Zero Punctuation: Gears of War 2

[DigitalSushi]

And it's good to see people getting banned for commenting before they watch the video.

Not really. We were finally getting the number of ZP banees down, I was thinking maybe the trolls learned their lessons. Oh well.

I'm guessing the number of ZP bannee's corrolate to the games target demographic, i.e. for GoW its beer drinking frat boys (frat boys that are 14 years old), I think the PoP one hardly had any bans, maybe due to the chilled out nature of people who are avid PoP fans.

My favourite ZP in a while, maybe because Will Smith was in it?

 

[willgreg123]

I'm pretty sure you're gonna have allot of idiots taking this review the wrong way, seeing as you obviously hate what the game stands for but in the end it was a fun game to play. I'm sure it's going to be the GTA4 thing again, confusing some of your watchers to whether or not you liked the game or not.

Luckily I actually have a brain and shit and don't need a simple score to tell me the value of a complex opinion.

 

[Beery]

Okay ZP, but what about the game's overriding problem - that it's GAY? And I don't mean 'gay' in the sense that youngsters use the phrase, meaning generally lame or bad. I mean it's GAY in the sense that the characters are so homosexual and so conflicted about it that they pretend to be manly men so hard that they somehow go through the macho event horizon and emerge out of the other side of the black hole in an alternative-lifestyle universe dressed like burly tranny hookers (or at least that's how it seems).

Oh, and if you're going to start liking the games you review, what's to separate you from all the other reviewers? I can find praise for games anywhere. I come to ZP for the loathing. Get it back.

 

[Yuriatayde]

Gears of War is a spectator sport, I don't care how fun it is to play this game; it's great fun to watch somebody play it... so long as you don't risk a punch to the face when you make fun of it. Seriously though, the manliness is so thick it's a satire of itself.

I don't think the fans will be confused by this review though, because he makes the point very clear that he doesn't know if he likes or hates this game. It's fun, but so manly that- Wait, is that a quicktime event?! Yes it is! Hate powers activate!

 

[Clashero]

I loved the part about the South African accent in the end ^^
This is one of my favourite episodes (?) of ZP, loved the return of the triple cunted whore.

 

[DAssassin__D]

The "Quick Time Event" he talks about, isn't even a quick time event, you don't press any other button but B, and you know when it is coming any time.

 

[Abedeus]

The "Quick Time Event" he talks about, isn't even a quick time event, you don't press any other button but B, and you know when it is coming any time.

Yeah, and you don't even have to do it. You just reload a bit slower and deal a bit less damage, that's all.

 

[skyclawalpha]

..... un ben... you kinda dropped the ball on this one. Gears of war tells a story but doesn't always throw it in your face. You go to the secret base because THATS WHERE THE LOCUSTS CAME FROM... their not aliens, their genetically engineered and lead by a human... as for the health thing... play on not easy... like perhaps insane, AND play with a friend....... most of your reviews are awesome but if you can so blatantly say the story sucked when you just didn't quite get it... People that got into this game probably got teary-eyed when they find doms wife. i bet you laughed, which is fine but sometimes leads to things like this

 

[gt2378b]

This review sums up my reaction to the franchise pretty well. Gears is like a Lexus -- unengaging in the areas I care most about, but impossible to really dislike because it's so good at what it does.

 

[Velios]

This was a good one, I loved the mini rant on chest high walls.

 

[Kingsman]

I just found something extremely ironic.

Remember the ZP awards review a little back, and how the last category was for games he hadn't reviewed yet?

Note that while he says any of them could surprise him, his character gets the scare from the only game of the three that he actually had an overall positive attitude to: Gears of War 2.

 

[DEADLY ERIC]

hey whats up im new to escapist but i think ur fucking funny as hell man add me to msn messenger man my email is [email protected]

 

[captain awesome 12]

hey whats up im new to escapist but i think ur fucking funny as hell man add me to msn messenger man my email is [email protected]

Welcome. Now that that's out of the way where to begin? First, use correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization and grammar while on the Escapist forums. It annoys people to death and physically hurts the mods. Yahtzee doesn't get on the forums here much, and to be brutally honest he sure as hell won't add your MSN account. Keep in mind that all posts should have a purpose and should contribute something to the discussion. We are not, I repeat, not like those idiots on Youtube, 4Chan, or any one of the numerous other sites with forums and boards populated by the jackasses of the world.

P.S. Enjoy your stay.

 

[sleekie]

The "Quick Time Event" he talks about, isn't even a quick time event, you don't press any other button but B, and you know when it is coming any time.

Yeah, and you don't even have to do it. You just reload a bit slower and deal a bit less damage, that's all.

He was talking about the chainsaw duels, but you clearly aren't MANLY ENOUGH to carry a Lancer or you'd know that. Although I'd question whether you necessarily know it's going to happen.

And Yahtzee was certainly right about the research lab section. First it's full of Wretches, which aren't exactly scary when it promptly hands you a flamethrower, and then there's the experiments themselves. It's hard to be immersed in the survival-horror atmosphere when you're the one with the chainsaw:

"IT'S A HUGE HORRIBLE THING!!!"
bzzzzzzzzzzCHOPCHOPCHOPBLAAAAARRRRRGH
"Ew, I got bits on me"

Those things ought to fight back the same way as Lancer-armed opponents would.

That said, I've been playing it entirely co-op, and it's certainly hit the spot better than the first game did. here's to hoping that GoW3 continues the trend.

 

[Terf]

Hilarious as most of the time. There needs to be a "chest high walls" T-Shirt, with two sections of brick or rock colored over the breast [both male and female] regions.

 

[Abedeus]

Snip

Thank you for correcting me. Haven't played GoW 2, as I do not have a Xbox, and none of my friends with one have GoW 2.

I thought he was talking about the fast reload.

 

[shmaller]

What the hell is with the ad? Are you kidding?

 

[tobyornottoby]

hahahaha, chest high walls and the shawshank references were the best. (Edit: Did no one else really get the shawshank reference?)

Nope I thought SR was one of those fabled 'gender-neutral' movies (so not just for girls, or is that the joke? <.<)

lol, i dont get it. Its about a man who struggles to survive in prison, so i dont see how thats for girls whatsoever. But the reference goes perfectly with the whole "happy ending" topic that Yahtzee was talking about.

late reply, but thanks to the female voters for example, it tops Godfather in lists like these:
http://www.imdb.com/chart/top?tt0111161
=)

 

[Mossy]

Loved the review, the last couple of reviews after the Sonic bashing had been going a bit down hill. But this one was epic, lots of funny speech bubbles that you can miss the first time around and a review of a game that I can relate too. It makes me want to go back and play the game again.

 

[Nohra]

I just have to say one thing, this game is a good example of "If you think Normal is too easy, crank up the difficulty."

On Hardcore, Bloodmounts become a serious, one shotting threat, and on Insane, any explosion or four bullets from a Hammerburst end Marcus' life, and there's no "crawl to teammate to revive" unless you're playing co-op. IMO, Normal and Casual were redesigned for GoW2 (relative to the first) to shore up the relative difficulty of co-op and single player, by allowing you to go Down Not Out without having someone on another controller somewhere.

Also, when you go DNO without grenades in your hand, spamming right trigger (puts up your hand and calls for help) seems to get some of the bats out of the cogs in the AI's head. Just don't do it around locust, they might decide to execute you. Also, complaining about the AI not reviving you when you go DNO is a bit weak, imo. You screwed up, and under Hardcore+ difficulty rules, you'd be dead anyways.

I think that the bit with the research base was to set up some story in the third game. I went into this knowing Epic planned a trilogy for the series, though, so I was willing to give it some leeway in that regard.