You get a call from from someone suicidal

[Teh Jammah]

Get 'em to come out for a beer and talk about it over that.

Simples.

 

[gabe12301]

Me:....um ok then, I'm going to recommend you don't kill yourself, but i'm hanging up because I don't want to be implicated.

 

[Giest4life]

Honestly? I'd hang up. I don't have time for this. Unless it's someone I know, in which case I'd ask them to "stop kidding me" half a dozen times before I actually take them seriously.

 

[Ghengis John]

"i got some roap in the closet if your in need"

I have a dictionary for your "roap"

I have initiated a search for your missing punctuation.

There's an old Japanese parable about a series of animals killing each other in the forest. The last animal, a boar, finds it's way to the bow sights of a hunter, who has seen the entire procession. The hunter decides he wants no part of this cycle of death and slowly relaxes his bowstring. At that moment a demon appears from behind the hunter and tells him. "Excellent. And here I was, ready to kill you too." The demon then slays the boar and takes off with it up into the tree tops. I feel it's essential to point this out because I have no desire to join this cycle of smugness. I say without hubris or didactic intent that you have missed the previous poster's intent to lampoon the poster before him by emulating his poor diction. In doing so you have displayed your lack of perception.

As for the topic at hand. I would try to console the person by telling them the fact they called anyone means they didn't want to die. But I would direct them to a professional suicide prevention hotline and hope they call it. It's not something I'm trained to handle and I don't need to be prank called.

 

[Mastermoose]

"Jumping off of a building to kill youself?" "Yes" "Do a flip"

 

[XDravond]

Hehe easy if the person actually knew me I would do one out of two things

1. Find the person and give him/her a hug (that would REALLY throw them of balance, I'm not a hugging person) and/or use a quote like -dude "suicide is a longterm solution to a short term problem", -ok mate you know "death smiles on all of us, the only thing we can do is smile back" or -remember "You can't outrun death forever but you can make the b*stard work for it"

2. Ask "Why 'dya call me for? Need help doing it or someone to clean up afterwards? I can do the sooner but not the later"...

Or for some reason the 3rd option (I don't know the person) "Wrong number, person, time and place. Please do not leave a mess for the living to clean"

 

[Shadowkire]

I doubt anyone who asks to be consoled by a person they have randomly connected to over a phone is really serious about killing themselves.

However, I would say something along the lines of "I have been there before and it gets better, if you don't believe me you could at least put your life to use by doing something dangerous to help out others."

 

[grimgor42]

If it's a hot chick, I'd do what Tyler Durden did.

 

[skeliton112]

To be honest I would assume it was a prank and hang up. If for some reason I knew it wasn't then I guess I would try and console them.

Just quoting you because Skindred is awesome (I assume thats why you have that avatar)

I don't know, but id probably assume it was a pranks call and tell them to do it in an amusing way

 

[no oneder]

Presume it's a prank call and hang up. If he/she wanted real consolation they should have talked to someone they know. Just calling random number smells of attention whoring, i.e. one of those people who only want to attract sympathy and deep down don't want to kill themselves.

Of course I'm telling this from an "objective" point of view, I have no idea what I'd do if it really happened.

This answer is surprisingly filled with sense. I'd probably think this too.

 

[Death God]

First, subtly find out if they are pranking me with out making it sound like their lying just in case they are suicidal, then try to talk them down from it. And, because I could not resist it...

"i got some roap in the closet if your in need"

I have a dictionary for your "roap"

I have initiated a search for your missing punctuation.

Did somebody just as for a Quarter-Pounder of lolz?

 

[Liam Barden]

I wouldnt say anything to them,

I'd listen to what they had to say
because it sounds like nobody else does

 

[JackWestJr]

"Urgh.. Im gonna pass you over to my mum."

 

[Terminate421]

I would say this,

"Whats the point? It wouldn't make anything easier. Its just a waste of energy. By at least doing something later, you'll have a reason to exist."

It would convince them to be too lazy to commit suicide.

 

[kommando367]

Just hang up.

 

[HardkorSB]

You're just minding your own business when your phone rings and you answer. It's nobody you know, but who ever they are, they are saying they are about to kill themselves, and they wanted a stranger to console them. What do you do?

I would say:

"If you're considering committing suicide and you're so unsure that you're calling a stranger to help you, here's what you should do.
Buy the heaviest painkillers you can and a bottle of vodka or 2, take a day off work/school/whatever, go somewhere where you can be alone for the whole day, and then start taking 1 pill every 30 minutes, followed by a shot of vodka. With each round, it will get worse for you. There's a chance that you might die from it ,however if you'll just stop doing it before the trip gets really bad, it will be OK.
Between rounds, think your life over.

That is all."

Ends call.

 

[SilentCom]

I'll tell them that I'll join them so we could both kill ourselves. Either that or ask if I can tape it and edit the video with the wilhelm scream when I post it on Youtube. This will probably make him not want to kill himself, just the sheer embarrassment.