Zero Punctuation: Split Second: Velocity

Hobo Joe

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Aug 4, 2009
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Very interesting, though I hate racing games yet I seem to be very good at them.
 

meepop

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Ok I'm sorry for asking but is that really the title? I picked up the game Split/Second in June, and didn't know whether it was a different game or the same one. Other than that, spot-on with the review and good job! I was hoping he'd review it and my hopes have been answered!
 

fenderstrat

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Aug 9, 2009
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this was probably the funniest zp in a long time. great work yahtzee.
im also very bad at racing games
 

ForensicYOYO

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What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
 

DoctorWhat

v11.1 beta2
Apr 10, 2009
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I liked the look of this game when I saw it in Game, so I'll rent it or something and see for myself. I must say, I did love the grammar rant. :D
 

imnot

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best ZP in a while, (not to say any wearnt good)
so its not a good game then?
 

CyricZ

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Aw, you missed a lovely opportunity for a Blue Shell joke in the "death ten yards from the finish line" game "feature".

And you certainly don't need to be touching a game to be thought of as a prick, Yahtzee, we all love you for that very reason. ~_^
 

Acryllos

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Nov 18, 2009
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Good to see another great review! I was concerned for a bit that the quality of his videos were going down after seeing his crackdown review. But all my worries have been put safely to rest :p
 

Firerush

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May 19, 2009
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that was a good review, reminds more of his old stuff, sort of, at least he's trying to work away from where he jumped the shark a few months ago
 

laryri

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May 19, 2008
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Yahtzee is a Game/Critic now? Do we have to choose between one of those as well?
 

doctorjackal777

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May 25, 2009
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I'm usually okay in racing games, as long as I can shoot the guy in front of me, so I'm cool with Mario Kart, JakX etc. It's when I can't shoot the person in front of me and when the controls are trying to be realistic where I start to fail because I can't stop myself from spinning out and ending up in a lake or whatever.
Though the idea of exploding the scenery as your weapon seems an interesting game mechanic, but I doubt I'd actually play the game. Good review though.
 

Undead Dragon King

Evil Spacefaring Mantis
Apr 25, 2008
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I really expected nothing more from Disney. Goddammit I hate that conglomerate.

That fetus joke was solid gold though.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Wow, very rarely do racing games conjure up Ayn Rand references. Nice job Yahtzee.

Oh, if you don't mind a suggestion for a future review, how about "Endless Ocean: Blue World"?
 

Phoenixlight

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It sounds quite a lot like the burnout game series, I never really got into it or other driving games; I always have the urge to actually get out of the car.
 

BBMv12

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I'm well glad Yahtzee has finally done Split/Second. And I had a feeling it would be a good one too and it was... so... waaay?
 

yourbeliefs

Bored at Work
Jan 30, 2009
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Quite humorous. I'm not big on racing games so this game didn't really interest me. The only such games I really enjoyed are the Burnout and Mario Kart games (excluding the open world versions) and those hardly count. They are to racing simulators what Serious Sam is to a FPS military simulator.
 

joemegson94

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Aug 17, 2010
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Good review, I lol'd at the part about the pregnant women having to eat the other one's foetus.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Undead Dragon King said:
I really expected nothing more from Disney. Goddammit I hate that conglomerate.

That fetus joke was solid gold though.
Remember that Pixar is part of that conglomerate. Tred carefully. >(
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
And crying about it will make it better?

Anyway, the episode was pretty good. The Thatcher comment was hilarious.
 

Impluse_101

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Jun 25, 2009
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Next bloody time the august bucket would come around I hope he'll review Okami.

As for this review....ok. Never heard of Split Second.
 

hawk533

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Dec 17, 2009
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I'm pretty good at racing games. I've gotten the S Class license in Gran Turismo 2 and 3.

Yahtzee, you failed your driving test? Here in Michigan you're not a man unless you can drive a car.
 

Catalyst6

Dapper Fellow
Apr 21, 2010
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Yeah, I played the demo, and I kind of liked how the course can change a bit and all, but it just seemed so *random*.
 

greatgreybeast

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Jul 9, 2008
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I love this game! And it does actually change the course layout as he suggests. And the best part is using large explosions to actually alter the track during the race! Like any race game, I'm sure it gets repetitive once you've learned all the possible course configurations and all the possible detonations and how best to use them - but you can't possibly do that on one playthrough. And, of course, being the misanthropist that he is, he doesn't mention the split-screen co-op.

Still, funny video, especially the grammar rant.
 

Sonicron

Do the buttwalk!
Mar 11, 2009
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Not bad. I played the game some time ago and the review covers all the good stuff. I like how he continuously takes shots at the game's target audience... heh. Even though I'm bad at racing games myself and would never consider actually buying this one, I do want a disco ball now.
The foetus joke was over the line, though (imo). I don't know why, but this one just came off as too tasteless.
 

Nostalgia Ripoff

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meepop said:
Ok I'm sorry for asking but is that really the title? I picked up the game Split/Second in June, and didn't know whether it was a different game or the same one. Other than that, spot-on with the review and good job! I was hoping he'd review it and my hopes have been answered!
Don't worry, they're the same game. Disney just decided to add Velocity in the title for the PAL regions. Don't know why, though.
 

Xyliss

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Mar 21, 2010
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I thought this was a great review and funny, even though I have the game and do understand the points he makes, i still like it.
 

Formica Archonis

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Nov 13, 2009
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So, they make a big map, and only put one course on it? Really? I'd think it'd be easier just to flesh out a few more streets and put down a second course than it would be to make a whole new map.

Also, I wonder if there's any truth to the comment about the driving test, because I have a depressingly large number of acquaintances who have similar experiences. "I was driving on the wrong side of the street for a half a block and the instructor refused to let me drive him back to the testing site. It's not like there was traffic or anything in that lane."
 

Locrian

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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
Your tears... so delicious
 

Loonerinoes

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This one had a lot more content in it than usual, so twas ace!

And you're not the only one with that sort of drive school experience, I can assure you.
 

rubysoho18

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I liked the review as usual, but the D&D huge banner thing was a bit strange. Preferred it to the pre-video ad for a game though, those never load right.
 

AfterAscon

Tilting at WHARRGARBL
Nov 29, 2007
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I'm going to be really super geeky tomorrow and drive around those fake courses Yahtzee drew on that map since the red one goes past the village I'm in. I'll record the lap times, although the blue one may be a bit too long.
 

SamElliot'sMustache

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Kekon3 said:
... so wait, did you like it?
The constant stream of insults and criticisms of the game's core mechanics didn't clue you in?

hawk533 said:
I'm pretty good at racing games. I've gotten the S Class license in Gran Turismo 2 and 3.

Yahtzee, you failed your driving test? Here in Michigan you're not a man unless you can drive a car.
Hey, a fellow Michigander :).

I thought we weren't men here until we ramped a car off the Mackinac Bridge in December...while wearing only our underwear.

Oh, and yeah, I think Yahtzee reviewing this game is about the most only interesting thing related to it. Sure looked dumb from the commercials.
 

ForensicYOYO

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Freebird. said:
ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
And crying about it will make it better?

Anyway, the episode was pretty good. The Thatcher comment was hilarious.
O ya you're real cool. Well Im sorry if I find the reasons for getting put on probation on this website to be pointless. Like grade school teachers sending you the principles office for not having your shirt tucked in. I was wondering if anyone else on this website felt the same. Not to cry. I sware it was dirt in my eye lol.
 

migo

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Don't worry, you were a prick before touching Split/Second, but now you have something to blame it on. Or you can fall back on delayed Australian release times. That said, I think you could have gone more into the slash, it makes me twitch every time I read it.
 

jordanwb

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I laughed through the entire thing. Fantastic review Yahtzee. I wonder if he'll review Blur.
 

orangeapples

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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
haha. yes. it is very wrong, because its against the rules. posting without watching/reading is a violation, and especially if you only did it to be first.

and yes, I always thought that whole "watch your enemy explode" thing would get distracting especially in a game where at any split/second you yourself can die if you're not paying attention >_>
 

OceanRunner

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Any game that tries a T.V style presentation is doing it wrong, and need reminding that they're working on a game. Plus a racing game needs as many tracks as can be fit without compromising the gameplay. Also, if the game involves power-ups they shouldn't punish a player for doing well, like the Blue Turtle Shell in Mario Kart.
 

TheYellowCellPhone

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Holy shit, no one got probation/suspension on a ZP video. This is a new record.

Other than that, nice review, and I'm disappointed in myself for laughing at the pregnant women joke.
 

Something Amyss

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Dec 3, 2008
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I actually passed my driving test because the guy administering it thought he was going to die and didn't want to do it again.

The review actually seemed to cover my experience with the demo. I was wondering if there was anything more, and even taking ZP with a grain of salt, it appears not.
 

wooty

Vi Britannia
Aug 1, 2009
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I played Michael Bay racing at a friends house, it was ok but personally it has nothing on the Burnout series. Essentially, its been done before.
 

Therumancer

Citation Needed
Nov 28, 2007
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I think Yahtzee missed commenting on the obvious, or perhaps avoided it. The reason why they have so few tracks is probably not because Micky Mouse lacks talent as a gay S&M dominator and his legion of computer programmers/boy toys were as a result not working hoping he'd punish them better (or whatever sick thing Yahtzee was implying), but simply because Mickey realizes he can sell additional courses to the players, especially ones from this demographic, as DLC. Will you pay $5 for them to recycle art elements and let you drive down the same track in reverse? Will you pay $15 for three new courses? Well if "you" are the target audience for this game, like most "shooter" players the answer to this is probably "yes".

I'm pretty sure as Mickey has a bunch of well oiled, whip mark covered computer programmers resting in a form of contented fear in the cages he keeps in the dungeon under the Magic Kingdom Castle (in hopes Minnie won't find out), having produced plenty of maps that are simply being held back until Scrooge Mcduck tells Mickey that his analysis of the market dictates that it's the ideal time for a release.

Also you can now thank Yahtzee for scarring me for life, the image of a whip wielding Mickey (or at least a guy with mouse ears) lashing a computer programmer will cause me never to view him the same way again. The pain... oh god the psychological pain...
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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ForensicYOYO said:
Freebird. said:
ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
And crying about it will make it better?

Anyway, the episode was pretty good. The Thatcher comment was hilarious.
O ya you're real cool. Well Im sorry if I find the reasons for getting put on probation on this website to be pointless. Like grade school teachers sending you the principles office for not having your shirt tucked in. I was wondering if anyone else on this website felt the same. Not to cry. I sware it was dirt in my eye lol.
The mods have always probated/suspended anyone who posts before they can finish watching the video and you are not exempt from the rules. Having to be the first to post is just pathetic anyway. You can always just wait until you've watched the video. So no, it's not pointless, it's stopping pointless posts.
 

Onyx Oblivion

Borderlands Addict. Again.
Sep 9, 2008
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You know...you can DODGE those things...

And you have to time your explosions. Yahtzee here just seems to randomly hit the button when the big icon pops up.

Christ, if I sucked as hard as Yahtzee at the game, I'd hate it, too.
 

OuendanCyrus

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Jun 16, 2010
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I know what he means when he said he likes to play racing games, but not good at them, same as me XD

Didn't know which game to buy from this and Blur though.
 

jthm

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Don't worry about touching the game making you a prick yahtzee. You're already a prick, but you're a prick with an accent and a reasonable approach to critiquing games. It is why you have a much beloved show after all.
 

Siege_TF

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Therumancer said:
until Scrooge Mcduck tells Mickey that his analysis of the market dictates that it's the ideal time for a release.
Scrooge actually employed someome for stuff like market analysis, money counting, and other number crunching stuff when he's not in his robocop-on-a-unicycle armor. Scrooge himself was an adventurer until the end (if you count the EU ending as canon in the NA Disney franchise).
 

Smokescreen

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The one oversight of the review was that the player has the ability to change the tracks via powerups causing things to explode.

So saying that there aren't any track variations is a little bit misleading; it's just that you have to earn those variants. That said; I'm only about 3 Seasons in and it's a solid enough game for what it is but I have started to notice a repetition in tracks and began to wonder about that....
 

Aura Guardian

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TheYellowCellPhone said:
Holy shit, no one got probation/suspension on a ZP video. This is a new record.

Other than that, nice review, and I'm disappointed in myself for laughing at the pregnant women joke.
If only it were true. Sadly...
ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
 

Jack Bz

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Man, I really think this is your funniest in a while. The electric wheelchair camera analogy is probably my favourite one you've done.
 

SimGrave

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Well I get the point that the game structure is weak, but it never got in the way of appreciating it. I watch and enjoy every Emmerich, Bruckheimer and even Bay movies and I'm proud of it. My point is I like being blasted with big explosions. So I could say that I fit in the testosterone cave man category. If you are like me, then give Split "stroke" Second a chance.
 

ninjajoeman

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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
your kind makes me sick. well those that think its ok to go FIRST HEY LOOK AT ME IM ON TOP OF ALL YOUR POSTS.
 

Kif

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Jun 2, 2009
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I bought it after it got good write ups from proper critics. It's not bad, I did find myself playing it purely to complete it after the stages got stale.
 

Dana22

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Playing Split/Second felt like playing Bump'n'Burn on Amiga, except it totally sucked.
 

Abcxyq

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So what you're saying is that Split/Second advocates blue shell communism?
 

Stabby Joe

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The Thatcher joke had me in stitches.

Never took my interest despite the rather interesting concept, although the Motorstorm appears to be going to the next step in over the top destruction.

The reason being is the somewhat limited selection. Yes I know one track and turn out many different ways but it's still the usually industrial complex either way.

In fact, that's my issue with racing games in general.

On a similar note to Yahtzee and driving games, I like fighting games but suck at them to for the same reasons Yahtzee dislikes them.
 

bawkbawkboo1

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I bought and played Split/Second for at least four hours and I honestly didn't know that the title had "velocity" in it. Also, I liked Burnout: Revenge better. Revenge was the first Burnout game that I owned, and I actually got most of the achievements and everything. Also, in my opinion Burnout's music selection was better then Split/Second's.
 

Darktau

Totally Ergo Proxy
Mar 10, 2009
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Funny episode, though as stated at the start you don't seem to be very good at racing games :p
 

Eruanno

Captain Hammer
Aug 14, 2008
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Huh. Split/Second: Velocity, eh.

Well, I remember I got into the Blur beta first, and thought Blur was pretty cool as it was pretty much Mario Kart with sweet graphics.

And then I downloaded the demo for Split/Second: Whatever. Bland graphics, no multiplayer demo, destroying things felt like quicktime events where you pretty much pushed X and the same building exploded every single time. I didn't get to pick buildings or anything. Boo. Went right back to blowing people up* in 20-player Blur matches.

* = Getting blown up myself most of the time, actually...
 
Jun 7, 2010
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"to keep the general populace distracted from the machinations of the secret world government."

Why did you have to reveal my mediocre world-takeover plot :'(

Good episode, the last few have been better than usual.
 

Molten Discharge

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Nice review as usual but I can't help thinking it's going a little bit too far with the adverts now. It's being pushed further and further each week so I'm afraid I'll be catching ZP elsewhere from now on.
 

Swifteye

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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
Yes. You aren't supposed to do that. How long have you been here? You had to have picked up on that rule by now.

Split second looked fun but judging from this review it sounds like mod nation or blur would be better. I'm probably going to get mod nation even though it too has some serious problems.
 

Morti

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Aug 19, 2008
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Since too many people seem to be traking ZP as a proper review instead of a humerous rant, I'll address a couple of the issues he brought up.

Premise:
1) It's not a city, it's all built explicitly for the "show".
2) The "On the next episode" stuff is not there to tell a story or recap or anything, it's just to create a sense of emersion so that you actually feel like you're actually participating in/watching the show.
3) The "Don't Try this at Home" is meant to be tongue in cheek and tie it into the "TV Show" theme.

Tracks:
4) Yes, there do need to be more, but there release is staggered accross the entire season, so you won't see them all till the final couple of episodes.
5) Reverse tracks would not be simple as 90% of the PowerPlays (explosions, route changes, etc) wouldn't work anymore.

Gameplay:
6) If you're being blown up 10m from the finish it's because you suck. Either hang back in second and blow the person in front up or put your foot down and pull far enough ahead to be out of range.
7) The PowerPlays aren't random, they're in the exact same place each time you race. If you fail to remember where then that's not the games fault.
8) There are multiple tracks in one location. a) it's all the same city b) there are three main areas in which the tracks are located: downtown, dock/powerplant and the desert. Using the route change powerplays will have you shifting between the diferent tracks mid race.
 

Zerbye

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Aug 1, 2008
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Fun game. I'm a huge fan of the Burnout series, and this feels extremely familiar. It definitely has its quirks...Burnout is a much more aggressive game, while Split Second is more a "passive aggressive" game. It's the difference between smacking someone with your car vs. pressing a button to activate explosives that may or may not connect. I found Burnout more road rage inducing, while in Split Second, you barely care who caused the gas station next to you explode. Spectacular ride though, and worth at least a rent.
 

Cgull

Behind You
Oct 31, 2009
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The pregnant women fighting for the right to chow down on some tasty foetus was an interesting idea, I give it a decade (tops) before it becomes a staple of Saturday night television.

On a mildly related note, 23rd birthday today and my girlfriend got me a Zero Punctuation T-shirt as one of my gifts. This made me really rather cheerful.
 

Queen Michael

has read 4,010 manga books
Jun 9, 2009
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Hey, Yahtzee? That part where you point out how incredibly stupid it is to use a "/" where a "-" would be more appropriate? THANK YOU. I hate it when they do that.
 

Zerbye

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Queen Michael said:
Hey, Yahtzee? That part where you point out how incredibly stupid it is to use a "/" where a "-" would be more appropriate? THANK YOU. I hate it when they do that.
Absolutely right. It should have been Sec/ond. Ha!
 

EchetusXe

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Liquidcathedral said:
Raging virgins like Yahtzee make me proud to be a raging virgin myself
You mean you both can't drive or you're both virgins who are really pissed off about life?
 

Therumancer

Citation Needed
Nov 28, 2007
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Siege_TF said:
Therumancer said:
until Scrooge Mcduck tells Mickey that his analysis of the market dictates that it's the ideal time for a release.
Scrooge actually employed someome for stuff like market analysis, money counting, and other number crunching stuff when he's not in his robocop-on-a-unicycle armor. Scrooge himself was an adventurer until the end (if you count the EU ending as canon in the NA Disney franchise).
This wasn't intended as a serious analysis of Disney characters. Though I suppose in the spirit of my original post I could claim that Scrooge was simply acting in a TV show similar to how Mickey was given what he was apparently really like. :p

Besides if you wanted to get really technical back in Disney's "A Christmas Carol" where he was Scrooge (you know, the original point), Mickey was playing the Bob Cratchett role and acting as his clerk...

That would mean that Yahtzee's image might be Scrooge dressing up in mouse ears as Mickey to do this kind of stuff, while the actual Mickey comes up with the market analysis for when to release the car tracks.... but such thoughts rapidly get too disturbing for even me to contemplate long. You don't need Cthulhu to shatter minds when you can put Disney characters into warped roles.....
 

dunnace

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... but the game isn't based on luck at all, in fact the smart player won't take first until the final lap, constantly hang back until they can spring a powerful trap towards the end and then win. The trick is in playing the course and keeping pace, not only that but the power-ups are earned, not randomly distributed.

Methinks you missed the point.
 

StriderShinryu

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Gotta say I'm in the same boat. I really don't mind racing games but I'm just not very good at them.. and that is only exacerbated by the need for most racing games to include luck based mechanics or rubber band AI. Even when I do get in a good racing groove and am doing well, it's beyond frustrating to know that one tiny mistake, or the game apparently deciding you're just doing too well at it, will knock you out of first with no chance to recover.
 

Jared

The British Paladin
Jul 14, 2009
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Hehe...Good ep. I liked the racing action, but I got some strange glitches at points...
 

wonkify

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Yahtzee's mum can give me a ride to the corner market anytime if we get to enjoy massive, property destroying 'splosions and mayhem on the way.

And the Thatcher joke made me laugh, the timing on that line's delivery was spot on.
 

SAMAS

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Mirror Tits.

Can someone get a picture of that? :D

Sir John the Net Knight said:
I hate to break it to Mr. Croshaw, but he just reviewed Mario Kart.
If you replace "Shipping Crate" with "Blue Shell", you have a point!
 

WiDEEyeDSmILes

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Aug 11, 2010
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Just throwing out my opinion.

Racing games never caught my fancy, there's so little ways to vary it and keep the game from being repetitive that they are rarely done well.

The Need for Speed games kept their business with the ability to customize and tune your vehicle, giving you a feeling of satisfaction and pride when you see your crayon scribbled on vehicle with all the engine upgrades easily beat your npc opponents. That and of course the god awful movies that all kept the same name as some pricks idea of good marketing, it all ended up looking like some terrible inbred family tree, each and ever one having at least one deformity that made them hideously second rate in whatever genre competition they entered in.

Then there are games that try to mix it up a bit, like Burn Out, where you do a Evil Knievel like stunt to crash your vehicle in a way to rack up as much casualty damage as possible. Or the classic, combat(stroke)racing games, where gatling guns spawn from the sides of your car and the back hood pops open to launch off a spray of small lemon sized heat seeking missiles. Almost all of which controls end up being a bit awkward and difficult to control while driving a good 90 down a bendy road. Some to better then others, but in the end they all end up focusing more on how big a caliber weapon you can ducktape to your hood then the actual racing aspect.


P.S.

I will keep posting this until I see a review on it.

Yahtzee, you should play Rule of Rose.
 

rb26dett

New member
Nov 18, 2009
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0
From what I've heard, everybody who played this game (as in, not given it a try, but actually played) thinks that it's a good one, but runs out of fresh stuff to explode in an instant. Fun while it lasts.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

New member
Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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I wanna see Yahtzee review a game he hates and make it sound really good. Like those other gaming sites that get paid to give good reviews.

Yahtzee sounds really weird in my speakers I have to turn the sound up pretty high too.
 

KDR_11k

New member
Feb 10, 2009
1,013
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Don't worry about touching the game, even without that we'll always remember you as the prickiest prick who ever pricked.
 

qorl

New member
Jul 9, 2009
3
0
0
Wow, it took 4 seconds for yahtzee to make a dick joke. This must be some kind of record.
 

Undead Dragon King

Evil Spacefaring Mantis
Apr 25, 2008
1,149
0
0
Blue-State said:
Undead Dragon King said:
I really expected nothing more from Disney. Goddammit I hate that conglomerate.

That fetus joke was solid gold though.
Remember that Pixar is part of that conglomerate. Tred carefully. >(
Pixar is yet another reason why I hate Disney. The giant corporate octopus ran out of good ideas for it's movies, so they subsumed a company that made great films. Yes, I realize that Pixar had had a close relationship with Disney all along, but it's the principle of the thing. Disney's conquest of ESPN and ABC strikes a similar chord with me, even if it didn't involve the relationship that Pixar had with Disney.
 

Celtic_Kerr

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May 21, 2010
2,166
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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
ery simply the rules of the message board are to contribute to the discussion. It's not the Moderator's fault that you decided to watch the content after posting nor could they do that. They frown on useless posts. So yes, it was wrong.

I liked the review, and it's very true what he said about the repetition. I had the traps memorized at one point, it was all too hit-and-miss
 

MonkeyPunch

New member
Feb 20, 2008
589
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Really enjoyed that episode... not sure why as it wasn't as side-splittingly (or should I say "side/splitting") funny as many other an episode.
 

Sylocat

Sci-Fi & Shakespeare
Nov 13, 2007
2,122
0
0
Yahtzee Croshaw said:
You probably get your jollies by buying two poverty-stricken pregnant women and telling them that neither are getting out of the arena alive until one has eaten the other's fetus.
And with that, Yahtzee cements this episode as one of my favorites.
 

Naheal

New member
Sep 6, 2009
3,375
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Yahtzee, it makes you feel like a prick because you are a prick. Don't take it the wrong way, though, that's the majority of what makes you entertaining in ZP.
 

DarkElfa

New member
Dec 26, 2007
24
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I feel Yahtzee's pain with this game. You reach excessive boredom quite quickly when you realize you're playing the same tracks over and over.

My biggest hassle though was how loud the game is. Sure, you can turn it down, but its just constant noise pollution.
 

comet5002

New member
Mar 27, 2009
198
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I must admit I thoroughly enjoyed the bit about the hyphen and the slash since I am a bit of a grammar nazi myself.

Ehh @ Racing games. Never really liked them. I still consider Mario Kart to be the best. Which says a great deal about my opinion of racing games, now doesn't it?
 

teh_Canape

New member
May 18, 2010
2,665
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oh yahtzee, you dont disappoint

however, in case it was the pc version you were reviewing, you forgot something kinda important, the return of SplitScreen multiplayer on pc gaming


however, I find it to be real fun, especially blowing the car in front of me into shit right in the finish line so I get first ^.^
 

Orcus The Ultimate

New member
Nov 22, 2009
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Yahtzee Croshaw said:
Split Second: Velocity

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Split/Second: Velocity

Watch Video
I Absolutely agree in almost everything, might i suggest you to try playing Blur...XD

it is fun, has some basic troglodyte strategy, but that's it.
 

8-Bit Grin

New member
Apr 20, 2010
847
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Haven't I already heard this review somewhere...?
*grumble* In every game magazine known to exist *grumble*
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't reviews supposed to... you know, review and rate?
Perhaps I'm looking at this all the wrong way.
Zero Punctuation is a parody critic, so I should expect the same reviews with a sarcastic and off color twist.
Sometimes I feel it would be even better if Yahtzee brought up points not generally discussed though.
Particularly annoying pieces of gameplay that most reviews cast a blind eye towards.
 

googleback

New member
Apr 15, 2009
516
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Dear Yahtzee,

WOULD YOU KINDLY call Jerry Bruckheimer and explain to him that i've already seen The Sorcerers Apprentice and found it a moderatley pleasurable distraction from an otherwise uneventful afternoon.

that is all.
 

halbarad

New member
Jan 12, 2008
49
0
0
"Yes, Life was tough in Thatcher's Britain"

This caught me by surprise and made me cough up the water I was drinking. Nearly made me choke but well worth if for the laugh!
 

RobfromtheGulag

New member
May 18, 2010
931
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0
Having this and Blink come out in the same month was too much for my prehistoric inclinations to ignore, and I picked Split/Second up. I convinced myself I was getting better at drifting, but finally threw the game away at season 6 after having again been inexplicably beaten by a truck a full lap ahead of me. When I drive that same truck the acceleration curve from 0-60mph was something like 14 seconds, so I don't know how he did it.
 

Nazulu

They will not take our Fluids
Jun 5, 2008
6,242
0
0
The whole random unavoidable obstacles thing and repetitive race tracks is what made Mario Kart Wii more annoying than fun. Great review Yahtzee, Split/Second can be thrown on the large pile of the other crappy quality games.
 

Keeperixx

Member
Apr 24, 2020
1,832
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You made made my new favorite review, Yahtzee.

And it's convinced me not to get Split Second, Might get the same appeal of it watching a youtube playthrough.
 

Pescetarian

New member
Jul 6, 2010
119
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0
Secret World Government is a reference to "Yahtzee Takes On The World", a webcomic which he made from 2000-2002, before ZP. I actually like it better than his current work because he did a lot of surreal humor on a topic that is completely different from gaming: taking over the world, with the help of an alien, his Borg guardian angel, an anime chick and a guy who's half himself and half himself from a parallel universe.
 

merman

New member
Jul 15, 2010
32
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0
You know, I still can't make up my mind which to get out of Split;:Sec'ond/Veloc~ity or Blur, and this review didn't help. That's not Yahtzee's fault, more my own view/taste in games.
 

Greenshoes

New member
Aug 22, 2009
120
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0
Have you ever tried watching zero punctuation when just coming home from a drunken binge, it seems like Yahzee talks even faster and is even funnier, strange huh?
 

Brainst0rm

New member
Apr 8, 2010
417
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0
It's always more fun when Yahtzee obliterates a game that I don't care about at all. SMG2 was painful.
 

Shawn112

New member
Aug 4, 2010
28
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0
All racing games are nothing more than point-click adventures for people with attention deficit disorder.

i.e. pointless and boring.
 

Waif

MM - It tastes like Candy Corn.
Mar 20, 2010
519
0
0
Great episode ^~^! Though I do wonder what the target audience was for this game o~O!
 

romxxii

New member
Feb 18, 2010
343
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0
not as much vitriol as I expected, and the dead baby comedy kinda falls flat. C'mon Yahtzee, you can do better!
 

pika west

New member
Feb 8, 2010
3
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0
Am I the only one that noticed that he used a 2nd generation Mazda Miata in rainbow colors has his race car graphic? What's going on there...
 

FullMetalPanic

New member
Nov 18, 2009
1
0
0
How the hell did he manage to mention tits several times in a review about a racing game made by DISNEY....
Takes skill...
 

Cojirro

New member
Oct 14, 2009
1
0
0
Picking nits, but the city shown at ~1:29 is Atlanta. Nitpicking even further reveals that it is, more specifically, Hotlanta.
 

silversnake4133

New member
Mar 14, 2010
683
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I rather enjoyed this review, but I wouldn't advise eating while watching it. Especially something seafood related. Appetite control, thank you Yahtzee. :D
 

L4Y Duke

New member
Nov 24, 2007
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I was thinking about getting this game, but after seeing this I'm not so sure.

If it's really that repetitive, I think I'll rent it first, before I purchase.
 

Jimrollson

New member
Jul 29, 2010
46
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Great review, another racing game that I won't even touch with a barge pole. Oh and I laughed and winced at the foetus joke. Something about babies...
 

GrimCW

New member
Dec 17, 2009
4
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hmm those choppers in the vid are shooting... fuel tanks? lol sry i still get a kick out of the common mistake of them being bombs :p
 

justjrandomuser

New member
Jul 27, 2010
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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
O.K. I know just from lurking that the "First Post" thing will get you into trouble. The thing is I can't find anything about it or much of anything else in the posting guidelines. So is this one of those unwritten rules? If so are there more?
 

ultrachicken

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Dec 22, 2009
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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
You know you're not supposed to save the number one spot. They're probably trying to discourage the "First!" epidemic of other forums.
 

Podunk

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Dec 18, 2008
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I'm not really a fan of racing games in general, but I did like this one. It was a lot like an HD Mario Kart with less bullshit. I thought the powerups were cool because you have to earn them one of several ways and if you drive skillfully you can avoid being blown to pieces rather than just sucking down a blue shell. Some of the earlier races have drivers using unfairly advanced cars, but I never really felt like luck was a huge part of the proceedings.
 

megajon

New member
Apr 6, 2010
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I loved the review and i love the game then again i like racing games and blowing stuff up next to people near the finish making them crash out then steal first is so fun and unsetting when done to you but still like it. yes makes me feel like a prick when i touch it to but so much fun.
 

Chewster

It's yer man Chewy here!
Apr 24, 2008
1,052
0
0
"Life was tough in Thatcher's Britain..."

I actually laughed out loud at this one. This one was quite well done.
 

Blue_vision

New member
Mar 31, 2009
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Podunk said:
I'm not really a fan of racing games in general, but I did like this one. It was a lot like an HD Mario Kart with less bullshit. I thought the powerups were cool because you have to earn them one of several ways and if you drive skillfully you can avoid being blown to pieces rather than just sucking down a blue shell. Some of the earlier races have drivers using unfairly advanced cars, but I never really felt like luck was a huge part of the proceedings.
Idk, the bullshit is kind of what made Mario Kart for me. I haven't played this game, but it looks like HD Mario Kart, but with an interesting and different type of bullshit.

The best thing that I got from this review is the affirmation that Yahtzee doesn't drive! That makes me quite happy.
 

duchaked

New member
Dec 25, 2008
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played the demo...ya idk, single player seems like it'd warrant a rental maybe
multiplayer...dunno how that holds up but eh well it still looked a lot better than Blur did
 

joshuaayt

Vocal SJW
Nov 15, 2009
1,988
0
0
I like how he now specifically puts in edgy jokes, as if he's read the talk section on his TvTropes page, and just wants those people angry.
Anyway, liked it, as I always do.
 

silversnake4133

New member
Mar 14, 2010
683
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orangeapples said:
ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
haha. yes. it is very wrong, because its against the rules. posting without watching/reading is a violation, and especially if you only did it to be first.

and yes, I always thought that whole "watch your enemy explode" thing would get distracting especially in a game where at any split/second you yourself can die if you're not paying attention >_>
That's really a rule!? Holy crap! I didn't know that! You really do learn something new everyday. Thanks. :D
 

Porecomesis

New member
Jul 10, 2010
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Better review than normal. I do miss the days of 'The World Ends with You' and 'F.E.A.R Perseus Mandate' though, when you didn't rely TOO much on humour.

If I were making a combat racing game, I'd include an advanced physics engine and I'd give each car a fixed primary weapon and secondary weapon, each with its own way of affecting the environment, so basically just 'Fatal Inertia FX' (or was it EX?) with the luck element taken out. I feel that too many racing games rely on random chance too much.

I do like that hyphen scenario, though. Too true.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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(BWM) T-O-M said:
Locrian said:
REVIEW STARCRAFT!
Beacuse you like starcraft or beacuse you want to see him tear it up?
cause i love starcraft and id love to for him to tear it up, all video i was thinking damn god i wish he reviewed sc2 i guess ill get over it in a few months but its hard for me to enjoy his vids for awhile
 

CheckD3

New member
Dec 9, 2009
1,181
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This game has been out for months, I'm surprised Yahtzee didn't point out something about the releases being so thin that the only thing he can do is scrap around the yards for something older because nothing else new is entertaining enough to even give a second
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

New member
Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
being first is overated and dont argue with mods. they will ban you if you annoy them
 

Murray Whitwell

New member
Apr 7, 2010
120
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If you like racing games, you should give ModNation Racers a try. It's quite fun.
Edit: I noticed that this is the only post out of the hundred-something on this page that contains the word 'fun'.
I see what you mean about games feeling like a second job, and no longer being enjoyable. D:
 

pcal

New member
Aug 19, 2010
1
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0
I think it's "Ayn" like "mine", not "Ayn" like "pain."

Nice review, though. And thanks for Shadow of Colossus last week.
 

Orcboyphil

New member
Dec 25, 2008
223
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Natch, I haven't heard that turn of phrase in ages. Not since the hylocon days of the great Amiga Power. It would certainly explain a lot to think that Yahtzee read that in the day.
 

KingTiger

New member
Nov 6, 2009
136
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The dick dastardly reference almost killed me xD I laughed my head off...He is my favorite villain

Good one
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

New member
Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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Had a look at some videos on youtube... That best be made by the same people as Burnout, or it is the most shameless rip-off in the history of anything. Ever.
 

kinky257

New member
Apr 15, 2009
65
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0
Random nit pick: The campaign is probably known as a season because racing seasons are in fact called seasons, so it's not just a TV angeled joke/ refrence.
 

LazyAza

New member
May 28, 2008
716
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0
God I wish I hadn't paid $80 for this game.

Sure its an amazing experience for a few hours, but damn do I wish I had waited for it to hit the discount price range.
 

Vrach

New member
Jun 17, 2010
3,223
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0
ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
To quote House about the guy's arm hurting after he spends the night sleeping on it... "Have you thought about, you know, maybe... not doing that?"

Anyway, funny review, but sadly I don't care much for racing games since the old NFS 3 or so (the first one that had an option of playing cops, throwing down the stuff to sod their tires up and similar). It's like sports games, new game every year at least and it's all the same crap, with possibly some useless gimmick thrown in. Can't complain on principle though I guess, since I play FPSs, though I do feel they're still quite superior somehow as far as design improvement goes...
 

Thrair

New member
Sep 21, 2009
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I'm fairly average at driving games myself, but they bore the living piss out of me. Probably a throwback to my youth when it was all I could play at my cousin's house and he would carefully explain in unnecessary detail the inner workings of the racing leagues.

Any case, that aside, liked the vid. Excellent review. The fetus joke was a touch tacky, tho.

P.S. It's not touching the game's case that makes you a prick. That's just human nature that does that. :p
 

DarkhoIlow

New member
Dec 31, 2009
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Funny review!

I played Split Second Velocity and I found it very repetitive as well after the third "episode" and quit playing it after that.
 

Buizel91

Autobot
Aug 25, 2008
5,265
0
0
xGreenmanx said:
this was brilliant. some of your points were absolutely spot on.
*Darth Vader Voice* Greetings young one, you have finally joined the Escapist. you training is almost complete...

Hehe welcome to the Escapist is basically what im trying to say XD

OT: great review...yeh i agree with most posts here, Blurr is much better
 

Funkysandwich

Contra Bassoon
Jan 15, 2010
759
0
0
I didn't really get what he said at the end about the very act of touching the game making him a prick, because I thought being a prick was Yahtzee's thing.
 

Zudarkness

New member
Feb 24, 2010
49
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0
LOL. I likwe the ending credit to where Yatzee metioned on how he failed his driving test cause the driving instructor though she was going to die.
 

edgeofblade

New member
Jan 8, 2009
184
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0
It's Yahtzee vs The Unfortunate Need To Review The Audience!

http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2010/08/12/129150813/-scott-pilgrim-versus-the-unfortunate-tendency-to-review-the-audience
 

thenamelessloser

New member
Jan 15, 2010
773
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I'm not a fan of driving games because I don't even like driving in real life! I get pissed off when an arbitrary driving stuff appears in games such as Mass Effect as well.
 

Antari

Music Slave
Nov 4, 2009
2,246
0
0
Even though he may not do very well with racing games. I'd still like to see Yahtzee turn a lap at the Top Gear test track in the reasonably priced car.
 

DanDeFool

New member
Aug 19, 2009
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This is probably my favorite ZP review out of the last 10 or so. Jolly good time.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

New member
Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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Great as always and I keep watching it again so U can get some journalistic integrity to cleanse all the butt-kissing some other "journalists" pass off as video game reviews from my mental palate with some journalistic integrity.
 

KiKiweaky

New member
Aug 29, 2008
972
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God that statement about rich people, making pregnant women fight and eat the..... You sir need a medal NOW =D
 

Tom Hill

New member
Jun 28, 2010
26
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0
"I did actually take my driving test but failed because the instructor genuinly thought she was going to die"

Brilliant one-liner, worthy for Jimmy Carr
 

Chamale

New member
Sep 9, 2009
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I knew that he wouldn't have much to complain about when he spent the first 90 seconds joking about the genre and name. Indeed, Yahtzee's criticisms mostly focussed on standard Mario Kart-style complaints - except, unlike Mario Kart, Split stroke Second has no unavoidable attacks to kill whoever's in first.

I liked the jokes, especially the one about rich people watching gladiator battles between pregnant woman. Only Yahtzee could make a joke like that and not cause me to burn down his house.
 

LordSpectreX

New member
Mar 31, 2009
36
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~"This was unexpected. But yes, everyone hates Thatcher. And I wasn't even born then."~

It was a great jab, though to be fair, you have to remember that the kind of people who have a problem with something from 20+ Years ago are the ones likely to raise their voices about it.

Anyway, especially good ZP, don't know what it was. I think it was the Dick Dastardly metaphor that did it for me. XD
 

tkwelge

New member
May 13, 2009
26
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0
"The Thatcher comment was hilarious."

How so? It was basically the equivalent of "I hate Republicans. Republicans are so stupid. I hate Republicans." Not "hilarious" in the traditional sense. I'm not a worshipper of Thatcher, but she did a lot of things that made sense. Only lefty twats REALLY hate Thatcher with a passion. Like Reagan, she was a drug warrior/militarist and that pisses me off, but Lefty types are so annoying.
 

tkwelge

New member
May 13, 2009
26
0
0
"The Thatchers Britain comment had me on the floor.

Good stuff."

Really? I like how the really crazy ideologues seem to live in their own little universe where something can be amazingly hilarious for some incomprehensible reason.
 

tkwelge

New member
May 13, 2009
26
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0
OKay, here's some facts. Welfare and healthcare spending as a percentage of GDP INCREASED under margaret thatcher. Education and Defense spending fell as a percentage of GDP. GDP grew faster under thatcher than before her. Government spending as a whole didn't decline until the later Thatcher years. The unemployment rate was high, but not higher than a countries such as France and Spain, and it began to decline during the later Thatcher years.

Regardless of what Thatcher actually said, there was no real "austerity" under the Thatcher regime. There was no militaristic expansion. Sure, unemployment was high, but you have to remember that around 1980 central banks around the world were tightening monetary policy due to double digit inflation in major countries such as the US and UK.
 

Jamie Thomas Durbin

New member
Apr 2, 2010
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0
Yeah, also wondering if he'll review Blur. Then hopefully there'll be more than two of us going "Yep, didn't like it one bit" while people yell "GRRR! UG! DAY-ONE ISSUES... MAMMOTH TASTE GOOD!" ... still, great review, Yahtzee, lovin' it.
 

mptothedc

New member
Jul 23, 2009
192
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0
I laughed the hardest when I finished watching the video and scrolled down to see there were adds to buy the game hahaha
 

mercinary12

New member
Oct 4, 2008
3
0
0
Cmon Yahtzee, please review Twilight Princess!! i mean im sure youve already played it and you wouldnt have to plat through the whole thing just to get ur review up!!COME ON
 

WiDEEyeDSmILes

New member
Aug 11, 2010
20
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0
googleback said:
Dear Yahtzee,

WOULD YOU KINDLY call Jerry Bruckheimer and explain to him that i've already seen The Sorcerers Apprentice and found it a moderatley pleasurable distraction from an otherwise uneventful afternoon.

that is all.
Lol, see what you did there :p
 

teh_Canape

New member
May 18, 2010
2,665
0
0
gotta say, I found another thing this game has in relation with Burnout Paradise


the car, has NO DRIVER =P

really, the car has no driver model on it, wtf
 

inthefade

New member
May 28, 2008
6
0
0
Should review "Blur". It is like Mario Kart for adults. Real cars racing, but all sorts of weapons. Really fun to play split-screen with 3 buddies.
 

Rik McCloud

New member
Sep 15, 2010
1
0
0
Thoroughly enjoyed the review as always. I found Split/Second to be a highly enjoyable title to play though I do agree that stages can get a bit repetitive and because of this makes the whole thing feel a bit short but I certainly don't regret buying it as the fun I had whilst playing it far outweighed the negatives for me. It had something which I hadn't felt since Burnout 2 in a racing game in that it makes you want to have one more try at an event and it kept me coming back for more for weeks.

I seriously suggest people at least give it a rental. And yes, Yahtzee, I am a prick for liking this game! :D
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

New member
Aug 8, 2007
11,049
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0
Screw you yahtzee, I like this game.
Except for any event involving helicopters. I thought those were all pretty dumb.
 

kingofcrash63

New member
Apr 10, 2011
14
0
0
Thatcher comment was hillarious, and you know what else is punishing success? Mario Kart. Why? two words, Blue Shells.