Why do some parents have an aversion to explaining homosexuality to their children?

[Froggy Slayer]

I don't really get this in our modern day and age. It isn't even like you have to introduce sex talk at this point. The main part that I don't understand is that many parents who say that they are OK with homosexuality will still try to shelter their kids from the idea.

 

[Terminate421]

Because believe it or not there are those who use religion as the excuse and make other people who believe in the same religion look like homophobic morons when they really are not.

EDIT: I should also mention that children LOVE fucking with "weird" kids or those who are "different" being gay is "different" enough for them and thus are far more inclined to pick on them, especially when their parents may have said gay jokes in front of them or anyone else for that matter may have. Public schools usually only teach about sexual reproduction and when the concept of two of the same gender getting frisky instead of two of opposite genders...well kids usually don't put that together as well as most.

 

[Aris Khandr]

Because if you don't tell them that it exists, they can't possible be it. Naturally.

This forum needs an eyeroll smiley.

That or they're not really okay with homosexuals, they just say they are to avoid being publicly labeled a homophobe. Kind of like how some people "aren't racist" but "let me tell you about those blacks..."

 

[tippy2k2]

Alright, I'm going to try to give an explanation that doesn't just paint all parents as homophobic bigots...

You can be accepting of something and it still can make you uncomfortable. Now I don't remember my "The Talk" with my mum but I can't imagine it would be a fun conversation to have. My guess is that they want to get the basics down without going into detail or complications. The very basic of "The Talk" is when a mommy and daddy love each other, they have fun and out pops a baby. I'm guessing that's about the farthest that any parent goes with this kind of thing.

Granted, I'm not a parent so maybe I'm way off base.

 

[Melon Hunter]

Some people believe that by telling their children about homosexuality, they might start 'experimenting' because they never knew they could be gay before. It's a form of bigotry born of ignorance; what they forget that is that kids aren't suddenly going to try and be gay because they were told about it - rather, kids that are gay, once they get to the age where they start to mature sexually, are going to know that not only are some people attracted to their own sex rather than the opposite, but also that it's completely OK to be attracted to their own gender. They weren't 'turned gay', they simply exhibited behaviour that was always going to appear, education or not. The difference is that with education, homosexual adolescents can grow up feeling more secure that society at large accepts their presence and chosen partners.

The Guardian did an interview with David Davies a few weeks ago, a British Conservative politician who caused controversy after making remarks against the drive for gay marriage in this country. The most interesting thing about the interview is that, while Davies genuinely doesn't want to offend anyone, he comes out with some shockingly homophobic remarks simply because he didn't know any other situation. It's quite the insight, and is certainly food for thought as to how many overtly homophobic people are genuinely intolerant, and how many are simply lacking in education as a result of a heteronormative society:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/dec/21/david-davies-gay-marriage-interview

 

[JoJo]

It's difficult to mark it down to anything other than prejudice, even if it's only mild prejudice, since it's not difficult to explain while avoiding references to sex. My parents explained it to my little sister (then about six) when the word came up on the Simpsons as simply "sometimes a man loves another man, or a lady loves another lady", which she was fine with.

 

[triggrhappy94]

There was a Daniel Tosh joke about this.
(I couldn't find an original clip so I'll do my best to remember)

California Prop 8 past, I guess we're not as liberal as we thought. The mormon church ran an ad where a little girl ran into her house and told her mom "Today at school, the teacher told me when I grow up I can marry a princess."
I know California parents, they all thought "Wait I'm going to have to talk to my kids? Sorry gays, I'm voting yes"


I know I butchered that.

 

[Korolev]

They are uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuality, and they find the concept "icky" and "gross", so they don't want to talk about it to their kids, or they will paint it in a negative light. It's normal (but not good) for parents to impart their own prejudices to their kids. Virtually every parent does this. It is rare for parents to resist telling their children of what they should/shouldn't approve of.

Parents have been doing this since the human species began. My parents indoctrinated me politically. When I was younger, I marched in perfect lockstep with their beliefs, until I turned 15, and then I started to believe in different things (they were quite on the Left - I am far more centrist in my political beliefs, which they think are right wing. I know I'm not right wing because I annoy all my right wing friends.)

Parents shouldn't have an aversion to explaining homosexuality to their children, but we don't live in a perfect world, and we can't tell them what to teach. I'd rather live in this imperfect, bigoted world, than a world in which parents are forced to teach their children A, B and C by State Decree.

 

[BringBackBuck]

Why should they explain homosexuality to their kids?

There are literally millions of things you could tell your child. Why the sky is blue,how internal combustion engines work,why people sneeze, or how amphibians reproduce.

If the parents are heterosexual, and their friends are too, it might not even come up. I don't remember my parents ever discussing it with me.

 

[lechat]

you'd think the tendency in kids would be more towards homosexuality if you didn't give em a talk since they always seems so concerned about cooties and girl germs

 

[hermes]

So they don't get any weird ideas...

 

[Rawne1980]

I haven't explained it all to my kids because it hasn't come up.

I answer when they ask things.

 

[Scars Unseen]

Most parents have an aversion to explaining heterosexuality to their children. Why would homosexuality be any easier?

 

[Hagi]

I think it also comes down to people just not really considering it a possibility that their own kids might be gay, at least not on a practical level.

Parents may casually ask their son if he's got a girlfriend yet, or their daughter if she's got a boyfriend yet. But how often is the opposite asked?

A daughter going out alone with a guy will likely get a few teasing remarks. That same daughter going out alone with a girl probably isn't worth commenting on from the parent's point of view.

In their day-to-day lives homosexuality isn't something they think about or consider. Thus when the time for such talks comes along the subject is often left alone, they've never really mentioned it before so why start now?

 

[Melon Hunter]

Some people believe that by telling their children about homosexuality, they might start 'experimenting' because they never knew they could be gay before. It's a form of bigotry born of ignorance; what they forget that is that kids aren't suddenly going to try and be gay because they were told about it - rather, kids that are gay, once they get to the age where they start to mature sexually, are going to know that not only are some people attracted to their own sex rather than the opposite, but also that it's completely OK to be attracted to their own gender. They weren't 'turned gay', they simply exhibited behaviour that was always going to appear, education or not. The difference is that with education, homosexual adolescents can grow up feeling more secure that society at large accepts their presence and chosen partners.

The Guardian did an interview with David Davies a few weeks ago, a British Conservative politician who caused controversy after making remarks against the drive for gay marriage in this country. The most interesting thing about the interview is that, while Davies genuinely doesn't want to offend anyone, he comes out with some shockingly homophobic remarks simply because he didn't know any other situation. It's quite the insight, and is certainly food for thought as to how many overtly homophobic people are genuinely intolerant, and how many are simply lacking in education as a result of a heteronormative society:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/dec/21/david-davies-gay-marriage-interview

I read this too, it was interesting. Do you not find the Guardian and its band of people who just want to "educate" everyone "to be better" terrifying? They petrify me. To say other adults need "education" because their life experience hasn't lead them to have the same views is wildly patronising. The use of "education" is so fascistly euphemistic. I always though civil liberty would be destroyed by the extreme right wing but I am now pretty sure it will be destroyed by "liberals" who just want "to help". I think the most worrying aspect is they actually want to control how people think. Did you see the removal of foster children from the UKIP party members despite glowing reports of their care? That was the thin edge of the wedge. They are starting to believe other parties should be "controlled". They are the vanguard of a homogenising swarm; as bad as the Daily Mail in their intolerance of anything that isn't on the list of acceptable view points, and more worrying because they are expert at appearing to inhabit the moral highground. This doesn't have much to with homosexuality discussions with kids, sorry.

Honestly? Yes, I am rather disturbed sometimes by the Guardian and their ilk's attempts to suppress any opinions to the contrary (particularly that story about the UKIP foster parents). I included the interview less as as a direct connection to the topic at hand and more aimed at the wider debate about homophobia. Put it this way; did you not find Davies' fumbling attempts to try and explain why he thought we shouldn't have same-sex education in schools through who bought Erasure albums at his school rather sad? Don't you think it's worth educating people who are ignorant of the issues LGBT people face in society? Davies is a straight man who grew up in a heteronormative society: his views were similar to that of other people I've seen opposed to teaching children about same-sex relationships. Balanced against their own experiences, what they say makes sense. It's just when you take it out of that vacuum and apply it to the real world does it begin to sound insensitive.

Again, what I mean to say here is that there's a great temptation to feel that all of the 'other side' of this debate are nasty, horrible, hate-filled people when for the most part, they simply don't realise that what they're saying comes off as very ignorant and insensitive to those who have actually suffered at the hands of institutionalised homophobia. Personally, I found the interview's overarching message to be that not everyone has all the cards on the table, and I really don't think it's sinister to simply tell people about injustices in society. Is it sinister to 'educate' someone and not let them rest until they parrot the same views as you? Yes, but that isn't what's happening here. All I'm trying to say is that some parents are going to resist their children being taught about same-sex relationships because of a misplaced fear of homosexuality, and without education, that problem is just going to self-perpetuate.

 

[junkmanuk]

You know how mommy and daddy are together, because they like each other so very much? Sometimes the same thing happens between two women or two men.

BOOM. DONE.

This is as simple as it gets. It's what I explained to my kids and they just said 'oh ok' simple as that.

It's only an issue if you turn it into one.

 

[Vault101]

because to them the Idea of homosexuality just isn't normal..thats it really

if you think about it in a way you can't explain Homosexuality without the sex aspect, before its just "a mummy and a daddy, girlfreind and boyfreind" and that was that...having two girls or two boys doing things brings with it the fact that "sex is a thing" and some people are attracted to those of the same gender..

which I think si why some adults see it as one of those "adult" topics..like drugs and such

when you think about it trying to hide homosexuality from your kids is kind of pointless in the end

 

[TehCookie]

Parents teach kids what they know, and if those parents made the baby I'm pretty sure they're not gay so they teach them what they know. Would you tell kids about all the different gender identifications so they can choose if they're a boy or a girl or inbetween? It's fine if they feel that way, but traditional parents just teach kids what is natural.