blowing up slaaneshis(BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD GOD) tell me these effects