You have to replace one body part with a weapon.

[Asita]

Hmm, how about replacing my vestigial tail with a proper tail?

I'd take that a step further, myself. Replace the vestigial tail with a cybernetic scorpion tail. Fast, and just as lethal when used as a club, a short sword, or a poison needle. Plus, you know, it's a stylish threat, which is really the important thing in a Galactic Empire's Doom Army. It's what separates the faceless canon fodder from the elite minibosses.

 

[Agema]

I'd replace my dick with Dwayne Johnson. And I don't mean replacing my johnson with Dwayne's johnson, I want the whole Johnson.

You want to, literally, be joined at the hip to the Rock?

To be fair, that's one up one that part of your body being wood.

Actually, I'm very curious what you could replace an appendix with that would function as a useful weapon? Self destruct charge maybe?

Toxic gas generator? The logical release mechanism could be amusing in a very puerile way.

 

[davidmc1158_v1legacy]

Actually, I'm very curious what you could replace an appendix with that would function as a useful weapon? Self destruct charge maybe?

Toxic gas generator? The logical release mechanism could be amusing in a very puerile way.

And here I was going to post a joke about going in for a hemorrhoid operation and leaving with a nerve-gas dispenser.

 

[Chimpzy_v1legacy]

I would like to replace my digestive system with a 3D printer please. One that can print chemical compounds such as medication amongst other useful goodies. The printer will be the digestive system from now on. I eat the materials, it prints the 3Ds. Most importantly, it can be turned off at any time. Slightly less importantly, what was once my poo would now be anything the recycler/crafter combo is asked to craft, it could even craft hot meals for starving young orphans! Water filtration devices for people in areas with contaminated quenches! Or for peak irony; toilet roll!
It may not sound like a weapon, but give it time. And imagination. Oh and it should let me eat any material, with the right safety engineering, and there'd be a menu where i can tinker with what flavour and texture occurs when masticating on some used bin bags and empty coffee jars. To others, they'd be tasting dry plastic, sharp stabbies and plenty of blood. But to my upgraded spud funnel, it would be homemade chicken kievs, lightly spiced cheese-topped wedges and even more blood.

Also comes with the added benefit that eating ass becomes a lot more appealing.

Which I'm sure is entirely coincidental. Or not, I'm not judging.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Also comes with the added benefit that eating ass becomes a lot more appealing.

Which I'm sure is entirely coincidental. Or not, I'm not judging.

Having consulted my lawyer on how best to approach that area of subject in front of the National Association of Starving Orphans (NASO for short, updated from NASFO - National Association of Sufficiently-Fed Orphans - since austerity measures went up), they said some weird shit about not being a lawyer but a psychiatric nurse and some other stuff about delusional fantasies getting people hurt again, so in the fire bin they went. How hard can it be to find a lawyer that tells you what you want to hear these days, damnit?

Anyway, the solution is to 3D print plates and then the food totally out of sight, as the world is a little hung-up still on the delivery method when it comes to the younguns, according to the second opinion that horoscope lady AI provided in my junk email folder. We can only wish for more people as indiscriminate as yourself.

 

[Agema]

And here I was going to post a joke about going in for a hemorrhoid operation and leaving with a nerve-gas dispenser.

I was wondering about the advantages of never having to apologise for letting one go in the lift, because there'll not be anyone left alive to apologise to.

 

[McElroy]

Gun for an eye. But because that's too obvious, it shoots backwards.

 

[Drathnoxis]

Gun for an eye. But because that's too obvious, it shoots backwards.

Into your brain?

 

[McElroy]

Gun for an eye. But because that's too obvious, it shoots backwards.

Into your brain?

My gun thinks for me now.

 

[Silvanus]

Replace one arm with an enormous fiddler crab claw.

 

[gsilver]

Well, obviously, I'd want the cybernetic eye implant from Goku Midnight Eye. It would let me interface with and control any computer on the planet, which is a rather useful skill.

 

[Wintermute_v1legacy]

I'd like to replace my fingers with 10 MMA fighters legs.

 

[Trunkage]

Can I replace a part of my mind with psychic powers? Tearing people apart with my mind would be super powerful

Yes but you lose the connected brain functions of the replaced part.

Okay, so assuming the psychic part I was talking about includes Telekinesis (tearing people apart), the brain function I could lose is moving the body. Then I could use my telekinesis to move my body around.

 

[Trunkage]

I'd like to replace my fingers with 10 MMA fighters legs.

Are they mini-legs or the same size?

 

[Combustion Kevin]

* * *

I'd replace my appendix with... who cares what? It can hardly fail to be more useful than my appendix.

APPARENTLY!
Your appendix is an important feature to preserving your intestinal micro-biome, like a safe haven for useful microbes if anything bad goes down in there, like too much taco bell or binge drinking~

Granted, it isn't VITAL, but it's certainly useful,

 

[Drathnoxis]

I'd like to replace my fingers with 10 MMA fighters legs.

Are they mini-legs or the same size?

Still waiting for an answer to this, also.

 

[Elvis Starburst]

I love the joke answers, but I gotta be honest... I'd absolutely take a version of Samus' arm cannon. Gotta be my left arm though, I can only write with my right hand. And I want it to have all 5 beam weapons from Prime 1 and missiles too. MAYBE the grapple beam if I can get away with that many extras

 

[Asita]

I love the joke answers, but I gotta be honest... I'd absolutely take a version of Samus' arm cannon. Gotta be my left arm though, I can only write with my right hand. And I want it to have all 5 beam weapons from Prime 1 and missiles too. MAYBE the grapple beam if I can get away with that many extras

You could always go with Mega Man/Rockman's arm instead. In addition to transforming from hand to gun and back, it also has that useful copy function. (And it's solar powered!)

 

[Trunkage]

I love the joke answers, but I gotta be honest... I'd absolutely take a version of Samus' arm cannon. Gotta be my left arm though, I can only write with my right hand. And I want it to have all 5 beam weapons from Prime 1 and missiles too. MAYBE the grapple beam if I can get away with that many extras

Hey, you know your left hand does things like holding the paper right? So you'd have to hold the paper with a cannon now.

Or just give up writing

 

[CyanCat47_v1legacy]

Replace one leg with a mortar that fires from the knee