Why do we Have Fetishes?

[Superbeast]

Why do I have fetishes? Because they feel GOOD. I don't know how the fetishes form, but people maintain and practice them because they get enjoyment out of them.

I guess beginning to experiment at a young(ish) age, having a long-term girlfriend that was "Miss Missionary" and free access to the World Wide Web opened my mind to a lot of the stuff out there. BDSM (switch), Bloodplay and Latex/Leather/PVC to name but a few of the things that I'm into.

Mind you, I think partly the reasons for these are that I am really into Goth chicks (being metalhead/Goth myself) and these fetishes tend to stack well with the mindset of those women. So they may or may not help me to end up in bed with them (if you are "compatible sexually", as in having roughly the same fetishes, then you may be chosen over someone as good looking, but otherwise not as interested in the same things as the woman).

So really it all comes down to our primal instincts of trying to attract a mate; either through choosing someone based on a certain physical characteristic (hands, feet, ass etc) or as a method of "one-upping" a rival male.

+EDIT+

I thought I'd better add, since it's come up a couple of times (post after this, for example) that -personally, I guess I can't speak for all- having a fetish doesn't mean I can't "get it up" in a situation not involving them - an attractive woman still has the same effect. It's just I believe the fetishes enhance the foreplay or the sexual experience, as well as being something sensual that increases the bond with your partner, hence leading to "better sex" (not just on a physical level but a psychological, and perhaps spiritual for those inclined, one as well).

Maybe some people can't get it up any other way, but I'm not sure any "fetishists" I know would agree with that. Or perhaps that it's just because we're into some wierd stuff and tend to keep it under wraps on one-night-stands and short-term relationships, hence can still find arousal in "vanilla" sex.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Shoot. Why did you have to rigidly define it? I was all set to answer "well, when ancient peoples (or even modern peoples) believed that spirits took an active interest in the world, certain objects could take on spiritual value, and in some cases were believed to be a vessel for these spirits." Thanks for ruining my fun.

On this topic...I'm not a psychologist, so I can't answer the "why." On the other hand, I wonder if people tend to conflate two different concepts of "fetish." There are certain things I find more arousing (no, they're actually not that weird, but neither am I admitting them), but they're certainly not requirements for me to...er...get it up, so to speak, as I understand true fetishes to be. >_>

I've always thought that would be like some sort of curse, only being able to...get it up, with a picure of a dog in front of you or whatever.

Slightly more on topic, the girl I like very much decided to divulge to me the fact that her ex-sort-of-boyfriend had several fetishes, one of which was gagging. Needless to say I've needed a few days to get used to the new shift in perspective.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

*Cue theme music* "So others don't have to!"

... seriously I think it's based in a combination of upbringing, location of living, and relative social influences/ lack thereof.

not really sure how it works to be certain... but it just does...

And as far as I know I have a fetish for pretty much... nothing... I find allot of fetish niche stuff to be kinda... nasty...

I guess in my life I have noticed i find Redheads and Brunettes more attractive than others, but it's usually that those hair colours tend to accompany facial traits that i find attractive... some blonds have those traits too and are similarily pleasing on the eyes... but otherwise... I can't really classify those as fetishes though, as they aren't a specific thing that I secretly obsess over... so yeah...

 

[Crazycat690]

Well, I myself noticed I had a think for feet when a girl put her feet on my face and I suddenly got a booner, first I though I was wierd but thanks to internet, I found out foot fetish is actually quite normal.

So the question is why? Well my personal theory is experience, for an example, when u get into hot water first of it burns, then you get used to it and even like it, see my point? If I get exposed to feet all my childhood I might just end up liking them. That might also depend on your personality, like if your dominant and so on...
This example could also explain why some people might turn out gay, they arent born that way, it just... happens, I hope this made it clearer.

The Crazy Cat!

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

So, simple question, why do people prefer certain sexual things or find hands or feet sexy? I for one have a typical Asian fetish and my jaw usually drops at the sight of hot Japanese girls, but why? What answers might the Escapist have?

Huge huge subject area, but current thinking is that like facial recognition, your sexual impluses are built up by recognising positive elements while the hormones flood your body. What happens with fetishes is that you ascribe sexual imagery to a certain object/way of acting due to your non-sexual mind correlating it with the release of hormones into your body.

In a similar way to being able to hear specific voices, speak a certain language or fearing certain things; once that trigger or fetish is present, the brain allows the release of those chemicals.

The problem with this idea would mean that all sexualities away from normal (Note: I didn't say hetero) are learned behaviour; however, if you're trying to rewrite memories that most of us have had since about age 4 when we could theorise about our own bodies, then good luck.

 

[Xanian]

There are actually a number of interesting papers written on the subject as well as many different theories. While Freudian psychoanalysis illustrates the most popular and recognized explanations, a good portion of the psychological community consider his original ideas to antiquated and in need of some serious tweaking.

I personally find the "Duck studies" interesting. Farmers, and then researchers, noted that hatched ducks that saw the farmer's boots before their mother not only tended to follow, cuddle for comfort, and nest with the boots,but also became "sexually attracted" to the boots when they reached sexual maturity.

Current prevailing theories suggest a combination of nature and nurture, in which early experiences, particularly between the ages of 8-16, help to shape how one is physically attracted to others.

If you got your first sexual fantasy from a tentacle porn, you will likely be into tentacle porn at an older age. If your early (enjoyable) sexual experiences involve being dominated, you may find yourself a submissive. It goes on and on, but most psychologists point to early sexual and developmental experiences as leading culprits in ones sexual identity.

 

[Sovvolf]

I have a fetish for women sleeping with women... This can be easily explained... two pair of breasts beats one pair of breasts. Haaa good times... good times.

 

[Nick of All Trades]

Well, for me I was watching a cartoon where this wolfguy had a crush on this non- consenting girl, so he proceeded to kidnap and tie her up. Afterwards I found myself dissecting the plot. I wondered if a girl had a crush on me, she would kidnap me and tie me up. I found this idea to be very intriguing

 

[Skeleon]

Because stockings look very hot.
I know that this doesn't answer the question, but I can't focus on the question.

 

[mechanixis]

Dinosaur fetish.

[small]oh those tiny tiny arms[/small]

But no in reality, I have a thing for short blue hair. Or any bright, unnatural color, really.

 

[TRR]

Socks, she has to be wearing socks. Okay she doesnt have to be wearing them. Also glasses.
The reason? Both are linked to my childhood in some way. The socks one...im not not going to explain that one (dont worry its not weird or anything im just not going to). Glasses: when i first got glasses i never really liked where them but i had to, they made me look nerdy. Now, when a woman wears them, i find it sexy. For both, its like ive gone from not liking it at all to I find it incredibly hot.

 

[Tonimata]

Something I've always wondered and no one's given me a good answer to. Its usually just, "People just like that stuff" but I want a serious psychological answer.

So, simple question, why do people prefer certain sexual things or find hands or feet sexy? I for one have a typical Asian fetish and my jaw usually drops at the sight of hot Japanese girls, but why? What answers might the Escapist have?

And, for discussion's sake, what fetishes do you have and do you know why? Its the internet so you can be honest.

Oh. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH.
THAT kind of fetish...
Yeah, it's just a matter of opinion really. I have to agree, Japanese girls are very beautiful (I mean, they even spawned their very own brand of prostitutes (geishas), but on my behalf, I think it's because we are genetically programmed to seek out and reproduce with partners from which the offspring will benefit the most. I suppose that's why I love intellectual girls and can't find any. 'Cause I'm the genetic failure of the century...

I AM SO WRITING THAT ONE DOWN!

 

[NuclearPenguin]

I have a Godzilla/Pamela Anderson fetish

You may or may not know that

PamZilla?! Awesome.

OT: I like panties... On girls that is o-O
And piercings..

 

[razer17]

I for one have a typical Asian fetish and my jaw usually drops at the sight of hot Japanese girls.

This, so this. (though it's technically not a fetish at all, since a fetish is sexual arousal brought on by any object, situation or body part not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature)

As for the actual question, there are a lot of theories around as to why humans have fetishes. Psychology is a baby of the science world, and therefore a lot of it is just theories, and unlike other sciences there are no real unifying trains of thought, so there is always disagreements between behaviourists, biological psychologist, etc, etc.

One theory is based on Freuds psychosexual theory, however that relates to the fixation at either oral, anal and phallic stage, which doesnt really apply to a lot fetishes. Plus the psychosexual theory is pretty much completely discredited these days anyway.

Another view point, one more accepted, is that the behaviour is learnt through traumatic experiences. E.g if you were beaten as a child, you may go on to become a sado or masochist. Conversely of course it could also lead you to become a paedophile. The thought is that to help you cope with the traumatic event, the brain represses it and turns the disgust and trauma into sexual stimulation in order to protect you.

Of course their is the theory of classical conditioning, where you are by accident exposed to both a sexual stimulus, as well as another stimulus, you associate the latter with the sex, and then later derive sexual pleasure from whatever the conditioned stimulus is. E.g during sex you feel pain ( i dunno, you hit your head or something) Your brain then tells you that the pain is part of the pleasure, then next time you will feel pleasure from the pain.

It could also be biological factors and individual differences. Tiny fluctuations in the chemicals in your brain could have an effect, or, more likely, neural pathways from close regions of the brain could connect one part (sex) to another (random, non sexual thing), this link then makes you think of sex when said thing is seen.

That's probably just a small percenage of all the theories out there, but it's all i sort of know. But as I said earlier, this is all just theory in reality, with stuff like fetishes it's rather hard to study the formation of these links, not to mention the ethical issues of asking them about these most personal facets of there lives.

 

[sokka14]

Current prevailing theories suggest a combination of nature and nurture, in which early experiences, particularly between the ages of 8-16, help to shape how one is physically attracted to others.

If you got your first sexual fantasy from a tentacle porn, you will likely be into tentacle porn at an older age. If your early (enjoyable) sexual experiences involve being dominated, you may find yourself a submissive. It goes on and on, but most psychologists point to early sexual and developmental experiences as leading culprits in ones sexual identity.

This is basically what I think. Although earlier experiences are more powerful, we continue to gain fetishes throughout our lives. My personal opinion is that the purpose of fetishes is to help/trigger arousal, which is obviously important for procreation, but I'm open to other ideas as well.

It's not really a fetish, but I like light eyes with pale skin. Particularly, bright blue/green or golden (light hazel) eyes. Probably because I grew up in an extremely prodominent white area.

 

[SharPhoe]

and i have a foot fetish...probably cuz of cartoons and shiv

Quentin Tatantino does too. Heck, I believe that's the most common fetish there is.

How would cartoons affect that, though?

 

[Danny Ocean]

The Italian language usually reduces me to mush. I don't know why, it just does.

Shame about the Italian men then! Zzzing!

Oh my, I'm so very witty. Excuse me while I go bask in the light of my own comedy.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

If your early (enjoyable) sexual experiences involve being dominated, you may find yourself a submissive.

There is one problem here. Said experiences don't have to be enjoyable to imprint. It's obviously better that they are, but even neutral experiences can imprint up to a fetish.

and i have a foot fetish...probably cuz of cartoons and shiv

Quentin Tatantino does too. Heck, I believe that's the most common fetish there is.

How would cartoons affect that, though?

At a guess...it's not the cartoons but teachers/parents. Feet are clothed a lot of the time and the act of taking a sock off or having a sock taken off may imprint at the same time as a lot of hormones are starting to run around your body...

If you really want to squick yourself, it's reasonably likely that you stubbed your toe hard when you were running about as a kid and your teacher/parent gave you a foot massage to "help the ouchie go away"...


The Asian one is usually due to a combination of doll like image, high cheekbones and subservient manner. That and a little xenophobia/xenophilia cross over.

 

[Nickolai77]

Why do you have to do this, I never get to write posts, you always say what I was going to say.

I'm sorry Spitfire, better luck next time! (I think you've ninj'd me a couple of times )

Maybe some people can't get it up any other way, but I'm not sure any "fetishists" I know would agree with that.

My ex-gf had an unusual fetish which involved getting her hair cut short or shaven (i think its related to the humiliation fetishes). It got the stage where i would trim her hair for her and give her a little undercut with a hairclipper i brought her. This didn't turn me on, but she loved it, and of course i benifited from that. Of course, more normal stuff worked as well, but going by "the fetish root" is the quickest, easiest and can be the most satisying way of having a good time with your girlfriend or boyfriend. That's how we found it.

Oh, funny you should mention goth chicks, my ex was a goth too, they say that goth chicks are a lot more kinky than normal women.. so i'm quite found of goth girls too.

 

[Superbeast]

Maybe some people can't get it up any other way, but I'm not sure any "fetishists" I know would agree with that.

My ex-gf had an unusual fetish which involved getting her hair cut short or shaven (i think its related to the humiliation fetishes). It got the stage where i would trim her hair for her and give her a little undercut with a hairclipper i brought her. This didn't turn me on, but she loved it, and of course i benifited from that. Of course, more normal stuff worked as well, but going by "the fetish root" is the quickest, easiest and can be the most satisying way of having a good time with your girlfriend or boyfriend. That's how we found it.

Oh, funny you should mention goth chicks, my ex was a goth too, they say that goth chicks are a lot more kinky than normal women.. so i'm quite found of goth girls too.

So you can still both have "normal sex" without the fetish involved. That's what I was getting at - I know a fair few fetishists as there's a "fetish society" at my university, and none of them have the issues that a few people alluded to. Of course we *prefer* sex with whichever chosen fetish, because it's more arousing and stimulating for both partners (either directly, both being into the same thing, or indirectly like in the example quoted).

As for the goth chicks - yeah it does seem to be that way. Maybe they are genuinely more open to experimentation (most of the bi girls that I know are goths) and so are into more fetishes (there are a lot of parallels that can be drawn between goth clothing and bondage, and the vampirism mythos fits in with blood-play); or maybe they are just more open about it than normal girls since they're used to "standing out" anyway.

I must admit, I think most of my fetishes properly "spawned" once I started noticing goth chicks around the place (so 14-16ish I reckon, I can't *recall* noticing them before that age), because I liked the fashion and the women wearing it - I guess that just developed into everything else over the next 4-6 years in-sync with that personal choice in women.

Still, the concept of fetishism is really interesting from a psychological standpoint, and it's nice to see it's still a generally unknown principle. Ain't the human mind fantastic?