x434343 Review: The Orange Box

[x434343]

Yes, I know. Game of the year and other bullshit. But lemme just review it, okay?

Okay, so I heard of TOB (The Orange Box) from the Internet. I asked my friend if I should get it. He said yes. So, I bought it, if only to understand Portal references.

Now, review the games in parts.

Half Life 2. Now, when I started this, I literally said "God...Fucking...Dammit." Because it used the Source Engine. I have had expierience with the Source Engine. Namely with the Kuma\War 5-for-one free download pack. I thought it was utter shit. Now, I said to calm down and deal with it. So I did. And was I happy. Now, I got enough of the initial plot from Wikipedia. Gordon Freeman, Black Mesa, HEV Suit. Got it. So, the game plants you in the middle of most likely Eastern Europe and tells you to go here. So I did. And it kept telling me this. In fact, the entire game was fairly linear. City 17 to Canals to Black Mesa East to Ravenholm to Resistance Base to Nova Prospekt to... City 17 to the tower. Very linear. Any exploration got me med kits. Ugh. So, It's not perfect, but it revived my hope for the Source Engine. 7.9/10, simply because its too linear in my opinion. Too linear too constantly, like always. Also, the plot was very...simple. "OMG Gordon Freeman! Savior!!!11one! U mu5t 5av3 u5!" -gives you crowbar and leaves you to do the math-

Half-Life 2 Episode 1. Again, very linear. It gets you almost nowhere from Half-Life 2, which pisses me off. You're in the City 17 tower, and It takes an entire game to relay the fact that you got maybe 3/4 of a mile to a train and escaped. Not much of an improvement. 6.5/10.

Half-Life 2 Episode 2. This is new in the sense that it is linear except for an area where you fuck up some striders. Which I found useless. BUT it got you somewhere. From the train to wherever the hell that lab was. 8/10.

Now, all 3 of those lost major points for having the move-shoot-explore-move-follow directions-shoot-explore ideal. It works, but gets annoying in Ravenholm around a horde of zombies, when your flashlight lasts all of about 30 seconds and takes a minute to recharge. Doesn't anyone know that a flashlight instantly kills a zombie!

Portal. I went it expecting mindbending puzzles. I got it. In fact, the way it's described is so simple, my friend will not buy TOB for any reason, because this game is too complex. CONVERSELY, my non-gaming friend will buy this game from a magazine ad. But anyways. I liked the fact you waited for the portal gun, because it made the game that much fun in the initial stages. "Wow will the upgrade be in the next room?" In the latter stages, it becomes clear that GLaDOS doubts you, until you find her and kill her. Now, while this is as linear as Half-Life 2, it's a different kind of linear. "Here's a room. Here's the exit. Get there." It then leaves you to figure it out. Very fun. 9.5/10, only because it doesn't tell of the outside world somehow (i.e. an abandoned newspaper) and tells you of "us" and "them".

Team Fortress 2. Okay. My sister aptly described it when I was playing a short round. "It's what Disney would make if it wanted to create a death game!" She's older than me, too. So. I love the classes. Something for everyone. Medics for wusses, spies for sneaks, snipers for wait-and-see, pyros for pyros, Heavies for men that are overcompensating (jk!), scouts for ADD kids, soldiers for apple pie, demomen for drunks, and engineers for assholes on the other side who are on the offensive to set up for no reason. Very artistic, not something that 5 year olds should play. Nice concept, but. there's always a But. No single player. How about sone challenges with each class in a single player game? Or a single player training mode. All in all, 7.5/10,

So, TOB gets an 8/10, mainly for it's unique bundle. You get HALF of the current Half-Life series, plus a multiplayer. If you buy one game this year, why not buy 5?

-x434343

 

[stompy]

I'll have to disagree with your negativity regarding HL2, because I don't mind linearity. Some people like linearity. If that's the only complaint you had with the games, I really don't think that it warrants ~2 point loss. But again, its you're opinion.

I also feel you need to talk about game play (did you even mention that HL, Portal and TF2 are FPSs?), story, and, if you want, graphics.

And watch your punctuation. It was good for the most part, but for some parts, you let it slip (you're human, I know, or at least, you should be, but proofread your work).

Keep at it.

 

[x434343]

And watch your punctuation. It was good for the most part, but for some parts, you let it slip (you're human, I know, or at least, you should be, but proofread your work).

"To err is human, to forgive, divine."

Also, I'm just pissed because this is supposed to be "revolutionary" and stuff, but, if you look at it from the outside, it feels... unnatural. I mean, think about it. Why does every house in City 17 at the beggining have a lock on it EXCEPT the ONE you can go in? That doesn't feel right to me.

 

[Mr. Bubbles]

I give this review a 7/10 for a) presentation, b) lack of proof-reading, and c) disagreeing with my opinion of Half-Life. It's just not very well done, to be honest (even when you put aside your obvious inability to have the correct opinion concerning the game).


And just out of curiosity, what games are actually good to you? I'm just curious about where your tastes lie, and how you can find HL to be as poor as you obviously find it to be.

 

[x434343]

I give this review a 7/10 for a) presentation, b) lack of proof-reading, and c) disagreeing with my opinion of Half-Life. It's just not very well done, to be honest (even when you put aside your obvious inability to have the correct opinion concerning the game).


And just out of curiosity, what games are actually good to you? I'm just curious about where your tastes lie, and how you can find HL to be as poor as you obviously find it to be.

Wait, first, what "lack of proofreading"? Gime 3 examples.

...There's a "Correct" and a "False" opinion to Half-Life? I'm saying that it's not the worst game ever, but it's not the best, either. No game is perfect. I'm saying this isn't perfect because it feels too unnatural due to the A-to-B-to-C linearity. Most games are like that, but at least they offer several paths to said objective.

Also, why do I have the inability to see the greatness of the series if I'm too caught up in the linearity? Yes, the enemies are fairly unique. I've never seen a "Fast" or a "poison" zombie. Antlions were odd. My personal favorite, actually. Great design, just too...linear. Kinda like a bowl of sticky rice topped with soy sauce. Great taste, just too... expected.

You are so wrong if you feel the absolute need to be a Half-Life fanboy. Look, stompy says something important, it's my opinion.

Also, why the fuck would you care if I decided that because of it's linearity that it's not perfect? I think theres a major fucking problem to the game if I accidentally leave the hoverboat at the start of it, get to a larger-than-normal jump, and realizing that I need to go all the way back to the entrance to get it.

I love FPS's. This is a great score for it, considering I could have given it a weaker score do to it's robbery of head crabs from those aliens in Alien and the fact that zombies are typically Resi-Evil fodder, not "I'm hoping for extreme alien" fodder.

Like, I like the Call of Duty series, which, while linear, at least gives several points of infiltration in a level, typically.

 

[stompy]

"To err is human, to forgive, divine."

I know, but when it comes to reviews, and blogs and such, where people need to be able to read the thing in a glance, I'm of the belief that it need to perfect (grammatically correct that is).

Look, it's fine, but just watch it next time.

 

[x434343]

"To err is human, to forgive, divine."

I know, but when it comes to reviews, and blogs and such, where people need to be able to read the thing in a glance, I'm of the belief that it need to perfect (grammatically correct that is).

Look, it's fine, but just watch it next time.

Where's the errors? Is it that part of "U mu5t 5av3 u5"? That was intentional, showing the AI logic deteriorating into leet speak. Just like in the game. You beat the medic with the crowbar, they say "Oops, sorry. Lemme move."

Actually, that makes me want to go into GMod, load up a level, and beat a medic with a crowbar.

 

[PurpleRain]

Time to put on my fanboy gloves.

Firstly, about the linearity. It's FPS. It expect it not to be linear is to expect a dog to solve a maths problem. Some can, but it's a minority.

As for the Getting no where of Episode one, it was really more about Alyx and your relationship wiith her more then actually doing anything else. Throughout Half Life 2 and it's Episodes, it tries to build character and story. That's why I love it so. I guess if you didn't care for such things and rather a blood soaked gun frenzy that overlooks brilliant storytelling then I guess Halo or GoW would have been more to your liking.

 

[irrelevantnugget]

I'll have to disagree with your negativity regarding HL2, because I don't mind linearity. Some people like linearity. If that's the only complaint you had with the games, I really don't think that it warrants ~2 point loss. But again, its you're opinion.

I also feel you need to talk about game play (did you even mention that HL, Portal and TF2 are FPSs?), story, and, if you want, graphics.

And watch your punctuation. It was good for the most part, but for some parts, you let it slip (you're human, I know, or at least, you should be, but proofread your work).

Keep at it.

I just find it weird, the linearity thing.
Unreal 2 The Awakening got crucified for being linear. People said it didn't revolutionize the genre because of the simple 'go from point A to point B' gameplay.
HL², is as linear as Unreal 2, to my experience.


Anyhoo, as for the review: too short. You can't really sum up one game in 2 sentences. And then you do it again right after that, in 4 short sentences.
Don't be afraid of writing a huge wall of text, but don't let it get too boring either. You could also just add some funny comments or a short story involving the game (describe your (mis)adventures and/or hilarity in one level)

 

[Deadjim]

Half-life2 WAS revolutionary...The Gravity gun gave you a whole new level of gameplay so that if u run out of bullets u just have to grab a radiator off the side of the wall and pummle combine git unfortunate enough to be on the recieving end...Yes thats what the crobar is for too but but you'd then have to run at him, and the gravity gun enabled u to make ur own cover if you wanted to Half-Life2 was all about the physics and showing you the consequences over a longer timeline of your actions within black maesa when ever I replay HL2 I feel guilty for killing so many vorts in HL
HL2 is also full of conspiracies theories like for instance "the men in black" (not the film) idea with reguards to the gman.
along with the references to Lost in EP2

If you found Portal too easy it was meant ot be that way coz they didn't want people to feel excluded because they couldn't play it...also there are advanced maps which are pretty good.

thats my opinion anyway

 

[qbert4ever]

Wait, first, what "lack of proofreading"? Gime 3 examples.

Okay.

1: "Gives you crowbar and leaves you to do the math-" Should have an "a" between "you" and "crowbar". Needs to end in a period.

2: "...Flashlight instantly kills a zombie!" Should end in a question mark ALONG with an exclamation point.

3: ...pyros for pyros, Heavies for..." Either capitalize "pyros" "snipers" etc, or replace "Heavies" with "heavies". All or nothing.

And when demanding to know where there is poor grammer in something you say, it is best to not include a spelling error in the same sentence.

As for what Mr.Bubbles said, calm down. It was obviously a joke. He was just having a little fun with you while trying to critique your review, it WAS a bit empty on the important things (gamplay, presentation, etc).

 

[x434343]

Okay, i figured out why I did not, indeed, enjoy Half-Life 2. I was playing it on the 360, which is a bit harder for me. I'll revise it in a new topic if I find any errors in my original logic because of gameplay.

 

[Janus Vesta]

And watch your punctuation. It was good for the most part, but for some parts, you let it slip (you're human, I know, or at least, you should be, but proofread your work).

"To err is human, to forgive, divine."

Also, I'm just pissed because this is supposed to be "revolutionary" and stuff, but, if you look at it from the outside, it feels... unnatural. I mean, think about it. Why does every house in City 17 at the beggining have a lock on it EXCEPT the ONE you can go in? That doesn't feel right to me.

It WAS revolutionary. When it was released FOUR YEARS AGO.

 

[Janus Vesta]

I give this review a 7/10 for a) presentation, b) lack of proof-reading, and c) disagreeing with my opinion of Half-Life. It's just not very well done, to be honest (even when you put aside your obvious inability to have the correct opinion concerning the game).


And just out of curiosity, what games are actually good to you? I'm just curious about where your tastes lie, and how you can find HL to be as poor as you obviously find it to be.

I think theres a major fucking problem to the game if I accidentally leave the hoverboat at the start of it, get to a larger-than-normal jump, and realizing that I need to go all the way back to the entrance to get it.

Did you think that they may have wanted you to, I dunno, USE the airboat? Seriously, you're crossing toxic water and you want to leave your boat? Fine do what you like.

 

[Logan Westbrook]

The linearity that you criticise is fairly endemic to first person shooter genre as a whole, to criticise HL2 for that is like criticising it for having guns in it. You fail to mention the storytelling, the compelling characters, the flawless pacing or the brilliant voice acting. You're entitiled to your opinion and I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, but I think you've missed a lot of what made HL2 so good.

 

[x434343]

I give this review a 7/10 for a) presentation, b) lack of proof-reading, and c) disagreeing with my opinion of Half-Life. It's just not very well done, to be honest (even when you put aside your obvious inability to have the correct opinion concerning the game).


And just out of curiosity, what games are actually good to you? I'm just curious about where your tastes lie, and how you can find HL to be as poor as you obviously find it to be.

I think theres a major fucking problem to the game if I accidentally leave the hoverboat at the start of it, get to a larger-than-normal jump, and realizing that I need to go all the way back to the entrance to get it.

Did you think that they may have wanted you to, I dunno, USE the airboat? Seriously, you're crossing toxic water and you want to leave your boat? Fine do what you like.

I did, on a complete mistake.

@nilcypher: "Flawless pacing" being me standing around listening to a few lines of dialouge, something actiony, and so on?

Guys, I'll revise the Half-Life 2 soon when I finish the PC component. Until then, this is the 360 score because it felty linear in construction for the 360.

 

[Logan Westbrook]

By flawless pacing I was referring to the use of music, action and level design to create tension and the feeling of being pursued.

 

[REDPill357]

Guys, I'll revise the Half-Life 2 soon when I finish the PC component. Until then, this is the 360 score because it felty linear in construction for the 360.

You would have sounded SO much better if you said that it felt linear for a PC game. Games like Deus Ex are not linear in the least. The shooters on the 360 are known for their linearity.

And as stated above, Half-Life 2 has the gravity gun. What other revolution do you need? It's the only game so far to use physics in such a clever way, save Crysis.

And you left your airboat at the beginning of the Hunter-Chopper/Boat showdown? You need the gun on the airboat to kill the chopper! Why would you leave it?

 

[AnGeL.SLayer]

It sounds like you never even heard of HL before the orange box came out. If you haven't taken the time and effort to really dedicate yourself to the whole HL collection then you shouldn't have even bothered with this. To really get the whole HL craze you really need to start from the beginning. Why would you play game number two without playing game number one? Just doesn't make sense to me.


^_^

 

[REDPill357]

It sounds like you never even heard of HL before the orange box came out. If you haven't taken the time and effort to really dedicate yourself to the whole HL collection then you shouldn't have even bothered with this. To really get the whole HL craze you really need to start from the beginning. Why would you play game number two without playing game number one? Just doesn't make sense to me.


^_^

You're a cheapskate who has a computer that can't even run Half-Life, and you don't have $10 to drop on it?

Okay, even that is a pitiful excuse for not playing Half-Life first.