I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Your best Joke Ever.
- Thread starter greenflash
- Start date
Recommended Videos
So a baby seal walks into a club...
And what do you call a spy with a glue gun?
James Bond. It was better when I did it in wood workshop and actually had a glue gun, but whatever.
And what do you call a spy with a glue gun?
James Bond. It was better when I did it in wood workshop and actually had a glue gun, but whatever.
My best joke takes about 15 minutes to tell, sadly. You'll have to come visit to hear it, and will have to put me in a fantastic mood. In the meantime...
You can't marmalade your cock up a sheep's ass!
Ok kinda not for the religious but
(Catholic) God walks into a bar and orders a bloody mary.
Please don't lynch me
On a lighter note
France
and one last one
If God gave you a choice between suicide and murder wich one would you choose?
Neither there is no room for free will in religion!
Really sorry if I offened anyone. And I'll think of my really good joke tomorrow at school and then come post it here
(Catholic) God walks into a bar and orders a bloody mary.
Please don't lynch me
On a lighter note
France
and one last one
If God gave you a choice between suicide and murder wich one would you choose?
Neither there is no room for free will in religion!
Really sorry if I offened anyone. And I'll think of my really good joke tomorrow at school and then come post it here
Me and my friends are Monty Python fans. All I really have to say is "It's just a flesh wound" and they'll laugh.
What do you call a Woodpecker without a beak?
How many celebrities does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Where can you find a no-legged dog?
Also, a funny story... I was recently in Queensland, driving through the Daintree, when our tour guide noticed a particular river and began to explain its cultural significance to the area's Aboriginal inhabitants.
She told us that at the base of the river was a sacred female fertility and birthing site, accessible only to the tribe's women, and that the men had a separate area further up the mountain. The Aborigines believed that the water had mystical properties, and that when women bathed in the stream, they became pregnant.
To which I replied: "Well that depends on what the guys were doing upstream."
A headbanger.
How many celebrities does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold it, and the world revolves around them.
Where can you find a no-legged dog?
Right where you left it.
Also, a funny story... I was recently in Queensland, driving through the Daintree, when our tour guide noticed a particular river and began to explain its cultural significance to the area's Aboriginal inhabitants.
She told us that at the base of the river was a sacred female fertility and birthing site, accessible only to the tribe's women, and that the men had a separate area further up the mountain. The Aborigines believed that the water had mystical properties, and that when women bathed in the stream, they became pregnant.
To which I replied: "Well that depends on what the guys were doing upstream."
Whilst we're on the topic of hilariously inappropriate and extremely offensive racist jokes, here's one for the Aussies out there...Josh_v2.0 said:
What's long, black and stinky?
The line at Centrelink.
So Anton Chekov walks into the lounge bar of his hotel with a monkey on his shoulder and sees Heinrik Ibsen playing the piano. Not wanting to be rude, he walks over and introduces himself. Ibsen looks at him and says "Nice hotel, isn't it?"
"Oh, it's okay," Chekov. "The towels are kinda scratchy, the beds are too springy, it's like trying to sleep on a trampoline, and the soap makes my skin flake. What about you?"
Ibsen looks him up and down gravely and responds "No soap, Radio..."
"Oh, it's okay," Chekov. "The towels are kinda scratchy, the beds are too springy, it's like trying to sleep on a trampoline, and the soap makes my skin flake. What about you?"
Ibsen looks him up and down gravely and responds "No soap, Radio..."
I think I love you now.comadorcrack said:
OT:
"I helped my uncle Jack off a horse."
"I helped my uncle jack off a horse."
Capitalization. More important than you may think!
I'm not sure if this counts but this one time back in high school my friends and I were having a good old fashion on the couch loser pass the controller session and we were talking about games that we played that were very difficult for us.
one of my friends pipes up and says Ghost Recon 2
Friend: "DUDE the NPCs in the game know were you are like ALL THE TIME man, at the very start they know and can shoot you in like on hit and there's like no way you can sneak around!"
ME:"Well the game is called Ghost Recon. Your supposed to be a ghost. Obviously your doing something wrong."
We all had a small kick out of that one.
one of my friends pipes up and says Ghost Recon 2
Friend: "DUDE the NPCs in the game know were you are like ALL THE TIME man, at the very start they know and can shoot you in like on hit and there's like no way you can sneak around!"
ME:"Well the game is called Ghost Recon. Your supposed to be a ghost. Obviously your doing something wrong."
We all had a small kick out of that one.
