I live in a city. A big city. A really, really big city. Its new to me; I've only been here for about a month. But let me tell you: most useless fucking thing on Earth?
The aftermarket car alarm.
Invented by a man who was sick and tired of his "Air Supply" albums getting pinched, he decided to wire an extremely loud speaker to a pressure sensor, and waited for the fireworks. It might have even saved his precious fucking album. But then everyone on his block had a car alarm, and the entire point of them evaporated-- the unintended consequence of their popularity has rendered them virtually useless.
The car alarm works on the principle that if you are thieving a car, you will run away because the alarm makes noise and will attract attention. But car alarms don't go off when you break into them-- oh no no, they go off when it rains. Or when someone drops something. Or when a squirrel touches the wheel. When was the last time you witnessed a break-in in progress when the alarm went off? Never, and neither has anyone else. But you have heard the fucking thing wake you up at three in the god damn morning? Actually, thats pretty much the only time they go off. That damn volvo or whatever on the way to Mercy Hospital? Thieving that piece of shit is the last thing on my mind, but no-mic guy manages to set the thing off without fail every single god damn time.
When the alarm wakes me up, do I run outside to witness the robbery in progress? Nope. I did consider grabbing a fucking brick and smashing it through the window, attached to a note reading: "Just wanted to make your alarm investment worthwhile, fucksacks!" For all I know someone smashed the window, took the ipod charger cable, and ran off, safe in the knowledge that anyone the alarm woke up is thrilled the owner of that fucking car just got whats coming to him.
So do you agree? Fucking useless? Have you ever stopped a burglary because of a car alarm? Do you share my spite and vitriol?
Also, what are some other completely retarded inventions that you've come into contact with?
I'd say: The Motorized Fork ranks even higher than car alarm.
The aftermarket car alarm.
Invented by a man who was sick and tired of his "Air Supply" albums getting pinched, he decided to wire an extremely loud speaker to a pressure sensor, and waited for the fireworks. It might have even saved his precious fucking album. But then everyone on his block had a car alarm, and the entire point of them evaporated-- the unintended consequence of their popularity has rendered them virtually useless.
The car alarm works on the principle that if you are thieving a car, you will run away because the alarm makes noise and will attract attention. But car alarms don't go off when you break into them-- oh no no, they go off when it rains. Or when someone drops something. Or when a squirrel touches the wheel. When was the last time you witnessed a break-in in progress when the alarm went off? Never, and neither has anyone else. But you have heard the fucking thing wake you up at three in the god damn morning? Actually, thats pretty much the only time they go off. That damn volvo or whatever on the way to Mercy Hospital? Thieving that piece of shit is the last thing on my mind, but no-mic guy manages to set the thing off without fail every single god damn time.
When the alarm wakes me up, do I run outside to witness the robbery in progress? Nope. I did consider grabbing a fucking brick and smashing it through the window, attached to a note reading: "Just wanted to make your alarm investment worthwhile, fucksacks!" For all I know someone smashed the window, took the ipod charger cable, and ran off, safe in the knowledge that anyone the alarm woke up is thrilled the owner of that fucking car just got whats coming to him.
So do you agree? Fucking useless? Have you ever stopped a burglary because of a car alarm? Do you share my spite and vitriol?
Also, what are some other completely retarded inventions that you've come into contact with?
I'd say: The Motorized Fork ranks even higher than car alarm.
