Where would you build your evil fortress?

keiji_Maeda

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May 9, 2012
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After forging my "mighty-machine" tm (actual name) from the rough hewn glass of a gallows prison, the burning hatred of women scorned, of metal torn from the very hearth of the hindenburg and fueling it with igorant people and the very eternal souls of the damned and ever-hating. (Imagine something diesely punk'ish with black glass and electricty shouting out of it) i would then harness it's power to create a troglodyte race of physically stronger but subservient people loyal to me, bald as a side effect unfortunately and put them as obstructions in the doorway of every public place of joy. These "Men-of-ye-door" would be genetically conditioned to take joy in critiquing the apparel an behaviour of others, and yet be completely oblivious to their behaviour due to mental conditioning.

I would then harness the "Machine" to be self sufficient by drawing strength from the ever growing rage, and anger from public transportation.

I would then set up a base economy by offering people fame by debasing themselves on the internet, on television and in public medias, merely for the joy of fame itself. And in exchange collect their souls and common sense, thusly creating a society in which my doormen may flourish, and i creat a self perpetuating spiral where peoples highest wish is to follow those who have choosen their own doom by failing to account that all fame is fickle.

My sign is however a regrettably apparent, in the first batch of henchies it was a tribal like drawing, on the second generation barb wire, and on the third and forward it was southeast asian calligraphy.

Their common sense is sold to a small elite of corporate executives and the souls go to the demon with which i forged the unholy covenant to construct the "machine" in exchange for some of the doomed gold of Hell.

I started out in the 90's and it's going pretty awesome so far.
 

Shocksplicer

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lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
I'd make mine a lovely little cottage...
On Olympus Mons.

And My guards would be adorable little Corgis...
With Gatling Guns.

And My Great Plan would be to systematically destroy each and every copy of Pride and Prejudice in the world!

Why? Because I can.
But - But - Pride and Prejudice is the only romance novel I like! D:

My Great Plan is now officially to feed all the world's corgis to the world's Pomeranians.
*Eyes narrow* We meet at last. My Arch Nemesis!

So... it has come to THIS. It's the corgis versus the 600 page romance novels.

UNLEASH THE FLYING POMERANIANS!

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/a7/fe/a7fe85ffba8fce27b185dd4ea46bc6ff_h.jpg

If we do this right, they might make a movie out of it!
AHA! You FOOL! In destroying all the Corgis in the world you have only helped me in my TRUE plan.
For you see...
I AM REALLY A CAT PERSON!
MWAHAHAHHA!
UNLEASH THE RUSSIAN BLUES! SEND THE BRITISH SHORTHAIRS INTO THE FLANKS!
But what you don't REALIZE is that I am of a hive mind, hive soul, and hive digestive tract with my lovely Pomeranians!

EVEN AS WE (blargh) SPEAK, I AM VOMITING (blargh) ALL YOUR CORGIS INTO MY (blargh) PERSONAL ARMY.

(blargh) My avatar confirms this. Q.E.D, bitches! (blargh)
Your Canine Cannon Fodder cannot hope to withstand the cuteness of my SUPER ROBOT KITTENS! SEND IN THE 16 FOOT TALL Q-TEE MCWHISKERS THAT SHOOTS RAINBOW LASERS FROM IT'S EYES!
<img width=300>http://d4k7s9ho8qact.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/giantCorgi1.jpg?9d7bd4

Checkmate.

(Do you know how bloody hard this thing was to vomit?)
AHA! You have fallen for yet another of my ingenious traps! For you see, that Giant Corgi is in fact a TROJAN Corgi! It is filled with my feline minions, and will destroy your puny army!
 

loc978

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Sep 18, 2010
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Far future. I'd build a Dyson sphere around this solar system and populate it with autonomous androids that are physically indistinguishable from humans... but then I wouldn't invade Earth, I'd just subtly fuck with people for my own amusement.
Eventually they'd probably invade my sphere, but I'd have more resources than them by then, what with having a Dyson sphere and a solar system worth of asteroids to mine. Also, my retaliatory strikes would be totally justified.
 

No social life

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Oct 27, 2010
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Easton Dark said:
Center of the Earth, buh. Keeps me warm on those chilly nights.
Well that is a way to have a zero gravity base that would be hard to move about in for the inexperienced.

OT: It may be cliched but I like alternate dimensions with the exception of those with immortal "monsters" or radiation that causes zombification .
 

Hylke Langhout

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Mar 2, 2011
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I would build it in Canada. Not just because Canada is awesome, but nobody will expect anything evil to come out of Canada.

If not there, then Switzerland. The Swiss would of course be my allies. Little known fact about Switzerland: they are always... ALWAYS prepared for war. They would be the perfect soldiers. Also Switzerland is really easy to defend.
 

Raika

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Jul 31, 2011
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As a Final Fantasy XIV player, I feel rather obligated to say that I'd build my evil fortress in Mor Dhona, but the Garlean Empire already beat me to it. Damn.
 

Quaxar

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Sep 21, 2009
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No matter where it is, it would only be accessible through a series of unnecessary doors and a phone box at the end with a trap door on the bottom.
<youtube=EmnpWc3p59c>
Or of course an island full of crazy stuff with a society of captured enemies kept there by elaborate devices such as giant bubbles only to be released from time to time, except they are not really released.
<youtube=14eUKogPF7s>

The 60s are a big inspiration for crazy spy stuff...
 

BOOM headshot65

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Jul 7, 2011
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Location: The plains of Kansas, set in modern day.



I mean, LOOK at that! I DARE you to try and sneak up on me. Go on. I double Dare you.

Base: Steel and reinforced concrete base. Layout is similer to an Army base. All major facilities (muntions factory, R&D, barracks, Command Center, Power Plant, Hydroponics lab, etc.) are underground, with the Motorpool, airstrip, hangers, and battlements above ground. The base will be surrounded by a steel wall with reinforced concrete lining the inside of the wall.

There will be 5 sniper towers around the perimeter, with a 6th on top of the command bunker in the middle of the base. Machinegun bunkers, AT missiles, and AA guns will be placed at strategic points around the outer wall. Artillery and SAMs will be located on top of the command bunker. The Airstip will be long enough to allow take-off of C-5 cargo planes, but will still be inside the base wall.

Troops: My troop levels will consist of 30,000 men and women, equivalent in strength to a US Army Division. ALL men and women will be volunteers and will not be forced to stay against thier wills.

However, due to force projection and firepower, our army is able to launch attack equivalent in power to an army group numbering 1,000,000 men.

Equipment:
Squad weapons: XM8 assault rifles [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XM8_rifle], M1911 handguns [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M1911], M60 machine guns [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M60_machine_gun], AA-12 Shotguns [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atchisson_Assault_Shotgun], M202 FLASH [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M202_FLASH], SMAW AT rocket [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoulder-launched_Multipurpose_Assault_Weapon], XM109 [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XM109] sniper rifle [http://www.strategypage.com/gallery/images/xm_109_2.jpg], and Dragon Skin Body Armor. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragon_Skin]

Base Defenses: M2 .50-cal MG [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M2_Browning], FGM-148 Javelin [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FGM-148_Javelin], XM109 Sniper Rifle [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XM109], Twin Bofors 40mm AA guns [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bofors_40_mm], MIM-104 Patriot SAM launchers [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MIM-104_Patriot], M777 155mm artillery [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M777_howitzer], and IMS [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intelligent_Munitions_System] Mine system [http://media.techeblog.com/elephant//ul/5966-450x-ims_2.jpg]

Ground Vehicles: TALON combat drones [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foster-Miller_TALON], Cougar HE MRAP [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cougar_(vehicle)#Variants], M35 Cargo trucks [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deuce_and_a_half], M1A2 Abrams tank [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M1_Abrams], M2A3 Bradley IFV [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M2_Bradley], M42 Duster self-propelled AA guns [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M42_Duster], and M109A6 Paladin self-propelled artillery [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M109_howitzer#M109A6_.22Paladin.22]

Air Vehicles: F-15 Eagle fighter [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-15], A-10 Warthog attacker [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A-10], C-5 Galaxy cargo plane [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C-5_Galaxy], KC-10 Extender tanker [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KC-10_Extender], AC-130 Spectre gunship [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AC-130], MV-22 Osprey helicopter [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MV-22_Osprey], AH-64D Apache Longbows [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AH-64_Apache#AH-64D], and MQ-9 Reaper Drones [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaper_drone]

Mission statement: Our goal is simple. Hunt down dictators, drug lords, arms dealers, and Terrorist, and kill them. We will then set the area back on its feet and bring them democracy. It is a shame it had to come to this. If the UN, NATO, or even just the US had done its job, this wouldnt be needed. But if they will ignore genocide and tyranny, we wont. We will end ALL genocide in ALL countrys with no thought of getting resources or reward from it, except for freeing a people from tyranny. All forces under my command will be so in an entirely volunteer role. If they want to leave, they are allowed to without any problems. Any and all soldiers lost on missions will be my fault and my fault alone, and thier families (who live on base) will be compensated appropriotely. [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AFatherToHisMen] As we are fighting for the people, we must avoid civilian deaths when possible, but will do what is nessesary in order to free them. So dont think we will think twice about shooting through your human shield to kill you, Mr. Terrorist. Above all else, we will avoid attacking US forces. We are not traitors. We are just doing what the US is too scared or unwilling to do. All funding will come from our partner corporation, All American Enterprises, a conglomerate who employs only American workers and builds 100% of its products on American Soil.





Did I over think this? Maybe. Do I care? Hell no.
 

DeltaEdge

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May 21, 2010
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In a hospital. No one would attack a hospital! It's a perfectly evil spot for an evil hideout.
 

Arrogancy

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Jun 9, 2009
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My evil fortress would be... in the sky. Yep, dirigible-style doom fortress. The Victorian Era will learn to look into the skies with dread! My henchmen will be thugs in waistcoats with jaunty bowlers atop their heads and wielding steampunk-style rifles.
 

Ti0k0

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Jun 22, 2011
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'To build an evil fortress at the bottom of the sea! Insanity. But where else could we be free from the clutching hand of the Parasites? Where else could we build an economy that they would not try to control, a society that they would not try to destroy? It was not impossible to build an evil fortress at the bottom of the sea. It was impossible to build it anywhere else.'

True story.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
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Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
But what you don't REALIZE is that I am of a hive mind, hive soul, and hive digestive tract with my lovely Pomeranians!

EVEN AS WE (blargh) SPEAK, I AM VOMITING (blargh) ALL YOUR CORGIS INTO MY (blargh) PERSONAL ARMY.

(blargh) My avatar confirms this. Q.E.D, bitches! (blargh)
Your Canine Cannon Fodder cannot hope to withstand the cuteness of my SUPER ROBOT KITTENS! SEND IN THE 16 FOOT TALL Q-TEE MCWHISKERS THAT SHOOTS RAINBOW LASERS FROM IT'S EYES!
<img width=300>http://d4k7s9ho8qact.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/giantCorgi1.jpg?9d7bd4

Checkmate.

(Do you know how bloody hard this thing was to vomit?)
AHA! You have fallen for yet another of my ingenious traps! For you see, that Giant Corgi is in fact a TROJAN Corgi! It is filled with my feline minions, and will destroy your puny army!
I can't find a .gif of corgis vomiting cats. Your plan has FAILED! FAILED, I TELL YOU!
 

Hawk of Battle

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Feb 28, 2009
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In a pocket dimension, the wormhole entrance to which is in the void between galaxies, with no precise coordinates ever kept anywhere. The wormhole entrance would also be enshrouded in a stealth cloak and the entire area permanently de-phased. It would also be kept out of temporal synch with the rest of the universe.

This would be my decoy facility. My real facility is even harder to find.
 

Wolf In A Bear Suit

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Jun 2, 2012
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Im going to build a Skyscraper on a cliff in the shape of Ussain Bolt doing a victory pose. Also I'm going to have a massive Lithuanian head of security called Fred who's a little over seven foot and his pastimes include mutilating people, polishing his head and dropping puppies off of buildings
 

MiskWisk

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Mar 17, 2012
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Probably Brussels.
Oh, wait there is already one there.

Hmm, I guess some big underground place, maybe under ayers rock
 

Cranky

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Mar 12, 2012
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I'd have one in the atmosphere of a stormy planet like how the Shadow Broker did it.
Then I'd have one under the streets of London, drill out a small apartment's worth of space and conceal the entrance as a manhole cover. And I will have all tha energy shielding and what not.
 

BOOM headshot65

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DeltaEdge said:
In a hospital. No one would attack a hospital! It's a perfectly evil spot for an evil hideout.
Well, technically, the reason for that is because it is against the Geneva convention to attack medical stations and personel, along with religious structres and cultural artifacts/landmarks. However, they will lose thier protection if weaponized, which is why it is legal to bomb mosques in Iraq if militants are using them as cover, and why ambulances dont carry guns even in war zones.