Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty: Black Ops 2

Reptiloid

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Aah that was beautiful, just... beautiful. I get the feeling Yahtzee is starting to get tired of these yearly copy-pastes by now, and the people who keep buying them, causing the industry to release another one next year.

"Why all the hate on CoD? It's a decent game, and the multiplayer is fun! Also, did I mention I have no standards for quality whatsoever?"
"But I don't like challenge, it's so much easier to have the game hold my hand every step of the way instead of actually being expected to overcome obstacles!"
"Oops, my brain fell out again!"

Seriously, PLEASE stop buying these fucking things, you guys have got like 5 of the same game now... it's enough. We've all had enough. The game industry is not to blame anymore, YOU are. You, the consumer. Complaining ain't gonna do shit if you keep buying them anyway. Vote with your wallet people, please.
 

Arren Kae

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Nov 10, 2010
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Yahtzee has imbibed white guilt so strongly he complains when a story doesn't punish whites for imagined evils or portrays non-whites as anything but righteous and pure.

How are whites privileged? Under the law, it's illegal for a business to be all-white. Whites are forced to disfavor our people under threat-of-violence from the state. Whites are robbed through the issuance of new currency to pay for non-white housing, food, electricity, cell phones, plasma tvs, lobster dinners, schooling, medical care, and any other thing non-whites want. Meanwhile whites are robbed, assaulted, raped, and murdered by non-whites (excluding asians) disproportionately. Yet if a white man so much as is accused of saying an ill word against another race he risks imprisonment. In Yahtzee's jolly old England it's legal for muslim women to beat a white woman while screaming "kill the slag" but if a white mother expresses concern about her son growing up in such an environment she'll be held prisoner, fined, and her son kidnapped by the state.

You want to talk about slavery? You know who practiced slavery? Everyone. You know who was the first people to decide slavery was wrong and they wouldn't practice it anymore? Whites. Slavery is still practiced today in northern africa by jews and arabs, as it has been for generations, and there are more north-african slaves today than there ever were slaves in a european nation, canada, or the USA. In the UK pakistani and other foreigners have run child prostitution rings. But I'm sure that makes Yahtzee happy as long as the slaves are white.

As for homosexuals, his argument is entirely factitious and he knows it. Groups like GLAD argue for the state compelling churches by threat of force to issue marriage contracts to pairs of men and pairs of women. Yet in another section of Yahtzee's disconnected beliefs I'm sure he'd say there should be separation between church and state.
 

NAdducci

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Oct 21, 2009
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Man I am getting tired of this shit... America is not evil and racist! Not any more than any other country at least, probably less so actually. This ridiculous idea, that enshrines bullying of any white american regardless of actual character, IS [email protected]#$ing racism.

I don't even play these first person shooters normally and it's a simple game that is obviously catering to military and secret agent drama which fits the style well, those of whom who enjoy that probably like the American military for their own reasons and are incidentally mostly white because that's what the population is. If you don't like that, well I guess people are different and you aren't the King. Reality bites sometimes.

People are free to like what they want. If you want others to respect your preference maybe you should respect them in the first place instead of drawing a line in the sand. At least Movie Bob attempts to look at things a tad more objectively, but his preaching is getting on my damn nerves too.

Maybe if Yahtzee spent less of his time being jealous of America's inherited wealth, masturbating to Theif 2 and Valve, and deriving an unhealthy amount of pleasure from acting like a troll so he can feel good about himself while wannabe trolls cheer him on, he might actually get a taste of why multiplayer games are fun, and develop the art of learning to coexist with people who are different. And if anyone is gonna call me a hypocrite for this part, I'm deliberately including it to show 2 can play this game, but it's better to let people enjoy what they like in peace.

I like Yahtzee, he's a witty, cynical, and skilled writer with a working knowledge of game design and penchant for third person solo player and indie games. And I like Movie Bob too. My kind of people most of the time. But I'm getting tired of both of their reviews being harsh judgement of the people who enjoy the games rather than the game/subject itself.
 

SNCommand

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Aug 29, 2011
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Brockyman said:
Yahtzee,

Political discourse does not suit you, especially when you're wrong about half the time.
You could say that trashing games and fictional storylines and characters are no issue, there's no need to be factual or objective when talking about a video game, but bringing in that same attitude to real world social political issues will not happen without stepping on a lot of people's toes, then again he has done this before and not many complain when the target is say ghetto culture
 

geizr

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Oct 9, 2008
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Saw this shit-dumping coming as soon as I looked at the title.

Now I shall attempt to send people running, screaming, to whimper in a tight fetal position in the nearest corner with a few observations: 1) if games like this didn't sell so well, game companies wouldn't bother making them (what does this say about the game community as a whole?); 2) if you think companies that churn out this crap are stupid, look at your average gamer's wallet and then look at the game company's wallet and ask yourself which of those two has the most money in the wallet; 3) which of the two parties mentioned in point 2 keeps throwing their money to whom, regardless of how they are treated or what they are given?

Just as a note, I have never owned any game in this series or any other game in its category, and I never will.
 

Moosejaw

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Oct 11, 2010
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Yahtzee is hilarious, but I really wish he'd knock it off with the political shit. There's no benefit to bringing it up here, no-one's minds are changed and both sides just spew venom at one another.

Also, I thought it was pretty obvious that Eagle's screwing around. He had me going for the first half of the paragraph, but that bit at the end with the 'amazingly amazing amazing amazing' was practically him shouting 'I'M MAKING THIS UP'.
 

NAdducci

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Oct 21, 2009
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Arren Kae said:
Yahtzee has imbibed white guilt so strongly he complains when a story doesn't punish whites for imagined evils or portrays non-whites as anything but righteous and pure.

How are whites privileged? Under the law, it's illegal for a business to be all-white. Whites are forced to disfavor our people under threat-of-violence from the state. Whites are robbed through the issuance of new currency to pay for non-white housing, food, electricity, cell phones, plasma tvs, lobster dinners, schooling, medical care, and any other thing non-whites want. Meanwhile whites are robbed, assaulted, raped, and murdered by non-whites (excluding asians) disproportionately. Yet if a white man so much as is accused of saying an ill word against another race he risks imprisonment. In Yahtzee's jolly old England it's legal for muslim women to beat a white woman while screaming "kill the slag" but if a white mother expresses concern about her son growing up in such an environment she'll be held prisoner, fined, and her son kidnapped by the state.

You want to talk about slavery? You know who practiced slavery? Everyone. You know who was the first people to decide slavery was wrong and they wouldn't practice it anymore? Whites. Slavery is still practiced today in northern africa by jews and arabs, as it has been for generations, and there are more north-african slaves today than there ever were slaves in a european nation, canada, or the USA. In the UK pakistani and other foreigners have run child prostitution rings. But I'm sure that makes Yahtzee happy as long as the slaves are white.

As for homosexuals, his argument is entirely factitious and he knows it. Groups like GLAD argue for the state compelling churches by threat of force to issue marriage contracts to pairs of men and pairs of women. Yet in another section of Yahtzee's disconnected beliefs I'm sure he'd say there should be separation between church and state.
Exactly.

And the ban on games or movies of certain content or production is a similar state enforced preference, to cure some "ill" that one group of busybodies decided everyone else needs to abide by.
 

DrunkenMonkey

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Sep 17, 2012
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ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
Wow, worst review EVER! Any professional review would give this game, the most amazing in history, a 90-100 or 4/5. Every single part of this game is new and interesting and amazing, you're inability to recognize that demonstrates how bad you are at reviewing. When COD:B03 comes out in 2 years you can correct you mistake by giving it a 90-100 like every other reviewer will. Be sure to do the same for COD:MW4, COD:MW5, COD:BO4, COD:MW6, etc. They will ALL be amazing and look amazing and just be more amazing then the amazingly amazing game that came before. In fact they'll be so amazing they'll amaze you into an amazement coma of amazement.
I applaud you for walking the fine line between fanboys and haters. You sir, are an internetic marvel. (no that isn't a real word)
 

sammysoso

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Jul 6, 2012
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Well, that was....odd.

Not sure when Yahtzee was either talking about the game, using stock arguments, or on a weird political rant. Kind of mess really.

Hopefully next week is better.
 

MagmaMan

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Apr 2, 2012
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Andy Shandy said:
I'd have to disagree with Yahtzee here, I found Blops II quite enjoyable.

Although he is definitely right about Tony Todd having an obsession with the word "cocksucker"
Yes, Black Ops II's story was surprisingly well-written. I've seen better, but not in a Call of Duty game. Also I hate Briggs. As soon as it gave me the option to kill the "cocksucker" I couldn't have shot him directly in the head fast enough.
 

Callate

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Dec 5, 2008
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Heh. I think Yahtzee said: "I hate this game. And no matter what I say, someone's going to accuse me of not giving it a fair shot, of hating the genre, blah blah blah. A'right then," "let's do this."

So with the full disclosure that I'm inclined to agree with what Yahtzee said viz. American military techno-fetishism, I thought this review was fantastic.
 

WanderingFool

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anonymity88 said:
Well BlOps 1 finally broke CoD's magic spell on me so I was never hopeful about this game. Seems like I was right not to be. Guess I'll just get Dishonored for Christmas.
Heh... if you think Blops 2 is a waste of money, I suggest renting Dishonored before buying it for good... unless you already did try it and enjoyed it, in which case, do enjoy.
 

AnarchistFish

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Jul 25, 2011
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Pretty cool. These videos don't make me laugh like they used to though..

ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
Wow, worst review EVER! Any professional review would give this game, the most amazing in history, a 90-100 or 4/5. Every single part of this game is new and interesting and amazing, you're inability to recognize that demonstrates how bad you are at reviewing. When COD:B03 comes out in 2 years you can correct you mistake by giving it a 90-100 like every other reviewer will. Be sure to do the same for COD:MW4, COD:MW5, COD:BO4, COD:MW6, etc. They will ALL be amazing and look amazing and just be more amazing then the amazingly amazing game that came before. In fact they'll be so amazing they'll amaze you into an amazement coma of amazement.
You're trying too hard.
 

Battenberg

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Aug 16, 2012
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ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
Wow, worst review EVER! Any professional review would give this game, the most amazing in history, a 90-100 or 4/5. Every single part of this game is new and interesting and amazing, you're inability to recognize that demonstrates how bad you are at reviewing. When COD:B03 comes out in 2 years you can correct you mistake by giving it a 90-100 like every other reviewer will. Be sure to do the same for COD:MW4, COD:MW5, COD:BO4, COD:MW6, etc. They will ALL be amazing and look amazing and just be more amazing then the amazingly amazing game that came before. In fact they'll be so amazing they'll amaze you into an amazement coma of amazement.
God I hope you're taking the piss.
 

Lunar Templar

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Sep 20, 2009
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ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
RaikuFA said:
ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
Wow, worst review EVER! Any professional review would give this game, the most amazing in history, a 90-100 or 4/5. Every single part of this game is new and interesting and amazing, you're inability to recognize that demonstrates how bad you are at reviewing. When COD:B03 comes out in 2 years you can correct you mistake by giving it a 90-100 like every other reviewer will. Be sure to do the same for COD:MW4, COD:MW5, COD:BO4, COD:MW6, etc. They will ALL be amazing and look amazing and just be more amazing then the amazingly amazing game that came before. In fact they'll be so amazing they'll amaze you into an amazement coma of amazement.
I hate the fact that I'm gonna be the one to break it to you but...

A lot of people are getting sick of spunkgargleweewee. The bubble's about to burst. The only reason reviewers give them high scores is cause they get paid for them. BTW Santa ain't real.
is that why COD:BO2 is the best selling in the COD franchise? Go back to your basement and let the real gamers enjoy the best game ever made, COD:BO2.
The bold bit, I laughed. hard.

If you came to this site seeking like minded people (into MMS) your kinda on the wrong site, your more likely to find people bending such games over a rail for 'being the same brown boring bullshit over and over' like Madden, but with guns I suppose.

Also, since your apparently new here. This is kinda Yahtzee's thing. He very rarely, gives any game a positive 'review', even Skyrim got reamed when it came out , so .... get used to it, cause he's gonna do it again when the next Call of Modern Battlefield: Duty edition comes out, sure as the tides.
 

Erttheking

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Gearhead mk2 said:
cyvaris said:
Gearhead mk2 said:
CentralScrtnzr said:
There's a theme that's become more and more apparent lately in Yahtzee's work--mean-spirit towards the US, hatred of all things particularly associated with the US, false association of guns with gun-nuts.

Anyways, I got bored and had to do something else.
In fairness, when America stops making midless racist pro-imperlist America Fuck Yeah games where the main goal is to protect America from any arab or russian that looks at the US funny, he'll probably stop complaning about them.
So never?
Yeah, prettymuch. I hate humanity sometimes...
Ok, a couple of video game companies do not represent the political views of the American government, or the general population. Just because they're American companies doesn't mean that "America is making them". I would also like to point out that Valve is an American company, as is Bethesda and Obsidian.

Also, I have to shake my head a little. Games that you don't like are popular and because of that you hate Humanity? You're seriously overreacting man.
 

Treblaine

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Cecilthedarkknight_234 said:
That's not fair Ben, I only play this for the multi player pfttt, this is no longer valid argument. Oh I miss the old days of playing shooter game while having fun.

Treblaine said:
Hmm, didn't even mention Zombies or Multiplayer.

When that is all ANYONE ELSE is talking about and pretty much the entire reason for the series success. Seriously, hardly anyone gives a shit about the single player.

Serious now: did I miss the memo when he said he categorically refuses to consider multiplayer, because he didn't state anything like that since he reviewed the ONLINE GAME of DayZ only 2 months ago.
you must have missed yatzee's memo about multiplayer in games. If your only selling point is just multiplayer then you are doing it wrong. A fps game needs a strong single player campaign to stand on it's and engage you with a compelling story.
Hence the part where I ask why did he review DayZ where the "only selling point is just multiplayer".

Also, is Team Fortress 2 "doing it wrong"? Is Left 4 Dead 2 "doing it wrong"? Valve just blew your single-player mandate out the water.

Seriously: where is the part where Yahtzee categorically dismisses ALL multiplayer from his consideration? Because that's not very helpful and unfairly dismissive of so many Valve games which he is in admiration of.

Yes, games can have story. But it's just as arbitrary to say a game must have a story as to say it should not have a story. The important thing is that a game is a game and consider them as they are.

Minecraft is a brilliant and moving game solo, but it's also the case with online. You cannot completely ignore online.

I don't care if he gives Black Ops 2 a scathing review, but he should have considered or at least acknowledged it's main selling points which would be the multiplayer and Zombies component.

Reviewing ONLY Black Ops 2's singleplayer is as bad as reviewing ONLY the multiplayer portion of Bioshock 2... multiplayer is clearly a tacked on rush job for Bioshock 2, equally so with Black Ops 2's single-player.

Look at the TV ad for Black Ops 2. They all focus on the multiplayer, nary a mention of a singleplayer.

EDIT: I'm agaisnt games with a lack of focus. But the problem with COD is not the multiplayer distracting from the single-player, but from the single-player distracting from the multiplayer component.
 

xqxm

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Oct 17, 2008
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I have a confession to make. I actually don't hate the CoD games.

They aren't great, not by a long shot, but I have played every one, and they're so well-made that I always play the next one, even if i know it isn't going to push any envelopes.

And Yahtzee, I think you're reading a bit too much into things. Accusing Treyarch of being white supremacists because they don't go out of their way to shoehorn multiculturality into a game is retarded.