Your thoughts on, "Men and Women can't be just friends?"

[Secondhand Revenant]

It's ridiculous to suggest that it isn't possible. Considering how easily people manage it I have to wonder what's wrong with people who say it isn't possible.

Also I tend to get along with my female friends better tbh. More inclined to tell them my actual thoughts on things. Think it's mostly chance and how I met them but still for me it goes to show that this idea about gender and friends is idiotic.

 

[OldNewNewOld]

I'm gay so I can be "just friends" with any female you want, as long as she wants to be friends as well.
Also not really the same, but pretty similar, I can be just friends with guys as well, despite getting a boner and fapping to gay porn so... I would say only horny teens, the occasional nypho and "the nice guy" are saying that.

 

[lowtech redneck]

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus and Uranus is full of shit.

And I believe that, while historically exaggerated, there are general differences between the sexes attributable to things like hormonal differences that, while not greatly significant in itself, will over time result in significantly different outcomes from the same socialization inputs. In other words, women are more predisposed to be nurturing and cooperative, and men are more predisposed to be aggressive and competitive-which does not detract from the fact that there is a ton of variation between and among the sexes.

I also think that one thing has little to do with other, and I think that men and women can totally be just friends, regardless if there is any attraction or temperamental differences involved. I think anybody who believes differently is probably making excuses for issues of their own interfering with opposite-sex friendships.

Edit: Captcha, dharma initiative?

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Bullshit, I have lots of (okay, maybe two) female friends.

 

[Gray-Philosophy]

I have female friends without any kind of trouble, so I'd argue it's perfectly possible.


However, I think there is an argument to be made that over the course of time, if a male and female friend grow close enough, one of them will inevitably develop some kind of growing affection or desire for the other one. But I think it's a matter of being able to manage your own feelings and deciding on whether or not to act on them.
Also, key word if.

 

[BadNewDingus]

I think almost everyone has had a friend of the opposite gender.

I'll be honest, though. Most of the time for me, I've seen plenty of friends that had friends with benefits. Also, in my dark teen years, I've tried plenty of times to hook up with one of my female friends ... even when they had a boyfriend. Yes, I was an a-hole and I know this now as I grew up and figured I wouldn't want someone that would cheat on their lover for me.

 

[sageoftruth]

At the moment, I've been wondering if I can be anything else to a woman. I seem to be deathly afraid of all the baggage that comes with being in a relationship. I've dated twice. Both ultimately ended after months of dating with her deciding we should be friends and with me wholeheartedly agreeing.

Still, I'll admit, there can be boundaries to overcome if you find her really attractive. I had a co-worker who was a lesbian, and even knowing that about her, I couldn't stop asking myself every now and then if she might be into me.

 

[blipblop]

what is this.. the 90´s???
have both female and male friends even lived with a few friends whit opposite sex
I mean, come on how can this still be a thing?

 

[K12]

It's bollocks. Does anyone genuinely think this?

If it were true then wouldn't it imply that bisexual people wouldn't be able to have friends at all (except children and family members I guess).

 

[spartandude]

As a bisexual if i couldn't be just friends with members of the sex im attracted to then i would be screwed. Of course you can be friends with people of the opposite gender. To suggest other wise is bollocks in my opinion.

 

[newfoundsky]

There are some women I only want to be friends with that are actually quite physically attractive. I'd have sex with her if she wasn't her.

I'm gonna say yes. BUT! I think it's only possible if you're not attracted in any way to them. As in, you think they have an awesome personality but you wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole if someone asked you to be "romantic" with them.
Those are my two cents anyway.

Some of my female friends are extremely attractive. I'd have sex with them if they weren't... them.

Don't get me wrong, they have great personalities, some had a romantic interest with me at one point, but all are just "I am going to dinner with her as a friend and we are going to insult each other for a few hours and have a good time" to me.

You can enjoy your friends body and personality and still not have a spark with them.

 

[MonsterCrit]

*sips on my cup of tea* This is where I became a witty bastard but I would rather not be an over the top and cynical ****.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus and Uranus is full of shit. No really, what do you think is up there? With the talk of, "oh my gaaaaaaaaaawd i've just been friendzoned", nonsense that I keep seeing over and over again on the net, do many in the real world still believe that men and women can't be friends? Just friends?

Most of my friends are female and I get on great with them. We have awkward convos that make us laugh, talks that have us understand one another and insane moments that you have with a best friend that has us both getting strange looks from those around us. Regardless of gender.

So, is the saying, "Men and Women can't be just friends", dead? Or is there something there but just isn't discovered yet.

Oh, and I know a few of you may twist it to say, "well if the guy or girl is gay then the friendship can be less awkward blah blah. I just hope you understand what I mean with the main topic.

And you can be friends with your sibling of the opposite sex. Not as if you will create some sexual tension with your brother or sister... I opened up a portal, didn't I?

It depends. See you can only spend so much non obligatory (work, school) time around someone of the opposite sex without getting a deep connection. Not saying it has to happen but the more time you spend the more likely it becomes.

As for the friendzone. Men complain about being friendzoned, and woman crack jokes about how clueless men are that they can't tell when a woman is in to them. I.e The guy I'm after isn't picking up any of the subtle hints I've been dropping for weeks.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

I've had women in my life as friends, that I didn't find attractive, until I got to know them. At that point their personalities changed how I viewed their physical being. I've had that end well, and I've had that end badly. I've disappointed a couple of young ladies by not returning their feelings too.

You know what? None of us were assholes... We were just flawed people. I don't understand this need to assign blame or vilify anyone. You can't sum this up with some stupid meme... It's mufti-faceted. Young people tend to be less adept at reading people as well as less considerate of/aware of how their behaviour affects people, and what impressions it gives them... To my mind, the one obliviously leading another on is at least as socially inept/unaware as the one failing to grasp the reality of the situation.

I think that's why this tends to be such a young person oriented problem. Live and learn and all... But have a little compassion for the confused, hormonal, vulnerable young people who are struggling, eh?

To answer the title. If you want a ridiculously simple answers, it's "yes". But, there is a reason why people get jealous when their S.O is hanging out with someone of the opposite gender (talking hetero here, apply other terms where appropriate), it's because these things can easily become complicated. We know they can, it's dumb to pretend otherwise.

Funny that I'm reading this. Just this past weekend I slept with one of my long time friends and have been asking myself the same thing. She and I just wanted something casual but after the act I can't really shake the feeling of having deeper feelings even though I've never felt them before our encounter. Sex is fucking weird.

Aside from her I have quite a few female friends and I'd be lying if I didn't find some of them sexually attractive. I just end up telling myself to let go of the thought because while we are friends there's no way we would be compatible in that way.

Perfectly normal.

To me, what you're describing is just a man with a healthy libido. It's hard to mentally entirely block out the entertaining of the idea of sex with female friends. You can't just shut that part of your nature off. What defines you is how you choose to conduct yourself. It's just another front for nature and culture to battle it out within the confines of your head.

I don't want to cast aspersions on you, this is just general advice to young men: Talk to men... Candidly, but in good humour. You can ask another man if they feel similarly to you about things like this, and you'll probably find that (at least) many of them do. It's better to get comfortable with what you are and deal with it accordingly than to pretend that you just don't feel the way you feel. The mask that we all wear so that we can function in society is one thing. But... Get some decent information for your internal experience.