Your Appearance

ObsidianJones

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Inspired by Crystal Violet, because she reminded us that forums can talk about ourselves as well.

Some of you might be aware that when I first started, I used to think about attraction a lot. Due to life being life and taking myself off the meat market, I no longer care. But it feels weird to realize that when it used to be such a big part of my life. So I figured why not?

1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?

edited for more questions

4.) Is there a Celebrity you always wished you looked like? Is there a Celebrity you're always associated with? Stories about that?

*Edited in hopes of getting my point across better* 5.) Due to your appearance, are there people with certain fetishes who are typically attracted to you? Like Xprimentyl and I might get approached by women of other races because of the stereotypical of how endowed black men are.


1.) I think about it in terms of being presentable and/or threatening. That's actually a hazard for me. But I don't really consider myself attractive. Nor ugly. I'm there. People say things, but I don't see it personally. Nor do I care. I'm here. I'm becoming a pilot. I'm reaching Goals that attractiveness doesn't matter. I just wish I could tell 14-36 year old me that it's going to be ok.

2.) I don't. I don't really dye my hair or try new beard styles. I got my look and I'm cool with it. But my clothing preference is all over the map. Today I was in a form fitting polo. Yesterday, I was wearing a Hippie psychedelic tree print.

3.) I think others do care about my appearance. I take great pains to look non-threatening. I can see people visibly relax when I start talking and they can tell I'm intelligent. I could see people really ready to call the cops on anything I do if I dressed a certain way, so the fact that people eventually become comfortable with me is very advantageous to my life.
 
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Crystal Violet

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I was name dropped and thus have a moral obligation to contribute :eek:

Some of you might be aware that when I first started, I used to think about attraction a lot. Due to life being life and taking myself off the meat market, I no longer care. But it feels weird to realize that when it used to be such a big part of my life. So I figured why not?
If you do not mind me asking why did you take yourself off the meat market? I have heard so many people my age doing the same (I am late twenties)..

1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?


They have said I am attractive all of my life and I don't know how to feel. It got me so much negative attention when I was a cop from colleagues and the public and no one took me seriously. I like that I am not ugly but it would be nice not to be aggressed.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
Yep. I was very gothy as a teenager and I like to wear different clothes in different seasons but I am not stylish. I would never wear anything expensive or sophisticated or noteworthy but it is nice to try a new dress. I wear it for me. I dressed very punky at work mostly to piss my very conservative colleagues off. I like to dye my hair and do different styles but I must emphasise that this is for me and not for others. And I do not have problems going out with a hoody and tied hair.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
All. The. Fucking. Time. On the streets I get aggressed. At work I got condescended. My parents make passive aggressive comments. My sister makes passive aggressive comments.

1.) I think about it in terms of being presentable and/or threatening. That's actually a hazard for me. But I don't really consider myself attractive. Nor ugly. I'm there. People say things, but I don't see it personally. Nor do I care. I'm here. I'm becoming a pilot. I'm reaching Goals that attractiveness doesn't matter. I just wish I could tell 14-36 year old me that it's going to be ok.
That is a strange dichotomy. Why such specific terms of threatening or presentable. Do you look naturally intimidating?

2.) I don't. I don't really dye my hair or try new beard styles. I got my look and I'm cool with it. But my clothing preference is all over the map. Today I was in a form fitting polo. Yesterday, I was wearing a Hippie psychedelic tree print.
I think a lot of people think that if you wear new or different clothes that you are looking for attention but if you are anything like me you would be happy trying these clothes in an empty black room.

3.) I think others do care about my appearance. I take great pains to look non-threatening. I can see people visibly relax when I start talking and they can tell I'm intelligent. I could see people really ready to call the cops on anything I do if I dressed a certain way, so the fact that people eventually become comfortable with me is very advantageous to my life.
This is strange to me for many reasons. Have things happened that made you feel the need to present yourself as intelligent and not-threatening?

That reminds of something I forgot to mention. Another reason I dressed quite punk was if I worked as a cop in plain clothes then I could wear something different after work and not easily be recognised. I would have a ponytail at work but braid or loose my hair outside of work so along with different clothes I could be a new person.
 

Drathnoxis

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1. I don't really think about it much. I think my cheeks look a little bit more hollow than they used to, but it doesn't really matter that much to me.

2. Not at all. I get a haircut 3 times a year and buy new clothes when the old ones wear out. I really hate clothes shopping.

3. Not really. At work I wear coveralls, a hard hat, and a dust mask all day and I really don't go out much.
 

The Rogue Wolf

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
I've hated how I look my entire life. There's a reason the only mirror I own is in the bathroom.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
I don't bother, no. Short hair, shaved face, black jeans and dark-colored T-shirt are more or less my uniform. I'm pretty much monochrome so there's no point in messing around with colors.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
I quit caring. Other people are just background props to me now. I just make sure I'm not a filthball when I go out.
 

SckizoBoy

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
Not really. Most days I just look in the mirror, scratch my facial hair and go "nah, I can shave tomorrow". I'm OK-looking? I guess? I'm not a particularly good judge though as I'm a western raised east Asian, so I've got a different set of features from what I'd personally dub good-looking on a guy (that said, I don't have thin eyes or epicanthic folds a la usual stereotypes, and for an east Asian, I wear five-o'clock shadow pretty well). It doesn't matter though, I'm married, my hobbies are all pretty insular and I don't have much of a social life outside of a nerd culture circle where I currently live (subject to change).

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
Nope. Short cropped hair, dark clothes (grey/black for the most part) and everything that just screams "practical/functional". Summers are super hot here, so for the good of my health, I do wear suitable clothes for the weather (though much to most people's surprise, I often insist on wearing pink).

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
Yes, particularly where it concerns strangers and it used to be a lot worse, but as I've grown up, I've stopped caring about that fact that others might care. I have no cause to accept them caring about it because they're strangers. My friends/family? That's a different story and any complaints that they may have are half-hearted or tongue-in-cheek at most, and they know what my preferences/habits are to have any real belief that they can change how I am. Except my wife, she'll encourage me (as in properly encourage as opposed to just telling me something and handing me a shirt or whatever) and I've changed somewhat, much to my Mom's shock (many jaws dropped first time I turned up rocking a pink polo shirt/grey T combo and TBH, I think it looks good on me), to the extent that the polo that I insist is also pink, she says is red.
 

Bedinsis

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?

I do think about my appearance.
I consider myself average.
To what degree it matters depends on what mood I am in.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?

Nope.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?

Unless I've screwed something up: nope.
I don't think so, I think the way I'm treated comes down to personality and personal history.
 

Thaluikhain

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
Not sure, I'm aware I consume a lot of media featuring good looking people (and/or people with lots of makeup artists) and I don't look quite like them, but whether that makes me unattractive or not is unclear.

It matters to me in that society says it matters and I live in society.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
Generally, no.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
Generally, also no. There are some people that have swarms of admirers and I'm not one of them, but otherwise really.
 

Casual Shinji

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1) Yeah, I think about my appearance. I'm actually pretty keen on losing some weight, eventhough I already went from 214 pounds to 190 pounds. But now I'm back to 200, and I'm trying to get a better grip on it again.
I do consider myself semi-attractive, I definitely clean up nice enough, certainly not ugly. It matters to me to an extent, because I am self-conscious. But I don't care in regards to actually attracting women though, because I'm 100 times more self-concious about my social skills, and I know I don't really have an attractive personality.

2) I don't change my appearance in the slightest. I wear jeans and a t-shirt, and I only get a haircut for practical reasons.

3) I generally don't come in contact with other people, and I don't have friends or co-workers or anything. So all I have to go on is people behind the counter, whom I doubt care much, so long as I don't look like I slept in a ditch. My family is fine with whatever I choose.
 

Crystal Violet

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My friends/family? That's a different story and any complaints that they may have are half-hearted or tongue-in-cheek at most, and they know what my preferences/habits are to have any real belief that they can change how I am. Except my wife, she'll encourage me (as in properly encourage as opposed to just telling me something and handing me a shirt or whatever) and I've changed somewhat, much to my Mom's shock (many jaws dropped first time I turned up rocking a pink polo shirt/grey T combo and TBH, I think it looks good on me), to the extent that the polo that I insist is also pink, she says is red.
I really expected that you would go another way with this. Maybe it is just Jewish and French families. All my friends have the same problem as I that the most judgemental and passive aggressive comments come from the family. Like "it's so weird seeing you in women's clothes" or if we plan to meet up "what will you wear later?"

Not sure, I'm aware I consume a lot of media featuring good looking people (and/or people with lots of makeup artists) and I don't look quite like them, but whether that makes me unattractive or not is unclear.
This makeup artist obsession is huge in Israel where I originate but not as big in France where I grew up. Some friends from the Israeli military post on Instagram all the time with their guns and uniforms and massive makeup. I like to wear makeup sometimes if I dress a bit punky but these others are spending 30 or more minutes per day just to visit the store. I am not judging because some people just like that which is okay but others also must meed a societal expectation.

My sister and I were not allowed to wear makeup until we were 18 so I would wear a lot of makeup before school or going out and have to remove it quickly before coming home. Now I get passive aggressive comments if we go somewhere and I am not wearing makeup which is most of the time.
 

SckizoBoy

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I really expected that you would go another way with this. Maybe it is just Jewish and French families. All my friends have the same problem as I that the most judgemental and passive aggressive comments come from the family. Like "it's so weird seeing you in women's clothes" or if we plan to meet up "what will you wear later?"
Eh, I'm sure you get those types in all cultures, sure as hell do in mine. A friend's gf's family (well, the mother at any rate) was super-judgemental of how he looked/dressed (he's a bit of a high roller and they turned their noses up at his suits, presumably for not having four figure price tags or whatever). My brother-in-law had to be actively persuaded to dress down when meeting my parents the first bunch of times. Luckily, my wife's family is pretty much just as indifferent to it as mine.

You get all sorts, I suppose.
 

Fieldy409

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I'm short, fat, wide and strong. Only problem is my muscles just make me look more fat, pushing out my gut and chest. If I ever lost the bodyfat I'd be really good looking. Maybe one day.

I like being strong though, and I'm happy to eat up after a lifting session even if it makes me fat to keep my strength up. I don't need to look pretty as much as I like being strong. A lot of people understimate me until they've seen me at work doing labour and end up telling me they're surprised by how fast I can move or how much I can lift. Because they just see a unfit fat guy....


My hair? I used to have lovely curly hair and my mother always tells me to grow it back, but I just take the electric razors and shave it off clean. Hair honestly just gets in the way if it grows too long and costs money to get cut by a stylist, so why not shave it off? Plus shaving it cures my dandruff problems, presumably because my skin can flake off easier rather than get trapped on my head.

I tend to wear clothes that are useful and rugged, I almost always wear a pair of workboots to everything, a nicer pair you keep out of the dust and liquids can look good enough to go out in, plus you can claim them on tax and soft squishy runners or cruel hard business shoes hurt my feet. I tend to wear a lot of work clothes out, it's cheaper because I can claim them on tax as work clothes. The nice flexible work pants with a dozen pockets are my favourite to wear out.

I do have the resting ***** face, I think I can look threatening, but when I talk I think people calm down because my voice is so high pitched that I really don't sound like a tough guy. If I were to stand there quietly with my arms crossed people might think I'm scary until I talk and sound like a teenage boy or something.
 
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Chimpzy

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
Yes, I do think about it. No, I don't think I'm attractive. Not ugly either. Just plain. Tall, but thin, and a little on the skinny fat side, tho that's improved since I starting regularly exercising. S/o tells me I have a nice ass. Guess I'll have to take her word for it. Best thing I've got going for me is a youthful looking face. People tend to guess me 5 years younger than I actually am. 10 years if I wear contacts and am cleanly shaven. Shame about the big honking Roman nose. I try to make myself presentable, tho mostly out of consideration for others, not so much out of a personal desire or need.
2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
Used to be a metalhead including all the regalie i.e. band shirts, leather jacket, combat boots, long hair, always a beer in my hand and a cig in my mouth. Then I cut my hair and switched to wearing whatever was comfortable. Still do. Tho maybe I should try growing my hair out again. Used to get compliments about it.
3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
Yes, I think they do, I think it would be very naive to assume they don't anyway, and I do notice it in practice. Mostly when I'm out in public with my s/o, not when I'm alone cuz then I tend to not pay attention to anyone and fade into the background.
 

Baffle

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
I'd say I'm so-so, but I'm not really bothered. I have an easy smile. I started to go bald quite young, which does make you look older, but I haven't aged that much since. Certainly, I look older than I did at 25, but not 15 years older. I enjoy a fairly solitary lifestyle and it's not uncommon to not think about shaving for quite a while so sometimes I look a bit like a mountain man living in the suburbs.

I've put on too much weight since the gyms shut, which I need to resolve. It's not so much about how people see me, though that is an bit of an issue for me, but it's mostly just not comfortable. And I really like being comfortable.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?


I wear a suit to funerals, but other than that I wear what I've worn since I was a teenager - jeans, hoodies and boots/trainers. Never wear shoe shoes (I have long shins so trousers are likely to ride up when I bend my legs, so I prefer boots).

Occasionally change the beard to a goatee, but never lasts. Prefer a full beard. Did a 'tache once -- looked offensive.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?



Not really. I'm an everyman among everymen.
 

wings012

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
I don't really think about or care about my appearance much, and I don't consider myself attractive. I'll probably die alone, and that's just fine.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
Not really, I might dress for an occasion otherwise it's just minimal effort. With the virus and lockdown, there's no occasions to even dress for and now I even neglect to shave.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
People probably do. If I'm treated different, it's probably not because of my appearance though.
 

Xprimentyl

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
I don't really think about my appearance. Not that I neglect my appearance (hygiene is up to code n'all,) I've just never been one to "peacock" or groom to be noticed. That said, I guess I'm reasonably attractive because I've never had a problem attracting women. That's not a boast, just a statement of fact; I'd say 90% of the women I've gone out with/dated hit on me first. I also [ostensibly] look a lot younger than my age; I'll be 41 next month and still get carded for cigarettes.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
Not at ALL. Being half black and half Hispanic, my hair is both course and straight; if I go more than 3 weeks without a haircut, I look like a cactus. So since childhood, I've deferred to the same fade or low buzzcut because to grow out my hair long enough to be styled any other way would require a protracted period of my looking ridiculous. Clothes, I couldn't care less about; I wear jeans and a hoodie or quarter-zip as often as possible. I much prefer comfort and ease over style or "looking good" by arbitrary societal standards.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
Some do. Back to the women I've dated, damn near every one of them has wanted to effectively play dress up with me, see me in a suit or slacks and collared shirts. I've been called a "pretty boy" more than once as well as been told that I'd make a beautiful woman (humiliating story there,) so unlike my friend ObsidianJones, save for my brown skin that apparently puts many people on yellow alert, I don't think I've ever really come off as "threatening" to anyone.
 

Gethsemani

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
Only in so far as that I need to be presentable when at work. I consider myself modestly attractive, probably somewhere slightly above whatever goes for average but since I'm in a long term committed relationship it doesn't matter beyond that my partner finds me attractive.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
I dress for the occasion and my wardrobe has the full range from "lounge wear not fit for public viewing" to formal wear. Other then that I occasionally let my hair grow out, but it just becomes such a hassle when it passes a certain length.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
Of course they do. I like to think that a lot of the reason I get along with most people is because I am just an affable and kind person, but some of it is probably down to simple, physical attractiveness.
 
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Agema

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1.) Do you think about your appearance? Do you consider yourself attractive or whatever? Does it matter to you personally any more?
Not much, not particularly, not much respectively. I'm old enough I don't feel it really matters, although when I think about it I gave even less of a damn when I was younger.

2.) Do you change/deviate from your appearance at all? Do you change your hair style, clothing, whatever?
Not really, no. I have mostly changed my hairstyle purely in response to male-pattern baldness. Clotheswise, my tastes pretty much haven't changed in 25 years, except that I now have the money to buy stuff that's got some semblance of style. I also grew a beard, but that was mostly laziness because trimming every two weeks takes much less time than shaving every two days.

3.) Do you think others care about your appearance? Do you perceive any difference in how you're treated vs how others are?
Sort of. I favour comfort, convenience, being presentable and unobtrusive. I wear neat casual at home, at work, and going out, and it meets my aims.
 

ObsidianJones

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Hey, you're a shot of energy this places needs. Prepare for more shout-outs šŸ˜

So, let's see. I'm a 6'2 (188 cm) black guy with a wide frame. I might as well cosplay as the devil with how scared some segments of this population get when I walk into the room. Add to that, I have RBF (Resting Bastard Face). I'm actually really not an angry person. But I grew up in the Bronx. You become a target if you look all smiley and cheery. So after years of practicing of not showing any positive emotion, my face looks like I'm ready to fight all the time.

Meanwhile, I've moved to Florida. There are places in this state I've been warned not to visit because of my race.

This is what Floridians think about Race Relation with the Police down here.


One night, I went to my local Publix, our local grocery store. This was probably 15 minutes before it closed. Four black kids were in the parking lot, playing some music and hanging out. Stuff I've seen happen many times before with other kids who were frankly white.

Before I got out of my car, a woman pulled up next to me, but far away from the kids hanging out. She got out before me and was walking for ten second before I got out. When she got into the entryway of the store, she talked to the worker there who was vacuuming. She was talking hurriedly, and pointed to the teens. The worker looked out there, saw what she was talking about, and nodded. The lady walked in, he went on his walkie talkie.

I was afraid for those kids. I was absolutely afraid. I turned right back out, and I went to those kids. Half feeling stupid for talking to kids I don't know, and boiling with rage that I had to do this. I told them the situation. That an elderly white lady told the store about them, and that even though I know they weren't doing anything wrong, they might want to clear out. They thanked me, and I freaking apologized. I don't know why. I think I was apologizing that they had to live in this world like this. But I did. And they said they got it. I turned back and got my stuff.

By the time I got back, the employee returned with the Manager. The Manager was talking on the phone with what sounded like the sheriff on the other line. But at that time, I heard him say "Oh, they are getting in their car and leaving".

I think some of my other minorities (especially Black minorities) on this forum can relay their experiences as well. But yeah, here, the way you are perceived can easily have cops sicced on you for no reason at all. And that can be bodily harm or worse.

Well. That was more than I thought I'd share today. A few more questions. To lighten the mood and because I can.

4.) Is there a Celebrity you always wished you looked like? Is there a Celebrity you're always associated with? Stories about that?

5.) What Fetish (if any) do you most get associated with? Has it affected your date life?

5.) Due to your appearance, are there people with certain fetishes who are typically attracted to you? Like Xprimentyl and I might get approached by women of other races because of the stereotypical of how endowed black men are.


4.) I guess a younger Shemar Moore from Criminal Minds. But it's weird. When you're a clean cut black guy, other races think you look like any acceptable black guy.

I've gotten Colin Powell, Will Smith, Isaiah Mustafa (the Old Spice Guy), and Chris Tucker.

NONE of these men look alike!

5.) ... I mean, come on. We all know what that fetish would be...
 
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The Rogue Wolf

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4.) Is there a Celebrity you always wished you looked like? Is there a Celebrity you're always associated with? Stories about that?
I was once told that I "have an Emilio Estevez thing going on", and that I looked like the guy who played Pacey on Dawson's Creek. If we're really stretching the definition of "celebrity", though, I look so much like Harris Heller's editor Sam Woodhall that I'm wondering if he's my British clone.

5.) What Fetish (if any) do you most get associated with? Has it affected your date life?
Uh... pass.
 

Drathnoxis

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4.) Is there a Celebrity you always wished you looked like? Is there a Celebrity you're always associated with? Stories about that?
I've always kind of wanted to look like Rayman. I think I'd look better without my arms, legs, and neck.
5.) What Fetish (if any) do you most get associated with? Has it affected your date life?
Now you've just made this thread weird...
 
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