Xbox App Lets You "Massage" Your Partner Remotely

Keane Ng

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Sep 11, 2008
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Xbox App Lets You "Massage" Your Partner Remotely



Long-distance relationships are hard, especially around this time of year. A new Xbox Community Game called Remote Masseuse might relieve some of the pain of being apart, though.

Developed by Xbox Community user Entranger, Remote Masseuse [http://marketplace.xbox.com/en-US/games/media/66acd000-77fe-1000-9115-d8025855018c/?of=7] is essentially what its name says it is. Two people get together on Xbox Live via the application, and then they take turns proceeding to "massage" the other by remotely controlling the vibration function of their partner's Xbox controller. You can control speed and intensity of the vibrations while your partner moves it along their body. There are even different types of vibrations you can set that "allow you to give the massage you want to give or receive."

While Remote Masseuse was rated "Sex=0/3, Mature Content=0/3" according to its product description, I'm going to have to say that for what it implies, it earns a 3/3 on both counts. The whole aesthetic sort of screams "classy-but-not-too-classy massage parlor backroom." It also "supports voice chat so you can request the perfect massage," but voice chat can be used for other stuff too, and I'm pretty sure they didn't really have to build that functionality in if they didn't think people were going to use it to coo romantic whisperings (and otherwise) over XBL. Finally, Remote Masseuse is "great for long distance relationships," sure, but it also has a Solo Mode that "lets you use your own controller to relax."

Okay, that just sounds naughty. There's no way I'm reading too much into this. No way.

Remote Masseuse is downloadable for 200 Microsoft Points.

[Source: Kotaku [http://kotaku.com/5153309/massage-your-love-over-xbox-live]]

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Yog Sothoth

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Dec 6, 2008
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Now I have to worry about where my friends' 360 controllers have been.... eewwwwwwwww.
 

Littaly

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Jun 26, 2008
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Woah, they actually made a wank game... literally! And got away with it too!

Had I been a woman I would have bought it :p
 

Nexus424

Master Of All That Is Frosty
Dec 26, 2008
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Welp that's the line right there. There's no excuse for this. None what-so-ever
 

Teh_Doomage

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Jan 11, 2009
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Wow, pushing the boundaries and getting away with it....I need a shower...on top of disinfectant for when I go to friends' houses.
 

Undeadpope

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Feb 4, 2009
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thats...creepy.That is really all I can say about this and the only reason I see for someone buying it is that it would for some reason not be like touching yourself with a constantly vibrating controller,just because there is someone controlling the vibration.
 

reaper_2k9

Keeper of the Beer
Oct 22, 2008
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Thats just....well I don't even know what to think other than I'll never ever borrow someone else's 360 controller.
 

Tyrant55

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Sep 3, 2008
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Finally! The game that we have all been waiting for!
I actually wouldn't be surprised if this sells really well...
 

Nexus424

Master Of All That Is Frosty
Dec 26, 2008
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MaxTheReaper said:
BigDragun987 said:
Welp that's the line right there. There's no excuse for this. None what-so-ever
Sex makes the world go 'round.
Sadly.
That is unfortunately very true.

I can almost already read the later forum threads titled "Craziest thing that happened with Remote Masseuse."

*Shudder* Ick.
 

Lukeje

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Feb 6, 2008
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MaxTheReaper said:
BigDragun987 said:
Welp that's the line right there. There's no excuse for this. None what-so-ever
Sex makes the world go 'round.
Sadly.
No, no it doesn't. Angular momentum conservation makes the world go round.
 

Mephisteus

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Jul 16, 2008
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BigDragun987 said:
MaxTheReaper said:
BigDragun987 said:
Welp that's the line right there. There's no excuse for this. None what-so-ever
Sex makes the world go 'round.
Sadly.
That is unfortunately very true.

I can almost already read the later forum threads titled "Craziest thing that happened with Remote Masseuse."

*Shudder* Ick.
Thank you. Really.