Zero Punctuation: Crysis

[Mystery00]

Yahtzee, I'm quite disappointed with how you were swayed by pretty graphics so easily when the game obviously deserved being harshly pounded into the ground like the stuck up piece of excrement that it is.

Every year there is some game that pushes the limits of that time's computing power. Yet it should not get high scores or even an "above average" rating based on purely that. The voice acting in Crysis is pathetic, the gameplay is somewhat interesting, though the AI is completely stupid and makes you wonder whether you're actually slaughtering a bunch of soldiers or rather special kindergarten kids.

The story doesn't exist, it's just a bunch of rip-offs from various movies, books and other games thrown into a mixer and then poured into a tube for ultimate linearity.

This game was hyped up almost as much as Halo, but couldn't even live up to that mediocre experience.

This is not a game but a technology demonstration, and the only recommendation it deserves is to be used in place of 3DMark in order to test out your new triple SLI computer that you just sold a kidney for.


Mystery

 

[BonsaiK]

It's a pretty backhanded recommendation that he gives. Having said that he certainly could have savaged it a lot more, but I guess I already figured out that it's one of the worst games of the year without him having to tell me that. (And Far Cry was crap too.) So it's okay, I forgive him.

 

[XaVierDK]

The main bit that got me was the fact that you play a rookie. A rookie special forces guy. A rookie equiped with the most advanced technology they have. Think about that...why the expletive would you send a rookie into a mission like that?!? Definately the joke squad...

Actually, you don't... You're a leuitenant, and second-in-command of your squad... Something you find out somewhere along the line...
Also, Prophet is a major, and apparently his last name is Barnes... Yeah, I pay too much attention during cut-scenes...

Also, as I've already stated, Crysis is far from unplayable if you invest just the tiniest bit of time in getting the settings right, and there surely is more to the suit-powers than just giving wedgies...

 

[Pugnate]

It is so easy for Crysis to fall into that cliche of a game that looks pretty but has average gameplay doesn't it? So easy that the online console community and reviewers who have made their reputation on tarnishing high profile tiles, find it something very easy to resort to.

Crysis has fantastic gameplay to be honest. What shooter is more compelling?

 

[Mildredd]

im surprised you didnt mention that vista crashes when you try and autosave...that might just be me but i dunno. Also with everything on very high (even in 1024x768) its amazingly pretty, as a matter of fact im off to play it now.

I run Vista and it's all fine.

Anyone having problems viewing the review?? It just brings up an army info ad

 

[entropy3ko]

Yahtzee, I'm quite disappointed with how you were swayed by pretty graphics so easily when the game obviously deserved being harshly pounded into the ground like the stuck up piece of excrement that it is.

Every year there is some game that pushes the limits of that time's computing power. Yet it should not get high scores or even an "above average" rating based on purely that. The voice acting in Crysis is pathetic, the gameplay is somewhat interesting, though the AI is completely stupid and makes you wonder whether you're actually slaughtering a bunch of soldiers or rather special kindergarten kids.

The story doesn't exist, it's just a bunch of rip-offs from various movies, books and other games thrown into a mixer and then poured into a tube for ultimate linearity.

This game was hyped up almost as much as Halo, but couldn't even live up to that mediocre experience.

This is not a game but a technology demonstration, and the only recommendation it deserves is to be used in place of 3DMark in order to test out your new triple SLI computer that you just sold a kidney for.


Mystery

Well this games sounds a lot like a very pretty whore who carges you $1000 for 10 min and goes no farther than an handjob LOL

 

[Quistnix]

This review easily is one of my favorites, once again proving I prefer reviews when you don't just bash it.

I actually loved Far Cry up to the moment the monkeybeasts showed up, and did not expect to enjoy this one. I still might pick it out of a bargain bin in a year or so, once I've got a new computer.

And the salad reference almost made me spray my coffee all over my keyboard.

 

[oni23]

I have created an account just for this matter:
"BRAVO BRAVO and A BLOODY BRILLIANT REVIEW!!"

 

[Botond]

Well, I didn't try Crysis yet, but I guess I'm sticking to that. I totally agreed with his opinion on Far Cry, and Crysis seems to be just like Far Cry with shiny new graphics. It's just one of those games, which complete computer geeks with no brains are jerking to. Btw, the trailer made me puke, I sick of games, that are only about "WE'RE THE KICKASS AMERIKKANS LET'S GO KICK SOME COMMUNIST/KOREAN/JAPAN/GERMAN/RUSSIAN ARSE, BECOZ THEY'RE ALL EVVVIL AND WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SLAUGHTER THEM LULZ!!!"

 

[XaVierDK]

Well, I didn't try Crysis yet, but I guess I'm sticking to that. I totally agreed with his opinion on Far Cry, and Crysis seems to be just like Far Cry with shiny new graphics. It's just one of those games, which complete computer geeks with no brains are jerking to. Btw, the trailer made me puke, I sick of games, that are only about "WE'RE THE KICKASS AMERIKKANS LET'S GO KICK SOME COMMUNIST/KOREAN/JAPAN/GERMAN/RUSSIAN ARSE, BECOZ THEY'RE ALL EVVVIL AND WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SLAUGHTER THEM LULZ!!!"

Then you've misunderstood Crysis' gameplay, as have apparently 90% of all people who haven't played it...
And you will be delighted to hear that you can be completely pasifisctic and sneak by virtually every single korean in the game...
Also, foilage actually conceals you (it doesn't provide cover), and hides you from your enemies in this one, something I've had an immense amount of fun out of in my playtime...

Btw, (well, seeing as you haven't played the game at all and therefore has no ground to complain about anything) the koreans shoot first in this one, so basically you're just fighting for your survival...
And the game was developed by german Crytek, so I can't see where you're getting the "Americans am l33test" from... From my POV, you're bashing Crysis solely for the sake of bashing it (even though you haven't tried it, and apparently only ever watched a trailer, you un-enlightened prick)...

 

[anti-emo-cult]

Excellent REVIEW YAHTZEE
you hit the nail on the hammer before this came out everyone was like"oh this will be one of the best games ever its going to set a new standARds

Well it did...anybody know a game with better graphics.In fact can anybody think of the game that can top Crysis within the next 5 years?

farcry 2 is slightly updated i believe the destructibility and now FLAMIBAL ENVIROMENTS :O

 

[anti-emo-cult]

Well, I didn't try Crysis yet, but I guess I'm sticking to that. I totally agreed with his opinion on Far Cry, and Crysis seems to be just like Far Cry with shiny new graphics. It's just one of those games, which complete computer geeks with no brains are jerking to. Btw, the trailer made me puke, I sick of games, that are only about "WE'RE THE KICKASS AMERIKKANS LET'S GO KICK SOME COMMUNIST/KOREAN/JAPAN/GERMAN/RUSSIAN ARSE, BECOZ THEY'RE ALL EVVVIL AND WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SLAUGHTER THEM LULZ!!!"

Then you've misunderstood Crysis' gameplay, as have apparently 90% of all people who haven't played it...
And you will be delighted to hear that you can be completely pasifisctic and sneak by virtually every single korean in the game...
Also, foilage actually conceals you (it doesn't provide cover), and hides you from your enemies in this one, something I've had an immense amount of fun out of in my playtime...

Btw, (well, seeing as you haven't played the game at all and therefore has no ground to complain about anything) the koreans shoot first in this one, so basically you're just fighting for your survival...
And the game was developed by german Crytek, so I can't see where you're getting the "Americans am l33test" from... From my POV, you're bashing Crysis solely for the sake of bashing it (even though you haven't tried it, and apparently only ever watched a trailer, you un-enlightened prick)...

definatly, played crysis on delta?? its fucking awesomely hard. im sick of these bullshit games that're made to have been finished by drunken fratboys i miss the old hard games that would end up costing you more in new keyboards and domestic disturbance fines. i thort the AI was great in some parts unlike most games when you snipe someone from a distance in cover every bot has a huge erection for your position unlike crysis were they freak out and run about, while only other enemy snipers have a better chance to see you. thats my rant over...

 

[Corbineau]

is it me, or did yatzee talk rely, RELY slow in this one (compared to the others of course )

It's just you. Really.

 

[broadband]

Well, I didn't try Crysis yet, but I guess I'm sticking to that. I totally agreed with his opinion on Far Cry, and Crysis seems to be just like Far Cry with shiny new graphics. It's just one of those games, which complete computer geeks with no brains are jerking to. Btw, the trailer made me puke, I sick of games, that are only about "WE'RE THE KICKASS AMERIKKANS LET'S GO KICK SOME COMMUNIST/KOREAN/JAPAN/GERMAN/RUSSIAN ARSE, BECOZ THEY'RE ALL EVVVIL AND WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SLAUGHTER THEM LULZ!!!"

Then you've misunderstood Crysis' gameplay, as have apparently 90% of all people who haven't played it...
And you will be delighted to hear that you can be completely pasifisctic and sneak by virtually every single korean in the game...
Also, foilage actually conceals you (it doesn't provide cover), and hides you from your enemies in this one, something I've had an immense amount of fun out of in my playtime...

Btw, (well, seeing as you haven't played the game at all and therefore has no ground to complain about anything) the koreans shoot first in this one, so basically you're just fighting for your survival...
And the game was developed by german Crytek, so I can't see where you're getting the "Americans am l33test" from... From my POV, you're bashing Crysis solely for the sake of bashing it (even though you haven't tried it, and apparently only ever watched a trailer, you un-enlightened prick)...

about the plot, the details and excuses doesnt matter, it still presents americans like fucking heroes invading a place and everyone else like evil wussies

at leastin farcry you was a boat driver traped in a island full of mercenaries without a clear procedence

 

[Botond]

@ XaVierDK

First of all, Crytek being german doesn't change the fact, that you're an american soldier, so I don't understand what you're talking about here. Secondly, just because the koreans shot first in this particular game, also doesn't change the fact, that the koreans ARE the enemy, which I personally find unbelievably cliched. It's just that this "those guys on the east are up to no good" story had been told a billion times in a billion movies/books etc., not to mention how incredibly stupid it is to label a whole nation to be evil, just because the U.S. thinks so, but whatever that's another question.

It's true that I didn't try the game, but I've pretty much read all of the posts of the people on this site (and other sites aswell), who did play it. Judging by these comments I'm not at all impressed with that, what Crysis has to offer. I accept it, that you like this whole sneaking-jumping-sprinting-driving gameplay, but it just sounds to me like a the gameplay of Far Cry with a few tweaks, which - as mentioned before - I didn't like.

I also hate developers, who are not kind enough to make their games playable on older hardware. Maybe this is not a problem for those people, who have enough money to upgrade their rig every half year or even more frequently, but I personally don't want to upgrade my beast that often. In the case of Crysis, I also read some hardware tests and according to these Cryengine 2 is fucked up, theoretically it should run faster, but Crytek obviously didn't do enough optimizing.

So, with it's cliched story, not really innovative gameplay (for me at least) and massive system requirements, Crysis isn't appealing for me. Maybe my previous post was a bit harsh, but that's how a clearly overhyped game with a shiny graphics engine and zero story affects me. Oh and thanks for calling me an un-enlightened prick, just because I don't like this huge sandbox.

 

[RussDCA]

HA!

Found myself laughing a lot here. Nice one &, as per usual, many true words spoken.

FuZion.

 

[TheHound]

Yahtzee, I'm quite disappointed with how you were swayed by pretty graphics so easily when the game obviously deserved being harshly pounded into the ground like the stuck up piece of excrement that it is.

Every year there is some game that pushes the limits of that time's computing power. Yet it should not get high scores or even an "above average" rating based on purely that. The voice acting in Crysis is pathetic, the gameplay is somewhat interesting, though the AI is completely stupid and makes you wonder whether you're actually slaughtering a bunch of soldiers or rather special kindergarten kids.

The story doesn't exist, it's just a bunch of rip-offs from various movies, books and other games thrown into a mixer and then poured into a tube for ultimate linearity.

This game was hyped up almost as much as Halo, but couldn't even live up to that mediocre experience.

This is not a game but a technology demonstration, and the only recommendation it deserves is to be used in place of 3DMark in order to test out your new triple SLI computer that you just sold a kidney for.


Mystery

Obviously deserved? A game thats recieved on the whole fair and balanced ratings? 10 reviews with 10 out of 10 is suspicious to me. Crysis reviews range from 100 to 80ish. Its gameplay mechaincs have been described as the most interactive and immersive to date. Yes Im a fan its obvious. But I think at worst if you played it and didnt like it you would give it a 65-70 AT WORST. Its hardly the abortion of a game you make it out to be.

 

[Chis]

The only quibble I have with this review is the dire choice of music. Weezer are dull, interminable alt-rock for the unimaginative, and Electric Six are the worst kind of joke band - i.e. they're not funny, never mind the fact that they can't write riffs for shit.

Otherwise, I pretty much agree with Yahtzee's review. Didn't have quite so much trouble with the vehicles though. Crysis is a good game, and a solid FPS experience (unreliable AI, though).

 

[XaVierDK]

@ XaVierDK

First of all, Crytek being german doesn't change the fact, that you're an american soldier, so I don't understand what you're talking about here. Secondly, just because the koreans shot first in this particular game, also doesn't change the fact, that the koreans ARE the enemy, which I personally find unbelievably cliched. It's just that this "those guys on the east are up to no good" story had been told a billion times in a billion movies/books etc., not to mention how incredibly stupid it is to label a whole nation to be evil, just because the U.S. thinks so, but whatever that's another question.

It's true that I didn't try the game, but I've pretty much read all of the posts of the people on this site (and other sites aswell), who did play it. Judging by these comments I'm not at all impressed with that, what Crysis has to offer. I accept it, that you like this whole sneaking-jumping-sprinting-driving gameplay, but it just sounds to me like a the gameplay of Far Cry with a few tweaks, which - as mentioned before - I didn't like.

I also hate developers, who are not kind enough to make their games playable on older hardware. Maybe this is not a problem for those people, who have enough money to upgrade their rig every half year or even more frequently, but I personally don't want to upgrade my beast that often. In the case of Crysis, I also read some hardware tests and according to these Cryengine 2 is fucked up, theoretically it should run faster, but Crytek obviously didn't do enough optimizing.

So, with it's cliched story, not really innovative gameplay (for me at least) and massive system requirements, Crysis isn't appealing for me. Maybe my previous post was a bit harsh, but that's how a clearly overhyped game with a shiny graphics engine and zero story affects me. Oh and thanks for calling me an un-enlightened prick, just because I don't like this huge sandbox.

**** MASSIVE SPOILER warning for the sake of explaining my view-points... do not read if you don't want to spoil parts of the game's story-line ****





I apoligize for my earlier outburst, but people's intentions don't always translate so well over tah interwebs...
I might have a different outlook on the story but the north-koreans didn't come across as "the evil" ones to me, only as a different kind of ignorant to the americans "we're gonna fire nukes at the problem"... The only good guys in the game, is Raptor Squad... The North-Koreans are no more fanatic than the US (once the aliens show up, both sides evacuate the island instead of staying fanatically)...
The NK turn out not to be evil, but simply controlled by a mad-man (which is as much a reference to the US-wars in the middle-east at present, as to the NK I'm sure) and doing things because said mad-man wants more power (again, this could have been the US as much as the NK, as the Korean general says right before he opens the alien ship)...

Also, Crysis is indeed playable on older hardware, but there has to be limits... You can't keep making games playable on 2-3 year old hardware, too much development-time would go into that instead of quality-control/making a good game...
Also, PC-hardware is evolving so quickly that what was top-end last year is no more than mid-end this year, so Crytek simply made sure the game would also scale well on newer hardware... They couldn't have predicted that graphical hardware would be no more powerful today than it was a year ago (both NVIDIA and AMD haven't brought out new series for almost 15 months now)... I'm sure Crysis was developed for a series of graphics-cards which was supposed to be out now, but isn't, because AMD's having a hard time these days...

Best Regards

 

[Zer.]

Crysis was by all means overhyped... I mean, when the crytek engine first came out with FarCry, noone was expecting it to be that good, but it was and the game was really fun to play... I said fun, not original in any sense, script of gameplay wise(that was HLs trademark) but fun and very pleasing to the eyes, even with a sub-par machine. Hell, I played the damn thing with a Old P3 coupled with 512Mb of PC133Mhz ram running at 100Mhz and Radeon 9250 256Mb.

The story with Crysis however was very different, everyone was paying close attention to it, obviously having knowned the past success of FarCry and were really looking forward to the amazingly advanced graphics that it was goin to put on the table. It turned out dissapointing, actually I though wastefully... All that beautifull terrain and most of the time your stuck hiding behind trees avoiding things while never really getting involed with the environement like expected... All Crysis was, in my honest opinion, a gloriously pretty but yet plain and simple FPS. It seems that the dev. having spent soo much time trying to make it look as amazing as possible overlooked the story and/or gameplay.

There is one thing that I though was innovative, and that was real time battle adaptation (the nano suit), something that most FPS games lacked in any sort of form... I just find it a bad time for implementation and a good way of taking away some of the intensity usually found in a shooter, thats all.


Last but not least, the hardware demands... Alot of people have been bicthing and whinning about this, and most suprizingly of all never tried playing the game with what they have. If your soo damn particular about games and serious about it to play at high resolutions with filters, then you shouldnt be bicthing about getting the right hardware to play the game to your liking or in this case, close to it... Dont complain that you cant run it at 1600x1200 with 2 year old hardware, please... Thats almost like saying, I want to play Halo3 but I dont want to pay for the console? Doesnt make sense, does it now? Also, were did this damn myth that you need to spend your life earnings for a pc that can handle Crysis nicely (maybe not in all its glory but heh, what can right now)come from? Has anyone heard of overclocking? Lets not also forget the fact that Nvidia and ATI have been releasing amazingly cheap video cards lately that perform soo well, it makes some of us that bought that expensive GPU half a year ago, flinch.

What Im trying to say here, is if your goin to buy a piece of hardware like a computer, to game, know that its already obsolete the moment you get it (doesnt really matter if its for gaming or not)... Its the way technology works, you know... like foward! So dont ***** about titles that demand more out of your system and be ready to upgrade every now and then... Sooner or later youll have to, Crysis just happened to be that type of game, and its also one of the very reasons why it was soo overhyped.