Where would you build your evil fortress?
- Thread starter Leemaster777
- Start date
In the heart of the Supermassive black hole at the center of the galaxy, made of a special material that would prevent it from being crushed down into its great dark, unyielding maw. I would then build up the New Grox Empire near the galactic core, with the eventual target of my great plan being the Earth.
Then I would invade with my mighty armada, and bring my genius plan to fruition.
The theft of all of the sodium chloride on and in the Earth.
Then I would invade with my mighty armada, and bring my genius plan to fruition.
The theft of all of the sodium chloride on and in the Earth.
I'd make mine a lovely little cottage...
On Olympus Mons.
And My guards would be adorable little Corgis...
With Gatling Guns.
And My Great Plan would be to systematically destroy each and every copy of Pride and Prejudice in the world!
Why? Because I can.
On Olympus Mons.
And My guards would be adorable little Corgis...
With Gatling Guns.
And My Great Plan would be to systematically destroy each and every copy of Pride and Prejudice in the world!
Why? Because I can.
That is the first place everyone would go to look! D:TephlonPrice said:
Nobody would expect Valve's Corporate Offices. >
- Feb 7, 2011
- 7,927
- 2,290
- 118
- Country
- 'Merica
- Gender
- 3 children in a trench coat
I'd create my evil fortress in the past, and then keep the past hostage. If anyone tried to stop me I'd yell "come any closer and I kill this butterfly, and then you have no idea how the future will change!"
It's a foolproof plan.
It's a foolproof plan.
I would build my Fortress next to someone elses Fortress so when people come to stop me I can be like "Aw no way man? You thought that was me? It was the guy across the street."
Operating under video game logic:
It's a common assumption in game development that no one EVER looks up, so an airship would work.
It's a common assumption in game development that no one EVER looks up, so an airship would work.
But - But - Pride and Prejudice is the only romance novel I like! D:Shocksplicer said:
My Great Plan is now officially to feed all the world's corgis to the world's Pomeranians.
Well not that I've thought about it before or anything...
It depends entirely on the type of evil would-be conqueror, am I an evil genius? A lich? A robot AI?
If I was an evil genius, or just regular ole' plain intelligent me, I'd build it either on a private island straight out of James Bond or a "THAT'S NO MOON" style giant space station.
On the private island I'd have a nice above ground mansion, patrolled daily by armed guards, complete with dock, storage wearhouses, and a landing strip. Beneath the ground, and in the side of that volcano you just know I'd need, I'd have an underground base, white hallways, patrolled by men in nazi-esque white outfits and women in skimpy ninja suits. I would have a large long table with a giant monitor with a map of the world on the wall on one side, a giant monitor with my evil logo behind me, and a giant monitor with tons of moving text and numbers on the other side. Each chair on this table sans mine would fold back into the boiling hot MAGGGGGMUH beneath us. This would be activated by both a voice trigger[footnote]Me saying "Amazing work Mr.[insert henchman name]"[/footnote] and a thumb print reader, which requires a pulse of course. The volcano would be hollowed out on the inside with a nuclear missile silo sitting where the inside of the volcano once was. There would be a small cave on the opposite side of the volcano down low, this would be my escape route but it would also serve as a great entrance to my secret base for the heroes to sneak in and kill me.
Inside the space station would be levels and levels of parading soldiers, again dressed like white nazis. (Remember I'm an EVIL mastermind) There would be hangers and hangers of spaceships, we would primarily be a pirate haven. Protecting the seedy underbelly of the galaxy and taking a massive cut off the top of course.
If I was a lich, or had access to evil magic I would live a dark castle deep in the mountains. A massive graveyard of my enemies surrounding my lands, each grave a bed for my trusty undead army ready to rise at a moments notice. This gives a perfect defense as any living being not warded by myself who takes a step near a grave causes three hundred skeletal soldiers wake up killing the intruder. The castle would have three or four floating towers connected to the main keep by magical ropes, each one an escape pod if I ever personally come into any danger. I would have some magical portal to my otherworldly allies which would of course be where the heroes get into my castle. But, luckily, I would never physically leave my main tower which could detach and escape at any time. I would work almost entirely through puppets, the reanimated remains of my former neighbors.
It depends entirely on the type of evil would-be conqueror, am I an evil genius? A lich? A robot AI?
If I was an evil genius, or just regular ole' plain intelligent me, I'd build it either on a private island straight out of James Bond or a "THAT'S NO MOON" style giant space station.
On the private island I'd have a nice above ground mansion, patrolled daily by armed guards, complete with dock, storage wearhouses, and a landing strip. Beneath the ground, and in the side of that volcano you just know I'd need, I'd have an underground base, white hallways, patrolled by men in nazi-esque white outfits and women in skimpy ninja suits. I would have a large long table with a giant monitor with a map of the world on the wall on one side, a giant monitor with my evil logo behind me, and a giant monitor with tons of moving text and numbers on the other side. Each chair on this table sans mine would fold back into the boiling hot MAGGGGGMUH beneath us. This would be activated by both a voice trigger[footnote]Me saying "Amazing work Mr.[insert henchman name]"[/footnote] and a thumb print reader, which requires a pulse of course. The volcano would be hollowed out on the inside with a nuclear missile silo sitting where the inside of the volcano once was. There would be a small cave on the opposite side of the volcano down low, this would be my escape route but it would also serve as a great entrance to my secret base for the heroes to sneak in and kill me.
Inside the space station would be levels and levels of parading soldiers, again dressed like white nazis. (Remember I'm an EVIL mastermind) There would be hangers and hangers of spaceships, we would primarily be a pirate haven. Protecting the seedy underbelly of the galaxy and taking a massive cut off the top of course.
If I was a lich, or had access to evil magic I would live a dark castle deep in the mountains. A massive graveyard of my enemies surrounding my lands, each grave a bed for my trusty undead army ready to rise at a moments notice. This gives a perfect defense as any living being not warded by myself who takes a step near a grave causes three hundred skeletal soldiers wake up killing the intruder. The castle would have three or four floating towers connected to the main keep by magical ropes, each one an escape pod if I ever personally come into any danger. I would have some magical portal to my otherworldly allies which would of course be where the heroes get into my castle. But, luckily, I would never physically leave my main tower which could detach and escape at any time. I would work almost entirely through puppets, the reanimated remains of my former neighbors.
I would put all my dumbest henchmen in the fake base inside an active volcano. Have those henchmen be incompetent and easily discovered in order to lure the guy who always got the ability to take down all of them to the wrong place. Then place my real base inside a bakery, because you know... free cupcakes.
So... it has come to THIS. It's the corgis versus the 600 page romance novels.Shocksplicer said:
UNLEASH THE FLYING POMERANIANS!
http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/a7/fe/a7fe85ffba8fce27b185dd4ea46bc6ff_h.jpg
If we do this right, they might make a movie out of it!
I would build a Outer Haven built for Space to suit Big Bosses's original intentions, so soldiers after war can just kill each other in the streets of this space ship.
Of course thats the cover up and the real base is on the lowest floor with the only way to get in would be through a hall with no cover and with at least a hundred robot snipers that will kill you, along with twenty human snipers when the robots break so that no one can get to my room. ALSO, FUCK AIR DUCTS BEING OPENABLE, THEY HAVE TO HAVE TO BE BUILT INTO THE SHIP TO STOP THOSE FUCKERS FROM CRAWLING THROUGH IT!
Which will be the headquarters that hold a weapon of mass gayness, a bomb that will not kill or destroy, but will change straight people who are straight into gay people to stop over population.
All of my minions will be wearing balaclavas and speedo is the only thing their wearing other then their head. Also, their all males to prevent lady spies.
Of course thats the cover up and the real base is on the lowest floor with the only way to get in would be through a hall with no cover and with at least a hundred robot snipers that will kill you, along with twenty human snipers when the robots break so that no one can get to my room. ALSO, FUCK AIR DUCTS BEING OPENABLE, THEY HAVE TO HAVE TO BE BUILT INTO THE SHIP TO STOP THOSE FUCKERS FROM CRAWLING THROUGH IT!
Which will be the headquarters that hold a weapon of mass gayness, a bomb that will not kill or destroy, but will change straight people who are straight into gay people to stop over population.
All of my minions will be wearing balaclavas and speedo is the only thing their wearing other then their head. Also, their all males to prevent lady spies.
But the only thing one needs to counter all of those snipers is plenty of pentazemin, field rations, chaff grenades, and their own sniper rifle. And everyone knows that human guards are stupid enough to be prone to following random footprints in a perfect pattern, staring intently at the ground with such intense tunnel vision that horses wearing those blinder things would be impressed. Or, if the hall is large enough and empty enough (and provided the walls are made of some sort of material that reverberates), one could simply knock against the wall to lure the guards one by one around a corner to their doom. Especially since halls are almost never just straight and narrow paths from one location to another.Aprilgold said:
And everyone knows that anyone with the balls to infiltrate that base in the first place is probably asexual, who is more interested in his SOCOM than a half-naked lady-person.
I would build it into the ticking-time bomb of a disaster that is Mt. Rainier. It's the perfect setting: Has a bunch of snow all over, is a dormant volcano, and you can see it from a lot of the state, reminding people that "Wow, there is a giant evil fortress over there".