Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed

zerotrace

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Oct 3, 2007
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Couple of good funny moments, good review.

Still don't think I'll pick it up until the price drops though.

All the hype was what caused the mass e-rioting to occur over the game...Ah well.
 

blackadvent

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Nov 16, 2007
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The ending was perfect. I'd give a suggestion for what to review next, but then I'd be a hypocritical twit.

'It's actually fun!' The double-middle finger = priceless.
 

Kermi

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Nov 7, 2007
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Having not picked up this game yet (having made the wallet-sensible decision to wait until I'm at least almost done with Mass Effect for adding another game to my shelf to collect dust) I was really hoping we'd see an Assassins Creed video this week.
The review confirms everything bad and good I've heard about this game and has the benefit of being, in my opinion, the funniest review thus far.

Besides which, playing Mass Effect has honed my tolerance for eternally repeating sidequests that still somehow contribute to an awesome whole down to a needle-like point, so I now feel fully prepared to deal with this game.
 

Darren Grey

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Dec 2, 2007
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Insightful in parts, but there are many flaws I feel were missed. I think perhaps the reason that some people are so overly negative about the game is because of how terribly overhyped it was. Still, very funny video (I love the references to Birmingham/Tescos/Branston Pickles etc that the review is peppered with).
 

Bfox

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Nov 18, 2007
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D: REVIEW MUUUEEEEEEE!!

just kidding, great vid, I don't understand what started the hype with this game anyway..

HYPE = BAD. VERY BAD!! (worse than non logical fanboys? )

so, just never go to any game websites again, no preview videos, no magazines and you'll have the best gaming ever because everything will be a sleeper hit to you :D
 

aeonite

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Oct 17, 2007
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It is somehow appropriate that a game about sneaking around and stabbing people should be reviewed on the Day of the Ninja. Awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zPy1AgMvE8
 

blackadvent

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Nov 16, 2007
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Bfox said:
D: REVIEW MUUUEEEEEEE!!

just kidding, great vid, I don't understand what started the hype with this game anyway..

HYPE = BAD. VERY BAD!! (worse than non logical fanboys? )

so, just never go to any game websites again, no preview videos, no magazines and you'll have the best gaming ever because everything will be a sleeper hit to you :D
Also, avoid word of mouth hype (real life fanboys) and television ads.

In short, stay indoors, live by yourself, and read books.... yeah, right.
 

YeOldeMunger

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Nov 28, 2007
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Jeeeeees... I was so hoping for another obscure review so I could watch all the prepubescents squirm with angst. I pray this wasn't a caving-in to pressure; but still, it was funny as hell.
 

review lover

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Dec 5, 2007
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Yahtzee is the funniest person i have ever heard. He should do stand up or something. The kina guy i aspire to be.
 

Kermi

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aeonite said:
It is somehow appropriate that a game about sneaking around and stabbing people should be reviewed on the Day of the Ninja. Awesome.
I hope he reviews Spore on the Day of the Triffids.
 

Abbadiel

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Oct 15, 2007
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Heh, good review and funny one too, actually, one of the best reviews Yahtzee has so far (in my opinion).

I heard about those beggars and heard that they where annoying as hell too. Didn't knew about the lepers though.
 

the_pearson_person

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Sep 6, 2007
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Lolz "Ye Olde Mosh Pit"

I love you.



On Facebook? Join the Zero Punctuation Appreciation Society:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=6725770567

 

Tumbler360

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Nov 28, 2007
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Brilliant!

Loved it, thank you for reviewing this game. Great fun to hear about this game.

I vote for Mass Effect next.

Hmm I wonder if having a vote system on next weeks review would be good for the site? I'd love to see what everyone else wants to see reviewed.
 

Lisamagi

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Dec 5, 2007
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Lol i love this guy so too the point but he made an error at one point in PopWw u dont run around to Linkin Park the songs are done by a band called Godsmack XD
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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totaly agree with everything said here, especially the bit about the FUCKING leper crazies who caused me to fail a mission at least 20 times
 

Hypersapien

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Nov 14, 2007
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Last week's review seemed a little off, which I attributed to his pseudo-vacation and jet lag.

Ladies and gentlemen, HE'S BACK!
 

Lord Scottish

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Nov 28, 2007
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Funny as always. Now review 'Game X' or maybe 'Game Y'. After all, we pay your salary with our free forum accounts! Sigh. It makes me wonder how many of these Yahtzee "fans" ever read his updates on FR...
 

the_carrot

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Nov 8, 2007
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The descriptive part of your review is at odds with your overall feelings about the game. Given what you said it sounds like a profound drag at nearly every turn. Yet you say you liked it. I don't understand your having given it something of a thumbs up given your comments.
 

Jenx

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Dec 5, 2007
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I was expecting the comment about telling you what to review to be somewhere at the beginning, not in the end credits.

The review as a whole isn't my fave one so far, but the ending sure is. (and wow, I made an account just to say this?!)
 

Panisismo

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Dec 5, 2007
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The distances between the cities don't make sense, no. The piles of hay and the rooftop balconies don't make sense either. Neither does the combat system, with how you only get attacked by one man at a time. But none of this matters to me simply because the game is a shitload of fun. I actually enjoyed the combat, though. Perhaps I like sword combat too much, but the countering is extremely satisfying, and the way Altair moves just makes everything much more exciting. Sure, it's extremely tedious in the beginning, but after I got most of my abilities back (another part of the game that doesn't make sense. How can you lose the ability to tackle?) I found myself starting fights with groups of guards just so I can kill them. Ubisoft created a large, living, world and, sure, you're forced to make your own fun because just doing the missions is extremely repetitive, but I've spent 12+ hours playing the game and I can tell I'm going to be replaying Assassin's Creed for a long time.

It's like a mini Grand Theft Auto, except with boring missions. Even after I finished the GTA games I still kept playing them for months afterwards. Assassin's Creed has the same basic formula, except it's set a few years before the typical GTA game.
 

MacCarth

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Nov 18, 2007
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It's always a treat to see the issues I have with a game illustrated in stick figure form and coupled with well placed humor.

Zero Punctuation has become the highlight of my Wednesday. Thanks Yahtzee :D
 

Hellgiver

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Oct 10, 2007
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Nicely reviewed once again Yahtzee. I found the best way to deal with the sword battles was to try to make them feel as realistic as possible (a somewhat futile attempt, I know) by using as many different combat moves as possible, in order to make it not just slash slash slash counter slash slash slash counter. Actually throwing in random knife throws and step hits and combo kills, as well as grabbing and throwing off ledges helped make the sword battles more fun.

Also, it is a lot less fun to use only the long sword. Using the short sword and the hidden blade makes changes it up a bit. Use the hidden blade for counters only to see new ones, including putting the thing right into the side of enemies' heads, and use the short sword for quick combos and some of the coolest looking counters.

You are probably done with the game now, but that was my take on the combat. Also, I was surprised you didn't mention anything about how weird it was to have hundreds of flags strewn about the ancestor's memory. That was kind of puzzling to me.
 

rhizic

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Nov 14, 2007
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yet another awesome review, lovely the whole, why cant i slap around the lepers n beggers bit. great stuff
 

Evilducks

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Sep 20, 2007
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I found that assassinating the lepers and beggars made me a much happier person and I feel I was cleaning up the streets.

That or I kept to running at full speed across rooftops.
 

Jai galaar

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Nov 26, 2007
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That was good. I know I tested my hidden blade out on the beggars on occasion. The combat certainly could be more fun with the short sword-though I think my utter favorite move was running, jumping into a guard, and burying the hidden blade in their neck.

But I think I'll get a lot of play out of this game.
 

SacrificiaLamb

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Nov 14, 2007
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See, his reviews don't have to be entirely negative for them to be funny. These things are not mutually exclusive.

And it also seems that the incessant whining has done some good. Maybe the Escapist will continue to send Yahtzee games that are actually worth reviewing. Mass Effect or The Witcher would be excellent choices - both decent and worthwhile games, with plenty of flaws to make fun.
 

Zera

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Sep 12, 2007
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Good stuff as usual and bonus points for the Benny Hill chase music.
*looks around*
Awful lot of newbs around here...
 

VMerken

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Sep 12, 2007
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Reasons for the Ass Creed anger? Maybe because Jade Raymond touted this title as a real next-gen killer app. And then, you get to see the lacking A.I., disappointing combat, repetitive chores err I mean, subquests, etc. PS3 owners also enjoyed game freezes, which - fortunately - has been corrected with a patch. What the patch didn't correct, though, is the screen tearing, weird overachieving anti-aliasing routine and sucky framerate compared to the Xbox 360 version. Which is very, shall we say, bizarre for a title which started out as a PS3 exclusive.

That aside, I agree with the review - decent, but not the next gen love fest it was made up to be. Still, some lovely vistas to enjoy. I love the way Yahtzee depicted Altair. And I also see he addressed the "I shall suggest thee a title to review" crowd, of which I am/have been a part of. Finally we know it's futile. Fine then, no more pitching The Witcher from me. Yahtzee, you have my word that from now on, The Witcher, nor any other game such as The Witcher or The Witcher-like games with the same kind of surprise hitty-ness such as The Witcher will no longer be suggested by me.
 

blackadvent

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Nov 16, 2007
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VMerken said:
Reasons for the Ass Creed anger? Maybe because Jade Raymond touted this title as a real next-gen killer app. And then, you get to see the lacking A.I., disappointing combat, repetitive chores err I mean, subquests, etc. PS3 owners also enjoyed game freezes, which - fortunately - has been corrected with a patch. What the patch didn't correct, though, is the screen tearing, weird overachieving anti-aliasing routine and sucky framerate compared to the Xbox 360 version. Which is very, shall we say, bizarre for a title which started out as a PS3 exclusive.

That aside, I agree with the review - decent, but not the next gen love fest it was made up to be. Still, some lovely vistas to enjoy. I love the way Yahtzee depicted Altair. And I also see he addressed the "I shall suggest thee a title to review" crowd, of which I am/have been a part of. Finally we know it's futile. Fine then, no more pitching The Witcher from me. Yahtzee, you have my word that from now on, The Witcher, nor any other game such as The Witcher or The Witcher-like games with the same kind of surprise hitty-ness such as The Witcher will no longer be suggested by me.
Oh, I see what you did there. *Wink*
 

blackfly01

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Dec 5, 2007
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Wow, great review! The images were fantastic his time around (He, J'adore la chatte, aussi!) and the ending music was great. Sadly, this game looks a little too poisonous to me. Any game that implements the classicly annoying GTA3 method of letting the civilian dregs do whatever they want to you, but punishing you for doing anything you want to them in defense is not worth playing through again.
 

AnGeL.SLayer

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Oct 8, 2007
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Fleeee


HAHAHA.....*easily amused*


and you people should have gotten his hint that he dosent want to hear about what you think he should review next. Let the man pick his own games. It is his job and us asking him to play horrible games each and every week for our amusement is sad. Espically when the majority of us KNOW the game already sucks. We all are supposed to appreciate the mans work, not try to drive him closer to the edge every week. Give the man a break is all im saying. :p
 

taiki

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Nov 21, 2007
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Geez, I thought the story to MGS2 was stupid(maybe all of those years of Coast to Coast with Art Bell softened my mind to MGS2).

But anyway, story != gameplay, and while the game play seems fine, I'm less inclinded to pick this up after Ubisoft shot fire from their mouths and lasers from their eyes when jaded male gamers poked fun at Jade what's her name when she was being trotted out all the time when this game was plugged(Seriously, suing SomethingAwful? What the hell is wrong with you Ubi?).

Also, is it me or does Ubisoft have this horrible habit of thinking that male gamers think entirely with their cocks? First they try to convince us that Fragdolls, a gamer clan based entirely around women is something us male gamers should care about when the reality is, any attractive gamer girl worth her salt will know that the average GRAW or Gears of War player, male OR female, is about attractive as sawdust and none of us have a chance of chatting them up much less mating with one of them. Fast forward to now they try to convince us to buy Assassin's Creed because a girl developed it, rather than trying to let the game stand on it's own two feet. It's really weird. Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't whip it out when someone at the arcade picks Chun Li, so who the fuck knows.
 

thebrink

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Dec 5, 2007
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great review, and for all the haters (not that I love the game - I haven't played it) it seems it's a target for ridicule (probably over shadowed by kane and lynch now, but eh) so it's cool to see it given props in the right places. Honestly the grind is why I didn't get this game (grind to me is any repetition of non-desireable gameplay) and is signature in these sandbox games (yes, I'll compare AC to GTA now) so it's to be expected. If anyone bought this game not knowing that, they're just n00bs and deserve what they get.

p.s. This is my first time posting, I don't know if Yahtzee posts or reads comments but I really hope he DOES NOT review kane and lynch next, honestly I don't need another review of "how much the cover mechanic sucks" because that's what all the retards want. I'll make my suggestion now, get to Crysis already. That said it doesn't really matter as long as the review is NOT Kane and Lynch.
 

slapme7times

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Oct 21, 2007
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perfect review...

but i must say, I am an atheist, and I will, have, plan, etc, to burn your house to the ground with you hog tied inside it.

that, or send you through a wood chipper feet first =)

hahahah =) just kidding !
 

njsykora

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Sep 11, 2007
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Assassin's Creed reviews so far have either fallen into two categories.

A) Its repetetiveness is a critical flaw
B) Its repetetiveness is a critical flaw, but that doesn't matter

Nice to see some other points about the game pointed out that no other review I've read has mentioned. First ZP to actually influence my buying decision, I'm still not buying it right away but I'll at least pick it up eventually.

Zera said:
*looks around*
Awful lot of newbs around here...
I've noticed that too, Yahtzee really brings them in doesn't he.
 

roo18

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Oct 8, 2007
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I loved the Yakkity Sax credit's song too.

I hope to get this game soon. I do enjoy running around carelessly on roof tops. Of course I'll need to move some stuff about on my computer to stop it from exploding.

Great review.
 

unangbangkay

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Oct 10, 2007
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Frankly I liked the swordfighting in ADDITION to the faffing about. Playing AC is it's clearly meant to be played is more like playing Spider-Man 2 than playing Hitman, really.
 

Simmage

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Nov 8, 2007
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I would have to agree that I would not call AC bad, but I wouldn't call it great either, it's just OK, fine, good. Nothing special but it's a game that you can play and not rip your eyes out while doing so.
 

TheECP

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Nov 1, 2007
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Awesome review as always, though I think I enjoyed the game more than you did. I love how unique it is. It's great fun, even if there are some quirks.
 

Hyperfly

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Dec 4, 2007
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Nice one Yahtzee. I love the game, and I saw the flaws, and then you exploded them in my face, and I still love the game :D
 

neojam

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Sep 21, 2007
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xdiesp said:
Kane and Lynch next!

Tear down Gamespot, Yahtzee!
Heh, that would be interesting ^^

I mean they have fired their reviewer for "not appropriate tone" in his video review:
http://www.gamespot.com/video/934403/6182850/kane--lynch-dead-men-video-review
So it would be interesting to see the Yahtzee's version.
 

Yerocha

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Nov 3, 2007
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Eh, I'm sure Assassin's Creed has it's audience, but they are the people just above the l33t-speaking Halo nuts and just below the pseudo-sophisticated Half-Life nuts. There just isn't a very big margin there.

Good review. I'd say "One of your best", but everyone says that for every review you make. Actually, do you even read these?
 

SomeBritishDude

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Nov 1, 2007
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Another great review.

Thing with assassins, as long as you arn't driven so insane that you shove pencils into your ear and play with your brain by the irratating stuff it's a really great game. But honestly nothing drove me more insane than the end of the game. It's the most quiet possibly the shittest cliff hanger in all of shitty land and didn't leave me begging for more, it's just left me feeling shit.

Maybe it's just my love of Prince of Persia that makes me give it thumbs up. Again, nice review.
 

ruyzen

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Nov 28, 2007
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It's really annoying when you kill a civilian, you lose "Health" AND you get the guards on your tail...

Except if you use the "Blend" button and start praying and walking away...SLOOOOWWWLLYYYYYY......
 

Mordarke

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Oct 31, 2007
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You forgot to mention that falling into carts filled with hay doesn't hurt you, even if you do fall a few thousand feet.

The road does, however.
 

Jerakal

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Aug 30, 2007
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I agree with all fo the main points about the game even though I didn't find them nealy as annoying a Yahtzee did. My mum didn't appreciate that ejaculate-wood bit I might add. Anyway I really think the game could've been vastly improved with more big-badass assasinations, more variety in the sidequests, and fewer GOD DAMN beggars! Jesus Christ!
Do I look like I have money?! I'm dressed like a monk you babbling nits!
 

renako

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Dec 5, 2007
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I was somehow waiting for you to use Yakkity Sax as credits music. Great review as always!
 

Kainti

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Nov 7, 2007
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I agreed with the homeless people and retards, as a matter of fact on the last three missions I just took to fucking stabbing them. Fuck them, so hard.

Other than that, and the horse going slow thing (I preferred just to gun it and run around like an idiot), I find no flaws in this game. Except the main character, sadly he was the worst voice acting in the entire game. And he was the main character, seriously, why do so many games do that? (i.e. Mass Effect).

I felt the story was fantastic, and I loved the combat because it was so incredibly fluid if you didn't suck balls. I did everything other than collect all of the flags, so the tedium everyone mentions only nagged quietly in the back corner of my mind where all the bitches go, the rest of me had fun with it.
 

Kell777

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Oct 19, 2007
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Um, so, from the sound of it . . . Assassin's Creed is basically Thief: Deadly Shadows 2 ( or I suppose it would be easier to just call it 'Thief 4' ).

Is that the case?
 

wi11

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Dec 5, 2007
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Kell777 said:
Um, so, from the sound of it . . . Assassin's Creed is basically Thief: Deadly Shadows 2 ( or I suppose it would be easier to just call it 'Thief 4' ).

Is that the case?
Not really, some of the ideas are similar but the style and gameplay are a little different (closer to PoP than Thief).

And I think the comment about PoP and Linkin Park was more about the Prince's hair-style and attitude in game 2 rather than the band that did the soundtrack...I may be wrong.
 

Chis

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Kell777 said:
Um, so, from the sound of it . . . Assassin's Creed is basically Thief: Deadly Shadows 2 ( or I suppose it would be easier to just call it 'Thief 4' ).
Tell me it has even a shred of Thief's atmosphere and storytelling excellence, and I MIGHT give Assassin's Creed a go.

... Nah, thought not.
 

Rorkimaru

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Dec 5, 2007
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Lisamagi said:
Lol i love this guy so too the point but he made an error at one point in PopWw u dont run around to Linkin Park the songs are done by a band called Godsmack XD
he didnt make an error. he said the prince listened to linken park not that the music was done by them. this is a satirical refferance to the steriotypic fan of LP. he is simply pointing out the prince became all dark and emo like... its a joke about the royal makeover
 

Scizophrenic Llama

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Dec 5, 2007
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I agree with this review completely, then again, I haven't disagreed with any thus far.

Loophole to killing Beggars and Lepers = Acre. Water + Tackle = Death without penalty.
 

Yerocha

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Nov 3, 2007
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Also, I just realized that at about 2:58, Altair actually says "Shoryuken". It's little shit like that which take these reviews from good to great.
 

Lord T Hawkeye

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Oct 24, 2007
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All those irritations and yet he likes it anyway because "at least it's trying something new"?

Give me a break, Stretch Panic tried something new. Sure as hell didn't make it a good game.
 

Frederf

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Nov 5, 2007
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Great review, amusing as always. I had the same impression of the game: fun, pretty but not the Second Coming. I suppose if you allowed yourself to be whipped into some Jihadic frenzy then yes the game might have encouraged one to go on some angry Crusade of disappointment.

Like the Medal of Airborne Airborne video I had no problem with the political stuff but there was so much more to ridicule about the game. The one-at-a-time sword fighting, the overpowering of counters such that you rarely slash yourself but 99% of the time wait for them to attack first, the fact you have to HOLD the sneak/blend button down (ugh!), the tall building climbing and hay stacks, the flags, the odd lethality of water, death sentences for knocking pots off ladies' heads, and a few more I'm not thinking of.

I pretty much wanted this to be some sort of Hitman: Holy Lands to engage some part of my brain higher than the spinal column but such was not to be. The tips given by your contacts are of such little use as to be silly. Plotting assassinations, sneaking through a the palace for 3-10 minutes in order to track down your prey would've been great. Instead you just kind of run up and stab him. The best part of the game is a tiny, tiny minority of the play.
 

Twitchyeye

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Dec 6, 2007
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This was so great, I had to post my comment. This is what I like about ZP, Yahtzee mentioned everything...everything that I couldn't stand about this game. The run down the mountain, the cutscenes you can't skip through, the combat. Even the stuff he liked I liked as well. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop and pouncing on gaurds with my hidden blade was the only fun I had by the end. I rank this all the way up with his Darkness demo review. Great, great stuff.
 

Willias15

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Dec 6, 2007
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How can i download these reveiws i watn to put them on my mp3 player and show them to some m8s??
 

ShadokatRegn

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Absolutely brilliant, as always, appreciate the honest reviews. I find it amusing that a company would even try to make a game that required a disclaimer - haven't seen one of those since Jet Set Radio Future.

It seems to be a silly trend, but game developers seem to want to add as much wandering around through pointless quests in empty "filler" places (in this case, starting at your home base on top of a fucking mountain at the beginning of every fucking quest) with little action as an attempt to extend the game play hours. Somehow it seems like they think this'll make it worth the additional cash we've been asked to fork over to play their games.

Cheers.
 

lostix

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Dec 6, 2007
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But don't you love being told what to do? It's like the enjoyment you get from having a retarded kid telling you how to bake cookies.
 

PurpleRain

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Wow, I was going to post something... but there is ALOT of people with only 1 post already here licking Yahtzee's feet. Maybe I'll just step back a litlle bit for now.
 

rapa-nui

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Jun 5, 2007
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What would my Wednesdays be like without Zero Punctuation? Sad, lonely, depressed and forlorn.

Great stuff.
 

FormanGreenman

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Oct 31, 2007
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unangbangkay said:
Frankly I liked the swordfighting in ADDITION to the faffing about. Playing AC is it's clearly meant to be played is more like playing Spider-Man 2 than playing Hitman, really.
I agree with the spiderman feel to the game. I loved the spiderman games, except for 3 which was basically the same bloody thing as the previous with the idiotic simon says button pushing . I'm nailing AC right now, probably thanks to experience with Spiderman. similar deal, save citizen, climb walls, fight random dudes.

As for the repetiveness its not so bad really. Swordfights are pretty cool once you have the counter attacks down and do some cool moves. The beggars and lepers do need a beat down occasionally though.

Its fun in the end, lots of play time if you do every little thing in the cities.

Bring on the assassin stick!
 

Gab

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Oct 12, 2007
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Great stuff. I always like reading Yahtzee's stuff because it's always a breath of fresh air in a cesspool of idiocy. Nothing but sheer, unbridled honesty with a good dose of "fuck the public, I'll say what like" mixed in for good measure. Wednesdays have quickly become the highlight of my week thanks to Yahtzee.
 

RPJesus

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Nov 20, 2007
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I normally hate assholes who just post a random quote from a video, but I just have to say "YEEEEAAARRG!"
Fucking hilarious. :D
 

stacia123

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I was laughing through this entire review, but when it got to Yakkety Sax, I had tears running down my face. Tears, my friends.

This is a game I considered getting for someone for giftmas, then I decided against it, and now I'm kind of regretting it, but hey that's okay -- it's not out for PC yet anyway! Delays delays...
 

L4Y Duke

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Great as always Yahtzee.

Anyway, I reckon that we shouldn't be suggesting games for him to review, so much as guessing whats next in line for a ZP review thrashing. They both equate to roughly the same thing, really.

Judging by his reviews, I say that the next game he reviews will be either Mass Effect (an in-the-spotlight game which he was pressured into reviewing by the viewers) or Ace Combat 6 (a game review totally unexpected by the majority of the ZP viewers).

Personally, I'd want him to review an Armored Core title, but seeing as how there hasn't been a release in the series since the PS3 launch, I doubt it.

*begins to wonder if Yahtzee has linked me to the email I sent him yet*
 

ComradeJim270

New member
Nov 24, 2007
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Hm, I found this one a lot less funny than previous ones. I'm gonna go watch it again, because I can't figure out why...
 
Sep 9, 2007
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slimer said:
I'm so relieved I only intend to make multiplayer games.
I'm so relieved I mainly play strategy games on PC, with the occasional FPS and RPG thrown in. So far none of the games I've played have copped a pasting, although I bought the Orange Box on Yahtzee's recommendation and have thought about getting Psychonauts.
 

Saskwach

New member
Nov 4, 2007
2,321
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My first thought at seeing "ZP: Assassin's Creed" was 'oh great, Yahtzee's gonna lather into it like every faux reviewer on the net who thinks it's cool to point at that *gasp* the game wasn't as good as the hype (like it ever is)'. But again, Yahtzee proves that he doesn't say what's the rage at the time.
This is the first review in a while to get me laughing for minutes. The other ones I just smiled when he was being funny. It helps that I've actually played this game and every single problem I had with it he did as well. I swear that I even thought at one point (the point I became a mass-murderer of all beggars and drunks) "this lady is scientifically DESIGNED to piss me off!"
Can I have an akubra now? ;)
 

Jennacide

New member
Dec 6, 2007
1,019
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I'm rather glad you choose to support AC even with it's, as you called it, crapping on itself. It was mostly a blast, and the sci-fi bit did help rationalize things like why Altair talks in an American accent, or why everyone is using modern English. The Chauser comment ingame was particularly amusing. Kinda surprised you didn't rant about how stupidly planned the informant missions in particular were though.
Lord T Hawkeye said:
All those irritations and yet he likes it anyway because "at least it's trying something new"?

Give me a break, Stretch Panic tried something new. Sure as hell didn't make it a good game.
Stretch Panic bordered on the insane and wasn't even fun. AC is at least fun to go flinging yourself through areas.
 

xithrix

New member
Nov 22, 2007
4
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0
i think it would be fun if Y reviews BigRigs xD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mB1zWEhgrLs
 

PhoenixFlame

New member
Dec 6, 2007
401
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The whole part about the grilled cheese sandwich made the review worth it by itself.

This is pretty spot on. There's a lot of exposition and errand-running, and very little stabbity action, which is pretty much the front-end selling point of the game. I'm not saying the story is a bad thing - a good plot is always helpful to the game - but more action wouldn't have hurt things.
 

Num43

New member
Jan 9, 2006
55
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0
I havnt played it yet and I may never will but my friends didnt have alot to say...I mean if this wasnt so hyped and so good looking with a free roaming space I bet it would have been generally ignored.

good job as ever on the review.
 

Num43

New member
Jan 9, 2006
55
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0
lostix said:
But don't you love being told what to do? It's like the enjoyment you get from having a retarded kid telling you how to bake cookies.

Sounds like the army
 

JohnnyFunkotron

New member
Dec 3, 2007
3
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0
nice review and I just LOVE yahtzees response to the email he recieved from the fella that made a parody of ZP when he was in the U.S and A. I was afraid he had gotten a bit soft while being in that godforsaken country but now i'm calm as a bomb again. Thank you.
 

KefZ_X

The Devil Made Me Do It
Nov 14, 2007
181
0
0
Great Review I foud Assassins Creed fun yes "fun" but a short storyline. Also i do have a funny story to add about "Trying to blend into the crowd" it started in Acre at the main gates instead of following the monks through the checkpoint I decide to climb up and leap across them over the beems but pushed the wrong button and landed on a pesant causing the guards to chase me halfway through the City. I eventually found a small broken roof to hide but apparently a Templar lived there causing me to kill at leats 15 guards and make off again still being chased. I thought hight would be my advantage so i tried to climb a small church but they threw rocks causing me to fall and run off again. also tried to hide at the assassins hideout but they seem to close to roof when your being chased. Eventually after 9 minutes of being chased i managed to hide in a bundle of hey, lost the heat and contuined with my mission.

10 seconds down the road a random person with personal problems pushes me into a guard.....yay.
 

J.theYellow

New member
Jun 1, 2007
174
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0
Being without Branston Pickle [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Branston_pickle], I had to make do with regular old American pickle relish on my toasted breaded fish fillet and provolone cheese sandwich, doused liberally in mustard and horseradish.
 

ccesarano

New member
Oct 3, 2007
523
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I'm actually glad with this review, which is interesting as I loved this game.

I actually don't find the missions repetitive, but because I try and grab everything in the cities (well, not really the flags). I do every mission available just because I like to. I also like the combat, as I enjoy feeling like a bad ass when I hit one button and Altair performs uber-kills. I also like experimenting with the new abilities, even though you don't really need to.

Everything else is spot on, but still, I really do enjoy this title.


I'd like to see him do Blacksite: Area 51, though. Yahtzee is at his best when reviewing bad games (and while I enjoyed the first Area 51 enough as a generic shooter, this one looks....painful. I only enjoyed part of the demo, which isn't a good sign).
 

FelixofMars

New member
Oct 31, 2007
11
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0
Yahtzee is back on top form, pretty much agrees with what I think about the game. Oh and I like the use of the word stabby.

The lepers and beggars are annoying, usually just use the hidden blade when I get sick of them. Now if you didn't get arrested for doing it in real life.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

New member
Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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I think people are way too hard on the game, and Yahtzee is right. Its trying to do something different, instead of bringing out yet another sequel.

Its a well known fact anyway, anything that has a ridiculous about of hype surrounding it before release, will never live up to its standards, i mean, LOOK AT HALO 3. its ratchet & clank in first person basicaly.

Buut theres nothing wrong with a bit of Ratchet & Clank now, is there...
 

Quistnix

New member
Nov 22, 2007
233
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0
Willias15 said:
So is it possible to download these reviews??
No, but if you want to share them, just direct people here.

Helps that charismatic stallion paying the rent.
 

LyonLee

New member
Aug 30, 2007
77
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0
An excellent review, as always. I just purchased the game, and I've read reviews either lambasting or praising it. I do think I'll actually enjoy the free-roaming parts of it. At least, assuming I don't get too bored inbetween assassinations.
 

the_sock

New member
Dec 5, 2007
19
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0
wow, a mistake in a zp-review. i am amazed.
showing the prince of persia game covers, he missed 3.
three.
prince of persia, prince of persia 2, and prince of persia 3D.
many people would just like to forget the last one entirely...

and in case anyone doubts that before the creation of ubisoft, games were produced in this sol system: check out this: http://www.princeofpersia3d.com/main.html by 'red orb' (division of 'brøderbund')
prince 1+2 dont seem to have a website, maybe thats because brøderbund was bought by 'tlc' (the learning company), which game division 'game studio' was bought by ubisoft in the end.

so all in all did ubisoft by the rights for the prince, and then produced its own three games - which are the only games yahtzee refers to, which i find sad.


anyway, it was nice to see an orc-battle cry in a review of yahtzee just for once - if only to be used in a upside-down sense since the girl is running away - and not charging as she should be.
 

Qwirk

New member
Nov 28, 2007
4
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0
I'll forgive a game for mediocre gameplay if the storyline is decent enough, and the middle ages storyline appealed to me.

I think Yahtzee should piss off everyone outside of Australia and review a non-US released game...like Rugby 08.
 

Lord T Hawkeye

New member
Oct 24, 2007
14
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0
But whatever the case, I quite dislike the argument that "it tried something new and therefore is good" because really, that's rubbish. Lots of games tried something new, the problem was they weren't very good ideas.

I seriously would rather play a game that sticks with what works than one where the programmers got stoned and took notes. Innovation is great and all but give it a healthy dose of "Don't fix what isn't broken."
 

Kermi

New member
Nov 7, 2007
2,538
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Lord T Hawkeye said:
But whatever the case, I quite dislike the argument that "it tried something new and therefore is good" because really, that's rubbish.
That's not what he said at all. Overall he liked it, AND it tried something new. There have been previous games he's reviewed where it tried something new and still sucked hairy balls.
 

Arbre

New member
Jan 13, 2007
1,166
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On the contrary, even if the game is broken, it's still a positive game, that has, at least, laid down the basics for a better sequel.

If the same is simple or repetitive, well, so be it. I'm still willing to try it, and I'm fairly sure I've played far worse games.

By the way, why does a game that attempts something a tad new goes through so much flak, as being said repetitive, when there's a hell of games such as the RPGs which are extremely repetitive and require you to waste whole pans of hours by packs of twenty to level your bloody characters? And let's not even get into the MMOs.
 

mrbunny

New member
Dec 5, 2007
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lol i like the lepper characters - for some reason they come off as so cute :] *beware the alluring eyes of the leppers, they will trance you for a hug*
 

superbleeder12

agamersperspective.com
Oct 13, 2007
864
0
0
I thought this review was mediocre at best. It seemed like Yahtzee couldn't decide whether or not to lambaste the game or praise it.
 

Teh_Hace

New member
Sep 26, 2007
2
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0
hmmmmzz, my preidction is that he will either review Uncharted, Mario Galaxy or Mass Effect next...
 

Ranzel

New member
Oct 7, 2007
61
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I felt like Yahtzee was TRYING to lambaste the game, as is his most usual way, but had enough fun where he just couldn't make good arguments. Overall, I saw him giving it a thumbs up, though I can easily see why you might end up confused.
 

ZippyDSMlee

New member
Sep 1, 2007
3,959
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ShadokatRegn said:
Absolutely brilliant, as always, appreciate the honest reviews. I find it amusing that a company would even try to make a game that required a disclaimer - haven't seen one of those since Jet Set Radio Future.

It seems to be a silly trend, but game developers seem to want to add as much wandering around through pointless quests in empty "filler" places (in this case, starting at your home base on top of a fucking mountain at the beginning of every fucking quest) with little action as an attempt to extend the game play hours. Somehow it seems like they think this'll make it worth the additional cash we've been asked to fork over to play their games.

Cheers.
Well its mini levels like on Legacy of Kain 3 or oversized empty ones, a better balance between the 2 would help with pointless busy work, map warp points would be nice to, just to reduce pointless time wasting.
 

Arbre

New member
Jan 13, 2007
1,166
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superbleeder12 said:
I thought this review was mediocre at best. It seemed like Yahtzee couldn't decide whether or not to lambaste the game or praise it.
I could feel how he forced himself.
 

Arbre

New member
Jan 13, 2007
1,166
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hickwarrior said:
that's why he said that stuff at the end.
Didn't notice. Usually, his harsh tone matches some griefs anyone could have had at some point against company x, so called common view y (not necessarily vg related) or boring gameplay pitfall z.

That's why his numerous, totally cheap and kid level insults (j'ai deux bollocks, WTF?) that don't even seem to mean anything nor aim at anything really seemed out of place... even for ZeroPonc.
 

hickwarrior

a samurai... devil summoner?
Nov 7, 2007
429
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0
i mean he typed that at the end, that futile thing. You know, asking what games should be raped up the bum.
 

Arbre

New member
Jan 13, 2007
1,166
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Towards the end of his reviews. I spent more time watching the animations with the monsters than the text. :)
 

superbleeder12

agamersperspective.com
Oct 13, 2007
864
0
0
Arbre said:
superbleeder12 said:
I thought this review was mediocre at best. It seemed like Yahtzee couldn't decide whether or not to lambaste the game or praise it.
I could feel how he forced himself.
I think he should only play crappy games from now on lol
 

Agent_4

New member
Dec 15, 2007
7
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0
Assassin's Creed... hmmm I have to totally agree with Yahtzee on this one. It's fun to run around and stab people who irk you, but the sword fighting at the very end kind of sucks. I'm still stuck fighting off the legions of knights before i fight Robert..or whatever his name was. Also, you get an XBox Live achievement point for grabbing the annoying ass beggar women around. I didn't get attacked when I did it either. Overall, I enjoyed it.
 

Jack Spencer Jr

New member
Dec 15, 2007
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I liked this review. I daresay it is probably his best so far. I love how some people seem to thing the reviewer must hate the game and rip it a new one for it to be funny, like the Angry Nintendo Nerd or something.

Okay, I've just watched it again. I vote that Yahtzee should make a nice 2D platformer using the characters in this review. I don't know why. The characters just struck me.
 

Iron_Gob

New member
Dec 25, 2007
2
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0
Screw Gamespot, Gamespy, or any other game site. Yahtzee is where all the good ratings happen.
 

J-Val

New member
Nov 7, 2007
101
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0
Assassin's Creed seemed to have a problem with taking all it's great concepts and flawing them.
Large Responsive Crowds - Sheepish AI and ineffectualism
Free Running - Matrix-style jump system that would you send you flying backwards off a wall, probably into a mob of Crusaders who you were trying to escape from
Medieval and Futuristic Storyline - Long, boring, unskippable cut-scenes
Being an Assassin - Lack of ability to plan Assassinations, couple with the complete omission fo stealth
Free Roaming - Linearity

Oh, and whose idea was it to include the lepers? It's not that I don't love them hitting me, or blocking the way when I'm trying to assassinate someone.
 

brenikai22

New member
Dec 30, 2007
14
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0
I loved the prince of persia series but asassins creed is copying/making fun of it. but hey, its by the same company.

gotta love the stuff about the prince listening to linkin park!
 

HotConflict

New member
Jan 7, 2008
1
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Love the Reviews! ClaSick!

Microsoft XBOX 360 and Playstation fans have been enjoying a new game called Assassin's Creed. The game reveals the story of Al-Tair and his missions as an assassin during the time of the Christian crusades.

If you are a fan of the game or interested in the history of the Hashashin, then call into the show and share your thoughts!

http://www.hotconflict.com/blog/2008/01/jihad-over-jeru.html
 

entropy3ko

New member
Jan 17, 2008
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Ranzel said:
I felt like Yahtzee was TRYING to lambaste the game, as is his most usual way, but had enough fun where he just couldn't make good arguments. Overall, I saw him giving it a thumbs up, though I can easily see why you might end up confused.
Wel he actually said in the beginning that the game was not great ( HL Orange Box) nor bad (CB's jericho LOL) and that he had fun playing it.

I think his review was quite honest.
 

Krunkcity3000

New member
Mar 12, 2008
170
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This is a game so over hyped it belongs on the Wii. Assassins Creed is more repetative than a 90's JRPG. You spend about 40 hrs running around only 3 cities, which are pretty big. However you spend the 40 hours doing only about 3 tasks. Hunting down flags for information or saving the countless innocents that are being accused of shoplifting. Each time you arrive at a city you have about 6 objectives,maybe about 3 of which are required. The game makes the player think that if you only do the 3 required quests it will be near impossible to take down your target. Wrong. After doing all the objectives in the first couple of cities i gained no perks other than the game telling me common sense things like" the Merchant king will be in a market. Strike when he lets his guard down". Really? SO after repeating the same dumb quests I decided to just complete the minimum quests and go right after the target. Guess what the outcome was exactly the same. I kill all his guards then shank him then run across roof tops to get away. THis is the only fun in the game you will have. The rest is just filler. The plot is pretty good though except the EA-style rip off of an ending. This confirmed to me that this game is full of filler just to get you to buy one or two more of these, however many they decide to make. I think I'll sit the next assassins creed out. I'll just watch the ending cinematics on Youtube.
 

SonofSeth

New member
Dec 16, 2007
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Frightening howmany people can't grasp the concept of two opposing opinions to coexist in one persons mind at the same time.
 

Mistress Harpo

New member
Mar 21, 2008
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Though I only played about an hour and a half of the game, I found it a blast. Being female however I appreicated the long draw out talks, given I do it daily and listening can be rather enjoyable, however I always wanted to slap that stupid assassin upside the head for being an absoulte moron. He broke the only three rules all at once and at the very begining and it frustrated me because I had no say in the matter. As I watched my guy friends play this game, however, they ran suspiciously everywhere and killed every person in their path, not just those who pushed them but everyone and when they complained the game sucks I felt I need knew guy friends. They totally missed the mark on what you the game was about and I actually threw their wireless controller at them and screamed not to kill the woman with the jar on her head because they thought it'd be fun and go listen to the man-in-the-turban's conversation. So sad. I'm a PC RPG girl anyway. But that was fun. Now back to Elder Scrolls
 

Anavrin224

New member
Mar 26, 2008
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Very repetitive, but for the most part I enjoyed it. Climbing up people's houses and killing the Templar Knights was fun. However like all next gen games for me, the experience is nearly ruined by my 15 inch T.V. *sigh*
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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I've got it. Guess what, you were right, I've been getting bored. Stuff like throwing a knife into the stomach of a guy when he says "You're not supposed to be here" is great but its the repetitive side quests and scaling of towers thats boring me.
 

SonofSeth

New member
Dec 16, 2007
205
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OK, I finaly finished it and the feeling I got was "So now when I finished the tutorial, when can I get into the whole game?"

Don't get me wrong, the free climbing and stylised fighting was realy fun for me, at least until hordes of enemy started to come at me one at a time. Besides that, everything else seemed like fluff.

The future part was good, desincronising was far better than dying, I hate dying in games, it killes the immersion for me, at least this way there is a string of logic in all of it.

And the quests, the quests realy sucked, I'm sorry, but if there were 3 people to kill instead of 9, it would be ok, but doing the same thing EVERY time was bad, realy bad.

Regardless... I still like to fire it up now and then just to go fooling around, jumping and climbing, walking the streets and picking pockets, but I realy wish the game had a complete release, not just a demo, way to long demo.
 

eponlindsey

New member
Apr 25, 2008
4
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0
Woo i love pushing the begger woman to the floor but i cant do it when someone else is watching me play the game because the dam beggers fall with their legs OPEN! and then the person with me just points and call me a lesbien...
 

VaughanyT

New member
May 30, 2008
66
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I agree that at least it's trying to do something different. The climing animation is one of the best parts of it, especially when you can here people on the street saying "He's going to hurt himself." Well maybe, but I'm having more fun than you!
 

trukurt

New member
Jul 5, 2008
4
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You are absolutely right about travelling on a horse through the Kingdom, like wtf? Why is it suspicious to be riding a horse across the open roads? And I also get the indefinite urge to kill the guys with clear mental issues, because they're just so annoying, I've even killed beggers numerous times before. There are things that Ubisoft could have done better with on Assassins Creed, but overall it is a good game.
 

Cid Silverwing

Paladin of The Light
Jul 27, 2008
3,134
0
0
This game SCREAMS overhype. The first time I saw the gameplay trailer I was insolently ecstatic over the fact that I would soon be able to pretend I'm an assassin going around killing religious fanatics. But no, like you said, it's all about a guy in the future forced to replay memories about something he so seriously should not even know anything of (which is committing the grand sin of Inconsistency plot-wise). Oh and those godawful "glitches" that appeared during every single cutscene broke the flow for me entirely. I felt like a futuristic twat in a pretentious time-travel stuffed with deliberate programming flaws.

The controls can be forgiven but I didn't even get past the part where you have to jump up that one wall at the starting chapter stuffed with ledges you gotta latch onto (primarily because the game's collision detection was malevolently unforgiving).
 

gamefreak

New member
Jul 23, 2008
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if you would take the time to talk to the girl after you come out of the animus (the thing you go in to go back to the past)(witch i think is kinda gay) she explans a lot of things to you and also why the talk like marden time when its a million years in the past
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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The DS prequal to this game has less conversation and also gives you the option to skip. The sword fighting is also a main point of combat. Assasination is done only with Quick Time Events, and makes it more fun due to the fact it's a core element of gameplay. I played the PS3 version of Assasin's Creed, and I thing the DS version is much better.
 

ssgt splatter

New member
Oct 8, 2008
3,276
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Yes the retards that shove you with all their stength and the begger women were very very VERY fucking annoying, if it wasn't for them i would've loved assassin's creed better, not to mention the totally true fact about walking down from your mountain top fortress or the unskippable dialoge cutscenes
 

qubit

New member
Sep 26, 2008
18
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blackadvent said:
Bfox said:
D: REVIEW MUUUEEEEEEE!!

just kidding, great vid, I don't understand what started the hype with this game anyway..

HYPE = BAD. VERY BAD!! (worse than non logical fanboys? )

so, just never go to any game websites again, no preview videos, no magazines and you'll have the best gaming ever because everything will be a sleeper hit to you :D
Also, avoid word of mouth hype (real life fanboys) and television ads.

In short, stay indoors, live by yourself, and read books.... yeah, right.
That doesn't sound too bad, as long as I can play some games when I'm not reading. Which is something I also love to do by the way :)
 

Diegolomac

New member
Jan 28, 2009
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The review isn't supposed to make you hate or love the game, it's just an opinion. For example, Yahtzee hates Fable, and I like it. That doesn't mean I'm going to hate Yahtzee or start hating Fable. He is just being funny. I watch the reviews more with the intention of laughing than knowing if I should buy a game, because for me, it's my opinion that matters. I won't say that a game is good or bad until I've finished playing it, and still this isn't going to make a difference, because other people may like what I hate and vice versa.
 

Gerazzi

New member
Feb 18, 2009
1,734
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That game killed my affection for other gamers.

also


It's the Benny Hill show!
 

SpartanTnT

New member
Apr 21, 2009
29
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Used The Clash in the beginning, nice. Also, how you described dealing with the beggars was really funny.
 

Supernova2000

Shivan Sympathizer
May 2, 2009
240
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0
Altair is without a doubt the worst fucking assassin in gaming history! Assassins (to quote from The Bourne Identity) are sent because they don't exist and for all victims nearest and dearest know, they died of a heart attack or because of a criminally negligent cook. Yet here he is, blithely stabbing the target in a non-vital area right in the middle of a fucking crowd of people, cradling the targets head whilst letting him piss in his ears for about 5 minutes before he finaly dies and Altair comes back to the reality of his embarrasing ineptitude putting the entire town on red alert and has to run hell-for-leather back to the local assassins office so that everyone will just forget what happened! I never heard of Solid Snake stopping to listen to the life stories of the throats he didn't slit properly and generally chucking stealth out the window (except perhaps in MGS 4)! That would sure as hell have alienated me from the MGS series!

Yahtzee is sure as hell more patient than me if he played it through to the end because I gave up after 1/9 repeated assassination missions 1) because Altair is so shite he might as well be just another generic power-armoured marine drawing every possible attention to himself and 2) because by this point I was convinced I'd seen it all.
 

Supernova2000

Shivan Sympathizer
May 2, 2009
240
0
0
Diegolomac said:
The review isn't supposed to make you hate or love the game, it's just an opinion. For example, Yahtzee hates Fable, and I like it. That doesn't mean I'm going to hate Yahtzee or start hating Fable. He is just being funny. I watch the reviews more with the intention of laughing than knowing if I should buy a game, because for me, it's my opinion that matters. I won't say that a game is good or bad until I've finished playing it, and still this isn't going to make a difference, because other people may like what I hate and vice versa.
Well said. I for example like Dead Space and MGS 4 but I also like watching their respective Zero Punctuation reviews, despite the roasting they get, or rather, because of it lol. Besides, I think Yahtzee's reviews are the best there is because if you already know all the flaws beforehand, you're better able to decide if you can look past them. It's certainly better than those reviewers who give perfect scores like they're some sort of 10/10 trophy dispensers, which gives me the impression that they either played the game just long enough for a cup of tea to brew or didn't play it at all, having made up their minds by just looking at a few screenshots and/or trailers.

To me, Far Cry 2 is nothing but a shallow, repetitive, annoying, over-hyped, half-baked Crysis rip off that reeks of trying to hide from it's shitty gameplay, non-existant story and fast-talking, trigger-happy NPC drones behind it's pretty graphics and realistic fire-spreading physics. But to be on the safe side, i'll just assume i'm the only one who believes that until proven otherwise.

To each his/her own. I'll just remember to take any future Ubisoft games (post PoP: Two Thrones) with more than a pinch of salt and avoid Ubisoft Montreal games like a plague!
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

New member
Aug 8, 2007
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I've played the game many of times.
I'm not going to lie to you its not a perfect game it has a few repeating missions and glitches. Combat is much deeper once you unlock new moves like combo kill,dodge and few different counters with short,long blade and hidden blade

I thought the story was very good and interesting.
 

clank1013

New member
May 21, 2009
83
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0
it was one of my favoriate games, but ur so right, on so many of ur reviews, lol. i might like the game, but i cant argue your points. Keep up the good work man =)
 

Keepitclean

New member
Sep 16, 2009
1,564
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Some of Yahtzee's best work it must be said. Great honest entartaining review. it was just a rantfest like in most reviews, I'm not saying that that isnt entertaining though.
 

daxterx2005

New member
Dec 19, 2009
1,615
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SuperGameGeek said:
Cocksicle = hilarious!!
I was coming here, to say that exact statement sir ^_^

I wish I was able to verbally rip apart games the way Yahtzee does, this guy is hilarious!
 

David Bray

New member
Jan 8, 2010
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I love Assassin's Creed apart from those damn beggers and mentally challenged. Oh, that sounds awful. At least the new one only has one money-despirate pig. If only I had money to give them I would.
 

Poeschi

New member
May 23, 2010
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Great review! That french cock was one of the funniest pictueres i´ve ever seen.
 

John the Gamer

New member
May 2, 2010
1,021
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That sun at the end made me laugh.

I didn't play the game beyond the first memory though, the cutscenes were annoying and the moment I tried to leave the castle and fight the dickface army I fell throught the floor on a pile of dead assassins and had to repeat the entire mission. Righty then, On to Assassins Creed 2. Or a good game like tetris.
 

Ultrajd

New member
Oct 19, 2011
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I feel stupid saying this but I have never played any of theses games. Are the good? and is there a "New game plus" type of thing where I can replay a game but with all my unlocks from the start?