Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever

Andaxay

Thinking with Portals
Jun 4, 2008
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Awesome. Simply awesome. I loved the undercurrent of complete and utter sarcasm throughout, despite the "OMFG DIS IS AWESUM" theme.
 

Miniges

New member
Aug 20, 2008
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Leave it to good ole' mister yahtzee to put out an original review. At least he isn't a hypocrite and does somthing new.
 

Worr Monger

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Jan 21, 2008
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Fucking Brilliant.

Duke Nukem Forever will be nothing but a massive disappointment after all these years anyway, people do need to just let it go.

Those who didn't get the joke the moment you saw the title are retarded.
 

Ashbax

New member
Jan 7, 2009
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Dragonblade146 said:
Hahaha.
I see what he did there.
He reviewed it.
And its not even out.
Nice....
XD
Damnit! I was hoping it was out and I hadnt noticed. But I knew it couldnt be true becuase than all the worlds diseases would be cured, my life would be complete and the sun would shine all day every day. And life would be happy. Sadly, there was a Dick move 3d realms pulled where they are only releasing it for PSP and DS just so they would have SOMETHING...so it aint gonna be epic :(
 

robinkom

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Jan 8, 2009
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I was honestly thrown off at the title... and even to the very end, I thought the jokes were just of his usual brand (i.e. talking about moving Duke with the shoulder buttons and what not). And my gullible ass still went to try and search up a real review for the game, thinking it actually came out in the last week or so when I wasn't paying attention (fed by the earliest rumors that 3D Realms closing was a publicity stunt). Epic fail on my part. @[email protected]

Anyways, hilarious "review." Maybe he could do a retro review of Sonic Xtreme for SEGA Saturn (harr harr).
 

Nargleblarg

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Jun 24, 2008
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Good Review but it just feels a bit lazy because so many games have come out in the past month or so. But who am I to complain it entertained me anyway.

On a similar note I wonder how many people per week are suspened on these threads...kinda makes you wonder.
 

Artorius

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Mar 18, 2009
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Quote From Wikipedia-
On May 27th, 2009, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw replaced his usual weekly video game review segment "Zero Punctuation" on the Escapist Magazine website with a fake review parodying the game's fictional release and hailing it as "worth every minute" of the twelve year production cycle.
-....
lool good work xP...
 

maximara

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Jul 13, 2008
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Being a Mac user I am so out of the game announcement loop at times that is not funny and so I though the impossible had happened. Needless to say I knew before the first minute was out Yahtzee was making fun of everybody's favorite example of game vaporware.

I will say he is right about who would care at this point. Given what has been done with the open source FPS Open Arena with mods I also have to agree with the issue of why had it taken so bloody long to produce a big pail of nothing (again).
 

DrScoobs

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Mar 6, 2009
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Chipperz said:
I have to say, I think this is the best ZP Review I've ever seen. Yahtzee, you still got it!

Is anyone else having problems with the mecha-unicorn king at the end of act two? Gamefaqs say to hold down both ear buttons and headbutt it, but that might just be on the Toaster version...
well what you have got to do on the potato version is wiggle your ears at it, so it gets distaracted by your masterful use of those things on the side of your head then go to you daughter who is surprisingly now topless, ram her into the dragons mouth as she was a useless idiot and while he is chomping her down, stamp repeatedly on his head until his skull explodes. then duke realises that she was centeral to the plot because she is some magical witch thingy-mabob and fish her out by hopping into his mouth and picking your nose.

seriously though, awesome joke review.
 

shMerker

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Oct 24, 2007
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Triple G said:
shMerker said:
Triple G said:
Sorry, but is the game really out or is it just a joke? I know, that this could be a really stupid question but I really want to believe that it is out, but give me just the truth.
There are no stupid questions, but there is such a thing as asking the wrong people. 8 seconds on Google would probably eliminate any ignorance you have on this subject.
I googled it and I got no understanable answer. Sorry that I had the folly to ask a question on a forum. *rolleyes*
Wishful thinking is not the same thing as curiosity. It didn't set off any alarm bells that no one else is talking about the release of a high profile game that has been in development for over a decade and recently became the subject of much press coverage because the development team shut down? I'm not criticizing you for asking, I'm flabbergasted at your credulity. It's downright dangerous to assume that you can get straightforward information from strangers just by asking when you can't apply Ockham's razor to figure out that it is more likely that a snarky reviewer who said he was joking is joking than that a game with no development team has been released to no fanfare.

To put it another way, did you think that this...
Official 3D Realms Website said:
The release date of this game is "When it's done". Anything else, and we mean anything else is someone's speculation. There is no date. We don't know any date.
...and this...
Wikipedia said:
...the future of the game remains unknown.
...were practical jokes?

To put it yet another way, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.
 

Drokles

New member
May 27, 2009
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I heard that right leg + left leg + left leg + right ear unlocks a cutscene in which the Duke embarks on a small sidequest to help rebuild orphanages in various dessecrated countries around the world. Each disc has its own cutscene and tells its own part of the story. Be sure to watch all 14!
 

hippykiller

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Dec 28, 2008
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WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR JOKING ABOUT IT BE OUT?! i was really looking forward to buying it.
 

CyberAkuma

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Nov 27, 2007
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Very nice review.

I always knew that Yahtzee was going to rip 3D Realms a new one for the severe mismanagement (or complete lack of magament) of the Duke Nukem franchaise.

Great review. I could have never guessed he'd choose this games.

EDIT: I *TOLD* everyone here on the forums that DNF would NEVER come out. I hate to tell you I told you so but... uhhhm... yeah....