me and my friends were talking and this guy comes up to us and starts talking about the amount of gorillas and the value of chicken in Zimbabwe. He goes on t say that a gorilla once stole his cousins chicken so is cousin chased it down, the gorilla the slapped him, sending him sending him flying 15 meters backwards. One of my friends then comments that the gorilla would have to have big arse hands, which then became 30 minutes of discussing the pros and cons of shitting out of your hands.
What's the weirdest thing you've ever heard someone say IRL?
- Thread starter Sean Hollyman
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Oh come on, that's hardly idiotic enough.Guffe said:
My 13 year old friend once asked me "are the soviets still at war with russia?"
I have this problem where I sometimes can't really form sentences in my head, just basic incoherent yet amazing ideas, so I have the tendency to say some very stupid shit. I wish I could remember most of it, but I usually force myself to forget it.
Oh, I'm not sure if this counts, but I thought "over the counter medicine" was the stuff you needed prescriptions for, because you know... the pharmacist has to hand it to you from... over the counter.
Oh, I'm not sure if this counts, but I thought "over the counter medicine" was the stuff you needed prescriptions for, because you know... the pharmacist has to hand it to you from... over the counter.
this is the funniest thing ive read today, thank you sir for brightening up my boring saturdayRenegade Shepard said:
My not-so-bright friend has a few good ones.
"Aren't Eskimos mythical creatures?"
(upon finding out that they are real) "Do they not live in Canada?"
We never let her live those down.
"Aren't Eskimos mythical creatures?"
(upon finding out that they are real) "Do they not live in Canada?"
We never let her live those down.
Maths calss around three weeks ago
'Of course I know what that means,the three angles of a triangle always add up to 360 degrees'
This was followed by me laughing my ass off and the guy who said it geting a verbal beat down from our teacher.
'Of course I know what that means,the three angles of a triangle always add up to 360 degrees'
This was followed by me laughing my ass off and the guy who said it geting a verbal beat down from our teacher.
"So, this Jesus bloke, was he English?"
(upon hearing the amused sniggering)
"Oh yeah, he was from, like, Islam, innit?"
He's a much cooler person to be around than those quotes make him out to be.
(upon hearing the amused sniggering)
"Oh yeah, he was from, like, Islam, innit?"
He's a much cooler person to be around than those quotes make him out to be.
In Geography GCSE (16 year-old exams in England)
"Isn't that America *points at Brazil* and that Canada *points at the US*?"
How did you get on this course!?!?!?!?!?!?!
"Isn't that America *points at Brazil* and that Canada *points at the US*?"
How did you get on this course!?!?!?!?!?!?!
To preface, I work as a cashier in a Dollar Store
Anywho, someone walks up to the register, and hands me a barcode, no item, just the barcode. So I say "..um what's this for?" and he says "Socks........I am wearing them." ...Meaning at some point this guy was sitting in the middle of one of our isles with his shoes off trying other socks on... why did he need them so badly?
Anywho, someone walks up to the register, and hands me a barcode, no item, just the barcode. So I say "..um what's this for?" and he says "Socks........I am wearing them." ...Meaning at some point this guy was sitting in the middle of one of our isles with his shoes off trying other socks on... why did he need them so badly?
A couple of years ago I did a course on childcare where I met some reeeally dumb people.
Tutor: What do you do if a child in the nursery bites you?
Student (seriously): Bite them back.
Tutor: What? No!
Me: You can't bite other people's kids.
Student: Well, I'd do it to my kid if they bit me.
Facepalm'd.
Tutor: What do you do if a child in the nursery bites you?
Student (seriously): Bite them back.
Tutor: What? No!
Me: You can't bite other people's kids.
Student: Well, I'd do it to my kid if they bit me.
Facepalm'd.
"You can still be a God if you're God of the midgets."
Heard that gem while walking through school.
Still have no idea what on God's green Earth they were talking about.
Heard that gem while walking through school.
Still have no idea what on God's green Earth they were talking about.
Oh so many from my time in school
Person A: Is Africa a country?
Me: What? No it's a continent.
Person A: Really? No I'm sure it is a continent.
Me: If Africa is continent then what the hell is Egypt?
Person: Oh Egypt is a city in Africa. Everyone knows that.
Me: Please go away.
Another example of from my graphical design class where a group of students the table over from mine where trying to draw a flag;
Person A: Does this look like a soviet flag?
Person B: Yeah I think, shouldn't it have a star on it?
Person A: You sure?
Person B: Yeah because China had a star on their flag when they where communists.
Person A: Is Africa a country?
Me: What? No it's a continent.
Person A: Really? No I'm sure it is a continent.
Me: If Africa is continent then what the hell is Egypt?
Person: Oh Egypt is a city in Africa. Everyone knows that.
Me: Please go away.
Another example of from my graphical design class where a group of students the table over from mine where trying to draw a flag;
Person A: Does this look like a soviet flag?
Person B: Yeah I think, shouldn't it have a star on it?
Person A: You sure?
Person B: Yeah because China had a star on their flag when they where communists.
The word katana is just "sword" in Japanese so it does not exclusively refer to a samurai sword. A lot of people don't know this and just say katana to refer to samurai swords so it doesn't really matter but I thought I would just toss that out there.spartan231490 said:
It's called darwinism, don't worry it sorts itself out in timeWeAreStevo said:
Also what are these 'Hipsters' i've heard about but never actually seen. Are they similar to 'Indie' people?
My friend Greg: "How do you make cheese on toast?" then followed up with "Well i put the cheese of the toast... but nothing happened" Hahaha gets me everytime.
Also another Greg one: "How awesome would it be if there was a website that listed different words that describe the same thing" - You mean, something like a thesaurus? Made me giggle.
Although i think top of the list of stupid: Near the end of third year (University) my lecturer actually told us how she had to ask people to stop using the word 'Negro' to describe black people. Made me laugh and facepalm at the same time. (These people were apparently not trying to be racist, they simply read the word during their studies and thought it was another acceptable term).
A absolutely brainless girl in my class asked this question while my friends and I were drawing.
"Can your penis move?"
My friends were surprised to hear that, but I wanted to connect my palm to my face or maybe smack her head... hard. She was completely serious as well. Oh well, what do you expect when the same person asks so many stupid questions on a daily basis. However that particular one just came out of nowhere.
Another one I wanted to mention, not really weird but probably one of the most retarded sentences I've heard a person say.
"Well, I'm better than stupid!"
I just burst out laughing upon hearing that.
"Can your penis move?"
My friends were surprised to hear that, but I wanted to connect my palm to my face or maybe smack her head... hard. She was completely serious as well. Oh well, what do you expect when the same person asks so many stupid questions on a daily basis. However that particular one just came out of nowhere.
Another one I wanted to mention, not really weird but probably one of the most retarded sentences I've heard a person say.
"Well, I'm better than stupid!"
I just burst out laughing upon hearing that.
My sister talking to us about why she can't do yardwork of all things:
"I'm allergic to latex gloves, which is why i cant use the hose or even condoms."
*Facepalm*
"I'm allergic to latex gloves, which is why i cant use the hose or even condoms."
*Facepalm*
The first part is for context. Second part is the weird thing. First part is normal for me. Second part is weird for anyone.
"So there I was, in the back of a five person goat, when a bolt of kittens struck and made the cheese seriously horny. Terrified, I spun around and fell off the pickup truck, and an apple spat in my face... which incidentally was the most vicious beaver I ever kicked. I swam for my life, but the camel stepped on my colon and..."
- Me
"Wait, wait. Was the goat diesel or electric?"
- My last roommate.
"So there I was, in the back of a five person goat, when a bolt of kittens struck and made the cheese seriously horny. Terrified, I spun around and fell off the pickup truck, and an apple spat in my face... which incidentally was the most vicious beaver I ever kicked. I swam for my life, but the camel stepped on my colon and..."
- Me
"Wait, wait. Was the goat diesel or electric?"
- My last roommate.
Well... It DOES add weight, since information has weight. Granted, the weight of the entire internet is about 150 grams, so a few terabytes aren't noticeable.Blondefool said:
OT: My sister has a ton of these... "I never know which hole to stick my finger in!" It's even better out of context, so I'll just leave that there.
No wait... This one takes the cake. "I don't believe in logic."