Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto IV

lindsay40k

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Feb 27, 2008
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The GTA series to date have not been good crime simulators by any stretch of the imagination.

There goes the player, murdering their way through bystanders, raping* their way through the sex worker population without protection (and coming out of it in better health). Here comes the police. What is the absolute worst that can happen to the player? A ten second timeout, a bit of inventory stripping and teleportation to the front of the nearest police station or hospital?

No bail, no jail, no parole, no curfew, no injury, no illness.

Rockstar could have built on the ideas in Bully, making a virtual university of crime (or to use layman's terms, prison) populated with factions, corrupt guards, possible escape routes etc for players who fall foul of a virtual criminal justice system (which in turn presents the opportunity for some Phoenix Wright-style courtroom drama and tempering with evidence, witnesses and judicial officials).

Additionally, if the player is going to be caught in a hail of bullets then perhaps it might be a thought to implement a concept utterly unknown to the PlayStation generation of spoilt brats who need daddy (by which I mean gamefaqs) to play games for them - GAME OVER. A Police sniper hits you between the eyes, your vehicle explodes and the burning coffin lands in a deep body of water - player death, save file terminated.

Is this supposed to be a crime simulator for a mature audience, or a sandbox full of dolls that bleed and scream when children cut their fingers off?

Hopefully GTA will continue its trend of developing beyond interactive snuff and before long offer a genuinely intelligent and engaging experience.



*Forcing a prostitute to return her pay makes the intercourse a form of rape.
 

random9qz

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May 11, 2008
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Been waiting for this one for a while :D

I didn't find the first few missions as onerous as described, but for the life of me I CANNOT use the handbrake at all.

Anyway, keep 'em coming.
 

Riceman

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May 14, 2008
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Thank you very much Yahtzee for this reveiw! I was playing the game for a good solid... 3 hours and found the tutorials, um how can I put it long and annoying. Thank you for telling me that the IS infact a bright light at the end of the tunnel i'll guess i'll soldier on >.<


There goes the player, murdering their way through bystanders, raping* their way through the sex worker population without protection (and coming out of it in better health). Here comes the police. What is the absolute worst that can happen to the player? A ten second timeout, a bit of inventory stripping and teleportation to the front of the nearest police station or hospital?
He must have Denny Crane as his lawyer?
 

Lord_Ascendant

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Jan 14, 2008
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Good review, although GTA never seemed fun to me. I gues its because I hate Burnout and GTA is like Burnout with guns, in my opinion.
 

Vault Citizen

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May 8, 2008
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lindsay40k said:
The GTA series to date have not been good crime simulators by any stretch of the imagination.

There goes the player, murdering their way through bystanders, raping* their way through the sex worker population without protection (and coming out of it in better health). Here comes the police. What is the absolute worst that can happen to the player? A ten second timeout, a bit of inventory stripping and teleportation to the front of the nearest police station or hospital?


No bail, no jail, no parole, no curfew, no injury, no illness.

Rockstar could have built on the ideas in Bully, making a virtual university of crime (or to use layman's terms, prison) populated with factions, corrupt guards, possible escape routes etc for players who fall foul of a virtual criminal justice system (which in turn presents the opportunity for some Phoenix Wright-style courtroom drama and tempering with evidence, witnesses and judicial officials).

Additionally, if the player is going to be caught in a hail of bullets then perhaps it might be a thought to implement a concept utterly unknown to the PlayStation generation of spoilt brats who need daddy (by which I mean gamefaqs) to play games for them - GAME OVER. A Police sniper hits you between the eyes, your vehicle explodes and the burning coffin lands in a deep body of water - player death, save file terminated.

Is this supposed to be a crime simulator for a mature audience, or a sandbox full of dolls that bleed and scream when children cut their fingers off?

Hopefully GTA will continue its trend of developing beyond interactive snuff and before long offer a genuinely intelligent and engaging experience.



*Forcing a prostitute to return her pay makes the intercourse a form of rape.
I disagree. The theft afterwards has no bearing on the consensual nature of the sex act previous to the theft. It's still consensual as the two acts are separate, though stealing the money afterwards makes you an arsehole at the very least.
 

exoneuk

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May 1, 2008
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The Serbian National Anthem by "I don't bloody know" - even that had me howling :D

Cracking :D Crikey Bollocks Pip Pip!

Stop me, I can't stop quoting random things...
 

Vermilion-0

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May 14, 2008
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For starters: love your show. A friend pointed me out to some of your reviews and I found them greatly entertaining, even the ones for games I haven't (and won't ever) played were great.

It's good to see someone review this game without plastering "OMG perfect 10" all over it and not actually critiquing it. The game has flaws and no one seems to have the balls to say so. I still find that Saint's Row was a bit more fun (mostly because the gunplay was handled a lot better), personally.

Keep up the great work, and thanks for pissing off the fanboys. >D
 

DarthTirith

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Nov 2, 2007
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Loved GTA, and loved this review. I am -very- shocked you didn't bring up the invunrable car bullshit you get on some car chases, but I am glad you brought up the missions and setting. Neither of which I thought were as good as GTA VC and SA, still loved the game however and it sounds like you did as well.
 

Heroic One

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Aug 29, 2007
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Obviously trees being invincible is an elaborate metaphor saying that regardless of man's accomplishments in the world, they are entirely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Heroic One said:
Obviously trees being invincible is an elaborate metaphor saying that regardless of man's accomplishments in the world, they are entirely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
Or that Rockstar don't want Save The Earth down on them as well.
 

The Thief

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Apr 24, 2008
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Awesome review. GTA IV definitely looks worth trying out, but I really got tired of the franchise after Vice City. I enjoyed the wacky unrealistic game play so much and I hope GTA IV isn't toooo realistic. Also, the relationships seem like they would be annoying... but I guess I can always say fuck em and go play in the sandbox.
 
Mar 26, 2008
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ComradeJim270 said:
Once more, Yahtzee makes a semi-related statement in his review that addressed an issue I agree with him on; the Sixaxis is trash. Of course, I also thought the Dualshock 2 was trash, because it's not ergonomic for any known form of intelligent life. Sony's had a decade to correct this, but they are apparently too stupid or stubborn to do so.
I couldn't agree more, you'd think they'd have tightened things up by now. The PS3 controller is a definate step in the right direction (i.e away from the unresponsive PS2 controller) but those shoulder buttons are still the bane of my existance. They are too spongey for my liking.
Except for that infernal d-pad, the X360 controller is the closest thing I've found to perfection (bar mouse and keyboard); for my hands at least.

I've been avoiding playing GTA4 and saving it for when a time when I:
a) have two weeks off work
b) have no girlfriend
c) have no life
d) all of the above
because Yahtzee's review just confirmed my suspicion that that's what this game requires of you.
 

DennoCoil

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Mar 6, 2008
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Generally agree. I have a big screen, standard-def TV and it's hard to see the cops from down the street unless you're really looking. Shouldn't it be easier to make out the various denizens of streets at night? I wished Niko had a fucking flashlight every time I drive around.


And thank God you aren't going to review Mario Kart Wii. [Probably the same as the last couple Kart games except with the annoying Wii-mote, now go ahead and spam my PM box with your nerd rage. :D ]
 

madlep

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Nov 7, 2007
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Yahtzee in Melbourne this weekend? Might have to pop along.
Went to the Game On exhibition last weekend. Well worth a look.
 

Odjin

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Nov 14, 2007
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Hilarious one... "shooting from the back of a tyrannosaur" :D ... Buy ( steal ) me one too. That said if you could really go rampage with a T-Rex in that game I would shit my pants laughing.
 

Charles_777

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May 15, 2008
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They called it GTA 4 because GTA 3, Vice City, and San Andreas ran on the GTA 3 game engine. GTA 4 runs on an entirely new one; therefore they called it GTA 4.
 

Esure

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Jan 14, 2008
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Loved the review. Here are things I felt you didn't touch on which grind my gears (from an otherwise near perfect game)

- Grand Theft Genocide: The fact that 2/3 of the way in every mission involves picking up X, killing 200 people to get to X, only to have it dissapear in a car which you have to follow (can't destroy) untill it gets to a cutcene.

-Money: After about 3 missions I had enough money for the rest of the game. Whether this was intentional or not it meant just by doing the story I could gear myself up more than Rambo.

-Choices: I thought this would have been touched on since Yahtzee has commented on choice in previous games. I think it was a nice experiment but the fact some choices made fuck all difference and you didn't know what would happen with the choice and considering what can happen with the choices it would have been nice to have had a hint.

-Grenades: This might just be me but I stopped using them after killing 300 people in a mission, threw one to kill an enemy who was hiding only to have it bounce of an invisible pixel and blow my face up.