why do some peoplel insist you'll want children?

[Brad Shepard]

Have you ever come across someone who insists you'll want to have children in the future, even if you are currently dead set against it? Recently a nurse came to our home and somehow the discussion got to children (she has 4 and 2 jobs). I said there was NO WAY I wanted children (I've contemplated surgery, but it's too expensive) but she kept insisting I'd change my mind. She even said her sister was like me and now has 2 kids. She isn't the first person I've met with this mindset. WHY are people like this? Have you ever come across people like this? What do you usually say to them?

good God, that happens to me and my girlfriend all the time to the point where i want to rip someones spine out of there bodies. It happens at her church a lot, and its getting me to the place where i dont want to have kids, ever.

 

[WolfThomas]

Oh, you crazy internet people and your "logic". Okay, I'll try it your way: I'll be "nice" and "supportive" of my kids, but I doubt that's going to teach them any valuable lessons or good morals; instead, they'll simply harbor a great contempt for me because I'm so likable that they can't blame me when they're unhappy. Yeah, that's gonna work. [/sarcasm] (Actually, I was kind of being sarcastic the entire time, so that sort of goes for my entire reply, as well as my original post.)

Damn the Internet's inability to effectively convey tone!

Actually now that I think about it, I think I'd probably be a sarcastic parent. Also I can't stand the idea of my kids thinking they're "cooler" than me (not that I'm that "cool").

 

[Generator]

Oh, you crazy internet people and your "logic". Okay, I'll try it your way: I'll be "nice" and "supportive" of my kids, but I doubt that's going to teach them any valuable lessons or good morals; instead, they'll simply harbor a great contempt for me because I'm so likable that they can't blame me when they're unhappy. Yeah, that's gonna work. [/sarcasm] (Actually, I was kind of being sarcastic the entire time, so that sort of goes for my entire reply, as well as my original post.)

Damn the Internet's inability to effectively convey tone!

Actually now that I think about it, I think I'd probably be a sarcastic parent. Also I can't stand the idea of my kids thinking they're "cooler" than me (not that I'm that "cool").

Hah, no kidding. I'm generally quite sarcastic on the internet; now I wonder if people ever know that.

I know what you mean. No matter how hard my kids try, I'll always be more awesome than them. Of course, if they do act embarrassed of me, I plan on continuing embarrassing them, possible even going out of my way to, because that's honestly the type of parent I'll be. It's not that I won't be nice most of the time, but every now and then I have to abuse my privileges as father, right?

 

[SimuLord]

I had to check your profile, OP. You're my age! There goes my "wait until you're past 30" argument, so I'd say that if another three years go by and you don't feel the urge to ditch the birth control and spread your legs for some young buck so you can get knocked up because your biological clock is ticking like a bomb in a cheap-special-effects movie, then you're never going to.

 

[aPod]

I want to have kids before 26 or not at all... i've seen too many people have kids later on and regret it and ruin their kids lives when they try to act young again find some young man or woman to fool around with...

Ya, can't have it both ways.

 

[ultrachicken]

If I were in charge of another human being, they would be dead within the hour.

 

[kawaiiamethist]

Children aren't for everyone. Marriage isn't even for everyone. As long as you have no regrets, doing neither shouldn't be an issue. It's your life.

I suppose I'd like to have kids one day, but I'd prefer to have a partner first - cheaper. I'm nowhere near getting one of those, and frankly at 25 and a half I still feel like a kid myself, so I'm going to end up a 30-something trying all sorts of odd methods to fall preggers.

 

[Denarius]

I have to say I would prefer to adopt instead. Marriage has never been something I have looked forward to but the idea of raising a brat of my own is something that does leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. In time my opinion will probably change but the way I see it there are plenty of kids out there who lack a decent home, why add another to the system when I can help someone who already needs it.

 

[Revolutionary]

Because they did and they refuse to accept that you'll be nay different
<img src=http://www.mopo.ca/uploaded_images/music-player-754003.jpg>

 

[Tasachan]

This is exactly what people with kids tend to tell me XD
I wouldn't want to have kids just to think they will take care of me when I'm old (with my luck I'd get shoved in a home).
I understand why you would think it's fulfilling, but you've never known any other way. Don't you think it's more of a waste to bring a child into this world when it is likely they are going to, at least at one point in their life, going to suffer?
I know I would rather not have been born, there is just too much pain and it eventually does overshadow the good things in life. Every time someone I love dies or gets sick, I wish I wasn't here. I can't imagine having a child who would experience painful things like this, and probably worse (the way this world is going 15 year olds are beating/killing one another and the world is going to hell).

ETA: 2 words: Menedez brothers. I know we all like to think our kids would not grow up to be murderers, but how many parents have been killed over money/boyfriends/etc?

I'm... not saying you should have kids just to have someone to look after you when you're old. Its just that, when you hit that age, you realise that material things don't really mean the same anymore - and when you have family, at least you'll have something.

Suffering is a part of life, its impossible to go through life without suffering at all. I wouldn't NOT have kids just so I wouldn't have to make them suffer. The same as I've never seriously wished I wasn't born just to avoid suffering. Sure, I've been through some terrible times, and I've said I wish I wasn't here so I wouldn't have to go through it... but, I didn't mean it.

I really don't want to start a debate, you simply asked why people say those things to you. I'm trying to give you insight into what parents feel. =)

 

[Wintermoot]

probaly to populate the world or something usualy it are parents that want grandchilderen

 

[asinann]

Because children taste good.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Because there's this idea that all women want to, by biological reasons alone, do nothing but have babies until they're 50 and then turn into bitter sex fiends.

From what I've gleaned from the Internet, anyway.

 

[Buffoon]

Eh, the fact is that people who go through their lives never wanting to have children are pretty rare. It's not unheard of, of course, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it (quite the contrary, IMO). I personally, at this stage in my life, am still utterly undecided on the matter.

But people change. You, OP, will change. Not necessarily into a person who wants kids, but no matter how you feel now I'd say the possibility exists. Yes, it's wrong for someone else to absolutely insist that you'll definitely want kids one day. I don't think anyone can say for sure, including you.

 

[Spinozaad]

At this point, I'm 21 mind you, I do not want to have children. I've seen my brothers (who are far older than me, 34 and 37 respectively) change after having kids. They're still more or less the same persons, but their lifes changed in horrible ways. They got tied down. You can't go to the bar whenever you want when you have a baby. You can't say to your girlfriend "Hey. Let's go to Bruges/Kopenhagen/Berlin/Paris/whatever for the weekend" when you have children. The amount of responsibility increases immensily.

That's what I fear.

Of course, bring out your pseudo-psychology (as people tend to do) and claim that, at 21, you're supposed to be free. You only long for freedom and blablabla. Basically the argument that I will change, that I will want to have children.

Perhaps. Nothing is as fickle as the human mind. I sincerely doubt it, though. I like my freedom, and I'm sure I'd be a horrible dad anyway.

 

[Denizen]

Its simple, if you don't want to have children, you don't want to pass on your culture. And by your culture, I mean your values or essentially whatever you would want a child of your own to know.
Here are a few questions:
Do I like society? Would I want my child to live in this world?
Do I like myself? Would my child ever like me?
Do I like my ethnic culture? Would I want my child to be a part of it or share it's history?
Is the world worth living in? Is life worth living and therefore passing on?

 

[JMeganSnow]

Have you ever come across someone who insists you'll want to have children in the future, even if you are currently dead set against it? Recently a nurse came to our home and somehow the discussion got to children (she has 4 and 2 jobs). I said there was NO WAY I wanted children (I've contemplated surgery, but it's too expensive) but she kept insisting I'd change my mind. She even said her sister was like me and now has 2 kids. She isn't the first person I've met with this mindset. WHY are people like this? Have you ever come across people like this? What do you usually say to them?

Most of the people I know who have told me that I'll change my mind later about having children are simply basing their statements on personal experience: they were ambivalent when they were young, and now they're happy they went ahead and had kids. Good for them. Most people generalize from self in this manner.

Now, I don't see this happening to me. I don't like children. I'm not "ambivalent" because I'm worried about it being painful or icky or being embarrassed in front of the doctor (a reason I've heard out of younger women, and one which becomes laughable to older women). I also don't see kids as an easy way to do something "fulfilling" with my life because I don't believe in taking credit for work that is mostly done by someone else (the child). About 80% of child-rearing as practiced by most people consists of controlling your temper, making sure they're fed/clean, preventing them from doing anything ridiculously lethal, and hoping they glean some sort of general education out of imitating you. Woo.

 

[MissGinaKid]

This is exactly what people with kids tend to tell me XD
I wouldn't want to have kids just to think they will take care of me when I'm old (with my luck I'd get shoved in a home).
I understand why you would think it's fulfilling, but you've never known any other way. Don't you think it's more of a waste to bring a child into this world when it is likely they are going to, at least at one point in their life, going to suffer?
I know I would rather not have been born, there is just too much pain and it eventually does overshadow the good things in life. Every time someone I love dies or gets sick, I wish I wasn't here. I can't imagine having a child who would experience painful things like this, and probably worse (the way this world is going 15 year olds are beating/killing one another and the world is going to hell).

ETA: 2 words: Menedez brothers. I know we all like to think our kids would not grow up to be murderers, but how many parents have been killed over money/boyfriends/etc?

I'm... not saying you should have kids just to have someone to look after you when you're old. Its just that, when you hit that age, you realise that material things don't really mean the same anymore - and when you have family, at least you'll have something.

Suffering is a part of life, its impossible to go through life without suffering at all. I wouldn't NOT have kids just so I wouldn't have to make them suffer. The same as I've never seriously wished I wasn't born just to avoid suffering. Sure, I've been through some terrible times, and I've said I wish I wasn't here so I wouldn't have to go through it... but, I didn't mean it.

I really don't want to start a debate, you simply asked why people say those things to you. I'm trying to give you insight into what parents feel. =)

I don't have kids of my own since i'm too young but i aggre with this woman 100%. The putting though suffering thing just sounds kinda lazy. Part of beaing a good pairent is making sure your kids can be mature enough to handle it when they grow up. And to keep anyone from suffering is impossible. A toddler will suffer if they don't have there favorite blanket to them, it's something to cry for hours about. The same way it's impossible to keep a kid from having a bully. You can prevent it but it will still be there in some way shape or form, And you can't stop a teanager from getting his or her first heart ache. And you most of all can't stop someone in their life from dying. Thats just how life works. It's like desideing not to eat on plates beacuse you might need to wash them later. In the end all you can do is teach them right from wroung and be able to help them when they need you.

I realise none of this helps the real topic so i'll add this. I would guess that woman thought it would make you happy. I don't know why she insisted on it but i'm sure thats what she was thinking.

 

[Eleima]

I won't try convincing you, because I know no one could have convinced me when I was younger, but... sometimes people change their minds. A few years ago, I wouldn't have touched a baby with ten-foot pole, but now... *shrug* You know, there's this French idiom which roughly translates to "only fools never change their minds", so all I'm saying is just keep an open mind (which is true for anything else, by the way, not just childbearing).