Why bother making 'friends'?

[Mikodite]

Of anything I've learned in my short stay on this planet its that people are temporary, disposable, and possibly garbage. Knowing this makes it hard for me to want to bond with people knowing that given a few months to a couple of years I will never see or hear from them again. I wish it wasn't this way, but I've learned though pattern recognition that making friends is pointless, to the point where 'friend' becomes a misnomer.

I'm wondering what others think about this (and I know I'm going to get a shit-storm of people who are going to be all 'you socially-misaligned misanthrope' on this.) I admit that I sometimes feel lonely and I do have a few people I hang around with, but I'm not friends with them: I just hang around them. There is no sense of comradely or connection, and I don't think I fit in with them anyways. There will be no hard feelings when it comes that I never see them again. I have formed emotional bonds with people before, and at best I had to feel the heartache of never seeing someone I was close to again, and a worst had this relationship betrayed, so why bother anymore if its just going to end in pain?

 

[AmbitiousWorm]

High school kids. A source of endless entertainment.

Thanks for making me laugh.

 

[Phlakes]

How old are you? For reference.

Yeah, this. I have a feeling you're going through that phase. Everyone knows it. And if you are, you're lying to yourself, and you'll lie to yourself about lying to yourself and so on.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

Because they make that short time of your life more enjoyable. I had a friend all through primary school. I don't see him much anymore but he made 7 years of my life the most fun I ever had.

 

[davidmc1158_v1legacy]

For what it's worth, I do not consider you a "socially-misaligned misanthrope" but I think you might need a small "hope recharging".

Sometimes, finding a good friend is NOT as easy as every form of entertainment media wants you to think it is. Yes, betrayal hurts like hell. I've been there as well. But, I still look around me to find that there are people worth knowing.

As for my own personal viewpoint, I don't really consider someone a "friend" unless I am willing to either kill or take a bullet for them. I have numerous acquaintances of whom I am fond but that's just about it. I never have had more than a handful of true friends at any point in time, but I always keep an eye out, because you simply never know.

I truly hope the future is kinder to you than the past seems to have been. But, to quote an otherwise forgotten fictional character, "Where there's life, there's hope. And I ain't dead yet!"

 

[Hawk eye1466]

Because a true friend will help you hide the body get rid of all the evidence and become head of the biggest drug cartel in the world!

That's just an example though I know nothing about the drug cartel's.

 

[Sevgamer]

If you make an effort you can maintain your friendship you don't have to never see them again. I have this friend i have known for 8 years now and last year he moved to japan (i still live in our hometown in Canada)and we Skype everyday and maintain our friendship to this day.

 

[Jedoro]

why bother anymore if its just going to end in pain?

By this line itself, my advice would consist of killing yourself, since that's how life ends, anyways. We don't live to live forever, we live to enjoy our time before death. Think about friendships that way, find the people you'll enjoy being around before they go.

 

[Peteron]

Well, you think that way because you don't have friends. Some grow apart and others come together, its life. I've had best friends I've kept since pre-school. Nothing ends in pain. I've lost a few friends, yet gained an equal if not greater number. People change as they grow older, especially in your younger years. There is nothing wrong with that.

Now quit whining about all this depressing mumbo jumbo and go find some friends! After all, your family and friends make life worth living. If you keep that lame attitude up, you're not going far!

 

[SwishiestB0g]

I always look at these threads and think, "Now is it just this person actually not being likable and thus coming up with an excuse as to why friends are stupid, or is it really the way they view things?" Sadly I hope it's the second part, because that can be fixed and I've been there.

To answer the question in your post with another question, if you are afraid of pain, why get up in the morning? Walking outside can cause you pain. If you go anywhere near a road, why? It's likely THAT will cause you pain.

You do those things to get somewhere. Friends can take you places, make you do things and open your eyes to so many new things. They'll teach you and help you grow as a person. Pain sucks yes, I'm very well versed in a painful end to a bunch of friendships in a short amount of time. (My fault btw) Doesn't mean I stop having friends because of a bit of pain. I found people I do like to be around, who do care about me. If you can find that, then the good-times will far out-way the bad and I'm a very negative person.

Life is like a road-trip, sure you can get to the end by yourself, but pack 3 or 4 dumb friends into the car with you, and you could have a legendary experience.

 

[Grimsinger]

I make friends because I like people. I start to feel a little crazy when I'm alone for too long without a good reason to be solitary. Plus, drinking is a lot more fun with friends.

 

[geK0]

There's always the alternative of actively avoiding everyone. I mean, you could just talk to people and have short-term casual relationships with the small possibility of them becoming good friends, or you could just REFUSE to say a word to them, your choice really = \.

Friends aren't really something you 'bother to make'...actually, anyone who actively looks for friends and is over the age of 9 just comes off as weird.

 

[SailorShale]

I'm a bit like you, only my problem is that I just don't care for others that much. I can feel empathy and such, but I just can't connect to others and really enjoy their presence. I used to try, but it just falls apart because I just can't make myself care. Maybe I haven't met the right people, but I've just accepted that I'll be alone and that's fine. So really, it depends on the person. Some people thrive on social relationships, and some others don't.

 

[Toriver]

Well, not to get all cliche on you, but some things, such as friendship, are about the journey, not the destination. Almost every friend I've ever made until a few months ago is half the world away, and I don't keep in contact with many of them. Do I regret having spent time with any of them? No. While we were friends, we shared experiences and memories that will always be with me and that have made me a better person. Even an introvert like me can admit that many things in life are vastly more enjoyable when you have someone to share them with, even if you won't keep in touch with the others for long afterwards.
Plus, spending time with others is good for your mental health anyway. And in today's increasingly connected world, knowing how to deal with other people is becoming ever more important and valuable as a skill for life and employment as social skills among the general populace seem to be deteriorating. The best way to gain those skills is through experience with friends.

Honestly, if you see absolutely no value in interpersonal contact, if I were you I would get checked for depression. There's no shame in it, and it's best to deal with it as early as possible before it gets out of hand.

 

[TriGGeR_HaPPy]

Firstly: You appear to have made 3 exactly similar threads...

Back OT: I guess my own personal experience has been rather different... I'm finishing my second year of university this year, as are many of my friends who are at other universities in different parts of the state (and other parts of the country for some of them). We've known each other since various points in secondary school (some I got to know at the very start, others I got to know in my last few years in secondary school), but every chance we get we will make the time to see each other, and despite the distance and a few exceptions, we're just as close as ever.

We've helped each other through our respective rough patches from simply moving houses, to illnesses, even through deaths of people close to us.

However, we've also been very lucky in finding each other, and I fully admit this. I knew almost everyone in my year level in secondary school to some extent, but it's this close group of guys and girls in whom we all saw the genuineness in each other, and stuck with one another.

There'll always be those people who aren't as good as they may seem, the many who come and go. But if you can find those genuine people who you know you can trust then you hold onto them, because it's those people who are worth any petty fights that may occur even amongst good friends, and it's them who will be the ones who will stay with you.

As for me, as well as any possible friends I may make in the future, I can honestly see myself still being friends with this group for many, many years to come.

 

[Pandaman1911]

High school kids. A source of endless entertainment.

Thanks for making me laugh.

I feel exactly like you do. Does that make me a bad person?

 

[RatRace123]

It seems like you've already made up your mind about this.
Even though I prefer solitude most of the time, I still enjoy having friends because it's nice to hang out with someone beyond yourself, and a sense of belonging and brotherhood is great to have. But it's really more of something that just happens, but you have to be willing to try at it.