What's your favourite joke?
- Thread starter Doctragon
- Start date
"Two of Sarah Palins children are disabled one of them is going to serve in Iraq how will the american public vote for her if God hates her" I hope standup counts.
http://www.madfigs.com/parables/brick.php
I want to actually use this joke on somebody some day. It would be so awesome.
Very small.
I want to actually use this joke on somebody some day. It would be so awesome.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs inside a tissue box?asinann said:
Very small.
*must be spoken in transylvanian accent* Three peanuts were walking down the street, one was a-salted.
a horse walks in to a bar with a set of jump leads, the bar man says "i'll put up with the long face, but im not having you starting anything."
Only someone who's watch Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro would get the joke.... http://pixelante.deviantart.com/art/DisfunctionalCouple-ofthe-Year-81658800
Boondock Saints FTWAquaSqueeze said:Nah dude it goes like thishittite said:
I find cynicism amusing.
An American, An African American and a Mexican American find a magic lamp on a beach, they rub it and the genie says you can each have one wish.
The African American asks if all of his people can go back to their home country with a cure for all of their problems.
The genie grants his wish and every African living in America are now happily living in Africa.
The Mexican wishes that all of his people can go back to their home country with a cure for all of their problems
The genie grants his wish and every Mexican living in America are now happily living in Mexico
Then the genie asks the American what he will wish for. and the American says... "well... I guess I'll just have a coke then"
my favorite
whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson
Neil Armstrong walks on the moon
and
Michael Jackson molests little boys
What goes plink plink fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
[sub][sub]what's red and sits in the corner crying?
Baby with a potato peeler.[/sub][/sub]
Twins in an acid bath.
[sub][sub]
Baby with a potato peeler.
An Native American goes up to his father and asked,
"Dad, how did I get my name?"
He said,
"You got it like both your brothers, when the first was born I looked outside and saw a running bear, so i called him Running Bear and when your other brother was born I went outside and saw a bucking bull, so I called him Bucking Bull."
"Yes Dad, but how did i get MY name?"
"Why do you ask TwoDogs Fucking?"
"Dad, how did I get my name?"
He said,
"You got it like both your brothers, when the first was born I looked outside and saw a running bear, so i called him Running Bear and when your other brother was born I went outside and saw a bucking bull, so I called him Bucking Bull."
"Yes Dad, but how did i get MY name?"
"Why do you ask TwoDogs Fucking?"
"I wish I could die like my grandpa, sleeping peacefully. Not like the other people in the car, screaming and crying for their lives."
I am not quite sure where I had heard this joke, but it is one of my favorites.
I am not quite sure where I had heard this joke, but it is one of my favorites.
A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman: "Got any bread?"
And the barman says "No".
So the duck asks again: "Got any bread?"
And the barman says "No..."
So the duck asks again: "Got any bread?"
And the barman says "Look, i've got beer, whiskey, and port. I haven't got any bloody bread!"
And the duck asks again: "Got any bread?"
And the barman goes "NO!"
But the duck asks again: "Got any bread?"
And the barman, enraged by this point, goes "Look, I swear if you say 'Got any bread?' ONE MORE TIME I will NAIL your beak to this bar!"
So the duck goes "Got any nails?"
And the barman shouts "NO!"
"Got any bread?"
Actually... That's pretty lame...
Allow me to tell another.
A man walked into a bar, and was immediately noticed by everyone in the room for three very good reasons. First, he had two very beautiful women, one on each arm. Second, immediately upon entering the bar he bought everyone present a drink. And the third noticable thing about him was that he had an orange for a head. Upon walking over to the bar, the barman, quite curious about the strange man, asked him what the story behind his orange for a head is. The man, with a big smile on his face, told him thus. "Well, it all happened a few months ago. I was looking through my attic when I chanced upon a strange lamp. Upon rubbing some dust of the side, a strange genie appeared and told me he would grant me three wishes. Well, I was amazed, as you can imagine. For my first wished, I asked to be incredibly attractive to all women. For my second wish, I asked to be a multi-millionaire. And for my third wish... I wished to have an orange for a head."
And the barman says "No".
So the duck asks again: "Got any bread?"
And the barman says "No..."
So the duck asks again: "Got any bread?"
And the barman says "Look, i've got beer, whiskey, and port. I haven't got any bloody bread!"
And the duck asks again: "Got any bread?"
And the barman goes "NO!"
But the duck asks again: "Got any bread?"
And the barman, enraged by this point, goes "Look, I swear if you say 'Got any bread?' ONE MORE TIME I will NAIL your beak to this bar!"
So the duck goes "Got any nails?"
And the barman shouts "NO!"
"Got any bread?"
Actually... That's pretty lame...
Allow me to tell another.
A man walked into a bar, and was immediately noticed by everyone in the room for three very good reasons. First, he had two very beautiful women, one on each arm. Second, immediately upon entering the bar he bought everyone present a drink. And the third noticable thing about him was that he had an orange for a head. Upon walking over to the bar, the barman, quite curious about the strange man, asked him what the story behind his orange for a head is. The man, with a big smile on his face, told him thus. "Well, it all happened a few months ago. I was looking through my attic when I chanced upon a strange lamp. Upon rubbing some dust of the side, a strange genie appeared and told me he would grant me three wishes. Well, I was amazed, as you can imagine. For my first wished, I asked to be incredibly attractive to all women. For my second wish, I asked to be a multi-millionaire. And for my third wish... I wished to have an orange for a head."