And what's up with all the loot lying around? Am I supposed to pick all of it up, like years of playing jRPGs has trained me to do, or do I just ignore it and say "what would I need a fucking a leaf for, WHY DOES THIS GAME NOT EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ME."
This is precisely why I'm a console gamer, console games don't take all day and I don't have to reduce the graphics to 1st grader quality to actually play. Good review Yahtzee you faustian king amongst us mere mortal squishies. Just remember to have fun with Brink He he he.
I actually liked the thought of that little aside that you mentioned about that elf in the woods. She knew that many gamers who play The Witcher games are all about the kinky sex with any humanoid race, and that even the slighest hint of a love-in will be immediately accepted by many Geralts.
It's a shame that you had to play on the lowest graphical setting. The Witcher 2 is REALLY pretty graphically. Why did you play it on a laptop? What happened to your titanic supercomputer that you played Crysis on? Granted, that was a couple years ago, but my 2-year-old alienware is still kicking ass.
Worst ZP in a while. Can essentially be summed up as "I think PC gamers suck and I don't posses basic cognitive functions or an atention span longer than 5 seconds". I know ZP isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way...
I generally respect Yahtzee, but when he complains about things like not being able to find out how to equip weapon/armor enhancements and then says he has to sit through an unskipable cut scene each time he dies. I have to wonder. I mean all you have to do is drag the enhancement to your weapon or armor, and the unskipable cutscene is skipable by using right click. I am not sure if he's just looking for stuff to complain or if he's not a (PC) gamer. The other gripes I can kinda get, I mean the tutorial is very much a trial by fire, and the requirement of potions to be drank before combat is annoying but really it just seems like he's nit picking at some things.
I actually defend this attitude to reviewing games (not finishing the whole thing) because it perhaps shows better what sort of game you're playing.
A good game will keep you playing to the end.
A bad game will not.
If someone criticised say Friends or Chuck or My Little Pony or some tv series they'd be allowed to after watching only a few episodes. The whole point of watching those few episodes is to give you an idea of whether you will like the series and if it is engaging enough to keep your attention until the end, but suddenly when it comes to videogames for some reason you have to play the whole thing to have a valid opinion? Sounds like more than a few people are just butthurt because their pet franchise just got insulted.
Also, I'm getting really bored of Dark Fantasy. It's like the nineties, when comic books sucked because people thought that the deconstruction of Alan Moore and Frank Miller could be best replicated by just swearing a lot and murdering people, entirely missing what actually made those books deconstructionist and good (see also Mark Millar, who is just mean spirited). Dark Fantasy can work, provided you understand what dark fantasy actually is, but most writers of it nowadays miss the deconstructionist satire of the genre, highlighting the flawed preconceptions of a legion raised on Tolkein, and just give us an entirely straightfaced Tolkein-esque fantasy with lots of swearing and shagging (see also BioWare)
As for the Witcher itself, I'm not a PC gamer, I'm not going to be a PC gamer, I didn't play the Witcher 1 and I'm not even remotely interested in the Witcher 2. As for this review it didn't make me laugh as much but I actually like that from Yahtzee sometimes because when his reviews don't make me laugh it's usually because he's making actual relevant points which will tell me whether I like the game or not, and not because he's a terminally unfunny halfwit who needs to be reminded that performing as a 'deliberately a snobbish tosser' and succeedding makes you look like a snobbish tosser (see also Jim Sterling)
And finally finally, I'm reminded of the Penny Arcade strip with this one.