What's your favourite joke?

Doctragon

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Apr 5, 2010
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I did a search for this and didn't find any topics like this so I thought I'd start one! I'll go first. My favourite joke is:
Q: What kind of bees make milk?
A: Boobies!
I crack up laughing every time I tell it. :)
 

SlowShootinPete

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Apr 21, 2010
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Jim owns a flower shop, and one day he hears a voice calling out to him from above:

"Jim, this is God. Sell your flower shop."

So Jim says "Why?"

And God answers "Sell your shop for a million dollars and take the money to Vegas."

So then Jim is like "Ok" and he sells his flower shop for a million dollars, then hops on a flight to Las Vegas. When he gets off his plane, God says:

"Jim, find a casino!"

So Jim goes outside the airport and hails a cab to bring him to the nearest casino. Once he's found one, he walks inside and God says:

"Go to the Blackjack table and bet all of your money."

So Jim very tentatively approaches the Blackjack dealer and bets his million dollars. He gets an 18. God says "Jim, take another card."

And Jim says "Well, okay..." and he takes a card. It's an ace.

God says "Take another card." And Jim is like "Are you sure I should do that?" and God says "Take the card, Jim!"

So Jim takes another card. An ace.

God says "Take another card!" and Jim is like "Are you fuckin' nuts?!" and God is like "TAKE THE CARD JIM."

So he takes another card. An ace.

And then God bellows "UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE."
 

jubosu

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Aug 9, 2009
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The worlds funniest joke due to the fact that it cannot be said.
The creator died and my great grandfather saw three words and was in a coma for seven days.
Therefore i leave you with the first word....So.
 

Omikron009

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May 22, 2009
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I have such a vast repertoire of jokes that I feel if I pick one above all others the rest will have their feelings hurt, but let me try.

A baby seal walks into a club.

Ba dum tish!

Not my favourite, but a good one nonetheless.
 

ilspooner

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Apr 13, 2010
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Three men walked into a bar.
You would have thought one of them would see it coming.
 

pigmypython

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Jan 15, 2010
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jubosu said:
The worlds funniest joke due to the fact that it cannot be said.
The creator died and my great grandfather saw three words and was in a coma for seven days.
Therefore i leave you with the first word....So.
Isnt that from a Monty Python skit? Still good though.
 

blankedboy

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Feb 7, 2009
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jubosu said:
The worlds funniest joke due to the fact that it cannot be said.
The creator died and my great grandfather saw three words and was in a coma for seven days.
Therefore i leave you with the first word....So.
Cookie for the epic reference!


On-topic, yeah, that one.
 

Monkfish Acc.

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May 7, 2008
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Q: Where did Caeser keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies

Such an awful joke, but I'll be damned if I didn't crack up when I first heard it.
 

NotAPie

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Jan 19, 2009
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PoisonUnagi said:
jubosu said:
The worlds funniest joke due to the fact that it cannot be said.
The creator died and my great grandfather saw three words and was in a coma for seven days.
Therefore i leave you with the first word....So.
Cookie for the epic reference!


On-topic, yeah, that one.
That's a good looking cookie.
[sub] great now I have a craving late at night...better go to 7-11...[/sub]
Anyway mine are all racist.
 

dark-amon

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Aug 22, 2009
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"I'm not an alchoholic.
I'm a DRUNK! Alchoholics goes to AA-meetings."

Or

"Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Boo hoo hoo. SHUT UP you big crybaby!"
 

blankedboy

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Feb 7, 2009
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NotAPie said:
PoisonUnagi said:
jubosu said:
The worlds funniest joke due to the fact that it cannot be said.
The creator died and my great grandfather saw three words and was in a coma for seven days.
Therefore i leave you with the first word....So.
Cookie for the epic reference!


On-topic, yeah, that one.
That's a good looking cookie.
[sub] great now I have a craving late at night...better go to 7-11...[/sub]
Anyway mine are all racist.
No worries, just use IRH(insert race here)!
 

Ldude893

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Apr 2, 2010
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jubosu said:
The worlds funniest joke due to the fact that it cannot be said.
The creator died and my great grandfather saw three words and was in a coma for seven days.
Therefore i leave you with the first word....So.
<youtube=8gpjk_MaCGM>

I don't know if it's supposed to reference this video but what the hey...
 

wordsmith

TF2 Group Admin
May 1, 2008
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A man walks into a bar.

He's an alcoholic, it's destroying the lives of his family.

Follow that one >.>
 

AquaSqueeze

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Apr 24, 2010
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hittite said:

I find cynicism amusing.
Nah dude it goes like this

An American, An African American and a Mexican American find a magic lamp on a beach, they rub it and the genie says you can each have one wish.

The African American asks if all of his people can go back to their home country with a cure for all of their problems.

The genie grants his wish and every African living in America are now happily living in Africa.

The Mexican wishes that all of his people can go back to their home country with a cure for all of their problems

The genie grants his wish and every Mexican living in America are now happily living in Mexico

Then the genie asks the American what he will wish for. and the American says... "well... I guess I'll just have a coke then"
 

erto101

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Aug 18, 2009
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Ldude893 said:
jubosu said:
The worlds funniest joke due to the fact that it cannot be said.
The creator died and my great grandfather saw three words and was in a coma for seven days.
Therefore i leave you with the first word....So.
<youtube=8gpjk_MaCGM>

I don't know if it's supposed to reference this video but what the hey...
MY vote goes to this ^^