Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty: Black Ops


New member
Nov 7, 2010
I don't get how the hell America can keep waging war everywhere when they have this massive money debt to China?!

OMG [email protected] 0Ps Is lik teh BEST GAME EVAH!!!!!!
... *Puke*

I'm not gonna ride the gaytrain called the CoD Hype. I'm gonna give other shooters a chance instead of playing the same old thing over and over again. Call Of Duty 1 and 2 were great games! GIVE THEM BACK! ... I'm gonna go play some.
Seriously though, Black Ops is nothing but a Modern Warfare 2 clone that is LESS broken with MORE content and MORE annoying maps. Though it does have a better single player...

The game still sucks though, I don't get why theres so much hype about these games...

TREYARCH/Infinity Ward! Stop releasing a game EVERY FUCKING YEAR and TAKE SOME TIME TO MAKE VARIETY AND IMPROVEMENTS Make something new! Something like Battlefield 1942. They gave us WWII in a great way! Where else do you get to pilot a hangarship/battleship/submarine/jeep/tank/airplane of WWII/mounted turrets/MG's/bombers/kamikaze fighers ALL IN ONE GAME?

Can't wait for Battlefield 3 to be released... As long as it goes along with the style of battlefield 2.


Legendary Table User
Jul 17, 2009
Sneaklemming said:

This is only an interactive movie...
Yes let's complain about how friendly AI that can aim, then blame "console tards" about dumbing down when his team didn't move up because there was still one guy left.

Plus you could only get away with that in the first mission.


New member
Apr 15, 2009
Now we just wait for all the butthurt CoD fanboys to come crawling out and mention what a poor ZP this is and how he didn't really review the game but just ranted on about nonsense, all this trying to rationalize away their own hurt feelings and doubts.


Scandinavian Jawbreaker
Jul 22, 2010
This was probably the funniest ZP I have seen in a long time. Seems like Yahtzee has gotten out of his slump.


Derp Master
Aug 11, 2009
Oh, sweet satire. I don't quite agree with the virgin metaphor though, America is more like someone who have had a long drought.

It disturbs me how many reviewers actually seem to like Black Ops' story.


New member
May 24, 2010
Haaahahahah. Nice one.

Now I know what is "juxtaposition", and why it makes sense for BO to be awfully boring... or should I say... it being a mind-blowing repetitiveness overkill bomb.


New member
Feb 19, 2009
thatstheguy said:
I find it funny that Yahtzee's review complains about the game being to spastic while the Escapist review complains about it being to uneventful. Just kinda something I noticed.
Maybe it's uneventful because you keep doing the same event the whole time, without variation. just shooting guys very quickly.

OT:that was a very funny episode.

Cuppa Tetleys

New member
Mar 22, 2010
Trust Yahtzee to openly show desire for another World War - it's why I like him; he's not afraid to say what he thinks (even in jest) and he doesn't care who he offends in the process. A man true to his word.

He's also quite entertaining, especially with the 'Did you know grenades explode?' bit.


New member
Nov 20, 2010
This is really why I don't play FPS games that focus almost entirely on multiplayer. I mean, seriously, that's all anyone plays MW for. I don't hear people commenting on the grand narrative, the deep characters, and poignant political commentary of the "campaign". You get a insignificant controversy with the "Russian level" or whatever, then it's back to ranking up. This game isn't any different. "Look! He ate glass! Edgy!* Now shoot these guys unendingly for no reason."

I've always felt video games should be like interactive novels, or even movies. They really do require compelling stories and characters, and Valve (Half-life) and Nintendo (Metroid Prime) have shown that it is possible in an FPS. Hell, even Dead Space and Doom 3 were more interesting. And of course the most triumphant example: Bioshock. It is possible. Games like these just come across as lazy. Either that or people just don't care about thinking or being a part of an interesting story, so that it's just not worth the developers to make them. They don't all have to be RPGs people.

These kinds of games are just sports for people not athletic enough (but far too competitive not) to play sports (and I've got nothing against sports, I follow American Football and UFC pretty closely). Or jingoistic enough to feel proud of killing a simulated "terrist".

Pretend killing: patriotism at its finest

All in all, enjoyable review as always. I don't know what it is about Yahtzee's reviews, but I always find myself agreeing with at least part of it. Even the games he bashes that I like, Smash Bros. or Soul Calibur, I can at least agree with his basic assessment while still enjoying the game.

*Pun ruthlessly intended


New member
Sep 19, 2010
chemicalreaper said:
FinkAboutIt said:
After playing for two hours, I seriously had a migraine! WFT?! I think Yahtzee is so right that this game overwhelms you. I also never got that part, when glass mouth joins my side and is able to speak in normal sentences and move like normal when we've just smashed some glass into his mouth. Seems like this was like a fitness milk shake for him.
A migraine? I just don't think you're epic enough to handle the story then :p (I say that jokingly, of course).

However, I find the second part of your argument a bit petty. I mean's a game? Let's be honest: it wouldn't be much of a level if you're supposed to protect and question a guy who can't walk and isn't able to talk.

Plus, films and television programmes often take liberties in order to advance their story. So it's not like Treyarch has just ruined the entire video game industry because of a discrepancy.

OT: I'm not really sure why we still watch ZP. It seems like nowadays he tries too hard to be funny -- which ultimately fails -- by tearing apart the biggest games. Well, 'tearing apart' would imply that he was actually doing so... perhaps, 'bitching of anything he can make a metaphorical pun about' would be a better description of his job?
Oh no, consequences for our actions. We couldn't have that! It'd ruin the fun. =P

Also: Congratulations on your first ZP viewing. Hurrah.


New member
Jun 24, 2010
snowman6251 said:
I keep telling myself I won't buy the new Call of Duty games but I always do. Its the multiplayer. Its the ultimate skinner box and I can't get enough.

Speaking of multiplayer though, I know its not Yahtzee's thing but I think its a huge improvement over MW2. Everything's been nerfed and the game is much better for it. Everything feels more balanced.
thats all well and good, except the fact that sniper rifles suck big time, they even made sleight of hand pro, aim faster for all weapons (except sniper rifles). and u have to wait till level 27 until u get a sniper worth using. (one hit kill).

i do love the game though, and apart from that, its much fun to play.


New member
Nov 24, 2010
I don't think Yahtzee so much hates this game as he doesn't like "Things American" (or his perception thereof). It's your gig, Yahtzee, but seriously: Shut up and review the game! Don't go all "Dixie Chicks" on us. Fan Bois, flame on!