Why do we Have Fetishes?

[MercenaryCanary]

Deep down, I'm wondering if people can have a fetish for people with fetishes.
"Oh, leather I see?"
"Yeah, its a fetish of mine"
"--moans--"
"?!"

 

[Spitfire175]

My ex-gf had an unusual fetish which involved getting her hair cut short or shaven (i think its related to the humiliation fetishes). It got the stage where i would trim her hair for her and give her a little undercut with a hairclipper i brought her. This didn't turn me on, but she loved it, and of course i benifited from that. Of course, more normal stuff worked as well, but going by "the fetish root" is the quickest, easiest and can be the most satisying way of having a good time with your girlfriend or boyfriend. That's how we found it.

Oh, funny you should mention goth chicks, my ex was a goth too, they say that goth chicks are a lot more kinky than normal women.. so i'm quite found of goth girls too.

I've met some people with the same sort of likings as your ex. All of them more or less "goth". Personally I find cutting hair a bit... odd, but if it works for them, good job. Also, I too, like the more sinister females, mostly due to dark hair and the rather interesting pieces of clothing that seem to go with it. It's a bit of a thing up here in Finland, quite a lot of goths and the likes around.

 

[Nickolai77]

So you can still both have "normal sex" without the fetish involved. That's what I was getting at - I know a fair few fetishists as there's a "fetish society" at my university, and none of them have the issues that a few people alluded to. Of course we *prefer* sex with whichever chosen fetish, because it's more arousing and stimulating for both partners (either directly, both being into the same thing, or indirectly like in the example quoted).

Yeah, you can still have fun without fetish play, but fetish play works better. I'm surprised to hear about a fetish society in your university, there is not one at mine and i carn't see anyone starting one, it would be seen as another society for wierdo's, like the LARP (role-playing) society. Probably because there are not many Goths at my university unfortunatly. Anyhow, even if there was a fetish society i would not really join, i prefer to keep such things private within relationships.

As for the goth chicks - yeah it does seem to be that way. Maybe they are genuinely more open to experimentation (most of the bi girls that I know are goths) and so are into more fetishes (there are a lot of parallels that can be drawn between goth clothing and bondage, and the vampirism mythos fits in with blood-play); or maybe they are just more open about it than normal girls since they're used to "standing out" anyway.

I must admit, I think most of my fetishes properly "spawned" once I started noticing goth chicks around the place (so 14-16ish I reckon, I can't *recall* noticing them before that age), because I liked the fashion and the women wearing it - I guess that just developed into everything else over the next 4-6 years in-sync with that personal choice in women.

Still, the concept of fetishism is really interesting from a psychological standpoint, and it's nice to see it's still a generally unknown principle. Ain't the human mind fantastic?

Since coming to university, i don't see goth's anymore. I see metal fans from time to time, but no goths anymore, which is a shame really i was friends with quite a few of them back in high school. I agree with what you say about goth's being experimental, for instance, i knew one goth girl who started off bi and went towards lesbianism as the years went by. I was always an understanding outsider to the "goth clique", i would not like to wear the clothing personally, but i think it looks good on other people. About your point about fetishism highlighting the human mind being fantastic, i don't think fantastic is quite the right word, but it certainly reveals how complex the human mind is.

 

[Communist partisan]

I dunno ask some1 that like those things (no offence).

 

[Nickolai77]

My ex-gf had an unusual fetish which involved getting her hair cut short or shaven (i think its related to the humiliation fetishes). It got the stage where i would trim her hair for her and give her a little undercut with a hairclipper i brought her. This didn't turn me on, but she loved it, and of course i benifited from that. Of course, more normal stuff worked as well, but going by "the fetish root" is the quickest, easiest and can be the most satisying way of having a good time with your girlfriend or boyfriend. That's how we found it.

Oh, funny you should mention goth chicks, my ex was a goth too, they say that goth chicks are a lot more kinky than normal women.. so i'm quite found of goth girls too.

I've met some people with the same sort of likings as your ex. All of them more or less "goth". Personally I find cutting hair a bit... odd, but if it works for them, good job. Also, I too, like the more sinister females, mostly due to dark hair and the rather interesting pieces of clothing that seem to go with it. It's a bit of a thing up here in Finland, quite a lot of goths and the likes around.

Yeah, the fetish itself is kinda wierd, it's a good exhample though of a typical "wierd" fetish that you sometimes come across. I sort of envy you Fin's for having quite an active "goth" culture in Finland (not because of the fetish stuff, but because of the rather good music, and compatablity with nerd culture that comes with it). Goth culture used to be quite active in the UK about 4-5 years ago, but seems to have rapidly died down here. So i'm stuck with boring normal people now lol

 

[clairedelune]

I think maybe part of it is the idea that fetishes are 'bad' or more sinful in some way, they just have that connotation. And who doesn't get turned on by doing something sort of bad? Especially if you can find another person who shares the same one, that just makes the sex so much better.

 

[Distorted Stu]

I have a common fetish of PJs, but thats easlily explained because PJs = bed time. What also happens in the bed!

 

[damselgaming]

MUSCULAR ARMS. And a good voice. Sort of shoulder lengthy long hair to run my hands through.
And now I'm all a-fluster.

 

[Corpse XxX]

I heard on the radio that the reason people have special fetishes, is because of your earlier "normal" sexual experiences beeing somehow linked to the fetish you have..

For instance they said, that if you the first time had sex with someone, and some other people was in the same room or close by, people have a tendency to evolve a fetish of exibitionism...

If this includes all kinds of fetishes i do not know, but in my mind it kinda makes sense..

 

[Seldon2639]

Something I've always wondered and no one's given me a good answer to. Its usually just, "People just like that stuff" but I want a serious psychological answer.

So, simple question, why do people prefer certain sexual things or find hands or feet sexy? I for one have a typical Asian fetish and my jaw usually drops at the sight of hot Japanese girls, but why? What answers might the Escapist have?

And, for discussion's sake, what fetishes do you have and do you know why? Its the internet so you can be honest.

It depends on the fetish in question, really. Some fetishes we know come from odd wiring in the brain (foot fetishes, for instance, are theorized to come from the proximity of the genitals to the feet in our sensory cortex). Some are theorized to come from "safety", for instance there is evidence of upswings in foot fetishism during outbreaks of STDs (even going back centuries in Europe).

But, in my opinion, almost all fetishes can devolve into one of two major categories:

1. Confidence issues

2. Acceptance/Caring/trust issues

For the confidence issues, I believe you have most of the dissociative fetishes, the ones focused on being someone or something else. Probably nothing traumatic happened, but having been rejected on some level as a "human being" some portion of the population foists their sexual interests into more comfortable areas. It's about becoming something other than a "normal" human in terms of my sexual interests, because then anything sexual isn't actually me qua me. It's part of the persona I've adopted for that moment. Similarly, this can lead to things like rape fantasies, where the "rapist" is so overcome with desire that he/she simply must have you. This also leads to the voyeuristic fetishes: the observed is unaware of the observer, and thus cannot reject him/her. Also, fetishes for scars/stretch marks/fatties seem to fit in this category, minimizing the chances of being rejected, or foisting possible rejection on "unworthy" people to begin with.

For the trust issues, I believe this is what leads to most of dominance/submission. The ability to trust a person with the ability to harm me, or be "forced" to trust them is a big deal. Being in control, or being completely out of control, are both appealing to someone who finds it difficult to have faith in other people. I would want to be in complete control because that means my partner trusts me, and won't/can't reject me. This also leads, I believe, to most of the exhibitionism fetishes. The observed is aware, and thus accepting, of the observer; the observed wants (and hence is not rejecting) the observer.

The first category is about either eliminating the ability to be rejected, or making it impossible to be rejected as a "person" by a "worthwhile" person. The second category is about reassurance and acceptance. They're really two sides of the same coin.

Again, the particular kink and flavors of dom/sub, and the fantasies therein, are based on an individual's experiences.

In terms of my own kinks, I'm pretty varied. But, they all stem from what I'd said. Mostly, for me, it's about being reassured that the girl I'm with actually wants me. It sounds a little maudlin, but my big issue is trusting that a girl is interested in me. So, dirty talking, either dominance from the "beg for more" perspective, or submission from the encouraging "you're such a good slave" perspective. Most of the specific object-based fetishes (remember, of course, that a fetish is a paraphilia for an object, whereas a kink or paraphilia is the broader term) tend toward the girl being open and vulnerable.

 

[C_Topher]

Like most human behaviour, fetishes are a constant topic of debate in the scientific community. Some are the result of classical conditioning (look up Pavlov's dogs), while others are explained by biology (an asian fetish as described by the OP encourages genetic diversity). Some are rooted more in psychological gratification than anything physical. The best example of this is domination.
However, there are cases that are just disturbing and have no reasonable explanation. Russian serial killer Andrei Chikatilo, aka the Butcher of Rostov, could only have an orgasm if he stabbed his victims. Although he was abused as a child, there`s no record of sexual abuse, which is the usual trigger for such violent kinks and fetishes.
One last note, this may have been said already, but it bears repeating. By definition, a fetish is something that is REQUIRED for an individual to become aroused. If it just help achieve arousal or enhances the experience, it`s defined as a kink. The more you know.

 

[ThreeWords]

There's probably no real good explanation for why we're into certain things, just something we seem to be pre-programmed with.

This, really. The question might as well be "Why don't we all like the same ice cream flavour?"

 

[The_Chief]

and i have a foot fetish...probably cuz of cartoons and shiv

Quentin Tatantino does too. Heck, I believe that's the most common fetish there is.

How would cartoons affect that, though?

hell i dunno. im still getting over the fact that my grandma grabbed my ass and told me i didnt have one. i cant form coherent thoughts. but yea its pretty common i heard. and quentin Tarentino kicks ass.

 

[Superbeast]

Yeah, you can still have fun without fetish play, but fetish play works better. I'm surprised to hear about a fetish society in your university, there is not one at mine and i carn't see anyone starting one, it would be seen as another society for wierdo's, like the LARP (role-playing) society. Probably because there are not many Goths at my university unfortunatly. Anyhow, even if there was a fetish society i would not really join, i prefer to keep such things private within relationships.

Since coming to university, i don't see goth's anymore. I see metal fans from time to time, but no goths anymore, which is a shame really i was friends with quite a few of them back in high school. I agree with what you say about goth's being experimental, for instance, i knew one goth girl who started off bi and went towards lesbianism as the years went by. I was always an understanding outsider to the "goth clique", i would not like to wear the clothing personally, but i think it looks good on other people. About your point about fetishism highlighting the human mind being fantastic, i don't think fantastic is quite the right word, but it certainly reveals how complex the human mind is.

Yeah, there aren't too many goths - I think in the university of ~30,000 there's less than a hundred, probably less than 30 in fact. I hardly see any others. It's a pity, but Birmingham is well suited for that scene, with a decent metal/darkwave club and one or two distinct "fetish clubs", as well as the monthly "Bizarre Bazaar". The Carling Academy is great for metal gigs too, and you sometimes get good bands ad the O2/Hippodrome.

I was surprised the university itself has a fetish club - I'm a member but I haven't been to more than 1 meeting I think - as you say, I prefer to keep most things private (I'm not exactly a good looker and the after-meetings involve getting drunk and "playing", so it's more confidence issues than anything). They do tend to have a large-ish member base, thanks in part to an absolutely smoking lass in a purple latex dress on the Freshers Fair stall.

I enjoy gothic clothing - though I tend more towards the "metal" end of the spectrum than goth (it's very similar style, just not so extreme really - them leather coats are damn expensive!). Goth, as a fashion style, has largely dropped off the radar. Still, it helps make one feel a little more "individual" and I've noticed crowds/people seem to part/move out of the way when I'm "goth'd up" as it were. Which can be handy some days.

Perhaps "fantastic" wasn't the right word, but I do find the human mind fascinating. I used to be a Biochemist and Neuroscience/Psychology was one aspect of the course that I found really intriguing.

To the other people that have mentioned chilhood stimuli as a reason for fetishes:

I'm not sure how this applies to a large portion of fetishes. Things like latex and so on make little sense - getting molested as a child is unlikely to create a grounding in this kink, neither for blood-play. Domination as a desire for power is also an incredibly interesting concept, when you consider that it is the submissive that is actually in control of the whole situation - ie, has the power. Domination in the form of rape I can understand, but not from the perspective of BDSM. I'm sure Freud could blame it all on my/our/your mother though (he seemed strangely obsessed with repressed sexuality and mothers, come to think of it...).

 

[orangebandguy]

It's strange, just don't let Freud know. He's a complete fruitcake.

 

[mangus]

When it comes to psychology's answer to this, there are many different theories (as with most things psychological). One is that prominent attributes of your opposite-sex parent are the same attributes that will attract you to a sexual partner

Wrong-> Furries.

 

[Grayjack]

A deep seated childhood memory perhaps? I have fetishes, but I am not about to reveal them.

 

[ElephantGuts]

I don't know why we have fetishes but they sure are hot.

Coincidentally, one of my many fetishes, if it's worth calling it that, is girls having fetishes. So added to my own ones I would say fetishes are the best thing to happen to sex ever.

 

[Spitfire175]

Yeah, the fetish itself is kinda wierd, it's a good exhample though of a typical "wierd" fetish that you sometimes come across. I sort of envy you Fin's for having quite an active "goth" culture in Finland (not because of the fetish stuff, but because of the rather good music, and compatablity with nerd culture that comes with it). Goth culture used to be quite active in the UK about 4-5 years ago, but seems to have rapidly died down here. So i'm stuck with boring normal people now lol

Ayup, the two subcultures mix well. It helped me when I was growing up, the "gothy" and geeky styles beached here at bout the same time I was entering puberty, the early 90s. It was nice to read sci-fi and fantasy novels and listen to metal(Call me stck up, but I still do the same things now, when I'm about to graduate from the university.), knowing that I wasn't alone, I was a part of something bigger. Also, the whole thing fits the Finnish mentality very well: introverts and misanthropes are common over here.

Going a bit more on topic, in Finland the sexual oddities people may enjoy are really a public no-no. Whatever happens in the bedroom(or basement), stays in the bedroom. As Finns are really secretive about that sort of things. Attracting attention in the public is a tabu. Of course, the one thing Finns do very well besides being grumpy and quiet is drinking. A lot. And that has an effect, once a Finns are drunk out of their asses, you can ask them anything, and they'll happily tell you, if you can understand mubled nonsese, which is the regular "after a few" language.

Having been around a bit, mostly Europe, it seems some are very open about fetishes, Germany, Italy, Austria and Spain for example, have non-consealed fetish clubs, and they are much more likely to talk about that sort of thing with strangers. I spent the summer backpacking across Europe 4 years ago, I got to know the nighlife of some major cities, it's nothing like Finland. Actually, I only had to take a ferry to Stockholm, Sweden to see some relatively odd public performances.

Is Britain as tidy as the lords of Whitehall want the rest of the world to believe? I've only seen London and Edinburg at daytime, and the countryside.

 

[z121231211]

You know Pavlov's experiments on dogs? Just apply that to sexual gratification.