Zero Punctuation: Gears of War 3


New member
Sep 25, 2009
Observe how you win every arguement about a game's quality (or at least leave the other side unable to give a decent responce).
"I had fun with it and don't care for your opinion."


New member
Mar 28, 2010
To be honest if you want to call it an emotional rollercoaster, it is the worst emotional rollercoaster out there... In fact that goes for plot wise too. I felt as if the climax was when the one main character died instead of at the end when the other obscurely main character died. Still it was much fun doing the chainsaw visectomies. If you develop an infection don't call me because I don't give a damn thank you and have a good day.


New member
Nov 17, 2010
coldalarm said:
JackandTom said:
Von Strimmer said:
JackandTom said:
It seems to be an extremely unpopular opinion, but I really enjoy the plot of Gears Of War and I wanted to know what happened. I also did in fact buy Gears 3 for the campaign.
Seems we are a rare breed my friend. I thought the story line was great. The voice acting was something that stuck with me the whole way through aswell. I suspect the reason there are very few Gears supporters on here right now is because they are on their consoles playing it right now and HAVING FUN.
Well, thank god i'm not alone! I think you suspected right. TO THE XBOX!
As a PC gamer, I've only played GoW 1, but I think I see the problem with at least the voice acting. The problem is Gears of War's voice directors subscribe to what I call the Steve Blum Method. Steve Blum is a great voice actor (I mean, come on, Bulletstorm), but he is forced into the same Sausage Fest Marine Voice every damned game. That's what happened with Gears of War and its voice actors. Everyone talks in the same style of voice, and the only major different character in GoW1 (Out of the main ones) was Cole Train, who was pretty much a stereotypical black 'roidmonkey on even more steroids. I'M THE COLE TRAIN, *****!

It's hard to get emotion and anything decent conveyed when everyone's grunting like they've got a bus stuck up their backside.
I see your point. But I do think that they actually managed to pull of emotion in the voices, in Gears 3 anyway. I've mentioned this on another thread, but this scene is bloody sad!
However the gruff "space marine" stereotype does seem to work better in Bulletstorm when it's done for the lulz :D


New member
Nov 11, 2009
This game series in question really is dull and terrible and unplayable.
So it delights me to laugh and laugh to this review because it is the only thing this series ever gave me.

By the by, I did play the first two games' champaign mode all the way through co-op so I know how awful it really is. I am not friends with the guy who made me do it so no worries about having to plod through this one, thanks Yahtzee for taking the bullet to bring us this.


New member
May 9, 2011
So Painkiller - a game about killing a bunch of dudes - is the unquestioned gold standard of combat shooter games despite the story being so terrible and unwatchable, (I bought the game twice, BTW, once after I lost my first copy, so I am doubly justified here), but GoW3 - a game about killing a bunch of dudes - is not a good game because the story isn't perfect, in spite of having more ways to have fun than the latter?

I don't get this.

Yahtzee is a very sharp and articulate reviewer, but this video today feels like a giant blue balling or outright bitterness. Aside from thick-neck refridgerator armor marine, I didn't laugh once. I suspect it has to do with his Warhammer 40k article, and the caricature of a game "Space Marine" that he played while playing GoW3 in preparation for this article. He didn't once mention the game play experience or his feelings on the new weapons and game modes, but just focused in on the story like that was more important than having fun (the primary objective of videogaming - I'm in the Jim Sterling camp on this point).

Rushed and overfocused are the words that shoot to mind for this video. It's just an ADHD prone mess.

Yahtzee if you're that short for time between game reviews, perhaps you should renegotiate your contract?

Here are my feelings on GoW3. Pros and Cons.

1) The controls are the tightest and most tactile of the series, yet. That delay added to the chainsaw bayonet makes melee encounters more risky and rewarding.

2) You are given tons of new and different weapons, super weapons, explosives, and vehicles throughout 10 hours of different battle scenarios to fight through.

3) The player is given more opportunities to leave cover (the very game element Yahtzee denounced) thanks to additional weapons like the smoke cover grenade, digger mine, sawed-off shotgun, cleaver, silver back mech, and retro lancer (Yahtzee did you even try pitchforking an enemy? Once? It's so damn satisfying, just hold melee to break into a dash!), adding to more game play variety.

4)Well paced story breaks sprinkled throughout to give the player time to breath, relax, and decompress - or what did Yahtzee call it during his Call of Duty: Black Ops review? Juxtaposition? - wasn't that important once upon a time? Why isn't it important this time?

5)Boss Fights. The thing we didn't get much of in 2 or 1. There was one for every Act ('cept 3), with some satisfying mini-bosses here and there.

1) Battles can become clusterfuck nightmares of poor design planning several times throughout the entire game. A few frustrating parts where preparation and planning won't help and running away feels like the only course of action.

2) Sidetracking the story to kill off a major character for 4-5 chapters, just to grab the item of interest at the destination they could have headed to directly. Also not allowing Marcus to express any depth of character, and outsourcing that job to Dom, Cole, and Anya.

3) Not enough locust. Fighting them felt like I was opposing a faction with a stake in the game. The Lambent were mindless waves with no personality.

4)Too much plodding along with no battle - such as the loooooooong hikes through quiet areas which would have made good battle grounds, then also making cover unnecessary when the entire enemy force is melee-crowd-mobs (hello Mercy in Act III).

5)Listen, Cliffy B, I'm sure you hand in doing this, but Gary Jules' song came out 10 years ago, and was already married to Donny Darko. Find your own damn song or make an original for your story world... (remembers Ice T's Run DMC aping cover)... NEVERMIND!!! LICENSE THAT OUT TO SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

6)The centipedes. What the mother-loving-fuck??!! I would have over looked yahtzee's entire video's shortcomings if he had brought this up. Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry for ranting like this. I've never been more disappointed in Yahtzee so I had to speak my mind and I probably won't do this again. For most of the time he's a thoughtful and well spoken critic. This video seemed like he was phoning it in. I just want to hold him to a higher (and consistent) standard.

TL;DR: As a consumer of his opinion I wanted to exercise some criticism. Thank you.


New member
Mar 26, 2009
The earth isn't exploding, so don't actually worry about that, those tempted on getting the game. I'm pretty sure he was just saying that because it's an apocalypse game. If the world blowing up were actually a plot device for Gears 3, I'd be severely ashamed for enjoying it. Plot or not (the second one is better in almost every way), the gameplay is the most fluid in the series. You may have a thing against super buff steroid refrigerator men, but I have a hard time thinking of more than a hand full of shooters that play as well as Gears 3 does. Very visceral, impactful shooting.


New member
Apr 20, 2009
sravankb said:
1. The planet's gonna "explode". Don't know where he got that from.

2. "Were the lambent introduced in the earlier games?" Yes, all the way back in Gears 1.

3. "Was Anya there in the games before this one?" Again, back in GoW1.

Yup, he's definitely qualified to criticize the story aspect of the game (of all the fucking things to talk about in a Gears game).

Mind you, I did like Yahtzee's earlier reviews, where he actually knew what he's talking about, but his constant negativity is just getting stale at this point. His act of not liking anything is just plain boring now.

And yes, it is an act. Let's face that fact. No one who complains about games to this extent can also say that he likes them as an art form.
That right there is your problem, and I didn't wanna reply to you, but after three separate posts, I thought I might as well.

I think I can be pretty confident in my assumption that you, having played the first two Gears of War games, and having spent some of your time defending this one, that you are a fan of the series. Yet, you liked Yahtzee's old reviews. Now, Yahtzee hasn't changed his style, or the content of his jokes since then, so what could it be that is suddenly rubbing you the wrong way? Could it be that Yahtzee is now pissing on a game that you like?

It's a bit immature to stop liking something as soon as the joke touches on something you like. You're like the people who are fine with racist and homophobic jokes, but when it comes to sexist jokes, it's completely different, because now it relates to you.

Brian Hendershot

New member
Mar 3, 2010
Wait. I am a Gearhead over here, but I am not the least bit offended by this.

Also when did Yahtzee start reviewing games?


New member
Mar 1, 2009
Yeah, i liked yahzee's reviews, even on some of my favorite games he's torn apart.

But him not liking it because there are plot holes is just silly.

That's like someone not liking Return of the Jedi because they don't understand it because it's the first Star Wars they've ever watched. Of course you won't get it.

No where in the game is there anything about the planet exploding.

Yes, brown is just horrible, but everyone here likes Fallout. Well, wait...

And all Marcus does is be angry, but God of War is awesome.

Gears' gameplay hasn't changed (it has had a lot of polish to it, by the way) But New Vegas, which is exactly like fallout 3, is awesome.

Escapist community is incredibly hypocritical at times.


Needs more Dakka
Apr 13, 2010
Fanboys out in droves yet? *Glances* well I see at least one...

Finally someone who feels the same way as me. I've played every Gears of War game from beginning to end, some more than once, and 3 is by far the worst one. It's boring, repetitive, very gray and horribly predictable. It takes itself far too seriously and adds almost nothing new. I had to push myself to finish it.


New member
Oct 3, 2011
The Gears series does what it set out to do, nothing more nothing less. Combat in the game is VISCERAL and that pretty much guarantees me buying it as its all I care about due being a hopeless, idiotic and inferior console gamer(or as my ventures into the internet seem to conclude)

Something about loud guns/swords which either a kick like a mule or a hit like a train just clicks in my mind as fun. Floaty, fairy shooters like CoD have no place in my heart as the combat has no weight at all.

Yahtzee's reviews used to piss me off if they were about games I like but now I just deal with it and play games that I have fun playing, because thats all that matters to me.


New member
Dec 19, 2007
i found it fun and that's enough as long as you guys don't go fanboy or anti fanboy everything should be fine


New member
Mar 22, 2010
Lordofthesuplex said:
Granted there are some FPSs with good storylines like Bioshock for example but c'mon, Gears of War is full of big muscle-bound guys tearing monsters apart with chainsaw guns. I really do not expect that quality of plot from a game like that. Besides, you can have the greatest story for a game in the world and yet if the gameplay falls flat, it'll be wasted potential.
Except that for a lot of the time it isn't about guys ripping up monsters. I remember (one of the few things I do remember about it) that in Gears 1 and 2 I was constantly having the control tugged away from me to advance some plot point that could've been done in game. And no, not by reducing my ridiculously slow speed even further so Marcus can chat.

Plot comes way after gameplay in terms of importance. But story doesn't. Just like a film tells a story through moving pictures, or a song tells a story through music, a game tells its story through its gameplay. If it doesn't tell a story, or tell an interesting one at least, then that is a bad game.


New member
Sep 20, 2011
JSRT said:
Well it's a good thing that there is far more to the gameplay than "duck". I love how people who often complain that games are not realistic enough these days (lol, games) are opposed to a cover system. I mean i've never been in a shootout in real life but if i ever were i am pretty sure that i would take cover behind something as opposed to bunny hopping around the battlefield. The is a good way to avoid being shot. Cover system is part of Gears of War's gameplay why would they change it? If you see the cover mechanic in Gears as a "problem" maybe you shoud be playing a game that isn't a cover shooter, eh?
I... don't know how you concluded that I wanted realism. I hate realism. Watch some of those YouTube videos of actual soldiers engaged in actual firefights: war realism is a frightening and horrible thing, and doesn't translate well into "entertainment" unless you have some kind of Deer Hunter-esque detatchment from reality.

And that's what I'm getting at. The cover system is boring. I feel like I'm playing Resident Evil where I have to root myself into the ground to fight properly. When I'm deliberately trying to ignore the game mechanic in order to do something fun and heroic - like leaping over cover and charging a cluster of enemies to saw their leader in half in a gory display of psychotic berserker glory - then the game has done something WRONG. I shouldn't be getting punished for trying to enjoy myself, but Gears of War is above that sort of thing, isn't it? They literally kill two random characters just to hammer the point home that you're not allowed to think outside the box.

And I do play games that aren't cover shooters. Resistance 3, Warhammer 40:000 Space Marine, they've pulled me in. It even gets me chuckling when I think that Space Marine is short because it's Gears of War without the cover system.


New member
Mar 5, 2011
I thought the story was ok, though I was really lost with this review... I understand that reviews are opinions and everything... But I don't remember any mention of the planet exploding... Like... At all... I do like the Gears series, but really only as a casual game to play with friends every now and again. Though you do say you review games solely based on the single player because you hate mutliplayer, you could at least aknowledge that people could like Gears more then Resistance because it has more multiplayer options. I will say, that the story in this one was a bit worse then the second's, which I thought was the best of the 3 single player wise. It had it's moments that were good, but really it wasn't as cohesive or interesting as the second's.

Also, just to clarify, the blonde girl, Anya, was in the first 2 games. She was the girl giving orders over the radio. The other chick, however, wasn't. The lambent were introduced in the previous installment and to this games credit, this installment's scenery was a lot more varied than the others.

I just thought I'd provide a bit of an objective opinion, I'm not really a huge fan of the games but I do enjoy them from time to time. This review just really seemed off the mark...