Where would you build your evil fortress?

ccggenius12

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Sep 30, 2010
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I'd build an undersea volcano lair on the moon. Henchman are sentient velociraptor cyborgs with lasers on their heads. I plan to conquer the world, by destroying it. That totally counts, I looked it up.
 

templar1138a

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Dec 1, 2010
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An underground complex beneath Pepsico Headquarters in Purchase, NY. No, that's not a commentary on the company, just the location. I went to SUNY Purchase for a couple years. It is literally across the street from Pepsico. All I'd have to do is have my goons capture the bakeheads and layabouts in the middle of the night and bring them back to base for genetic experimentation.

Plus I'd strike a deal with Pepsico itself so there'd be free soda fountains for said goons. No, it's not the best soda, but free soda is great for morale in an evil organization. But unlike other evil organizations, I wouldn't give them dental.
 
Aug 19, 2010
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The Internet.

The henchmen would be "uploaded" into a videogame-like virtual world, where real physics are nonexistent. There would be a random gravity generator, but all the henchmen would be immune.Fighting will be a cross between actual physical combat and hacking, and all sorts of abilities, objects and even physics can be spawned at will. To the outside world it would seem like a normal server with stupid amounts of security. If hacked, they would have to get through the AI digital henchmen, and the actually live ones who's minds were "uploaded" would serve as elite guards. Whenever some pesky do-gooder wants to end my evil plotting once and for all, they'd have to upload aswell, but if "pull the plug" all uploaded individuals will die in real life aswell, But the data (the fortress itself, plans for massive death laser, and plots to take over the world you know, the usual) could be retireved. Also, if they do manage to destroy all my data, I'd have a small emergency back-up , hidden somewhere, that only has the capacity to hold the data and 2 people's uploaded minds (for sequel purposes, 2 person limit for epic showdown with main protagonist). The people in my employ wont only be the stereotypical henchmen plus one evil scientist who needs my funding but hates my guts would be a massive group of hackers, who I use to reach my ultimate goal: to take over the whole internet, which i would use for utterly sinister purposes.I would use the whole internet's capacity to enslave the whole human population, and upload them to a virtual world where they all serve me. THAT ultimate virtual world would be my fortress. All the endless data

The Internet.MY Internet.
 

Malty Milk Whistle

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Oct 29, 2011
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I would build a huge steampunk tower, complete with overly large brass pipes, bellows, and all the bells and whistles!

As for its location?

In the nightmares of my prisoners....And if that's to tricky, i will settle for hackney.

It's pretty much hell already.
 

Maeta

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Jun 8, 2011
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Maybe above head height in Kingdoms of Amalur or The Conduit, since you can't look all the way up... Or in the sky in the early topdown GTA games for the same reason.
Else I'd make it through a magic doorway into a different dimension in the corner of my office (not the current one, that's being knocked down), and make it so that everyone who somehow does find it is far too concerned by travelling to a different dimension/universe that they just don't care about the huge castle with gattling turrets and a nuclear arsenal to shame the back story of the Fallout series, and the army of Natalie Portman clone assassins.
 

Treblaine

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Leemaster777 said:
You are now an evil would-be conqueror of the world. Where is your evil base of operations?

You can go with any time period, universe, or place you choose.

Present day? Or maybe the far future? Or past? Perhaps a nice, cozy spot on the moon? Or deep space? Or parallel dimension? How about something a bit more underground?

Me? I'm going with a James Bond-style volcano-doom fortress. Complete with henchmen in silver space suits, scantily-clad female ninja assassins, and my own personal formula for the worldwide destruction of corn.

And you?
Uh, I wouldn't. Not any fortress.

Not since they invented these:


I'll take a cue from the president of the United States, in the event of a nuclear war he is ferried onto Air Force One (Or the military warfare variant) and flies around deep inside protected airspace. Kept in the air with frequent refuelling. Only I wouldn't fly in any modified Boeing, I'd fly in a B2 Spirit stealth bomber, a flying wing that is almost impossible to detect on radar and has amazing endurance capability. See a plane is hard to hit from well inside air defences, but any fixed target no matter how deep or how well secured could be destroyed with sufficient bombardment. Even deep under the see like Bioshock's Rapture, a few nuclear bomb could be dropped as a depth charges, and the US and Russians designed many for use in anti-submarine warfare.

Or alternatively, one of these:


A self-sustaining ultra-quiet nuclear submarine that could be anywhere under the vast oceans that cover almost 75% of the earth's surface, even under the Arctic Ice sheet. I don't know if I'd bother keeping the arsenal of TWO HUNDRED nuclear bombs that can be individually targeted via almost impossible to intercept ballistic missiles, each bomb with a yield 10 times as large at the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nakasaki. Especially a nuclear submarine that could secretly go from one pre-arranged stash of resupplies to another.

Yeah, aircraft hopping for starters, then nuclear submarine.

Stay mobile, stay invisible, and stay deadly.
 

MammothBlade

It's not that I LIKE you b-baka!
Oct 12, 2011
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In a "theme park" the size of Disneyland Florida. It would be constantly "under construction", expected to open within a decade. That should divert suspicion when the "rollercoasters" start to resemble gigantic railguns, pleasure domes with an uncanny similarity to nuclear reactors, and the haunted houses look more like torture chambers and laboratories... the construction workers would look the part with clown outfits and funny hats.
 

Icehearted

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Jul 14, 2009
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Leemaster777 said:
You are now an evil would-be conqueror of the world. Where is your evil base of operations?

You can go with any time period, universe, or place you choose.

Present day? Or maybe the far future? Or past? Perhaps a nice, cozy spot on the moon? Or deep space? Or parallel dimension? How about something a bit more underground?

Me? I'm going with a James Bond-style volcano-doom fortress. Complete with henchmen in silver space suits, scantily-clad female ninja assassins, and my own personal formula for the worldwide destruction of corn.

And you?
This was my first thought when I saw the title, except my volcano lair of evil would be...

*pinky finger to lip*

under the sea!
 

JordanXlord

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Mar 29, 2010
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very simple...

my evil fortress will become the moon...we will hollow out the moon and make it my evil lair.

the Death Star got nothing on me
 

Sejs Cube

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Jun 16, 2008
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Real one?

Pocket dimension.

But I'd also maintain a fake evil lair somewhere remote but still theoretically accessible. That way it gives anyone who is opposing me something to work towards that won't interfere with what I'm actually up to.

Plus, you know, it'd be useful as a mailing address. Kind of difficult to get something delivered to a pocket dimension, after all.
 

Robby Foxfur

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Sep 1, 2009
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I already did its in Washington DC and its already full of mindless minions that come up with horrible plans to exact on the people of the lands! BWHAHAHAHHAHAH!

I can't say I've thought about this much I've thought about bases for survival but never evil fortress ... well a place like Morrdor would be good only one way in that happens to be heavily guarded and what not. other than that i'm thinking in the center of a chain of very high mountains then extend the walls to the tops of the mountains and bam very hard to reach and easy to defend. add some creepy low lying fog for effect and then an ever present gloom and doom themed town near by with the only road that leads to it and yeah.
 

Maeta

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Jun 8, 2011
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Sejs Cube said:
Real one?

Pocket dimension.

But I'd also maintain a fake evil lair somewhere remote but still theoretically accessible. That way it gives anyone who is opposing me something to work towards that won't interfere with what I'm actually up to.

Plus, you know, it'd be useful as a mailing address. Kind of difficult to get something delivered to a pocket dimension, after all.
Just get like a POBox or a little old lady agree to accept your mail?

Oh, and captcha: you good?
No, we're discussing being evil...
 

Reiper

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Mar 26, 2009
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How do any of you envision the encounter going if Kim Possible infiltrates your lair?
 

ImperialSunlight

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Nov 18, 2009
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In a dark tower built built into a cliff face made of the bones of my fallen enemies. That or a tower built on top of the White House. I like towers.

Champthrax said:
How do any of you envision the encounter going if Kim Possible infiltrates your lair?
Hahahahaha!

...that is all.
 

Alhazred

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May 10, 2012
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I'm a sucker for history, and the doomsday devices of ancient civilisations always seem to be more powerful than what modern technology can invent, so here's what I'd do. I'd find a lost city, excavate it, attach massive anti-gravity engines underneath and levitate it into the sky. I'd repair the city with modern technology, resulting in a mishmash of metal and stone.

And then, when it's complete, I'll teleport the world's greatest minds and leaders inside, activate the world-destroying doomsday device, activate my ancient mecha army and let the heroes storm the place.

Because hey, what's the point of an evil lair if you can't show it off?
 

Lord Kloo

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Jun 7, 2010
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Where else am I going to put my doom fortress, other than North Fucking Korea

I'll just ask Kim for a space for my super secret research facility and in return I'll give him stuff and take down the Western world..!

Our mission will be simple, I will have a tiny staff of computer geniuses and hackers and biotech scientists (just cus I'm evil) and most of my underground lair will be comprised of computers, silently working toward the common goal of getting the nuclear codes for Russia and the USA..

Once I have the codes I will launch all the missiles into long range flights giving all the leaders of the world exactly 1 hour 15.. no 14 minutes to pay me 1 billion dollars..

And if the good guys do actually find out where I live, I've got most of the world's nuclear arsenal in orbit and the entire of North Korea to keep out the world, and we all know North Korea doesn't let the US special forces in to kill people unlike some parts of the world

All in all I think this is going to go well.. just got to get used the climate over there, and the food
 

gusenborge

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Nov 6, 2011
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On the biggest mountain in Sweden, Kebnekaise.

Why?
1. Because its really far up North so i wont have that many doorknockers trying to convert me or buy cheap vacuum cleaners!
2. How many evil lords have their lair in Sweden?
3. I can disguise my minions as reindeer.