Your thoughts on, "Men and Women can't be just friends?"

Twintix

New member
Jun 28, 2014
1,023
0
0
Of course men and women can be just friends.

I have a friend who I've known for five years, and both his grandma and my parents ask (Jokingly, though): "Why are you two not hooked up yet?". We're like, dude, we've known each other for years; If there was something like that between us, it probably would've happened already.

I don't understand the thought process that comes to the conclusion that anytime a male and a female are friends, there must be sexual attraction involved. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it's not that common, is it?
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
12,010
0
41
Country
United States
Dimitriov said:
Fappy said:
I have plenty of female friends that are no different from my guy friends. Anyone who can't just be friends with someone of the opposite gender is either a nymphomaniac or an asshole in my experience.
Well, yes, obviously (or at least hopefully it is obvious) they can be.

But I think there is sometimes an over willingness (certainly on these forums) to totally discount the very real problems that may legitimately arise in male/female friendships. I can only speak as a heterosexual male, and yes I do have female friends, but there are certainly differences.

Unlike my male friends I have on occasion had to deal with the fact that I have felt strong sexual attraction to them. They're women whom, by definition, I like and whose company I enjoy. It's not terribly weird, nor does it require nymphomania.

That doesn't mean we can't be friends, and I've certainly never acted on that attraction as I have had no interest in forming a romantic partnership in these situations. But it certainly can provide a layer of complexity to a friendship that wouldn't exist otherwise. And, yes, all human interactions and relationships can be weird and messy. But, for the majority of the population who are heterosexual, I think there often is a built-in layer of added complexity to friendships between men and women.
Oh no, I never meant to imply sexual attraction to friends is somehow unusual or even wrong at all. I myself am sexually attracted to some of my female friends, and I'm spoken for. Despite how well we've separated ourselves from the rest of the animal kingdom, we still have to contend with our own biology. It's simply that I lose sympathy for people when they allow that attraction to ruin their friendships or prevents them for pursuing friendships with members of the opposite sex.

A healthy way to cope with this is to say to yourself, "Yes, I would likely have sex with this friend given the chance, but until that friend expresses interest to do so it won't be a factor in our relationship."


Unrequited love on the other hand, is a different animal entirely. A lot of the best romantic relationships evolve out of friendships but it comes with inherent risk, and if they don't return those feelings things can get complicated.
 

CrystalShadow

don't upset the insane catgirl
Apr 11, 2009
3,829
0
0
I really have no idea.

I assume the basis of this idea is that people can't manage to be friends with someone they are attracted to without it causing problems...

Well, I mean, I understand the idea behind that, but... That's just ridiculously limiting though.

Besides which, if I took that seriously, and actually considered it an insurmountable barrier to friendship...
I wouldn't be able to have friends.

Being bisexual kinda forces you to confront the absurdity of the underlying idea there.
If I can't be friends with someone I'm potentially attracted to, then what that says is I can't have friends.

And, well... That's just stupid.
 

Simskiller

New member
Oct 13, 2010
283
0
0
So, there's an amusing song that I would like to share with the class:


(also its really catchy)

Personally, I see people as people first and treat pretty much everyone the same, I see no reason why everyone can't just be friends.
 

blackrave

New member
Mar 7, 2012
2,020
0
0
Out of 5 friends I have 1 is female
Out of 3 best friends 1 is female as well
So I don't see why it's something impossible
(by "friend" I mean something we have long history with, NOT someone I've met 2 weeks ago and we had nice conversation)

Then again it may be anecdotal evidence and not something for everyone.

One thing though- sex and friendship doesn't mix.
It is simpler to avoid it.
 

thejboy88

New member
Aug 29, 2010
1,515
0
0
When I was growing up, I never got on all that well with a lot of the guys in my classes. Most of my friends were girls, and maybe one or two guys.

As I got older, that usually stayed the case. So, yeah, I think men and women can be friends.
 

Broderick

New member
May 25, 2010
462
0
0
Out of all the friends I hang out with the most, all of them are female. I tended to have more female friends growing up oddly enough. Am I attracted to them? Some, yes. I wouldn't mind having something more with some of them, but at the same time I am completely fine with how my relationship is with them in general. Some I have had a friends with benefits relationship before, and it hasn't effected our friendship. So yeah, men and women could totally be just be platonic friends with each other. People need to be clear of their intentions though from the start.
 

baddude1337

Taffer
Jun 9, 2010
1,856
0
0
It's kind of bullshit and not at all accurate any more. Most of my best friends throughout life has been of the opposite sex, and most general friend groups always have a mix of gender.
 

DrownedAmmet

Senior Member
Apr 13, 2015
683
0
21
It's usually a problem with the individual if they can't be friends with the opposite gender. I know in high school I was so desperate to get a girlfriend (to prove something, I guess) that I wouldn't even consider a woman as a friend. And then when I realized all my female friends were exes, I realized I was pretty fucked up

So yeah, I've learned to be fine with just friends. (I frickin hate that saying, though, friendships are great with or without benefits)
 

happyninja42

Elite Member
Legacy
May 13, 2010
8,577
2,981
118
I've been friends with several women. I can't speak for their side of things, but even though personally I felt an attraction to most of them, it wasn't anything I ever acted on. It wasn't a problem, it was simply, "she's my friend, and she's hot". Other things about them made me not inclined to want to date them, so they were just friends, and it was fine.
 

Zhukov

The Laughing Arsehole
Dec 29, 2009
13,769
5
43
I will never understand this.... subject.

I just do not get how being friends and finding someone attractive, with or without intent, are somehow mutually exclusive things.

I've made friends with women who I didn't have any particular interest in dating or screwing. Until I started using internet forums that didn't seem like a big deal to me.
 

Eclipse Dragon

Lusty Argonian Maid
Legacy
Jan 23, 2009
4,259
12
43
Country
United States
I am female, currently living with a male friend and have done so for about three years now, so yes, they can be friends. It tends to be other people who assume we're a couple, it's kind of amusing because I also share an apartment with a female friend (who is also not dating him) and when people try to understand our living arrangement they go...

Me + Him = couple? If no
Her + Him = couple? If no
Me + Her = couple, If no

?????

We're just three broke 20 somethings living together, because none of us have enough money to afford a place on our own, the local restaurants already figured it out, it's why they leave takeout menus on our doorstep.


In regard to the idea that you can't be friends with someone whom you're potentially sexually attracted to, that would mean that bisexuals can't have any friends and asexuals can have nothing but friends, which makes the whole thing kind of silly.
 

Myndnix

New member
Aug 11, 2012
313
0
0
It's a load of bullshit.
My best friend's a woman and we've been friends for about eight years.
I don't think anyone really believes that men and women can't be 'just' friends anymore.
 

viscomica

New member
Aug 6, 2013
285
0
0
I'm gonna say yes. BUT! I think it's only possible if you're not attracted in any way to them. As in, you think they have an awesome personality but you wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole if someone asked you to be "romantic" with them.
Those are my two cents anyway.
 

Frankster

Space Ace
Mar 13, 2009
2,507
0
0
This is BS.

Most of my best friends have been women, and though was less the case during my school days in UK, in France it was very common for people to have opposite gender best friends.
 

TwistednMean

New member
Nov 23, 2010
56
0
0
Female friends are different from male friends. Most men and women are unlikely to be romantically interested in their same-gendered friends, but not in the other kind. However it does not make the concept of friendship between genders any less valid.
 

DanielBrown

Dangerzone!
Dec 3, 2010
3,838
0
0
While I think it's of course possible I'm a bad fucking example. I haven't had a single female friend who I haven't ended up in bed with... Ruined most of the friendships shortly afterwards.
 

Eclipse Dragon

Lusty Argonian Maid
Legacy
Jan 23, 2009
4,259
12
43
Country
United States
DanielBrown said:
You don't have to answer my question if you don't want to, but I'm a little curious, why does it so often ruin a friendship when two people have slept together?
 
Jan 27, 2011
3,740
0
0
Of course you can be friends with the opposite sex.

The main issue is that people often want to hook up with and date cool people of the opposite gender, which often makes things awkward.

But yeah, it's totally possible to be "just friends". If you feel that the person is a good friend, but that you wouldn't do well in a relationship with them, if they were taken when you became friends, etc just makes it much more easy.
 

Lightknight

Mugwamp Supreme
Nov 26, 2008
4,860
0
0
Sure they can be just friends. It's just that there's two opportunities for one side to start to consider it more and then everything gets awkward and leaves a huge risk of the other side taking advantage of it (unwittingly or not).

But if both sides don't pursue a romantic relationship then it's quite easy.