Zero Punctuation: Splatterhouse

Towels

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Feb 21, 2010
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Honestly, I am not at all suprised that Yahtzee picked this game. It is practically begging for attention with all the needless gore and nostalgia.
 

Stabby Joe

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Jul 30, 2008
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I played through this game long before reviews came in (very late with their review copies) and I can say without being swayed that this game isn't a total failure. I fun for the most part but the main issues I had however were the repetitive nature and enemy types repeating, being roughly about 6 to 8 in total... no good since you could have easily came up with ANYTHING due to the twisted style...

...I know gore doesn't make a game (clearly) but one point of note I'd say was the finishing move by pulling organs from an anus... pleasant...

As for the end of the review, I did get cut out sound but I'll skip the last recommendation.
 

Steelyjoe

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Dec 15, 2010
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Siiigh, I knew this was going to be a big pile of poo but I did genuinely like this game in my younger years, even if it was one of those almost impossible games on the sega....
 

DaxStrife

Late Reviewer
Nov 29, 2007
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Sound quality was fine, Yahtzee. But if you're shopping for a new mic, may I be so bold as to suggest an AT2020 USB cardiod? It's fairly cheap (can usually be found for under $100 American, not sure about AU), easy to use, solid, and delivers great sound even without a wind screen.
 

Imp Poster

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Sep 16, 2010
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I enjoyed Yahtzee enjoy giving a Poo-a-licious, delightful review. Yes, poo is on sale this time of year. It's a gift that keeps on smelling.
 

Tonimata

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Jul 21, 2008
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Zachary Amaranth said:
Tonimata said:
Nice review, but is there really a point in reviewin games other people in The Escapist have already reviewed?

I suppose Yahtzee's hatred of repetition had been crushed under the heel of corporative needs.
ZP isn't really a review, no matter what people call it. It's more a humourous op-ed from a Brit in a sweet hat who makes a lot of gay and shit jokes.

Sort of unsurprising this game is terrible, though. I saw Giant Bomb's gameplay deal, and I couldn't hep but think "Wow, this will get old in three minutes."

Mr. Croshaw must have a much longer attention span than me.
How, exactly, is it not a review, when he himself has called his videos so several times and he calls himself and has been called reviewer by others? Hell, even the little footnote on his videos always say "This week, Yahtzee reviews (INSERT NAME HERE). Although, I find the fact you expressed it as though this was my first Zero Punctuation quite amusing. More to the point, be it a review or not, it doesn't detract from my main argument. I agree with your point and with the guy that made the other review, blood and boobs do not a game make.
 

tehweave

Gaming Wildlife
Apr 5, 2009
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Sigh... "Once you can do all the things you couldn't as a child, you'll no longer want to." WHY THE FUCK IS THIS TRUE GODDAMMIT I HATE MY LIFE.

Seriously. How many of us want to play with legos still? How many of us want to go back to our parents house, find that big box full of toys we used to play with, and go back and play with them again? How many of us want to eat an entire box of goddamn cocoa puffs with chocolate milk? But no... We need to fucking BEHAVE. FUCK IT. FUCK IT ALL.

Ugh... Now if you'll excuse me, I have a final I'm taking in an hour for my sociology class which will be followed later by liberal drinking of irish whiskey.
 

Sonicron

Do the buttwalk!
Mar 11, 2009
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canadamus_prime said:
So it's some kind of cross between every slasher flick ever made, Hellraiser, and The Mask?
Actually, if you read The Mask comics you'll see that mentioning slasher flicks and Hellraiser is redundant in this case. The Mask got a crossover with Lobo, and for good reason.

Heh, somehow I was expecting this. The game was just begging for his attention with that kind of garish presentation.
 

solidstatemind

Digital Oracle
Nov 9, 2008
1,077
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tehweave said:
Sigh... "Once you can do all the things you couldn't as a child, you'll no longer want to." WHY THE FUCK IS THIS TRUE GODDAMMIT I HATE MY LIFE.

Seriously. How many of us want to play with legos still? How many of us want to go back to our parents house, find that big box full of toys we used to play with, and go back and play with them again? How many of us want to eat an entire box of goddamn cocoa puffs with chocolate milk? But no... We need to fucking BEHAVE. FUCK IT. FUCK IT ALL.

Ugh... Now if you'll excuse me, I have a final I'm taking in an hour for my sociology class which will be followed later by liberal drinking of irish whiskey.
Dude, it gets worse. Instead of intervals of tedium broken up by occasional periods of freedom every day, you get to spend 8 hours (or more) a day at a desk, toiling away on something you don't really like to pay for shit that you never get to use because you're always at fuCKING WORK! All you really have going for you is that irish whiskey.

Oh, and sex. The sex is nice.

OT-
Seriously tho: the quality of the background 'action' was way, wayyy up over most of the more recent reviews, I'm happy to say. Hollandaise on a sandwich? WTF? and I almost did a spit-take at the Silent Movie card of the final bossfight!
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
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Tonimata said:
How, exactly, is it not a review, when he himself has called his videos so several times and he calls himself and has been called reviewer by others? Hell, even the little footnote on his videos always say "This week, Yahtzee reviews (INSERT NAME HERE). Although, I find the fact you expressed it as though this was my first Zero Punctuation quite amusing. More to the point, be it a review or not, it doesn't detract from my main argument. I agree with your point and with the guy that made the other review, blood and boobs do not a game make.
Please try and keep your inferences to a minimum.

But reviews as defined solely by people calling them it? Sweet. If I call myself a waffle and can get people to agree, would you argue so strongly that I was in fact not a mammal? Sweet. Do you believe Fox News is "Fair and Balanced?" Because they say so and have people agreeing? That Ke$ha is an awesome musician? That the Earth is flat? Advertisement slogans? Memes?

But I kid. I'm not a waffle. I'm actually a 6,000 year old dragon. Silly mammals.
 

Tonimata

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Jul 21, 2008
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Zachary Amaranth said:
Tonimata said:
How, exactly, is it not a review, when he himself has called his videos so several times and he calls himself and has been called reviewer by others? Hell, even the little footnote on his videos always say "This week, Yahtzee reviews (INSERT NAME HERE). Although, I find the fact you expressed it as though this was my first Zero Punctuation quite amusing. More to the point, be it a review or not, it doesn't detract from my main argument. I agree with your point and with the guy that made the other review, blood and boobs do not a game make.
Please try and keep your inferences to a minimum.

But reviews as defined solely by people calling them it? Sweet. If I call myself a waffle and can get people to agree, would you argue so strongly that I was in fact not a mammal? Sweet. Do you believe Fox News is "Fair and Balanced?" Because they say so and have people agreeing? That Ke$ha is an awesome musician? That the Earth is flat? Advertisement slogans? Memes?

But I kid. I'm not a waffle. I'm actually a 6,000 year old dragon. Silly mammals.
They are at a minimum, I only said Hell, mind. I can see your point thought, and it's a pretty good one at that. No, most definetly, popular opinion doesn't define something, or at least it shouldn't to people who have the mental capacity to debate with a dragon, but perhaps it would've been better to say that, in my opinion, and by my book of definitions, Zero Punctuation videos are reviews, even though if only in essence. More to the point, even if they aren't strictly reviews, they most definetly serve the same purpose. I suppose the argument that states he calls himself a reviewer should've had more weight, but since it didn't, I'll let it drop.

Also, watch out. I hunt dragons when I'm hungry or pissed. And I've been doing a sociological study on the effects of Twilight on society for close to 3 hours. You could say I'm not happy :)
 

PhiMed

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Nov 26, 2008
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"That's why girls will always, always love you more if you finish into their face".

Dammit, now I have coffee all over my shirt.
 

JoJo

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Kind-of funny, though I don't really care about this game. I wish the Fable 3 review will come soon though, he can't be leaving it out can he?