Zero Punctuation: Alone in the Dark: Illumination - Like Left 4 Dead But...

djdomain

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Jul 7, 2011
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The White Hunter said:
Somebody needs to put Atari down and strip the carcass for worthwhile IP's.
It makes me wish that there was a Social Services for games, where companies who neglect or beat their IPs with the shitty rehash stick (like say, Rare) got them taken away and they're placed with a foster studio. I guess the only alternative is to fund kickstarter games that are homages/rip-offs of them, cause someone would be willing to mod the game after launch to replace the one robot guy with the other robot guy, or a lizard and bat with a bear and bird.
 

synobal

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Jun 8, 2011
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The bit with the priest reminds me how my Pure Mortal monster hunter character feels in my current Dresden Files RPG game. He's the only nonmagic user and routinely kicks more ass in combat that anyone else. Even fighting a pair or Rakshasa and a sorcerer by himself and winning.
 

Devieus

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Somehow this review sounded more like one for a bad Darkness game, or at least the multiplayer side-missions from Darkness 2, rather than a bad Alone in the Dark game.
 

Sledgimus

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Aug 15, 2008
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slo said:
Your sources are probably wrong because the original was and is awesome.
What? I didn't have sneaky meetings with videogame insiders in underground parking garages. I don't have "sources" that told me Alone in the Dark was crap. It's crap. It was a crap offshoot of the point and click adventure genre (the world's worst videogame genre) which other companies improved on by adding some gameplay and puzzles that were slightly less insane.
 

Anomynous 167

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May 6, 2008
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Sledgimus said:
I really don't know why they keep trying to keep Alone in the Dark going. Yes, I know it was the first survival horror, but it was crap. Other games came along and did it better. Why keep trying to sell games on the back of nostalgia for something that sucked in the first place?

Oh, wait. Internet. Forget I said anything.
Fable II will always be the best survival horror game. If your character can die in it, then it's not a survival game
 

VanQ

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Oct 23, 2009
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Toowong Station at 1 in the morning? That's a local joke and I get it! Wheee!

Is Toowong really that bad at night? Can't be as bad as Fortitude Valley...
 

Dalisclock

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Steve the Pocket said:
UberThetan said:
The White Hunter said:
Somebody needs to put Atari down and strip the carcass for worthwhile IP's.
Again? I mean, that's basically what's happened over the years. Atari just goes "bankrupt" regularly, gets bought up by someone else who then does whatever the hell they want with the IPs.
Hey Valve, you know that massive pile of money you've been sitting on since like ten years ago? I think I know what you can do with it!
Even if they buy the IP tomorrow and start working on a new game immediately, we won't see a new game for at least 10 years.
 

Jandau

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I found Final Facility 7 to be highly overrated and personally believe that the series peaked with Final Facility 9...
 

FireAza

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Toowong Station? I used to live in Toowong! I guess that really was Yahtzee when I saw a guy wearing a Mana Bar shirt at the station that one time.
 

Grabehn

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There is one line in this game that pretty much told me all I needed to know, and was something like "Cthulu has sent more minions for you" or something.

And I mean, some Cthulu can do no wrong, but THAT is not the way to use it, at all. Unless you're actually building the game around stuff like "YO, Cthulu sent some more bitches, watch it!" and have it be an actually bizarre thing altogether.
 

JagerBombastic

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Wow I did think you would actually get around to playing this game as there was that great new game just standing right beside it, you know the one where you bash your head against a wall until such time that you black out and make believe that you played a better version of the game that would involve the phrase, "galaxy sized tit monster" in the actual review.